Dark Refuge (21 page)

Instead of the laughter he expected, she merely shook her head and stared at his chest. “I wish they weren’t. I hate that I did this to you, Gabe. Will you ever forgive me?” When she looked at him, her eyes were swimming with tears.

“There’s nothing to forgive. I think the mating bond took you back to the time when you killed him. You were fourteen years old when that happened, had been held by that bastard long enough to know you might not get out alive. I’m surprised that all you did was leave a few scratches, but I’m the one who needs to ask for forgiveness. I had an idea what we might find when we mated, but I thought I could handle it. I had no right to ask that of you. No right at all.”

“Well, I for one am glad you did.” This time she smiled openly at him. “I feel lighter, freer, than I’ve felt for so long I don’t remember what freedom felt like, but I like it. I love you, Gabe. I can say it without any doubts at all. You’ve seen me at my worst and haven’t run screaming from me.”

“Never.” He pressed his forehead against hers. “You ready to face the troops? They’re going to want to know what happened.”

“They need to know. I sure needed to know.” She patted the last strip into place. “There, but put on a shirt, okay? I don’t want them reminded of how stupid I was last night.”

“I’ll wear a shirt, but only because I don’t want to ruin anyone’s appetite. They’re badges of honor, Em. I’m so proud of you. The person you are now and the brilliant and brave girl you were so many years ago. C’mon. What you went through and survived should tell you how strong you are. Personally, I find it terribly sexy.” He leaned over and kissed her.

She laughed. “Gabe, I think you’d find an old sweatshirt sexy.”

“Only if it’s yours, sweetheart. Only yours.” He wrapped an arm around her waist, and they walked down the hall to the kitchen, where a loud and rather heated argument appeared to have everyone involved.

• • •

Em stopped so quickly in the doorway to the kitchen that Gabe almost piled into her. Sissy was standing up at the end of the table, leaning forward and shouting at Mary, who sobbed, shoulders shaking, her head buried in her arms. Mbali screamed something at Sissy, but Janine had her arms around Mbali’s waist to keep her from attacking.

There was no sign of Alex or Annie, and Lindy and Nina, the only non-Chanku in the room, sat close together at the far end of the table, watching everything with expressions shifting from avid curiosity to absolute terror. Gabe started forward, but Em shoved him back with a palm against his belly. At least she’d remembered that she’d already carved up his chest. She stalked into the kitchen and got right in Sissy’s face. “Stop this now.”

It wasn’t a shout, but it worked. Sissy backed off, Janine let go of Mbali, and Mary raised her head. “Mary?” Em said. “What’s going on?”

“She is such an idiot!” Sissy slapped the table, and Em turned and stared at her. She didn’t say a word, but her expression could have filled a book.

Gabe leaned against the wall and watched.

Sissy hung her head. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled. “But . . .”

“I asked Mary. Please sit down, Sissy. You too, Janine, Mbali. Mary, do you want to tell me here, or would you rather go in the other room?”

Mary shook her head. “Here is okay. Sissy’s mad because I told my father what I am. He’s disowned me. Said that, as far as he was concerned, I was dead, that I was better off dead.”

Em merely nodded. Then she turned to Sissy. “And why is Mary’s issue with her father your problem, Sissy?”

“It’s not my problem, it’s . . .”

“Exactly. It’s Mary’s and she will have to deal with it. Not you. Did she ask for your opinion?”

Sissy shook her head. “No.”

“We’ll talk later, okay?” Em stared at Sissy until the taller woman nodded. “Where are Annie and Alex?”

“They left about half an hour ago. Said they were going to get something for lunch.”

“Good. I’m starving.” She took a slow breath as if shaking off tension, and glanced at the four women. “Look, I don’t know all the details and it’s not my place to judge anyone here. You’re all adults and should know how to act accordingly, but you’re also pack, and Lindy?” She glanced at the two sitting as far from the shapeshifters as they could possibly be. “I’m including you and Nina in the group unless or until you choose to opt out, but packmates stick together. When there’s a problem, we talk it out, find a way to work together. We don’t always agree, but we find a way to get along. Shouting solves nothing, and for shapeshifters, it can lead to tragic results if arguments get out of hand and your predators take over. Another thing—when you get to Montana, you’ll notice that the pack hierarchy is more powerful. Sissy? Did you notice the way you deferred to me?”

Sissy nodded and quietly sat down at the table.

“That happened because I’m what we call an alpha bitch, and that’s not bragging, nor is it an insult. Essentially, my orders trump yours, but it’s not something you can fight. It just is. The longer you’re openly Chanku, the better your wolf will understand the way power within the pack works. It’s not always age or anything you can put your finger on, but it’s sort of the way things work in the BDSM world. There are dominants and there are submissives, and all different levels in between. My nature is dominant. I think yours is, too, but because you’re new at this, your wolf hasn’t learned to establish and hold on to authority. It will happen, but along with more power comes more responsibility, and yelling at an obviously upset packmate is a misuse of that power. You owe Mary an apology, though I’m not going to force it on you. It has to come from your heart, hopefully once you understand that what you were doing was wrong, even if your intentions were good.”

“I know.” Sissy stared at the table, let out a slow breath and raised her head to look directly at Mary. “And I am sorry, Mary. For what it’s worth, all I could see was your problem through my baggage. My mother’s dead, I never knew who my father was, and I couldn’t understand why you would intentionally drive your father away.”

Mary wiped her face with a paper napkin. She glanced at Sissy and smiled, but she spoke directly to Em, acknowledging the stronger wolf in the room. Gabe wondered if Mary even noticed how her wolf was directing her actions. “It wasn’t intentional,” she said. “I called him this morning to tell him about the change in plans regarding their possible visit, and before I said anything he yelled at me for taking so long to get back to him. I told him that two of the people here had been hurt, and everyone was busy because of that and we might be going to Montana so he’d have to delay his trip out here if they wanted to come.”

Gabe slipped around behind the table and filled a glass of water at the sink, carried it over to Mary, and handed it to her. She took a sip and then wiped her hand across her face. Then she smiled at him before turning back to face Em. Gabe was so proud of Em. She was handling this with the same kind of grace and style his mother was known for. He had a feeling Keisha would approve of her future daughter-in-law a hundred percent.

Mary took another swallow of her water. “Anyway, he went ballistic, said that whatever happened to you was deserved, that you were all evil and I needed to get out of here now. He demanded that I come home, that he’d talked to the minister and they were going to hold a prayer vigil for me to cleanse me of all the evil from my year of sin.”

She frowned as she looked at Em. “Year of sin? I can’t believe he said that. I reminded him that I’d been abducted at gunpoint, held captive and threatened with death, that I tried to escape and couldn’t get away, and I didn’t see any sin in anything that I did. He said I’d lived as a harlot and if I’d done it by choice I couldn’t come home at all, but he’d gotten special permission to bring me back into the church.” She laughed, but it was a harsh, bitter sound. “I knew then that I couldn’t go home. Not ever. And Sissy, that’s why I told him the truth. I couldn’t let him think I agreed with or approved of anything he was saying. I told him that I had taken the nutrients and that I shifted, that since I knew he wanted nothing to do with shapeshifters, I was no longer his daughter.” She sucked back a sob, and this time she looked directly at Gabe.

“I told him I had a family here, people who loved me, who more than approved of me. That if he and Mom ever wanted to visit, they were more than welcome, but that, under the circumstances, I thought it better for me not to go back to Indiana.”

Gabe let out a big breath. He hadn’t realized he’d been holding his breath, but . . . poor Mary! “I’m sorry, Mary, but you’re right. You have a family here and we do love you, though I know that’s not going to take away the hurt from your father’s comments. I’d suggest you give him a couple of days, call and let him know that the offer to bring them out to see where you’re living still stands.”

“Thank you. I’ll have to think about that. Right now, my gut reaction is to say not in this lifetime.” She shrugged, and then glanced toward the garage and smiled. “I think I just heard Alex and Annie come back.”

Em laughed. “You did. It’s that wolf hearing. Hard to sneak up on any of us. Mary, Gabe is right. You are officially family once you’re pack. All of you are, including Nina and Lindy. We’ll have to make you two honorary Chanku.”

Alex walked in with bags of something that smelled really good, and Annie was right behind him with more. Mexican this time, and they spread out a feast along the table for everyone to share. It wasn’t until after lunch, when Sissy and Mary, Mbali and Janine had talked out their differences, and all of them helped clean up the mess, that Gabe sat down and pulled Em into his lap so they could tell everyone what had happened.

Finally, Em leaned her head against Gabe’s shoulder and kissed his chin. “So that’s why we ended up sleeping until almost noon. Gabe and I need to go to Montana. We want to get his parents and mine together and find out what they know about my kidnapping. It looks as if I might have buried these memories on my own, but that doesn’t explain why no one else has ever said anything about it. Obviously, traditional human-based psychotherapy isn’t going to work with a mindreading Chanku patient, but I can’t believe there was no therapy of any kind offered to me, that no one talked to me about what I’d gone through.”

“But that’s where Eve comes in.” Gabe squeezed Em in a tight hug, and the look she gave him, the pure love in her eyes actually made him ache. She was his, but not. They had to complete the mating bond. Until then, a huge part of what they deserved with one another remained lost to them. It wasn’t easy to break away from her steady gaze, and he had to force himself back to the conversation. All he wanted to do was grab Em up in his arms and carry her back to the bed.

He chuckled and Em smiled. She knew exactly what he was thinking because she let him see that her thoughts mirrored his. He focused on the rest of the group and wondered what they thought of the things he and Em, Alex and Annie all took for granted. Like a goddess who visited them in person.

“My father built a unique family room in our house,” he said. “It has five walls, so it’s shaped like a pentagram. Dad’s a wizard as well as being Chanku, and he’s used his magic to make the room more accessible to our goddess. It’s not just the shape but the magic as well that makes it easier for Eve not only to visit this plane, but to remain on it for a longer time. We’re hoping she’ll be able to tell us more of what happened. The fact she wants all of us together in Montana to talk is important, and it’s part of the reason we’re hoping you’ll all come with us.”

“The thing is,” Em said, “I know my parents lied to me, if only by omission, but someone messed with the memories of the other girls who were there. Not Annie’s, but definitely Phoenix and Luci’s. I’m sure it was done to protect me, but by hiding all that awful stuff, including that I killed a man to save my own life, they took away part of what makes me who I am. I survived, but because I couldn’t remember it, I only had a vague sense of fear that never left me, a darkness in my soul that has changed my life, and not for the best.”

She grabbed Gabe’s hands with both of hers where they met at her waist, turned and gazed at him, smiling softly. “I could never love anyone, never even consider loving anyone, because I knew something was wrong. I’ve spent almost half of my life feeling damaged. Unworthy. I’m not. I refuse to feel like a victim because I’m more than that. I’m a survivor, but in order to complete the healing process, we need to find out what our parents know and what, if anything, they did to hide the kidnapping from me.”

“So that’s the reason Em and I have to go to Montana—because we want to complete our mating, and until we get this all straightened out, we’re afraid to try it again.” Gabe planted a kiss on Em’s cheek. “But there’s a multipurpose reason we want all of you to come with us. The winter solstice is coming up in eleven more days and it’s a time of celebration for us. It’s also a time to hold weddings and to bring new members into the pack. We want you to share the celebration with us as pack members.”

“All of us who can get there try to be in Montana for whatever celebrations we’re having,” Em said. “I haven’t been to one in eight years, so I’m excited to go.”

Gabe leaned back and stared at her. “You haven’t? It’s been that long?”

“Yeah.” She leaned against him and tilted her head back so she could look at him when she answered. The angle made her dark green eyes even more mysterious. “Once I went away to college,” she said, “I always made excuses. Everyone was so happy, and I was so miserable, but I didn’t know why. And the few times I’d tried to visit, my parents made me crazy.” She shrugged and nestled back against his shoulder. “This time, though, they’re not going to tell me what to do or how to live.”

Gabe rolled his eyes and glanced at Alex. “Guess I don’t get to boss her around, either. Ooof! Goddess, Em, you have such pointy little elbows. So, Annie . . . you and this guy going to get married?”

“Yes.” Alex grabbed her around the neck and put her in a choke hold. “She already said she’d marry me, right, Annie?”

“Yeah, but I’m a woman. I can change my mind, and I’m still thinking about it. Let me go!”