Dark Chaos (# 4 in the Bregdan Chronicles Historical Fiction Romance Series) (83 page)

“I know General Lee proposed that slaves be recruited to fight, in exchange for their freedom when the war is over,” Janie said.

“It’s a ridiculous idea!” Crater snorted.  “Arm the slaves?  We might as well give up the fight right now. We’re fighting for the right to keep our slaves, and now we’re going to arm them and promise them freedom.  Preposterous!”

Carrie sat back, waiting for her father to reply.  She knew it would do no good to point out to Crater that if they lost the war all the slaves would go free anyway, and she didn’t have the energy to defend her position that she believed all the slaves
should
be freed now.  She was quite sure Crater was aware of her beliefs, anyway.  She was used to being a topic of discussion in Richmond.  It had long ago ceased to bother her.

Thomas just shook his head.  “I know Lee believes it would be a good thing.  I also know there is far too much opposition for it to happen. At least for now…”

“It will quite simply
never
happen,” Crater stated vehemently.  When Thomas did not reply, he looked at him more closely.  “It will never happen.  Right?”

Thomas shrugged.  “I simply don’t know.  There have been so many things that have happened since the beginning of this war that I could never have imagined, that I’ve given up trying to read the future.  I find that just getting through today is enough.”

Carrie gazed at her father, took his hand, and gave it a gentle squeeze.  She knew how far he had come to let go of the bitterness and anger that seemed to swallow him for the first three years of the war.  Her heart swelled with love for the man who had always supported his headstrong daughter. 

The war had exacted a heavy toll from him.  He was still tall, handsome, and distinguished, and his eyes were still a glorious blue, but his salt and pepper hair was now solid silver, and his face was heavily lined. 

Carrie knew that in spite of the conversation, his mind was solidly with the army lined up to fight Grant’s army waiting on the other side of the Rapidan.  She was relieved when all the boarders pushed back from the table and left, leaving just her, Janie, Jeremy and her father.

No one said anything for several long minutes with the warm spring air pushing through the curtains and causing lantern light to dance around the room.  It was far from a peaceful feeling, but for just a moment there was stillness and even relative quiet in a city that seemed to be collectively holding its breath. 

Thomas finally turned to Jeremy.  “I’m sorry, but I shouldn’t have expected our meal would be any different.”

Jeremy smiled briefly, white teeth flashing from his tanned face topped with blond hair, and lit by vibrant blue eyes.

Carrie stared at him, stunned by his good looks, and
wishing she could…

“It was more than enough to have a good meal,” Jeremy said cheerfully. 

“You call beans and cornbread a good meal?” Thomas asked with disbelief.

“It’s more than what my father has right now.  Everything I bring home he pours back into his congregation.”

“Do you resent it?” Thomas asked carefully.

“Not at all,” Jeremy replied quickly.  “The free blacks of Richmond have so little, and the war has made it even harder.  Carrie helped them get through the winter by insisting they all plant gardens last year, and by turning the land behind the church into a huge garden, but it’s run out.  It will be a while before the new gardens will produce.” 

Carrie’s heart warmed as she listened to him and saw the genuine caring on his face. 

“My father has given his life to his congregation,” Jeremy continued.  “The least I can do is give a few meals.”

Thomas smiled at Jeremy.  “Your father is a lucky man.”

“As are you, sir,” Jeremy replied.  “Carrie is well loved by many people who owe their lives to her.  And to Janie, too.”

“I’m well aware how lucky I am,” Thomas agreed, his face lighting with a genuine grin.  “I hope you’ll join us more often.”

“I would like that, sir.  Now that the days are getting longer my father is usually gone, working with his parishoners.  I eat most meals alone.”

“It must be lonely for you,”  Carrie observed thoughtfully.  “All the men your age are fighting.”

Jeremy shrugged.  “I suppose I get lonely at times, but I also find it rather positive to have a skill that keeps me from being someone’s target.  I never agreed with this war from the start, so I’ll admit I’m glad I don’t have to fight.”

Thomas smiled.  “I see I have several young people in my home who have no trouble speaking their mind.”

“Does that bother you, Mr. Cromwell?” Jeremy asked.

Carrie grinned at Janie, her liking for Jeremy growing by leaps and bounds. 

“Not at all!” Thomas responded quickly.  “I have discovered that I find complacent people who go with the flow to be rather tedious.”  He smiled over at Carrie.  “My headstrong daughter has probably shortened my life from fear many times, but she certainly has made it less boring!”

Thomas leaned back in his chair and lit his pipe, something he saved for special ocassions because of tobacco shortage.  “There
is
one thing that bothers me though, Jeremy.  I know I’m old enough to be your father, but I have already gained a tremendous respect for you.  I would appreciate it if you would call me Thomas.”

Jeremy grinned easily.  “I’ll be happy to, Mr…  I mean, Thomas.  I have tremendous respect for you too.”

Carrie watched them, her insides churning with her secret.  She pushed back her chair and stood, “I hope you all don’t mind, but it’s been a long day, and I suspect tomorrow will be even longer.  I’m going to say goodnight.”  She leaned over to give her father a kiss on his cheek. 

“Of course, dear,”  Thomas said instantly.  His expression said he knew something was troubling her, but she knew he would believe it was just the impending battle and her worry about Robert. 

“It was wonderful to see you again, Jeremy.  I hope you’ll return soon.”

“Good night, Carrie,” Jeremy responded.  “Thank you for a wonderful evening.”

Janie smiled at her.  “I’ll be up in just a little while.”

Carrie smiled back at her and knew Janie was giving her time to be alone in the room they shared when Robert was away fighting.  Both of them appreciated the comfort it provided, but Janie would know she needed time to think.

Carrie sank down onto the windowseat, grateful for the soft spring air wafting in and almost able to block out the sounds of carriages, trains, and industry that kept the city awake twenty-four hours a day now.  So much was racing through her mind and heart.

Carrie’s mind flew back to the day when she had discovered that Rose - her young slave girl she had grown up with  and who had become her best friend, was actually her
aunt
– the result of her grandfather’s raping Old Sarah, Rose’s mother.

That same day not too many years ago she had discovered Rose was a twin, but that her brother, born white, had been sold as a slave by her father to protect her grandfather.

Carrie and Rose had been able to find paperwork that said who he had been sold to, but they also found paperwork that showed he had been taken to an orphanage and then adopted by a white family who knew of his heritage but who would raise him as a white boy.

It wasn’t until Carrie, back on the plantation the winter before, had discovered old family photos and realized Jeremy Anthony, whom she had met for just a few minutes, was the spitting image of her grandfather at that age. 

When she had brought the picture to Pastor Anthony, he had admitted he had known all along and then asked her to keep his secret.  He asked her to promise she wouldn’t reveal Jeremy’s true identity.  He was afraid of what it would do to the young man who had grown up white.  He didn’t want the prejudice and hatred he saw aimed at his congregation every day aimed at his son.

Knowing how desperately Rose wanted to meet her twin, Carrie had tried to change the pastor’s mind.  In the end, she had simply told him she didn’t know what she would do, but that she thought he was underestimating his son and that Jeremy deserved to know the truth.

She felt she didn’t have to make a decision yet because the war was still separating her from Rose.  She had helped Rose and Moses escape through the Underground Railroad - sending them to Aunt Abby in Pennsylvania.  As far as she knew, that’s where Rose still was.  She knew she wouldn’t see her again until this crazy war had ended.

To walk in and find Jeremy in her parlor had been quite a shock.  To watch the mutual respect and affection he held with her father was amazing.  Only
she
knew they were actually half brothers. 

Everything in her wanted to reveal the truth.  She had promised her father to never lie to him again about
anything
.  But then Pastor Anthony’s fearful eyes as he begged her to keep the secret rose in her mind.  Carrie pressed her forehead against the window as her feelings battled through her heart.

Suddenly she shook her head and pulled back to look north.  She didn’t have to make the decision tonight.  She just wanted to send her love and thoughts to Robert tonight…

Her brave, wonderful husband was part of an army that was woefully outnumbered and pitifully equipped.  She already knew thousands of men would die or be horribly mutilated. So far, Robert kept coming home to her.  Would he make it through another battle?  Carrie groaned and clinched her fists, her heart reaching out to fill Robert with her love.  It was all she could do, but it certainly wasn’t enough.

Then her mind turned to Moses.  Rose must be worried sick for her husband as well.  Was Moses still a spy?  Was he now fighting like the tens of thousands of free blacks and former slaves that had swarmed into the Union Army after the Emancipation Proclamation?  Would he and Robert try to kill each other tomorrow?

Carrie groaned and pushed away the tears flowing down her cheeks.  She heard the door open and close, and then she felt Janie’s hand on her shoulder.  “It’s starting again,” she said brokenly.

“I know,” Janie said softly.  “But we’ve learned how to do this, Carrie.  We can’t look past just this moment, and then the next moment.  We’ll simply deal with whatever comes.”

Carrie nodded, gaining comfort from her strength, while knowing Janie was saying it as much to herself as she was to her friend.  Whether it was tomorrow or the next day, the battle would start, the hospitals would fill, and they would once again give their all to save lives. 

Janie settled down with her on the windowseat, and they both looked north. 
Would tomorrow be the day?

The End

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hapters of The Last Long Night starting on the next page: