Authors: Lee Monroe
Copyright © 2011 Lee Monroe
First published in Great Britain in 2011 by Hodder Children’s Books
This ebook edition published in 2011
The right of Lee Monroe to be identified as the Author of the Work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988
All rights reserved. Apart from any use permitted under UK copyright law, this publication may only be reproduced, stored or transmitted, in any form, or by any means with prior permission in writing from the publishers or in the case of reprographic production in accordance with the terms of licences issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency and may not be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.
All characters in this publication are fictitious and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
A Catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
ISBN 978 1 444 90490 1
Typeset in Berkeley Book by Avon DataSet Ltd, Bidford on Avon, Warwickshire
Hodder Children’s Books
a division of Hachette Children’s Books
338 Euston Road, London NW1 3BH
An Hachette UK company
For Bea, Marlon and Jesse
P
ressed back against the dark wood panelling, I felt his lips brush my cheek. No longer cold, but warm and full, gently touching my skin. I felt myself breathe out, not wanting to feel anything, but feeling everything all at once, my head resting on his chest. I could hear his heartbeat and mine, loud and fierce …
‘I never thought I would feel this way about a mortal,’ he whispered softly into my hair, and I felt the softness of his mouth as it tenderly kissed my neck. I shivered, hot suddenly, and instinctively my back arched.
‘I don’t want this,’ I managed to say, my voice husky and strained. ‘This isn’t right.’
But as his arms moved to circle my waist I didn’t push him away. Because, despite the words I had just spoken I did want this. I hated myself for wanting it, but it was consuming me. It was all there was. Right then, in that moment, it was all I wanted.
Finally he drew back and took my face in his hands, his eyes glinting in the darkness, the sharp line of his cheekbones cutting a hard but beautiful shape. And his mouth, wide and perfect, moved closer to mine, taking my breath away.
He put one finger on my lips, and with his other hand he stroked my face.
‘It’s OK,’ he said. ‘It was a mistake, but I couldn’t help myself.’
‘I …’ I struggled with relief, and intense disappointment.
‘
Shhh
.’ He pressed his finger more firmly against my mouth.
And then he was moving away from me, gently opening the door. He disappeared through it leaving me wide-eyed and disbelieving.
I was left alone, with the sound of my fiercely beating heart.
And the taste of betrayal in my mouth.
‘H
ave you got everything?’ My mother picked up a sweater, folded ready to pack in my suitcase. ‘Passport? Underwear?’ She refolded the sweater, and a shadow passed across her face. ‘You will phone—’
‘Mum.’ I tried to keep the exasperation out of my voice. ‘I’ll phone.’
‘Good.’ She smiled. I could see the brave face she was putting on and my heart skipped at the thought of what I was about to do.
‘Grandma Ellen’s got the hotel booked in Paris,’ she said. ‘At least you’ll have someone to look after you there.’
‘It’ll be fun spending time with her for a few days,’ I said, smiling. ‘I don’t think I’ve really done that since I was little.’
‘You need a break,’ said Mum. ‘After everything that’s happened this year …’ She paused, watching my smile fade. ‘It might help you forget.’
‘Yeah …’ I frowned. ‘I don’t know if I’ll ever forget. It’s not that easy.’
‘I know,’ she said softly, taking my hand. ‘Believe me. I know.’
‘And I don’t know that I
want
to forget.’ I felt my good mood finally evaporate.
‘You’re going to fall in love again,’ she said. ‘It may not feel like it now. But there are lots of people out there who you can be happy with.’
Mum was saying all the right things. And she was right. But I frowned anyway.
‘Luca was special.’ I swallowed. ‘There won’t be anyone else like him. There can’t be.’
There was a silence, and I knew she was in agreement. But being a mother, she was supposed to be sensible.
‘No. There won’t be. That’s true. But you’re going to find out that being unique is not … unique.’ She squeezed my hand. ‘We all are … when you think about it.’
‘Do you have a rational answer for everything?’ I smiled wryly in spite of myself.
‘Yep.’ She placed the folded sweater neatly inside my case. ‘Now you’d better get downstairs and say goodbye to your dad and Dot.’
I shifted off the bed and stood facing the window, taking in the treetops, the darkening sky and the sliver of moon just appearing.
I’ll miss you, I whispered inside my head, my eyes pricking with tears. I promise I’ll never forget.
‘So,’ said Grandma Ellen, adding sugar to her café au lait, ‘How’s your love life?’
I swallowed a mouthful of piping hot chocolate, feeling heat flood my cheeks. It was partly the boiling milk, partly Grandma’s unexpected direct question.
‘I don’t have one.’ I used the standard bullish teenager tone I used with my mother.
She nudged me gently with her elbow. ‘I’m not going to go telling your mum, if that’s what you’re worried about.’
I shrugged, stirring the syrupy foam at the bottom of my cup. ‘Really, Granny. I don’t have a love life.’
‘Hmm.’ She drew in a breath and directed her gaze at the pelican crossing opposite our café. ‘I’m surprised.’
‘Why?’
She turned back to me, smiling. ‘Have you looked in the mirror lately, Jane?’
I glanced down at my nondescript faded black T-shirt, lanky legs – encased as ever in boyish jeans – and scruffy baseball boots. Nothing special there.
‘You’re biased,’ I told her smiling. ‘And there aren’t actually any boys in Bale. Not unless you count Eric and his cousin Zane.’ I made a face. ‘And they’re … you know … young.’
Grandma looked amused. ‘Well, what about college? You’re starting soon. You’re bound to meet new people. More mature people …’ She smiled. ‘When I was your age I liked the older boys, too. Boys my age seemed so … childish somehow.’
I crossed my arms over my chest. ‘I’m giving boys a miss this year. I just want to concentrate on studying.’
‘Right. Of course.’ She raised an eyebrow then, seeing my serious expression, put down her cup. ‘Your mother told me, dear – a little bit about that boy you broke up with in the spring.’ She put one hand on my arm. ‘I guess you’re not over it yet.’
I sighed, but relaxed a little. ‘I’m getting there,’ I said, not sure whether I really was. ‘I think I just need a bit more time. Luca … well, he’s not someone you forget in a hurry.’
I stared into the middle distance. It all seemed such a weird, incredible dream. Last winter a boy I had literally been dreaming about for weeks, walked into my life. Not just any boy. In fact, if truth be told, not a boy. A wolf, who looks like a boy, who kisses like a boy, who loves like a boy. But it was so complicated. Luca lived … well, he lived in another world, one like Earth, but purer, more controlled, where all manner of supernatural creatures lived apparently in harmony. Nissilum. But it was a world where I couldn’t live. And Luca was bound by the rules there. He wasn’t allowed to love me. And it was all because of an angel called Gabriel, who had loved a mortal woman. No ordinary woman either; my mother, Anna. Gabriel was part of the Celestial family, the rulers of Nissilum. As a role model, Gabriel was supposed to be impervious to such weakness. The shame of what happened between him and my mum had been his downfall. Death on Nissilum is not like it is in the mortal world. The people of Nissilum just cease to be. No illness, just fading away until … they just disappear.