Dare to Dream (Truth or Dare #2) (8 page)

It’s after three in the morning when everyone starts to say goodnight and we make our way back to the hotel. I strip out of my dress, falling between the sheets, exhausted and with a renewed sense of hope that
our life might not be as different as I feared it was going to be. The only thing left to settle in my mind so I can be at peace with these changes is what I’m going to do with my own life, but as long as I can figure out a way to fall asleep in Colby’s arms as often as possible, I believe everything else will fall into place.

Colby

I’ve heard people talk about life
as a musician being like a whirlwind, but never fully understood that phrase until now. I thought it would be hard to watch Lea get on the plane to go home, but truthfully, a small part of me is glad she’s not here right now because I’d feel like an asshole for ignoring her.

Aaron was right when he told me there wouldn’t be time to work. Pete and Cameron want to get me in the studio as quickly as possible because
in a little over two weeks, I’ll be hitting the road with a band that hasn’t even been put together yet as the opening act for Missy Harrington. Along with performing an average of five shows each week, they are contacting radio stations in each city to help get my name out there.

As if all of that isn’t enough, I’m already starting to feel the backlash of being a relative newcomer to town. They might think they’re being quiet, but I hear the whispers about how I was handed a contract I don’t deserve simply because of who I know. While that might be true to an extent, all the connections in the world wouldn’t have gotten me to where I am if I didn’t have the
talent to back it up. They’re just jealous because I have what they want and it didn’t take me years to get it.

“Okay Colby, let’s try it again,” Cameron’s voice
echoes through the speaker connecting the mixing booth to the closet where I’m isolated, singing the same lyrics over and over again. We’ve sat down a few times to discuss what works and what doesn’t and I’m beginning to feel my confidence waver the longer the day goes on. If I can’t get one song to sound right, how in the hell am I supposed to get to the point where I can do a thirty minute set in front of a live audience?

I take a few deep breaths
; picturing Lea sitting on a stool in front of me as the background track starts playing in my headphones again. I keep my eyes clenched tight as I start to sing, imagining that we’re sitting in our apartment back home and she’s the only person that matters. I can see the smile on her face, the way her green eyes shimmer with tears as I sing the lyrics meant only for her. There’s no Cameron, no Pete, no radio personalities who are going to judge me. As the music fades at the end of the song, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this take was different.
This
is what I came down here to do.

“Amazing, buddy,” Cameron confirms as soon as the red light bulb over the door turns off. “I don’t know what in the hell you did on that take that you weren’t doing before, but keep it up. Let’s see if we can get one more down and then we’ll grab a bite to eat.”

It’s close to midnight by the time we wrap for the day. Three songs down, way too many to go. As I follow Cameron out to the dark parking lot, he informs me that tomorrow is the day that I’ll meet the group they’ve assembled to play behind me, at least for this first leg of the tour. A couple of them are guys I met at Pete’s party, which is cool because I know Lea spent most of the night with their wives. Hopefully, that’ll make life a bit easier on her because it’s not like I’m out there with strangers she’s never met and I’m going to see if it’d be possible for her to stay in touch with April and Kara while we’re gone.

After a quick shower, I pick up the phone, hoping that Lea is still awake. When I was at the bar, it was easy to stay in touch with her because I was able to slip out the backdoor and call her when we were slow. Now, it’s been three days since I’ve talked to her because I’m in
the studio until the middle of the night and she’s off to school before I roll out of bed. I told her not to worry about waking me up, that it’d be better than having my dreams about her disrupted by an offensive beeping from my phone, but she won’t, arguing that it’s important that I’m getting enough rest so my voice isn’t tired during the day.

The phone rings three times and I’m about to hang up when I hear her sleepy voice across the line. “Colby?”

“Hey, did I wake you?” It’s a ridiculous question, but I’m so shocked that I’m actually hearing her voice that I can’t think of anything else to say. I lie down in my cold bed, wishing she was rolling over to look at me instead of sleeping alone almost a thousand miles away.

Every time we talk, it gets harder
for me to keep from begging her to move down here. We could get our own place and at least be together on the nights when I am home. And somehow, in my delusional mind, I feel like the distance between us wouldn’t be so great when I’m gone because she would be in my space. But I can’t do that. She confided in me the last night she was here that she’s not sure what she wants to do with her life and I know it would be too easy to convince her while she’s got that weighing on her mind. If and when she makes that move, I want to know she’s doing it for herself, not for me.

“Yeah, but it’s okay. My first class isn’t until eleven tomorrow. How was your day?” Every time we do talk, this is her first question. I don’t want to bore her, but she says it makes her feel like she’s here with me. Her interest in the highs and lows of my day is purely genuine.

I tell her about meeting with a stylist who is pushing me to lose what she calls my grungy slacker look and Lea laughs, telling me she agrees that I need to look more put-together once we hit the road. She tells me to stop being so hard on myself when I tell her what a disaster our morning recording session was. And when I finally get to telling her that Gabe and Matt will be joining me on tour, she squeals in excitement and I have to pull the phone away from my ear to avoid permanent hearing loss.

“That’s awesome! I’m so glad they’re going with you. I know that’s got to be good news for April and Kara too, knowing they won’t have to worry about making ends meet every week.” Her words remind me again just how lucky I am to have Aaron in my life. I could have easily wound up where they are, holding down two or three jobs, killing myself in hopes that opportunity would eventually knock on my door. “Do you want me to come down there before you leave?”

“Yeah, but we’re taking off Thanksgiving night, baby. Your parents will kill you if you’re not there.” She sighs loudly because we both know I’m speaking the truth. The Baker family is militant about having her home for the holidays. Having Lea buck tradition so she can see me off won’t go over too well.

“Ugh, I hate this,” Lea whines. “I’m going to talk to them tomorrow because this is important. They’re going to have to understand that you’re
my family too. And this is a big deal, you’re going to be singing on stages everywhere, like a real singer!”

Her enthusiasm is forced, clueing me into the fact that she’s as nervous about talking to her parents as I am for her. She can say they need to understand where she’s coming from, but we both know they won’t. They’ll tell her that there’s nothing more important than family and they don’t believe the concept that family can be more than those you’re linked to by genetic material. In the end, it’s going to make everything harder for her and I
don’t know that I want that for her. The problem is I’m too much of a selfish prick to tell her to stay home. The last thing I want is to watch everyone else saying goodbye to their loved ones before boarding the bus while I think about the person responsible for pushing me to be my best.

“Are you still there?” Lea asks, snapping me out of my internal battle between her needs and my desires. “Don’t worry about me
— I’m pretty sure this is going to be the least of the upset I lay at their feet in the future.”

“Meaning what?” I ask, wishing she’d tell me whatever she’s been holding back since her visit. It’s not the first time she’s made vague statements about her parents realizing that she’s a grown woman or them being ticked off at her.

“Colby, we both know that it doesn’t matter when I come down there, they’re going to go thermonuclear about it. If I’m not right here, where they can keep me under their thumb, they won’t be happy.”

Funny, my family couldn’t give a shit less what I do. I’m pretty sure they know I left the state, but only because they would have heard it through the grapevine
at this point. I was their greatest disappointment and always will be, even if I have a room lined with platinum records and awards.

Tonight, the distance between us is more than the miles. We’re polar opposites in almost every way. She’s from a tight-knit, over protective family while my parents had no business
procreating. I’m a compulsive dreamer and she’s the obsessive planner. My glass is half-empty while she’s simply enjoying a drink, waiting for a refill. The thought that it’s going to get even harder for us to defy the odds before it gets easier is a weight crushing my chest.

“Baby, I’m wiped out and have to be back at the studio in the morning. Can I call you on my drive in?” I’m lying, and I’m sure she realizes it, but this conversation is about to take a turn neither of us need right now.

“Yeah, sure,” she says, her words strained like she’s struggling to give me what I need. Silence fills the line, neither of us wanting to be the one to say goodnight first. “Colby… is everything okay? I mean, with us?”

I pinch the bridge of my nose, hating
knowing that she’s hurting and I’m the cause of her pain. “Of course,” I promise her. My throat feels thick, like I can’t get enough air no matter how hard I try. “I’m just really tired. I know it’ll be worth it in the end, but sometimes…”

Sometimes what? Sometimes I wish I had refused to get on the bus this summer? Sometimes I think I should let her go so she can find someone who can be there for her?

“It
will
be worth it,” she assures me. I close my eyes, imagining her head on my chest, her fingers playing with the ends of my overgrown hair. “We both know this isn’t how it’s always going to be. Get some sleep and I’ll talk to you in the morning.”

“Okay baby, I love you.”

“I love you, too. Don’t you forget that. Ever.” She says the words with such conviction that it lifts a little of the heaviness I feel, but not enough. It’ll never be enough until she’s here with me.

I stare at the shadows on the ceiling after we hang up
listening to a mix of songs that remind me of the years I’ve had Lea in my life laying quietly beside me. If I had a place of my own, I’d be sitting in the living room with my guitar, trying to find a way to purge this shit out of my mind and make something useful of it.

The
beam of headlights pass across the ceiling as Aaron comes home from a late night at the bar. He should be home in bed with Rebecca and I should be the one pulling into the driveway. All around me, lives are being disrupted to accommodate my dreams and that doesn’t settle well with me. Lea’s not the same now that I’m gone, my absence dimming her normally vibrant personality. Aaron’s working long hours, dragging himself into the house in the early hours of the morning, just to be up again a few hours later so he can at least spend a few minutes with the kids before they head off to school. And Rebecca’s basically living her life as a single mother, yet again, trying to hold everything together at home and in the office. The more I think about it, the more I wonder if Lea’s right. Is it really worth all of this? What happens to my life if I don’t make it and I lose everyone once they realize their sacrifices were all for nothing?

Knuckles rap against my bedroom door, letting me know Aaron’s not fooled by the lack of light streaming across the floor. I slide out of bed and reach for a pair of jeans slung over a chair, heading downstairs for a nightcap with the man who I’ve grown to love like an older brother.

He’s sitting on the deck, staring up at the stars by the time I hit the bottom step. It’s too fucking cold to be out here without a shirt, but I don’t bitch because I’m the dumbass who didn’t bother to put one on. This is where we always wind up. It’s the only place we can talk without worrying about our voices carrying and waking up one of the kids.

“How’s it going?” Aaron asks, taking a draw off his beer.

“You know, spent half the day wondering why I even bother and the other half trying to prove to myself that I can do it.”

“Finally get to talk to Lea?” The way he asks, I’m sure he already knows the answer. I must have really sounded like shit tonight if she got in touch with Aaron after we hung up.

“Yep.”

“You plan on getting your head of your ass any time soon?” He sets the now empty bottle down on the table between us, swinging his legs over the side of the lounger so he’s looking directly at me. “Because if you don’t, you’re going to wind up pushing her away and I’m pretty sure you don’t want to do that.”

Ouch. Talk about a dose of tough love. “Fuck no, that’s why I had to get off the phone with her tonight, man. Shit’s so messed up right now and I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to her. She wants to come down right before I leave, but I know her mom will lay a guilt trip on her and her dad will say how disappointed he is that she’s bailing on them for me. It wouldn’t be the first time they’ve done it. And honestly, I don’t want her to visit me.”

“What the fuck? I thought things were good, what’s that all about?” Aaron shakes his head in disbelief. Great, now he’s pissed off at me, but that’s only because I suck at saying what I mean sometimes, unless it’s in a song.

“No, nothing like that. I just…” I drain the contents of my beer, grabbing a fresh one for each of us before I continue. “I fucking hate this conjugal visit shit. I want her here with me. All the time. Call me a fucking pussy if you want, but right now I feel like I’m scattering pieces of myself all over the place.”