Dark Kiss (The Two sides of me Book 1) (4 page)

Chapter 6

“I Dare You to Move” by Switchfoot

Third night in a row and I’m already stressing about being off for a few nights, unable to see Evan. Popping a K-cup in my Keurig, I wait the 5 seconds it takes to brew and pour way too much creamer in my travel mug, probably ruining the true taste of coffee but I don’t care, it’s the way I like it. My drive to work is uneventful, one of the perks of working nights, no traffic and great parking spots.

I have a plan for tonight; I’ve made a few playlists on my iPad for Evan, and brought my ear buds with me- it’s a risk. I have no idea what kind of music he prefers and I don’t want to bombard him with sounds that irritate him so I’ll watch his heart rate while I play it for him, and maybe only one ear bud. I struggled when I chose the music, one playlist is all classical soothing music; nobody hates classical do they? One includes an album I’ve titled ‘Relaxing Sounds’ of nature, rain, ocean sounds, jungle sounds, birds; I listen to this when I sleep. The last is filled with my favorites, a wide variety of love songs, classical, jazz, Latin and alternative music. I listen to a wide range of genres.

I haven’t asked anyone if I can do this and I’m not going to, it just feels right. I feel a strong, unexplainable urge to wake him up, almost like he is calling to me for help through the atmosphere. It’s a slow night, I like it, it gives me more time to really look at Evan. I’ve memorized his skin, every tiny scar of which there seems to be many and several larger ones; I’ve wondered what could have caused the random spattering of marks.

He needs a haircut; I can’t do it with him immobile though, I shaved his face earlier in the night. Gabriella brought Evan’s toiletries to the hospital today, he has the most delicious smelling shaving products, shampoo and skincare products I’ve ever smelled. Not that I have much experience with the way men smell, usually my male patients just use what the hospital provides. He smells of spearmint and eucalyptus, the scents of his body wash and shaving gel; in fact the entire room smells this way. Most of these things are from other countries; all the bottle labels are in foreign languages, I recognize French and Italian but not so much the others.

Switching on my iPad and maneuvering to the classical playlist, I gently place an ear bud in his left ear, putting the other in my own ear to make sure it’s not too loud. I actually set it pretty soft to begin with, just in case this causes him distress. Moving about the room, giving his scheduled medications and doing range of motion exercises with his arms and free leg, I watch his face closely for any reaction to the music. There is nothing extreme, but I swear his face looks more relaxed, less severe. When I’m finished I arrange Evan’s covers and hospital gown, and as I’m about to move to my charting station I see movement, ever so slight… oh my god! His finger on his left hand moved…. I swear it did. Going back to his side, I watch closely for more but there is nothing… I think I’ll pull up a chair and sit with him, but before I do I speak into his ear, “Evan, I know you’re trying, I saw you move. Don’t give up, I’m waiting for you.”

Another small twitch of his hand…. oh this is good….maybe I should keep talking… maybe I should turn the music up, down, shit I don’t know! My heart speeds up and I’m sweating, nervous, excited and a little scared but I wait… and wait… that’s it, he’s still as a statue again. I am so disappointed, but I still have a few hours, and I’ll sit here and keep watch. Three hours go by; it’s almost time to go home, I’ve called the physician to tell him about Evan’s slight progress; he wasn’t very impressed but I am, I know it won’t be long now until I can finally meet him. Leaving is more difficult than ever today, and I wish I could crawl in bed with him and be there beside him while I sleep my day away. I’m overwhelmed with anxiety and anticipation; soon, it has to be soon.

It’s raining on the drive home, as usual; this is Seattle, so it’s always raining here. I decide to stop at the glass blowing factory and pick up my light and the vase Jay made, Evan will be awake soon, I can feel it, and his room is so drab. The ICU doesn’t allow much in the room due to the risk of infection or reactions of other patients, but the vase will be perfect. At home I dump my purse on the floor and remember I’m supposed to go out with my girlfriends tonight for drinks; usually I’m pretty excited to have a girls’ night out, but tonight I really just feel like curling up on the couch and watching T.V. 

My phone rings in my pocket, it’s Lilly; shit, no chance of bowing out of girls’ night out unnoticed now.

“Hello.”

“So where are we going first?!” Lilly’s excitement is contagious.

“Hey Lil, what’s up?”

“I just hung up with Claire and Kat, plan on being ready at 10, but I need to know where we’re gonna meet.”

“ I dunno…Flair?”

“Oooooo, yes, yes good idea, Flair. I’ll let the girls know; dress up woman, were going to partaaayy tonight!”

“Oh Lil, your gonna stroke out if you don’t calm yourself.”

“Naaa, you’re just not into it yet.  Get dressed up, do your hair and get your sexy little butt to Flair!!”

“Ok, ok.. keep your panties on, I’ll see ya then.”

“Ok, ciao Bella!”

“Bye Lilly.”

So dramatic, if I hadn’t known Lilly all my life I’d swear she was on something illegal; no normal person has that much energy! After about 6 hours of restless sleep I’m awake and scrounging in the kitchen. I grab a sandwich; no sense in tempting fate by drinking on an empty stomach, nothing good ever comes of that. Time to shower, and sighing, I drag myself to the bathroom. After showering, I dry my too-long blonde hair and straighten it with a flat iron, I don’t have curly hair but it’s not straight either, it’s just got that in-between wave.

I dig out my makeup bag, something I rarely need, as I don’t wear it much, and get to work. Satisfied with smoky eyes and glossy lips, I head to the closet to find something fitting for a girls’ night out. When these girls say ‘dress up’, you better take them seriously, I choose a black mini and silver-sequined top with a cut out in the back and black boots with a stiletto heel, I love shoes and I’m kind of known for my ultra-high heel fetish. I’m gonna freeze outside in this, the bar will be hot and packed but getting there is a different story.

I choose a white cashmere short sweater to cover my arms, my legs are just gonna have to suffer. I grab a small clutch instead of my suitcase-sized purse; it fits the essentials, like my phone, driver’s license, money and lip-gloss. Once out the door, I immediately regret the mini; shit it’s cold, and hurrying to my car I jump in and blast the heat. Finally after a few minutes I welcome the warmth blowing on my feet, oh the things I do for these girls!

Parking sucks, but after driving around for what feels like forever I find a place not too far from the door and hustle in. The girls are there already of course, and holding a spot at their table for me.

“Heyyyyy girl!” Lilly shouts.

“Oh my gosh Lil, keep it down,” I murmur…my request is promptly denied.

“You’re looking HOT mama!”

“Thanks Lil, Hi Clair, Kat, can’t you two keep her under control?”

Two sets of eyes roll severely at me, yea I know that feeling.

“Hey Mia, what do you want to drink?” Clair asks, and I consider for a moment just how intoxicated I’m willing to get tonight and decide a martini is safe.

“How many have you guys had anyway?” I ask raising my eyebrows with the question mainly directed at Lilly.

“She was here first, I have no idea how many she’s had,” Kat says defensively, holding her hands out in front of her and shaking her head back and forth.

“We just got here, this is our first.”

“Oh good, I hate being behind, things are more fun when we keep the same pace,” I say.

“Agreed,” Kat and Clair say together and look at Lilly.

“HEY, I’ve only had 3 drinks, and you all know I can drink you under the table any night,” Lilly says, defending herself now.

“Yea, she’s got a point there.” A pretty, petite waitress comes and takes our order and quickly moves on to the next table. This place is packed for a weeknight, she’s got her work cut out for her but she returns in a couple minutes with our round of drinks.

“So Mia, any hot dates lately?” Lilly has spent every waking moment of the last 10 years trying to get me onto the dating scene. “Uh yea Lilly, sure, I’m getting married next month, did I forget to tell you?”

I shoot back sarcastically; did her eyes actually just light up for a second? Will she ever learn?

“Such a waste Mia, you’re a catch ya know, little Miss Hottie; independent, creative, you just need to get out there and find your prince charming.”

“I’ll get right on that Lil.” This is getting irritating.

I throw back my drink in an attempt to loosen up and not let this crap bother me.

“Oh look at her go!” Lilly screeches.

“Lilly, keep it down or they’re gonna throw us out of here!” Kat hisses, embarrassed.  Kat is the quiet one of our group, she has a boyfriend and of the four of us she’s the most challenging to drag out on girls’ night, which makes her the most intelligent in my opinion.  She’d rather stay in with Jack.

Clair is the member of our group I’ve not known as long as the others, just a year or so, and I’m still not sure what I think of her. There have been times she makes references to a lifestyle I know nothing about, she doesn’t have a boyfriend per say, but spends time with a man regularly, refusing to claim him as anything serious. I really think she’s into some dark stuff but I don’t pry, I’m not really sure I want to know any more than I have assumed.

My phone is vibrating in my clutch on the table, weird; I’m with everyone that would be calling me at this time, unless they need help at work, in all honesty I never know when they’re going to call.

I get out my phone and sure enough it’s the hospital, I press deny; I can’t work after a drink anyway so why answer? As soon as I deny the call it begins again, what the hell? Something clicks in my mind, Evan! Something’s wrong, I punch the answer button and Shae is yelling at me, “MIA! We need you to come down here, the patient in 8 is FREAKING OUT and he’s screaming for you!”

Oh my god…He’s AWAKE!

Chapter 7

“Wake Up Dead Man” by U2

“Crazy Love” by Van Morrison

I knew it would happen on my night off, damn! And why is he yelling for me, he’s never actually met me?

“MIA!! Can you hear me?!”

“Yea, yea, what’s going on?!” I hear a man yelling in the background… and he’s yelling
my
name… shit what’s going on?

“He just opened his eyes and starting trying to get out of bed and has been yelling for you for 20 min; he won’t shut up, security is here trying to keep him in bed, please can you come?!”

“Uh, yea of course; I’ll be right there, don’t let him hurt himself!”

“Oh thank God, I’m gonna hang up and tell him you’re coming maybe he’ll calm down,” Shae says, relieved. I’d been moving since I answered the phone, the girls are yelling behind me…

“Hey!”

“Mia! Where are you going?!!”

“Gotta go, he’s awake,” I call over my shoulder; they don’t even know who I’m talking about but I don’t have time to care right now. I have to get to him, he’s awake and screaming for ME…me… he must have been able to hear me, I wonder if he could feel me touching him too? Who cares, I just need to get to him. I’m trying so hard not to speed, still over the limit by 10 mph; I’ve recently had a drink, and I’m a nurse!  I really don’t need to be pulled over, that will just waste the precious time I need to reach Evan. I pull into the parking garage at a dangerous speed, swing into a spot and jump out of the car, not bothering to lock it.

I’m running, running in these heels.
Shit! Don’t fall and break your leg or you’ll end up in a bed next to him!
Ok so that wouldn’t be so terrible…
What the hell, I’m definitely losing my mind! I fumble for my badge and flash it at the security guard by the door. He looks confused at first but quickly recognizes me in my short skirt and heels instead of scrubs. Going up the elevator I start to hear him; he’s yelling hysterically, his voice is deep but loud and he sounds panicked. I can’t make out the words, but I feel the desperation coming through them and it pulls at my heart, the doors open and I race through toward his room. I stop abruptly at his door, shocked at the scene before me.

Shae stands at the foot of the bed, arms extended as she motions and begs him to lay back down. She’s trying to reason with a madman, which is funny because she’s about five foot 2 inches and 100 lb. He dwarfs her several times over. Four security guards are at his bedside attempting to restrain him while he thrashes and screams, and I mean
attempting
; he’s stronger than I ever imagined. Adrenalin can make a person temporarily superhuman and that’s what he looks like at this moment,
super human!
Gown torn off, chiseled chest exposed, hair wild and sexy; yep, he’s super in my book any day.

The security guards turn briefly to see who is entering the room, each one has their own personalized look of shock, mouths gaping, wide eyes, one even dropped Evan’s arm that he had been trying to restrain…what’s their problem? Oh yea, my outfit, or lack thereof.

Not exactly appropriate hospital attire, it’s probably the furthest thing from scrubs I could be dressed in and I didn’t even grab my sweater at the bar. That’s a lot of skin exposed in the bright lights of the ICU. They all turn their focus back to Evan when he begins to struggle again. Worried about what he may do next, the guards grip him tighter and the atmosphere in the room is chaotic. I’m frozen in the doorway, shocked.  I don’t think he’s actually seeing me; wait he’s never seen me, but I need to speak to him, that’s what he knows…my voice.

I finally succumb to my now-familiar magnetic draw; it’s always been there for me, I wonder if he feels it now too? Moving toward the bed while he continues to struggle with the guards I begin to speak to him. “Evan…Evan…look at me! It’s Mia; I’m here for you now, right here, remember me? I’ve been talking to you, waiting for you,” I remind him in a calm voice as if I’m talking to a cornered wild animal. He stops struggling immediately and looks at me, emotionless empty green eyes staring back at me, the security guards hold their ground around the bed, restraining his arms and good leg; they steer clear of the casted leg, he would no doubt use it as a weapon if given the chance. He looks at me for what feels like an eternity… and finally his eyes begin to move from my face down over every inch of my body, lingering at my breasts and bare legs for the longest time. He makes me feel naked; much more exposed than this outfit had 15 min ago.  He’s leering at me… holy shit… this man just returned violently from a coma and he’s stripping me down, undressing me with his eyes, what kind of man have I summoned? Gabriella said he was ‘difficult’ is this what she meant? Evan continues to rake over my body with his eyes, he’s so quiet now, and he seems frozen as well.

“Mia?” he whispers,.

“Yes, it’s me; your nurse says that you woke up and you’ve been asking for me…”

“You’re my nurse Mia…you said you were waiting for me…” he trails off, sounding hurt, like a boy instead of this massive, powerful man, it’s like he has turned into another person; my experience as a nurse has me considering brain damage.

I slip that into my
Shit to Worry About Later
box.

Figure out what he wants from me right now and try to settle him down; that’s what I need to do. Sweat beads on his forehead, his muscles are tense and the sheet covering him is trembling with his anger, fear, or perhaps his confusion? Most likely all three. His eyes change again suddenly, it’s disconcerting, and I’ve never seen such a severe swing in character in a person.

“You don’t look like a nurse…” This is a smoldering, sexy man looking at me now with a smirk on those lips of his, one side pulled up, slightly narrowed eyes and a barely-there wink.  He’s sitting straight up in the bed.

Zero to one hundred in a split second, he’s gone from vulnerable boy to sexy and sensual predator. 

“I was out with my friends, I’m not working tonight,” I say softly.

“Out with who?” he asks accusingly, a small wrinkle forming between his brows. As if he has some claim on me.

“Girlfriends.”

It’s none of his damned business who I’m out with but I’m trying to diffuse the situation, so I appease him with reassurance that I’ve been with female friends and not on a date, because it sure seems like he’s thinking I was on a date! 

“Oh…” he says, confused.  Now he’s coming around, relaxing slightly and looking at the security guards as if he just noticed them standing there.

“Guys, I think I’ve got it from here, you can let him go,” I say.

“You sure Ma’am, this guy’s been going nuts for an hour.”

“Yes I’m sure, let him go,” I order with authority; it’s obvious he’s calmer now and the security guard is kinda pissing me off; who is he calling ‘Ma’am’?  I know he’s just trying to protect me, but that irrational part of me that lays claim to this practical stranger wants to protect
him
, not me. All four of the men let go slowly with apprehension and take a step away from the bed.

I move in close to Evan and Shae moves out.

Placing my hands gently on his familiar shoulders, I ease him down into the bed, head against the pillows. I feel him looking at me all the while but I avoid eye contact.

“See, he’s fine, and I’ll call if I need help, don’t worry I’ve got this,” I say and give in, looking directly into his eyes; it’s like looking at the sun, and emotions and feelings blind me.  I’m hypnotized, but he looks back at me the same way.

“You’ve got this…” he says, inaudible to anyone but me. “You said that to me didn’t you?”

“Yes Evan, I did. And I’m here now ok?”

Everyone slowly files out the door and into the hall. Shae, the nurse who is taking care of Evan tonight and the one who called me is standing outside the door, eyes wide with bewilderment. I move to close the door and shrug; I don’t know what’s going on any more than she does really.

“Just give me a few minutes to talk to him.” Shae puts her hand on the door stopping me from closing it.

“Mia, are you two…. I mean do you know him…from before?”

“No, just as his nurse, but I know he won’t hurt me.” I feel it somehow and I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.

“He’s dangerous Mia, you can’t be in there alone with him!”

But I’ve decided to go with my instincts; he may have brain damage but I’ll risk it, I just know he wouldn’t hurt a hair on my head, even though I have no facts to back that up, it’s just an extremely strong feeling.

“Ok, put on the emergency light if you need us,” Shae says with worry in her voice.

“I will, I promise,” I softy close the door and turn to Evan, who is now laying back in bed staring at the ceiling, zoned out. Back at his side I take his hand in mine carefully; he slowly turns his head to me. “Where’s Cameron?” he asks flatly, looking at me now with lifeless eyes.

“I don’t know who Cameron is, Evan; is she someone I should call for you?” I ask. I can see the effort he’s applying to sorting the details of his accident out.

“She was with me… I saw her hair floating around her face, we were under water.” Shit, he must be talking about the person in the accident who was DOA; I hadn’t thought to look up that information and see who was with him.

“Evan, can I get you anything, are you thirsty?” I attempt to steer the conversation away from his dead friend, or girlfriend, whoever she was; he doesn’t need to deal with that right now, especially since he’s still showing signs of shock. He turns his head back so he’s once again staring at the ceiling.

“Yes,” he says. Good, let’s get him taking this a little at a time. Stepping out into the hall, looking back at him twice to make sure he doesn’t panic when I leave the room. I get him some ice water and return to the room, my co-workers are in various stages of working but they all stare curiously. I try to avoid eye contact again; I feel like I’m the spotlight featured float in a Macy’s parade. Scooting back into his room I close the door, moving quickly to close any distance between us.

“Here, take a drink.” I offer him the cup and he does as I say, pulling a long drink from the cup and begins staring at me again.

“I heard you talking to me,” he says.

“What do you remember?” I question.

“You said you would take good care of me…  it pissed me off,” he says with a steely coldness I wasn’t expecting.

“You were angry? Why?”

“I take care of
myself
, I always have; I don’t need anyone helping me,” he spits back.

“Well you look like you need help now,” I snap, without thinking about keeping him calm. I step back half a step and scowl at him.

“Mmm, a smart mouth, I didn’t see that coming, Nurse Mia.”

Oh so he’s going to be snarky now is he?

“Well you seem to be pretty ungrateful Mr. Lawson, I’ve just left a night out with my friends to come here because of your freak out episode.”

Shit, I need to knock it off, why is he making me react this way, I have better interpersonal skills than this, pull yourself to together! Evan looks smug, as if he has accomplished exactly what he set out to do, irritate, alienate and push me away.

“Look, obviously you were confused and just remembered the last person to speak to you when you woke up from a terrible accident, I’m sure your irritable; let’s get you comfortable and I’ll be on my way,” I say trying for a little more compassion.

Suddenly he reaches out and tenaciously grabs my wrist; every single muscle in my body tightens. I lick my lips deliberately and hold my breath for what might be next.

“Don’t go… stay with me Mia,” he says in a deep, quiet voice.

My mind instantly throws me back 10 years when 3 men were holding me against my will in a dirty house that smelled of urine and mold and I begin to sweat; I think Evan realizes I have gone white and eases his grip on me, but he doesn’t let go. Slowly, I take my free hand and remove his from my wrist and step out of his reach. Any other time in my life I would have run, run and never ever looked back, but something makes me sit down in the chair next to him.

“I’ll stay, but don’t grab me like that again.” I should be snapping at him but my voice is calm and quiet. He looks at me with confusion, but then his face relaxes and I see what a beautiful man he is when he isn’t volatile;
my
Evan, the one I knew before he woke up and started terrorizing people.

“You’re staying?” he asks, vulnerability showing unexpectedly.

“Yes I promise, close your eyes and rest, I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“I don’t want to sleep, how long have I been out anyway?”

“Eight days.” I answer “Eight days?” 

“Fuck, I have a business to run, where is my phone, I have to find out what’s going on.” He’s panicking again, looking around the room for his phone, and clutching the sheets on his bed.

“Ok…let me see if I can find it for you, it may have been destroyed in the accident.” His eyes lock with mine and I feel instantly that he doesn’t want me to leave to search for his phone, no matter how badly he needs to contact someone at work, having me stay right here is top priority.