Daring the Wild Sparks (4 page)

He tries several times to reply, but nothing comes out of his mouth. Anxiously, he shoves a hand into his hair, forcing his head back to look up to the ceiling. “I know the things you want, Becks, but how far will you go to get them?” I stare at him as I vehemently concentrate to not sob in front of him again.

With deep shock flooding through me like wild rapids, I manage to eek out, “What do you mean by that?”

Still gazing at the ceiling, he licks his lips. “I know you want a…
baby
.” He says it just like
marriage
, with as much contempt as possible. “What will you do to get one? Will you cheat on me if I don’t give you one?”
What the hell
? I’m so mad I can’t even answer him.

Swinging my legs over the
side of the bed, I hurriedly stand, and Finn angles his head down to see what I’m doing. I glare at him. Pivoting around, I angrily snatch my underwear from the floor and snap, “I cannot imagine why you said that. You are being such an asshole.”

I can’t even look at him anymore. Keeping my back to him, he doesn’t say anything and I blow out a huff
of air as I put my underwear on.

After a minute, he quietly asks, “Would you cheat on me if I don’t give you what you want?”

I bend to pick up my pants and whirl around to face him. “No!” I yell loudly, causing his eyes to fly to my face. “I would go without having one then!”

He goes on as if I didn’t answer him. “Or would you dump me?” Looking away from me, he swallows hard.

Stomping over to him, I grab his chin to force him to look at me. “Finnigan Wilder. I would
never
cheat on you. How could you think that?”

I drop my hand and he stares down at me. “You might be that desperate for a kid.”

Throwing my hands up on top of my head, I bow slightly in frustration. Why doesn’t he understand? Why doesn’t
he
get it? It’s not just any baby I want.

My arms fall out to my sides and we stare at each other. What is he thinking now? Does he really not trust me? “Don’t
you
get it?” I throw his words back at him. “I don’t want just any baby. I want
your
baby.
Ours,
Finn. I’m not so desperate for a baby in general to go behind your back to get one.” I step away from him and cross my arms. I determinedly state, “Not
even
yours. I would never deceive you and trick you for one.” I sweep the damned tears from my face. “I thought you knew me better than that. I thought you
loved
me more than that.”

“I do love you, Becks. I’m just… I don’t want…” He sighs and puts his hands on his hips. He looks at the ceiling again before uttering, “I want you to go on the Pill.”

What?

I’m stunned. Speechless. Flabbergasted. Thunderstruck. Bowled over.

“The
Pill?
” I spit as if that’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard.

Coming from Finn Wilder, it is.

He nods and drops his apathetic gaze to my astounded one. “Yeah.”

“Why? You don’t believe in me taking it!”

His dark eyes flare. “I changed my mind.”

“What the fuck, Finn? How do you know that I’ll even take it? Maybe I’ll
forget
.” I pace over to the other side of the room. Shakily, I spin around and see him watching me. “Are you going to monitor my daily dose? Stand over me like a nurse in a hospital while I take it? I hope you put it in one of those tiny paper cups so I get the whole experience.”

“Becks.”

I irately retort, “Don’t even.”

He takes a step towards me and throws a hand up. “What else do you want me to say?”

I shake my head and glower at him. “You really don’t
want
me to tell you what I want you to say right now.”

He sighs angrily before yelling, “I’m not trying to be a dick! I’m just trying to avoid us making a mistake that would fuck up our life together!”

My eyebrows yank together and I grit my teeth. “A
mistake?
Having a baby with me would be such a gigantic mistake that it would ruin your life?”

He lowers his voice and tries to placate me. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“So, let me get this straight. You want me to go on the Pill now—go against your beliefs—so that you can blow your load into me whenever you want and not have to worry about knocking me up.”

He sends both hands into his hair and snarls, “Don’t turn it into that! I’m not asking you to take it to hurt you! I’m just not ready for a kid yet!”

“When will you be, Finn?” I snap my fingers and indignantly roll my eyes. “
Never
. That’s right!”

A knock at the door makes both of us jump.

“Are you two okay in there?” Julie asks from the other side of it. I wipe my cheeks and watch Finn retrieve his pants.

He mutters, “We’re fine. We’ll be down in a few.”

I turn and throw the door open, not caring that Finn is only in his underwear. I brush past Julie and bound down the stairs.

I go out the back door, not knowing where I’m going or particularly care
to think that far ahead.

CHAPTER 3

I hear my name faintly yelled from inside the house. Julie. Figures Finn wants nothing to do with me now.

I venture to the end of the yard and duck into the small white gazebo at the corner of the lot, sitting down on the white bench running continuously along the inside. I look around the property. There’s not really anywhere else to go, unless I run into the woods. Probably not a good idea since I have no idea where they lead. I could get lost in the Delaware wilderness, if there is any really. It’s better than the current wilderness I’ve been stuck in. How apt of his sister to call him that.

I know I can’t hide out here for very long. Someone, most likely Julie, will find me. I don’t even want to talk to her right now. She’ll probably be neutral, or even more predictably, actually take my side. I just don’t want to have to explain to her what our fight was about. Though, she does have four kids of her own. She must’ve wanted that many, so she might possibly understand where I’m coming from.

I don’t want to have a baby, just to have a baby. I want Finn’s baby.
Our
baby. We’d be a family. Finn would be such a good father. I guess some of it is pressure I’m putting on myself, being almost 34 years-old. I don’t want to wait too much longer to have my first child. All of my friends have children, except for Rod. I suppose I should take comfort in that fact. Then again, maybe not.

I lean my head against the lattice of the gazebo and flick my gaze around. It’s so peaceful out here. The birds are chirping and a stream gurgles somewhere nearby. When Finn used to live here, did he come to this same spot when he needed time to think?

I can’t believe he told me he wants me to go on the Pill. Not
asked
like he did before we started having sex three years ago. No, this time he
demanded
I go on it. As usual, no discussion needed when it comes to a crucial topic affecting our relationship.

The sound of rustling grass startles me. Hesitantly, I peer out of the gazebo, through the diamond shapes of the lattice, to see Simone. I blow out a sigh, relieved that it’s not Finn since I don’t want to argue anymore about how stupid I’m being.

Simone slowly walks in, regarding me as if I’m a caged animal about to strike. I glance down to the cement floor and she stands quietly for a few seconds before saying, “Hey.”

Without looking up, I respond in kind, “Hey.”

“What happened, Hadley? Ricky and I heard you and Finn arguing. We weren’t sure at first, but I paused the movie and I heard you yelling. We both ran upstairs and that’s when we saw Mom. What did he do to you?”

Curiously peering at her, I ask, “What do you mean? How do you know
he
did something? It could’ve been me.”

She frowns doubtfully. “Because I know my brother. He’s so stubborn. Not that I can say much about his stubbornness because we’re both like our mother.”

I bite my lip to stop my smile and tears. It seems like all I do lately is fight an internal battle between laughter and sobbing.

Looking away from her to stare at my shoes, I sniff and mumble, “Where’s he at now?”

Taking a seat next to me on the bench she replies, “Mom was trying to get him to talk to her, but he wouldn’t. So, Ricky talked to him. They then left for a bit. I think Ricky took him to pick up some more beer. They’ll be back by dinner.”

“Great. He’s probably spilling his guts to Ricky and telling him I’m the one who’s being so unreasonable.”

Leaning against the gazebo and crossing her legs, she regards me uncertainly before she asks, “What the hell happened?”

I look back to the ground. “I can’t talk about it. We talked about something and we’re not in agreement.”

“About getting married?” Is my desperation written all over my face? Fantastic.

I shake my head. “No. Not this time.”

“You want a baby.”  I look at her and my eyes widen. She says, “I know.”

I tightly cross my arms and legs, wishing I wasn’t such a damn harpy. “How?”

“Because I think that’s something that you’d want with my brother. I also know that he doesn’t want kids. That’s what your fight was about.”

I don’t respond. Instead, I stare at my crossed legs. She goes on, “I wish he’d rethink things. He’s going to lose you, isn’t he?”

Impulsively, I look up and shake my head. “I love him, Simone. I’m with him no matter what.”

“What exactly made you two fight about that topic then? You were so happy earlier.” She mockingly scoffs with a smirk, “You were making out for crying out loud! He even took you up to his room and he wasn’t very stealthy about wanting to get laid. What happened?”

Glancing past her, I say, “I can’t. It’s too personal.” I can’t talk about this with his little sister!

We sit in silence for a minute, but I can practically hear the wheels spinning in her head. She finally asks, “You brought the subject up in the middle of having sex with him, didn’t you?”

I incredulously laugh and avoid her scrutinizing gaze. Diffidently tucking hair behind my ears, I mutter, “How do you know?”

She shrugs. “I’m a good guesser.”

“It wasn’t in the middle. We weren’t that far yet.”

“Oh.”

“There’s more to it than just…that topic.” I sigh and look around, noticing there are rose bushes outside the gazebo, no flowers, only buds since it’s early spring. I quietly confess, “Simone, I don’t think I’m enough for your brother.”

She prods me with her elbow and I glance at her as she questions, “Why would you say that?”

“Because I want different things than he wants. Your brother wants us to live together, but he doesn’t want us to get married or have a family.”

“Who says Finn doesn’t want to get married?”

I raise my eyebrows at her. “Finn. Several times. I thought maybe he had gotten a tattoo broadcasting that sentiment.”

She sneers, “My brother is absolutely full of shit. He wants to marry you so much it’s slowly killing him.”

“
What?
”
My eyes nearly bug out of my head, and she rolls her own blue eyes at my reaction.

“Finn wants to marry you. Trust me,” she resolutely asserts.

I counter, “He doesn’t. He can’t stress that enough. We’ve argued about that on a couple occasions.”

“And trust me when I tell you that is all bullshit. He may be not afraid of trains, planes or automobiles going at high speeds, but the thought of marriage absolutely scares the shit out of him.”

Gaping at her, I suspiciously delve, “How do you surmise this? He said it’s because of your mom’s divorces.”

She nods. “It is. He’s always been angry about them. He doesn’t want to live through those messes again.”

“I’m in love with him, Simone. I would never divorce him, but he doesn’t believe me.”

She sighs. “Things happen, Hadley. Sometimes love dies. He’s afraid that will happen with you two. In fact, he’s doggedly convinced that it will if he marries you.”

“Again, how do you know all of this? Has he told you himself?”

“Not in so many words because h
e doesn’t talk to me about what petrifies him; however, I can read between the lines. I’m not a psych major for nothing.”

“I feel like he keeps so much from me. Until recently, he wouldn’t even introduce me to anyone he works with.”

She sits straighter as her eyes widen in disbelief. “Really? How’d people know about you then?”

“They didn’t. Everyone thought he was single up until Monday when I surprised him by showing up to one of his location shoots. Then he actually introduced me to some of his coworkers, but I think he felt compelled to do that. His tattoo stunt was the first time he’s ever publicly acknowledged he has a girlfriend.”

She shakes her head. “Damn. He is a cagey bastard.”

I sigh at that statement. “Yep. Do you think he really wants to marry me, even though he staunchly denies that he does?”

“I’d bet all of my savings on it. He desperately wants to marry you, but he’s afraid. He just…”

“Won’t,” I whisper.

“I’m sorry,” she says. “He may change his mind.”

“I doubt that,” I answer sullenly.

She puts her hand on my shoulder. “I just want you to know that even if you two aren’t legally married, I still consider you my sister-in-law.”

I smile at her and then bite my lip so I won’t cry in front of her.

Simone asks, “Why don’t we go help Mom set the table for dinner? She’s up there worried about you. I had to tie her to the banister to keep her from coming down here. I surmised you’d rather not have her cross-examination yet.”

I nod and lightly laugh. “Thanks.”

“You bet. Come on. Everything will be okay. I’ll kick my brother’s ass for you, too. That might be fun for you to watch.”

I laugh again as we walk out of the gazebo and back to the house.