Dark World: The Surface Girl (20 page)

prison
. I learned about prisons in the classroom. Before The Complex and its much simpler method of dealing with people who broke Doctrine by putting them to sleep, countries would punish “law breakers” by confining them in small spaces for years at a time. A more accurate description for what has been happening to us our whole lives didn't exist. We were in a prison. We were prisoners who had committed no crime, and I wanted to be free.
              Zane continued to shift his weight from foot to foot. There was something he wasn't telling us. I moved closer to the girl once more and a quick glance behind my shoulder told me that the calm that had slowly come over her with Reese and I was completely eradicated. Her eyes bulged, her body shivered and her breathing was short and labored. “After my parents are rescued,” I refused to say
if
. I refused to let the Order think that they had a choice in the matter, or that they didn't have to lay down their lives for my parents. They might be keeping even more secrets, maybe bad secrets, but I trusted that my father wasn't. I trusted that as far as his involvement in the Order, his heart was in the right place. “I want to know that we will do everything we can for the right to LIVE. I want to know why you hesitate to bring us
up there
to safety.
              “If you
don't
rescue my parents, I will assume you left them to die and if that happens... you will pay. Do you understand me?”
              I had no idea who this person was that was speaking with my mouth. I had never even imagined confronting someone like this before, much less an adult; my elder. I was the fearful one. I was the one with questions and dreams, but also frustrations and the desire to protect others even when I no knowledge with which to do so. I was the one who clung to Reese ever since we were reunited and I had hated myself for my stupidity and my weakness. Yet here I was, fixating my bright green gaze on the men before me with challenging eyes, spitting forceful words from between my lips, and even making threats that I felt within every fiber of my being I would hold in truth. I wasn't me anymore. All of my failures over the last few days didn't matter. The danger I had put others in because of my naïve desire to be a hero, the selfishness in which I based my choices off of – all of that was gone, in the past, unchangeable and useless to dwell on. Right now, I didn't trust most of the members of the Order. Right now, a scared little girl separated from her family and wanting to find her mother needed me. The desire to protect an innocent person was different than my past desire to find Reese. That desire was rooted in selfishness even if hadn't wanted to admit it at the time. This was rooted in selflessness. This child deserved to be reunited with her mother. Every single person stuck in The Complex being fed a lie deserved freedom. We deserved to breathe real, fresh air. We deserved to look up at the night sky and see the stars for the first time. We deserved to have all of the questions we were too afraid to ask, answered. If I had to make demands, if I had to stop relying on others, if I had to find my own way no matter how many times I stumbled, I would do so. I wanted Reese by my side, always, but I had to stop leaning on him. I had to grow up. I had to be brave. I had to stop daydreaming about being a hero and learn how to actually be one.
              “I understand you, Ruby. We will either be back with your parents, or,” Zane paused. He actually paused because he realized I was going to accept nothing less. My demands and my determination actually had an impact. With only a small nod of acknowledgment to replace words, he turned his back on me and walked back off into the darkness. Evon's gaze lingered and his eyes screamed with resentment. He blamed me for setting frightening, life-changing events in motion that he was not ready to face. I refrained from reminding him that he was in the Order on a voluntary basis, one would assume, and that uncovering the truth was what the Order was supposed to be all about. Instead I simply remained silent and met his gaze. Finally he turned and followed his leader. Zane was the braver one by far, but would Evon continue to follow him into the unknown when it was clear he wasn’t ready?
              None of us were ready, but that didn’t matter. Changes happened with or without our permission.
              Did I trust the Order to rescue my parents? Fear wanted to quickly rush in and take over my pride when I realized I wasn't sure, but I knew that I did not have the means, ability, or knowledge at this time to assist them. My rash choice to try and “rescue” Reese had only served to put others in danger so I couldn't take matters into my own hands again. Even if I didn't trust these strangers, I trusted my dad. I closed my eyes and forced myself to trust that he got the note I left him in our bathroom before I crawled into the vent. I knew that I had to trust him to know what to do. I had to trust him to keep himself and my mom alive. Right now, the best thing to do was stay put, wait, and gather as much knowledge as I could about the outside world. I had to keep working to gain the little girl's trust because she came from
somewhere
, she had answers that we might need in order to preserve our lives. But I knew I couldn't force those answers out of her, she had give them willingly. She had to trust me – trust us – or we would never be able to get her back home, wherever home was. She had to help us so we could help her.

Chapter 11

              The silence was only broken by the shifting of bodies; my own, Reese’s and occasionally the little girl's. I felt her eyes on me even when I wasn’t gazing in her direction. They were heat lamps illuminating only so much space around them, warm by nature but exposing at the same time. I was positive by now that she wasn’t lying to us. She was from the surface.

              Did this child question her life the way I questioned my own? Was there a government on the surface, too? Did they know anything about The Complex? I wondered how different her life was from my own. Was it busy, meaningful and stimulating? How did she survive the sub-zero temperatures of the surface? What was her home like? Did she have family? No wonder she afraid to talk to us. She was just a young girl and she literally fell into an underground world she didn’t even know existed, filled with people who chased her, kidnapped her, and told her that others would want to kill her. She didn't have the protection of her family or familiar companions. She started this journey of peril all alone. I could see why she would be terrified and wary to trust, but she wasn't alone anymore. She had me.

              As humans, we accept the world as it is presented to us. Okay – maybe 
I
 didn’t, but could I even take credit for my questioning ways? I understood now more than ever that maybe Grandpa Logan deliberately conditioned me to challenge my surroundings and my questions were simply flowers growing from the seeds he planted.
              Or maybe they were weeds.
              The faint sound of vibrational breathing quickly caused me to turn my head. I relaxed a tiny bit as I saw the back of Reese’s head gently resting against the wall. Part of me wondered how he could sleep at a time like this when our entire world was crashing down around us, but I’d had my nap despite the chaos and now it was his turn. Our bodies needed sleep to function, that was a scientific fact and no amount of chaos or life-changing events could alter. I rested my head gently against the wall as well but despite the exhaustion that was still weighing down every cell in my body, I knew sleep would not come back to me. Not until I knew that my parents were safe – or dead.
              The sound of shuffling feet caused my muscles to tense. I raised my brows as a familiar woman sat down quietly next to me and rested her elbows on her knees. My curiosity was immediately piqued. I waited for her to speak but her gaze was fixed forward into the darkness. Her breathing was slow and steady. Was she angry at me? Worried for her own family? Did she blame me for the unknown that now stretched out before us, and the danger? I knew that letting her sit in silence would have been the respectful thing to do. Yet, seeing her in person in this situation broke my heart and caused a whole new worry for me; it forced the reality of just how many people whose lives were at risk to punch me in the face.
              “I’m sorry,” I whispered in a voice so ashamed that I wasn’t sure that my words would travel to the woman’s ear canals. But they did, because a moment after the words left my lips her head slowly turned toward me. Her brows were not furrowed and her lips were not tight. Her hands clasped together, finger pressing against finger and her chin lowered in sadness. Sorrow seemed to be the only emotion she had room for.
              “It’s not your fault, Ruby.” Willow’s mother whispered back to me. She shifted her gaze once more toward the darkness. “When you and Willow were very young, her father taught you girls to play a game called
Cats Cradle
. Do you remember?” I did. “You would thread your fingers through a long string that was tied together. One of you would reach toward the other’s fingers and slide more strings over your fingers, and you would both have to be careful and concentrate or the string would get tangled and you would lose the game.” She sighed softly. “Life down here is like that. We all have to be vigilant or things get tangled. You may not have fully thought through your decision to escape while under confinement, but everything that’s about to happen isn’t because of that. No matter what happens from here on out… you can’t blame yourself. Do you understand?” My throat tightened and my eyes stung. No, I didn’t understand.
              Sukie was right to call me out on my bad choice, but she was wrong to minimize it and to say that it wasn’t the cause of so many lives now in danger. Maybe we did live in a world of strings that got tangled if even one of us wasn’t careful, but 
I
 was that 
one
. I hadn't been careful.
I wanted so badly to know if Willow was in danger. Well – that was a dumb thing to wonder.
Everyone
was in danger. Reese and I were now “missing” and if the government hadn't discovered that yet, I was sure they would soon find out that Willow was close to both Reese and I. Just because of that, she was in danger even if the government knew nothing of the Order, and that was a big
if
at this point. There was nothing I could do to fix it, there was no way for me to save her. I could feel her mother's sorrow as if it had elemental form; a thick vapor that surrounded her that caused the temperature to rise around us and the air to feel heavier in our lungs. That was answer enough, wasn’t it?
              “Her father knows about the Order,” Sukie said to me as if anticipating my worries, my shame and my fear. “He knows what to do in an emergency.” She had obviously intended her words to be reassuring, but her tone revealed that she couldn’t even assure herself.
              How was it that I hadn't even thought of Willow in all of this chaos? She had always been a loyal friend to me. She never judged me, always listened when I needed to talk and had a kind word for everyone no matter what because that’s the kind of person she was; genuine and sweet down to the core of her soul. She had briefly entered my mind when I saw her mother's ID number and realized she was in the Order, but then I was focused on Reese, and on my parents, and on the little girl. I had failed Willow as a friend when she needed me the most. I had put her in danger just as much as I had put my parents in danger. I wanted to pry more but I couldn't add to Sukie’s distress. I would have to bite my tongue, sit back with Reese as he had his temporary escape into slumber and wait, because every time I opened my mouth or decided on an action, life in The Complex for everyone, just like the strings in a game of Cat’s Cradle, got more and more tangled.
              My body became a mimic of Reese’s sans the actual sleep. I glanced at the child as she curled up in the fetal position again. I narrowing my eyes at the occasional twitch of her wrist or crinkle of her nose. I was thankful that she had finally dozed off as well, I was sure her exhaustion mirrored my own but allowing herself to sleep in our presence at least communicated some level of trust, even if it was minimal and based on shaky ground.
              The hand lamps flickered like candle flames. My lips tightened in slight apprehension because I knew the flickering meant they weren’t going to last much longer and when they went out, we would be plummeted back into the helplessness of total darkness once more.
             
Don’t think like that! Willow’s mom is here with us and she’ll make sure no harm comes our way.
             
Oddly, reassuring myself in that way actually helped calm my nerves. The hand lamps flickered again and it was almost comforting. I used to enjoy reading at bedtime when I was younger and if I really concentrated, I could almost convince myself I was safely tucked into my own bed once more with a school book and far off daydreams about the world above that I truly believed would never come to pass.
              The flickering increased in frequency and eventually the light dimmed and then disappeared altogether. I sighed and closed my eyes. There was no point in keeping them open when there was nothing to see. Instead, I concentrated on my hearing. To my right, the slow steady breaths of Reese’s deep, overdue slumber gave me comfort. To my left, the slightly more erratic breaths of Willow's mother told me that although she was trying to get some rest, there was no such thing as peaceful sleep for her, not while her family was in danger and their safety was unknown. It was a comfort to have that connection; to know that I was not alone in my fear. I understood what must be going through her mind. She was thinking, if she hadn’t made the choice to join the Order, would her family be in danger right now? No wonder she didn’t solely blame me – she was too busy blaming himself. That was downward spiral I was all too familiar with.
              I realized in that moment that although feelings of guilt were valid and understandable, indulging in them did nothing to solve our problems regardless of how they were created. Feelings were just interpretations; they were not absolute. The truth about our very existence and why we were here had been shrouded in mystery underneath a blanket of deception for so long that we didn’t even realize it was hidden in the first place. Without knowing what those truths were, I couldn’t rely on my feelings and fears to decipher the lies that surrounded us. I would have to acknowledge and accept my feelings without allowing them to overwhelm my rationality.
              Rather than the slow creaking of the doors to our hidden quarters slowly alerting us to someone entering or exiting, a loud bang slammed into my ear canal like a bomb as the door was thrust open. It wasn’t just the sound that took my auditory sense by surprise, it was a slap of doom that echoed throughout my entire nervous system and chased away any drowsiness left in me like a predator locked onto its prey. Without consciously communicating with my brain, my limbs flailed into overdrive and I scampered to my feet like a bolt of lightning. My eyes darted in uncontrolled desperation to my right, then to my left and I quickly realized that both Reese and Sukie had the same reaction. Sukie instinctively took a few steps forward and then one to the side, standing protectively in front of me. The silhouette of Reese did the same with the little girl. My heart swelled, Willow's mother had a reason to want to feed me to the wolves rather than protect me, but I also understood that as a mother, her instincts were probably outweighing any resentment she might be harboring under her sorrow. And Reese, would he have chosen to protect me or the girl if Sukie hadn’t stepped in? Why I was I even thinking of such things in a moment like this? My blatant selfishness always seemed to rear its ugly head in moments of panic when I had no time to tap into my moral compass before instantly reacting.
              I could still see virtually nothing in the darkness, but the sound of two systematic feet clicking, clicking, clicking in their approach told me someone knew we were here.
             
OH GOD IT’S A FLATFOOT! WHERE ARE MOM AND DAD THEY’RE DEAD AREN’T THEY WE’RE ALL GONNA GET PUT TO SLEEP
             
“I’m sorry,” a deep voice begun, and then hesitated. My entire body went numb. I could no longer feel the floor underneath my feet. My calves dangerously wobbled and then buckled. I fell hard onto my knees, and although I registered on some level the pain that was shooting up my legs from my kneecaps, I was immune to it, experiencing it as something barely noticeable from a distant place. My consciousness was somehow detached from my body as my eyes, unblinking, stared into the darkness where my final doom rested probably only a few feet in front of me. I heard another click, and a moment later, a hand lamp illuminated the darkness. I was tempted to rip my eyes away because I wasn’t ready to see who was standing in front of us; friend or foe. If it was a flatfoot, if we had been found and were about to be put to s-
murdered
, I wanted to look this bastard in the eye and send waves of negative energy into him with such potent ferocity that it filled him with icicles of terror. I wanted my hatred to be so mighty that it would make him tremble like an abandoned infant long after the memory of my existence was nothing but a faint, single ripple on the ocean of humanity.
              The distinct but indescribable ether between utter relief and a brand new wave of fear was a strange and mystifying place to be. Before me stood not a flatfoot, but Zane, the leader of the Rhode Island branch of the Order. The forlorn look in his eyes did not appear to be good news. Already reduced to my knees, my still-numb legs sank down even more until my backside rested on my heels. “I’m sorry,” he began again. “but I'm afraid I have bad news.”
              A single sob tore its way painfully out of my lungs. My upper body fell forward and cocooned itself around my folded legs.
             
Mom, Dad, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry I'm sorry oh god what am I going to do without you how could I have done this to you?
             
Some part of my mind registered arms curling around my back but I couldn't bring myself to respond. In order to acknowledge the gesture, I would have to force all of my consciousness to be present within my body, and not only did I not want to do that but I doubted I was capable of it in the first place. I didn't 
want
 to be capable. It felt like whatever it was that made me 
me
; my spirit, my soul, or maybe nothing more than electric neurons firing in my physical brain, was peeling away from my body like the skin of an orange.
              “Reese... I'm sorry. Flatfoots took your parents into custody under suspicion of treason.” The arms around me tightened. For the briefest moment, I was able to register that the news wasn't about
my
parents. The selfish monster that comprised at least half of my personality actually allowed a moment of relief to flood my distant system. My consciousness was re-connected to my bloodstream. A moment later though, a deep wave of sorrow washed over me like a blanket of suffocation.
             
Reese's parents... no. No, this can't be happening!
             
I rose on my knees and curled my arms around Reese, allowing him to tug his trembling body against mind in desperate, needful despair. He had meant to comfort me, but in an instant the roles we needed to play in each other’s lives reversed. He tucked his head and buried it against my shoulder as his sobs undulated throughout his physical form. I held on to him with even more ferocity than he was holding on to me. If his parents were taken into custody, all of the disaster I had known we were on the verge of exploding into was now officially underway. The flatfoots knew about Reese sneaking into the sealed off passageways which meant they almost certainly knew I had been doing it, too. They took Reese's parents to punish him. It wasn't fair. His parents weren't a part of the Order. They had no warning and no way to protect themselves. Reese himself hadn't known anything about the Order, he had just been sneaking into the passageways to be a teenage rebel. His actions were innocent, but now his parents were prisoners.