Dark Heart Rising (5 page)

I gazed down at the floor for a few seconds, my mind whirring, then lifted my head to look Soren in the eye.

‘You and I against the force of Henora’s will …’ I smiled sadly. ‘The force of family unity – I don’t see how we can possibly win.’

Soren dropped to his knees in front of me. ‘Luca and Lila are not meant to be … whatever the highers intend. It will be a lifetime of regret and unhappiness.’

I thought of Gabriel, tortured by his weakness, by his disloyalty to his own kind.

‘Maybe not.’ I lifted my head. ‘Maybe his family duty means more to Luca than me … in the end.’

Soren’s lips curled in a gesture of disappointment.

‘I thought you were stronger than that,’ he said wearily. ‘I thought you would fight for him. Not just let him destroy his life.’

‘Well.’ I sniffed, a mass of conflicting feelings tumbling inside me. ‘You were wrong about that, I guess.’

There was a silence and Soren got to his feet. I stayed looking down at the floor, unable to meet his eye.

‘I won’t give up,’ he said softly. ‘I will leave you to think about it.’

‘Wait,’ I said. ‘All this stuff – studying at the Sorbonne … your childhood in Hungary … is it all a lie?’

‘It’s complicated,’ said Soren. ‘Let’s just say it is partly true. I belong to this world as well as to Nissilum.’

I lifted my head then. ‘So, you’re not a wolf? You’re mortal? I don’t understand.’

Soren hesitated, putting his long pale hands in his jeans pockets. ‘I am whoever I choose to be,’ he said. ‘I came from there … but I am able to pass from this world to Nissilum, as long as I have a link. I can move from place to place.’

‘You’re an outcast,’ I guessed. ‘They threw you out of Nissilum.’

He shrugged. ‘I suppose I am not quite “loyal” enough. I just couldn’t face a world where all my natural desires … all my dreams … are forbidden to me.’

‘So how would it ever work with you and Lila,’ I said, ‘if you can’t live with her?’

‘Lila wanted the same as me …’ he said, ‘until family got in the way.’

I frowned, not really understanding what he meant by that. A figure of speech, I guessed.

‘Does it really matter what she wanted before?’ I asked. ‘She wants Luca now.’

As I said the words, I felt the injustice of it all. It was cruel. A burst of anger shook me. I clasped my hands together, trying not show it.

‘Hmm.’ Soren paced the floorboards slowly. ‘I underestimated you, I think, also.’ He swung back to me. ‘Luca is a foolish boy. To give you up. You are strong after all.’ He gave a dry laugh, then spoke more gently. ‘To let the one you love go.’

My eyes pricked with tears. Right then I didn’t feel strong. I wanted to scream at the top of my voice. But I knew there was no point in fighting … How could I win over Luca’s family, his obligations, his traditions?

I bit my lip, not daring to speak.

‘If you change your mind,’ said Soren, ‘you only have to say my name and I will be with you.’

I stared at him. Part of me wanted to do it. To go along with his plan. The other part felt it was too hopeless. This was beyond my power.

Or was it?

‘I had an interesting time,’ I said, ‘meeting you. But now I just want to forget. I need to forget. Don’t you understand?’

Soren looked at the clock above the studio door.

‘I’d better get you back to your grandmother,’ he said. He picked up his jacket and put it round my shoulders. ‘I am glad to have met you too.’ He gave me a wan smile. ‘I don’t feel as alone somehow.’

‘No,’ I took his hand. ‘Me neither.’

‘H
ow are you feeling about college?’ Mum put a chicken in the oven and moved towards the kettle.

‘OK.’ I shrugged, leaning closer to the radio.

Mum filled the kettle and switched it on. ‘Good to see you’re feeling better. Must be your grandmother’s magic touch.’ She smiled, glancing through the doorway then pulling out a chair to sit opposite me.

I could tell she was trying to get me to talk, but I didn’t feel like it. I closed my eyes and hummed along to the track playing.

Eventually I opened them again. My mother was staring at me, affectionately. It bugged me for some reason.

‘What?’ I said, trying to keep the annoyance out of my voice.

‘Nothing.’ She gave a light little shrug. ‘I’m just glad all that stuff is over.’ She lowered her voice. ‘I hate to say this, because I know how strongly you felt for Luca … but it would never have worked. Not in the conventional way.’

‘Well, maybe I’m not conventional,’ I snapped.

‘OK!’ Mum held her palms out, defensively. ‘No need to bite my head off.’

‘Sorry.’ I sighed. ‘I’m just feeling a bit … you know …’

‘Yes. I do know. But you’re on the brink of such an exciting time. You’re going to meet so many new people. New boys …’ She reached out and took hold of my fingertips. ‘Boys who live in this world.’

I sniffed. ‘Yeah. I know that …’

‘You’re a special girl. You’re right. Not conventional in the least. But, believe me, there are plenty of unconventional men out there. Flesh and blood, non shape-shifting, Earthly boys … Your father is one of them.’

I laughed. ‘Dad?’

‘Yeah, your dad.’ Mum scratched at the vinyl tablecloth. ‘He’s uniquely reliable, and patient, and good. He’ll never let us down. He would never leave us.’ She paused. ‘I just know.’

‘Even if he found out about you and Gabriel?’

She didn’t flinch. ‘He just wouldn’t understand … it would be too much. And none of that matters any more.’

‘But it means he doesn’t properly know you,’ I said. I knew I was being unfair to her but it was true.

‘Sweetheart. I’ll let you into a little secret. Sometimes it’s better that your husband doesn’t know everything about you. Sometimes, you need to keep some things to yourself. Things that have no bearing on your relationship.’

I wrinkled my nose. ‘Sounds like dishonesty to me.’

She got up, properly ruffled now. ‘You’re young, you’re an idealist. And you’re a romantic.’

‘I’m not!’ I was horrified at the idea.

‘Yes, you are. And that’s wonderful. As long as you’re realistic too. There are some things you’re better off not knowing about a person, and vice versa.’ She picked up the boiled kettle, poured the water into a pan and put it on the hob.

‘Maybe you’re right.’ I switched off the radio. ‘I certainly didn’t like what I found out about Evan … Or Luca. But I still would rather have known than not known.’

Mum came over and put her hands on my shoulders. ‘I know,’ she said softly. ‘And that was awful. Really awful. But Evan was a psychopath and Luca … Luca has just proved what I told you.’

‘I know. That the laws of Nissilum are beyond mortal understanding.’

Behind me, I knew she was nodding. Her fingers gave me a small squeeze.

‘So, you see. Better to stick to mortal boys from now on. Infuriating they might be, but at least they’re vaguely … human.’

‘Can we stop talking about this now?’ I said with a heavy sigh.

‘Gladly. I want to hear all about Paris,’ she said. ‘You still haven’t told me what you got up to. Your grandmother told me you made a friend.’

‘Not really.’

‘A nice, responsible art student,’ she wittered on. ‘If that isn’t a contradiction in terms.’

‘Ha. Funny.’ I fake-smiled at her. ‘He was just a boy I bumped into outside the Notre Dame.’

‘Well that sounds great,’ she said. ‘What’s he like? Are you two going to stay friends?’

‘I doubt it.’

My mother emptied scrubbed potatoes into the pan of bubbling water.

‘OK, well. Nice to meet someone interesting, I suppose …’ She bent to turn the gas down.

‘He wasn’t that interesting. In fact he was quite annoying … in the end.’

She gave me an odd look, which I ignored. I dragged this month’s
Timber World
towards me and pretended to be absorbed in it. Taking the hint, Mum checked the chicken and then the clock.

‘Well, dinner will be ready in about an hour. If you’re going to be a grouch, you can go to your bedroom and take that magazine you’re feigning interest in.’

‘Fine.’ I stood, leaving the magazine open on the table, and moved into the hall. Instead of climbing the stairs to my room I opened the back door.

‘Where’s the dog?’ I called.

‘Oh … your father took him in the truck when he went to get Dot.’

Great, just when I needed a dog to walk.

‘Oh, Jane,’ Mum yelled from the kitchen, ‘we got you a present while you were in Paris.’

I stood where I was outside the back door. I felt ungrateful, but I couldn’t imagine any present my parents picked out would be that exciting.

My mother appeared next to me. She held out a plastic bag. I took it. Inside was a box.

‘Finally,’ I said, impressed. ‘The last teenager in the world to get a mobile phone.’

‘You’re the one who refused to get one,’ said Mum, smiling. ‘I just thought, with you going to college and everything you might change your mind …’ She nodded at the box. ‘Go on. Open it.’

It was actually quite a cool smartphone.

‘Thanks, Mum.’ Forgetting to be stroppy for a second, I turned it on.

‘We fully charged it already,’ Mum said, craning over my shoulder to take a look. ‘So you can use it straight away.’

‘Right, because I have so many friends to call,’ I said, wondering for a bizarre moment what Luca would think. He and I had a mutual dislike of mobile phones. I swallowed the sad feeling. Who cared what he thought.

‘Thanks, Mum, it’s great,’ I told her. ‘Really, it’s kind of you and Dad.’

‘You’re welcome.’ She beamed. ‘Oh, look, you have two messages already!’

I stared down at the screen. The first was a welcome message from the network provider. The other was from an actual telephone number. I clicked on it.

I clicked out of the message, shocked.

‘Who was that?’ Mum leaned in closer.

‘Just the phone people … Welcome messages,’ I mumbled, putting the phone in my pocket.

‘Right … Well, I’ll leave you to play with it,’ she said, and disappeared inside.

I remained outside the back door for a few minutes, trying and failing to work out how on earth Soren had got my phone number. It was just too weird. I squinted into the late summer sun. On the way home from Paris I’d had time to go over what had happened. As hideous as it was to think of Luca with someone else, I didn’t trust Soren, with his nearly-black eyes and his dry, amoral attitude. I’d decided to just forget him. Get on with my life. And here he was reminding me that he wasn’t going anywhere.

‘Just leave me alone,’ I whispered, staring at the trees, longing for another boy.

As if on cue, my phone beeped again. I fished it out of my pocket.

‘If I ignore you enough, will you go away?’ I muttered, opening a new text message.

I smiled, relieved.

It started to rain, great drops turning torrential. The back door creaked as the wind picked up, and I shivered, turning to go back inside.

‘I
t is good to see you so well.’ Celeste, great-mother of the Celestial family, stroked Raphael’s hair away from his face. ‘I must be honest, Raffy, I didn’t know whether you would ever get well.’

He smiled, picking up her hand and kissing it. ‘I am so ashamed,’ he said quietly, ‘for everything I did. I lost my mind …’

‘It’s in the past.’ She drew away her hand and held her back straight, picking up her porcelain cup and drinking some tea. ‘The important thing is that you are better now and ready to start taking your place as part of this family.’ Her eyes were grave as she replaced her cup on its delicate saucer. ‘You have many responsibilities ahead of you.’

‘I know.’ Raphael kept his head down as he stirred his tea. ‘And I am happy to take them on.’

‘Good.’ Her face regained its usual radiance.

A serving girl entered the room, carrying fresh coffee.

‘Not for me, Rosa,’ Celeste told her. ‘I must see to Cadmium, he is not well.’ As she pushed back her chair, Raphael rose too.

‘I will see you at dinner, Raffy,’ she said, nodding at Rosa as the maid swept past her. ‘I trust you will find a useful way to occupy yourself, Raphael,’ she called back over her shoulder.