Daring the Wild Sparks (9 page)

“I’m here for you. What can I do to help you, baby?”

“You just did, Becks. You loved me. I’m going to need you a lot, baby. Your touch. All of you.” He leisurely inhales. “It’s soothing.”

“But, if that’s what you want, there could be consequences…”

His thumb brushes my cheek. “Let’s save that discussion for when we go home. Right now, I don’t care. Please, Becks. Just let it go for now. I don’t want to talk about anything that is going to have us arguing again. I need you to be on my side, especially this weekend.”

I nod, forgetting he can’t see me. “Okay,” I say quietly.

He kisses me and sedately lifts off and out of me, moving to lie down. I roll to my side, letting him spoon me. He wraps his arm around my body and searches for my hand. Intertwining our fingers, he kisses my sh
oulder.

“I wonder why Bethany hasn’t come looking for me.”

His deep voice is husky against my skin. “Because she knows I’m here.”

“She does?”

“Yeah. How do you think I got into the house, Becks?”

“How?”

“How? I called her. I’m not a professional thief.”

“Why?”

“I wanted a career in sports.”

I petulantly sigh as he laughs; his lips tickle me. “Why did you call her?”

“You’re so full of questions, aren’t you?” He kisses my shoulder again.

“I am?” I ask jokingly. I feel his smile on my skin.

“Why? Well, when I came home earlier, you weren’t there and I panicked. Actually, I flipped out. I thought I lost you again. My mom tried to calm me down, but she’s the last person I want to talk to. Chrissie confirmed Mom was telling the truth. I didn’t know for sure where Bethany lived, so I was freaking out again. My mom told me she had Bethany’s number, so I called her. I told Bethany I wanted to see you, but she told me to give you the rest of the afternoon by yourself. So, Simone, Chrissie, Ricky and I sat in the rec room and talked.”

“Did it help?”

“Not really. The girls were crying. Simone is really upset. She doesn’t even see her own father that much. Jack is her real dad in all of our eyes. She even wanted to take his last name, but Steve had threatened to take my mom to court over it. He didn’t want much to do with her, yet he demanded she carry his name. What an asshole.”

“Poor Simone.”

“Yeah.”

I squeeze his fingers with mine. “Jack
isn’t leaving her life, Finn. He’ll be there for her.”

“I know. He’s a good guy.”

“You love him.”

“Yeah,” he finally whispers. “He was always there when my dad couldn’t be.”

Finn tightens his arm around me and I offhandedly ask, “Did you mess with the overhead light?”

His chuckle echoes through my back. “Possibly.”

“Why’d you do that?”

“I wanted to surprise you and I thought it was sexy.”

I scoff, “I thought I was going to be murdered, Finn.”

“I’m sorry, baby. I honestly didn’t think of that.”

“When I finally realized it was you, it was sexy.” His lips spread into a smile over my shoulder and he playfully bites me. “So, Bethany set me up?”

“Uh-huh. I asked her to give me a few minutes before sending you up here.”

“Did she say anything else to you?”

“No. She just smiled at me a lot. She’s nice.”

“Yes, she is. Sneaky, too. How were you flipping out at your mom’s?”

“I, um.” He sighs, sending goose
bumps down my back. “I uh…broke some things.”

“Finn.”

“I was hysterical. I thought I lost you, Becks, because of the things I said to you at dinner.”

I sigh and shift closer against him. He kisses the back of my head and I say, “You didn’t. I wasn’t leaving you. I told your mom I wanted to give you space. That’s all. I was coming back tomorrow.”

“She told me, but I didn’t want to talk to her. And anyway, you’re not the person I need space from. I need you with me. I told you that you’re my partner and my soulmate. I meant what I said.”

“You took off, Finn. You didn’t seem like you needed me at the time.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I just wanted to cool off. I didn’t want you to have to hear any more of what I wanted to say to my mother.”

“It’s not all her fault.”

“Why’d it happen then, Becks? They were supposedly in love. Jack was her third husband. She somehow must’ve done something wrong.”

“Some marriages fail. It happens. It doesn’t mean it happens to everyone. Bethany and Cody have been married for 10 years and they’re still going strong. They were high school sweethearts, too, so they’ve been together for far longer than that.”

Finn is quiet and the crashing waves seem to relax the diffidence between us. He inhales and says, “I don’t know what to say about us getting married, baby. I know that’s what…you want…but how can I agree to something that may very well split us up?”

I clutch his fingers tightly. “It won’t. I promise you.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Neither do you.”

He sighs and is quiet again. Our steady breathing accompanies the ocean’s rolling sonata. Ultimately, he whispers, “I want to give you everything you want, Becks. I really do, but I don’t want to give you my broken heart on a platter. It’s already been broken a couple times. You leaving me would ruin not only my life, but…me.”

Though I can’t see, I roll over so I face him. “Finn Wilder. How many times do I have to tell you that I’m not going anywhere? Ever? As long as you want me, I’m here.”

“For as long as I want you? Always. That’s how long.” He shifts back and props himself up on his elbow. He finds my hand, his fingers gliding once more between mine, and he places our joined hands on his chest, his heart thumping underneath. “I love you. I know you’re doubting that I do, but after today, it only makes me want to hold onto you even closer. I don’t want to lose you. You’re my life, Becks.”

“And you’re
my
life. I guess I did doubt your love for me after you left earlier, but then I remembered your tattoo and how much you’re committed to me.”

“I am, baby.”

I can’t help the smile, thankful he can’t see it. “It’s kind of better than a wedding ring.”

Finn doesn’t respond and I sigh in resignation, listening to the waves outside to hasten the sting.

Unexpectedly, he asks, “It is?”

Hoping I find his lips in the dark, I tentatively lean in to kiss him. “Yes. It’ll always be there. People may not see it, but I know it’s there.”

Finn is again silent. Does he absolutely hate that idea? I mumble, “I’m sorry. You don’t have to think of it as that—”

He cuts me off with an ardent kiss,
taking me utterly by surprise.

I ask between our kisses, “What?”

“I…love you, Becks.” His voice sounds odd. What’s he holding back?

“Finn, what is it? What aren’t you telling me?” I put my hand on the side of his face, feeling the mounting
tension in his jaw.

“Nothing. I just…nothing.”

“Tell me.”

He sighs, but his body ironically tenses. “I don’t want you reading anything more into it.”

“Into what?”

“It’s nothing. We probably should go down and see Bethany, so I can thank her for helping me out.”

“Why are you hiding something from me?”

“I’m not.”

“You are. Please, tell me, baby. You can tell me anything.”

“Not this, Becks. Not right now.”

“Finn, you’re shutting me out. Please—”

He interrupts me by hurriedly saying, “I like your name on me. Okay? I
love
it. I just didn’t realize how much I would. That’s all.”

“Do you kind of think of it like it’s your wedding ring?” Why did I ask that? I’m only pissing him off and pushing him away!

He takes a deep breath and I discern his eyes boring into me through the murkiness. Shit.

He hesitates before whispering, “Yes, Hadley… I do.”

And the exact words he used are not lost on me.

I smile and pull him to me, sensing a tiny bit of hope once again emerging from somewhere in the gloom.

CHAPTER 8

Finn drags the sliding glass door open for me and I walk through. The porch light glowing next to the door brightly illuminates the deck and us. I look over my shoulder as he slides the door closed and grabs my hand. My eyes drift down his jeans, admiring the view as he shoves his free hand into his hip pocket.

He catches me gawking and asks, “What?”

I shake my head, smiling as I look up at him in the glow of the porch light, squinting. I turn and lead him to the stairs to go down to the beach. Once out of the bright light, he tugs on my hand and I stop in the sand, twirling around to see what he wants. He yanks on my arm harder, forcing me into his arms before I lose my balance. He swoops down and kisses me. He seems like he’s happy to be with me—other than just for sex—so that’s a good thing.

“I love you, Becks.”

I smile at him in the faint light filtering down onto us through the wood slats. “Finn, I love you, too.” His lazy, yet confident smile returns before he gives me another soft, lingering kiss.

Gently pulling away, I lead him over to Bethany and Cody. Finn had met Bethany the first year he and I started dating when she came to Richmond to visit me; however, Finn has never met her husband, Cody.

“There you are! Well, what did you find up there, Hadley?” Bethany asks, trying damn hard to keep a straight face.

I grin, feigning ignorance. “It’s the funniest thing! My boyfriend was hiding up there! How did that happen, Beth?”

Her hazel eyes sparkle as she shrugs and throws her hands up. “I haven’t a clue!”

“Liar,” I say through my smile.

Giggling, Bethany tilts her head back. “Why, Finn Wilder! When did you get here?” she asks innocently. “Hadley didn’t say you were coming over!”

“I just got here,” Finn replies with a consummate poker face. Damn. He almost makes me believe him.

I look back and forth between Bethany and Finn. “You think you’re
so
clever. I knew the whole time what you both were up to.”

Finn’s faux-serious face slides into a calculating grin as he chuckles and squeezes my hand. Leaning forward to look at my face, his brown eyes mirthfully glitter in the firelight when he playfully retorts, “Oh, baby, you absolutely did not.”

Bethany laughs and tauntingly points at me with both index fingers. “No way, Hadley. We got you!”

Rolling my eyes with a smile I can’t keep in check even as I’m being mocked, I turn to Beth’s husband. “Cody, this is my
ex
-boyfriend, Finn Wilder.” From above, I hear Finn’s mouth pop open in a scoff, and I bite my lip to keep from laughing so hard that I snort like Rod. I wave my hand without looking at his face, amusement creeping into my introduction. “Finn, this is Dr. Cody Chackmore.”

Cody stands and Finn moves from beside me to shake his hand. “A doctor? What’s your specialty?”

Cody’s beaming dimples are evident. “Animals, and I don’t mean kids. I’m a vet.”

“Really?” Finn asks with an easy smile, letting go of Cody’s hand. “That’s pretty awesome.”

Cody dubiously shakes his head, deflecting the compliment. “Yeah, right. Not as awesome as
your
job. Bethany shows me your show online every week. Shit. You’re pretty slick! I couldn’t do half of the things you do! I’m in awe of you, Finn. I can’t believe I have a celebrity at my house!”

Finn balks, “Oh, not even close. I’m just a Sports guy for a Richmond TV station.” My cocky boyfriend is actually being modest. That is such a sexy mix.

“Hardly,” Cody contends.

I giggle and loop my arm with Finn’s, tugging on him. “Aww! It looks like you can’t escape your Finnatics wherever you go, baby,” I coo, leaning onto his arm. Unexpectedly, his smile is reserved instead of self-assured, making my heart melt even more.

Bethany bounces in place on the sand and we all look curiously at her. “Ooh! We haven’t seen today’s yet! And, we get to see it up close in person!”

“What did you do?” Cody asks Finn.

“Lift your shirt.” Bethany orders.

“What?” Cody looks over at her as his forehead wrinkles in confusion.

Finn seems all-too ready to comply as he pulls up his shirt and shows them his new tattoo. Bethany clasps her hands together, happily sighing, and Cody gapes at the design. Finally looking up, he asks Finn, “You did that as your dare?”

“Yep.”

“
Becks
?”

“It’s what I call her.” He nods down at me and I smile up at him.

Cody grins and Bethany says, “That is the sweetest thing ever! I love it, Finn!”

“Thanks.”

When Finn lowers his shirt, Cody asks Finn another question about his show. Bethany takes this opportunity to grab my arm, dragging me to the other side of the fire. “So?” she eagerly asks.

“So…what?”

“Did you two talk? Is he okay?”

“We…talked,” I reply and turn my head to hide my smile.

“I
bet
you did,” she whispers and giggles. “Finn seems calmer than when he got here. He was so keyed up during the short time I was with him.”

“Yeah. I think he feels better now.” I bite my lip, but am unable to conceal my glee. I really need to rehearse my own poker face.

She covers her mouth and laughs. I shove her arm lightly, which makes her laugh even harder. I laugh with her as I peer over at Finn. He’s still talking to Cody. His hand is in his front jeans pocket and his entire body actually does look more relaxed. I’m glad he is.

On his quick impulse or because of my unhurried gawking, Finn glances in our direction and catches me staring at him. His systematic grin snaps me out of my ogling and I rapidly blink, coming out of my daze. Bethany giggles again and I readily walk over to him. As I approach, he takes his hand out of his pocket and when I stop next to him, he puts his arm around me, pulling me securely into his side. I wrap my arms around him and give him a side hug. Cody throws another piece of wood on the fire and I tug on Finn to draw
him to the empty chairs.

“We’ll have to go up in a bit and watch the dare,” Beth
any says as she sits back down.

“Hell, yeah!” Cody excitedly agrees. “You two want a beer?” he asks us as he goes to the blue mini cooler.

“Sure, thanks,” Finn replies.

“Yes, please,” I answer.

Bethany asks, “Are you guys leaving or staying the night?”

I look to Finn as he takes the can of beer from Cody and snaps the top open. Cody then hands me one and I smile at him in thanks before I respond to Bethany’s question. “I don’t know.” I turn and ask, “What did you want to do now, baby? I mean, you can go back since Ricky is there with your mom and Simone. I’ll be there in the morning.”

Finn reaches over to the arm of my chair and picks up my hand. “I’m wherever you are. I brought a duffle bag so I can take a shower, along with a couple changes of clothes. So, I’m good here if you want.”

“What about Ricky?”

He provocatively smirks, his gorgeous, dark eyes silently daring, while his beautiful mouth nearly orders me aloud to taste his lips in front of Bethany and Cody. “Oh, Ricky’s a big boy. He’ll be alright. I know he understands.” He takes a sip of his beer and licks his lips, refusing to lose my attention. “I think he and Simone were finishing their ‘Die Hard’ marathon anyway.”

Forcing myself to snap out of my stupor, I ask, “Is that what we were watching earlier?” I grin before I take a sip of my own beer.

“It was.”

Finn takes another drink and Cody says, “Damn, I love those movies. John McClane is one of my favorite movie characters.”  I remember Rod comparing Finn to John McClane, which makes me smile and roll my eyes again.

“Mine, too.” Finn tells him as he plays with the fingers of my left hand. A song cuts through the crackling fire as Bethany stands and aims her iPod at Cody. “Celebration” begins to play and he grimaces, triggering us all to laugh.

That brat had her iPod with her the whole time!

Bethany Chackmore is sneakier than I thought!

I settle into bed while Finn is taking a shower. Reaching over, I turn the lamp on Finn’s nightstand on so he can see when he comes to bed, unlike the courtesy he bestowed upon me earlier
.

Lying on my back, I look up at the ceiling light fixture. Finn had to screw the light bulb back in before we went down to the beach earlier. Aside from the surprise in the dark, I can’t even believe the other thing he did. He actually had sex with me without any birth control, and I’m not even on my period. This was new for us. I know he pushes the limits sometimes, but I’ve never let him go any further without using protection. We’ve always used birth control or my period as a barrier between us.

Tonight was…indescribable, once I stopped arguing and let him take me. It felt different—more intimate. Even going without a condom during my period still makes it difficult to fully appreciate him because he has to be gentler with me. Tonight, I could feel every wonderful inch of him, not that I can’t when we do use birth control. However, that wall wasn’t there, whether that wall is gel, a condom or my period.

I could get addicted to having him like that.

That’s not good.

I suppose if he does want me to go on the Pill, then I would be able to feel him like that every time we make love. That’s definitely one positive tradeoff; spontaneity being another. We wouldn’t have to worry about having a condom with us if we stayed in a hotel or somewhere else.

Even so, I just don’t have any desire to go on it. On one hand, I want a baby with him, but I honestly don’t see that happening for a while, if at
all
now. I want him to change his mind and if I’m not on the Pill, then I’d be ready to make a baby with him in an instant.

I’m so confused because then on the other hand, I don’t like him changing his mind about something he truly believes in, just to please me. I guess that would also apply to his belief in not getting married.

That’s also not good.

Sighing, I roll to my side, face the window, and close my eyes. Listening to the waves crashing against the rocks is soothing.

The next thing I know, the bed is moving and a warm body is up against me. I open my eyes and pop my head up from the pillow.

“Sorry, baby. I tried not to wake you up.” Finn kisses the back of my head and drapes his arm around me.

I lay my head down against his angled arm. “That’s okay. I was waiting up for you. I guess I nodded off.” He pulls me closer to him and I go willingly.

His hand skims my arm.
“Thank you,” he whispers.

“For what?” I ask sleepily.

“Putting up with me. For loving me. For being what I need right now.”

“What is it that you need?”

He exhales, his warm breath rolls against my skin like the waves outside hugging the shore. “You.” He caresses my hand with his fingers and I know he’s thinking of what to say next. He’s not sure how much he wants to share with me. I wish he’d talk
to
me instead of
at
me.

Ultimately, he whispers, “Your touch, your kisses, your body…your heart, Becks. After what went down today with us and then at dinner, I… I don’t know. I don’t want to let you go. I want you close to me in every way possible.” From behind me, I hear him swallow hard and I patiently wait for him to go on. I’m afraid to turn around and face him for fear he might close u
p on me again.

He deeply inhales. “Earlier when I thought you left me, my world came to a banging halt. So now, I’m on edge when we’re apart. I don’t know why I feel like this just because of my mother and Jack.” Leaning down, he kisses my cheek and then rests his head against the side of mine. “I hope I won’t get on your nerves with how much I’ll need you.”

I quietly ask, “Why would you get on my nerves?”

“You might think I’m too clingy, like Morgan’s dress, or something.” I hear his minor laugh and I groggily smile.

“Never,” I whisper wearily. “I know you need comforting right now, Finn. I’m here, baby. Whatever you want from me. I’m here.”