Darker Water (4 page)

The rest of the way downstairs and the whole
way home, I played a mental recording of what he’d said: He was no
good. He wouldn’t stick around. He was there for one reason and one
reason only. But even all that wasn’t working.

I wasn’t cut out for this. I’d never had a
one-night stand before and, evidently, there was a very good reason
for that. I couldn’t separate the physical from the emotional, sex
from love. Talking dirty and kissing in the stairwell, and I was
already feeling butterflies. Stupid, toxic butterflies. I couldn’t
let myself turn into a weak doormat again. After months of feeling
okay with myself and being alone, it should’ve taken at least an
hour for me to turn into mush. Definitely longer than fifteen
minutes.

When he called,
if
he called, I’d tell
him I changed my mind. He’d probably be disappointed for three
whole minutes until he found somebody else. Someone who wasn’t such
an idiot.

Jesus. What the hell just happened? I’d
kissed, touched, fucked a lot of women. But I’d never been that
desperate for more.

Probably a shift in the weather, or I was
coming down with something. Maybe she’d just given me the flu…in
two minutes.
Sure
. My body aches were all in my cock and abs
and I didn’t have a fever, but, sure, it could be the flu.
Actually, there’d been more heat than I remembered feeling in a
long time, and I’d felt a slight shortness of breath near the end
of the kiss. So yeah, I should probably relax, drink a lot of
liquids—obviously the alcoholic kind—take a cold shower, and go to
bed. Alone.

I didn’t want to go to bed alone. But she was
already gone.

I stopped staring in the direction she’d gone
and walked back upstairs. Something was definitely wrong with me.
It wasn’t overtaking the lust because that was never going to
happen, but it seemed to hook itself onto it. I didn’t know what
the feeling was but I knew what it
wasn’t
. I didn’t do
relationships. I didn’t want to cuddle or share or find out why she
was the way she was.

Except I really, really did.
Fuck
.

What I’d said to her was completely true: She
was beautiful and complicated, normally not a good combination. But
I wasn’t looking for long term—I was looking for one, maybe two,
nights. That wasn’t overly complicated.

Lane was funny. Something about her… What the
hell was wrong with me?

My wicked stepsister huffed when I pushed by
her to unlock the door to my place.

“Nice attitude on that girl,” she said.

“You called her a whore, Anna. What did you
expect?” I didn’t invite her in, but I left the door open. “I
thought she was too polite.”

She tossed her bag onto a side table and went
into the kitchen to get something to drink. “You used to stand up
for me.”

I laughed, unamused. Not gonna touch that
one. “You look nice.”

“I have a new boyfriend.”

The words instantly made me sick. “Who is
he?” Someone rich—that was a requirement. Attractive. Possibly
married. Make that
probably
married, because there’s nothing
Anna enjoyed more than competition and misogynists.

“No one you know.”

“That’s not surprising considering I don’t
know anyone you know.”

“Except your mom.”

“Okay, then I don’t
talk
to anyone you
know,” I grumbled.

“Renee wants you to call her.” She set two
wine glasses onto the counter and took out a bottle, grimacing at a
2006 Pinot Noir and putting it back before taking out another. And
another. And another. Until she found one to her liking. The
bottles were for guests, and as far as I knew, guests were wanted.
So Anna wasn’t a guest.

Not that I wanted the
wine
either—I’d
been doing the prohibition thing for two whole weeks. And not going
out meant I’d been doing the abstinence thing for two weeks, too.
Which was why I was so incredibly happy to meet Lane and so
incredibly unhappy to see Anna.

“I send her a check every month so I don’t
have to do that.” One for her and one, occasionally two, for
Anna—despite my financial consultants advising against writing such
fat checks to two women who were such talented shoppers.

“You know I’d be more than happy to send the
check to you directly from the bank like everyone else in the world
does, right?” I asked. “Then you wouldn’t have to come over here.”
Even a year after moving out, Anna still made the trip over here
twice a month if I was lucky, more frequently if I wasn’t.

“But then I would never see you.” She handed
me a glass of wine I didn’t want. “I miss you, Carson.”

“Why? Doesn’t your new boyfriend buy you
things?”

“Did that woman find you amusing? No wonder
you ran after her—you finally found someone who thinks you have a
sense of humor.”

“Yeah, I figured someone laughing at my jokes
would be a nice change. You know, since I already have someone
using me for my wallet.” I nodded to her. She’d only officially
been my stepsister for two years, eight years ago, and was only a
few months younger than me, but I’d always felt responsible for
her. And would probably always give her money.

“Speaking of…” I said. “If you aren’t a fan
of the postal service, I could leave the check at the lawyer’s
office. I’m sure they miss you, too.”

“Sure they do.” She sat on my couch and set
her wine down. “We only have each other, Carson. You know that.
From the day we met, you’ve known that.”

Had I? Did I owe her more than I was already
giving? No. Would I give her more? Absolutely. Unfortunately, Anna
was my biggest weakness, and that was saying a lot considering how
many weaknesses I had.

“Remember when you brought Adrienne Mackey
over?” she asked. “And I snuck her out when my dad heard you guys
going at it? It must have been a few months before he and your mom
split up, so we were about…” She looked up at the ceiling for the
answer.

“We were seventeen. And I’ve always
considered that move a grade-A cock-block. There was never any
proof your dad knew she was there.”

“Oh my god, that was so
not
a
cock-block! Adrienne was practically screaming two minutes after
you closed the door—the entire neighborhood knew she was there.”
She leaned back and took a sip of wine. “I’ve always wondered what
you did to make her scream like that, but I don’t want to know. If
I did, I’d never be able to get that visual out of my head.” She
grimaced. “Plus, I don’t get your taste in women at all. Adrienne
was such a skank.”

“She was your best friend!”

“Duh, that’s how I know she was a skank.” She
laughed and damn her, I did too. It was nice to see her smile—rare,
and nice. And she was one-hundred percent right about Adrienne,
which was exactly why I’d snuck her into the house.

“What’s your point here, Anna?”

“I saved you from getting whatever horrible
disease you would’ve gotten back then. And I saved you again
tonight.”

“Lane’s not like that. She’s—”

“Oh god! I’m gonna vomit in my mouth if you
say she’s ‘different’.”

I wasn’t. I was going to say she’s smart and
the kind of person neither Anna nor I would ever really understand.
“I get to decide who I sleep with. You get to decide who
you
sleep with. I think that’s how we should keep things.”

She talked for a while, as if she thought I
was actually listening. I may have even nodded off, but when I
opened my eyes again, she was still sitting next to me.

I cut her off mid-sentence. “Why are you
here?”

“Since you never answered your phone when
Scott called,” she said, annoyed, “he called your mom. Since you
never answered your phone when
she
called, she called me.
Since you—”

“Yeah, I get it. Can you tell me what Scott
wants or is his message going to be warped from going through so
many dysfunctional people?” I already knew what Scott wanted. Only
three reasons your family lawyer calls: money or trouble or both.
And in this case, both were completely my fault. My own stupidity,
a horrible conversation with my mother, and my terrible judgment
about when I’d had too much to drink. Thus my new and incredibly
inconvenient just-say-no attitude.

“Something about you needing to sign a check
and the nondisclosure agreement. Or… The guy you tried to kill
signs that, not you, right?”

“I didn’t—” I didn’t know what I’d tried to
do. I still didn’t remember how the fight started or what happened
after that. But evidently it was over a woman, not a big surprise
considering all men test the limits of our stupidity whenever a
woman’s involved. Supposedly, I didn’t start the fight and tried to
talk the guy down, but once it was on, it was on. I woke up without
a scratch and he woke up in the hospital. So I guess I won.

“Relax,” Anna said. “Sign the papers, write a
check, and it’s done.”

It would never be done. I just didn’t know
what to do about it except stay farther away from trouble. Since my
friends were the fuckers who always goaded me into getting wasted
and stupid with them, I’d stopped going out completely.
Unfortunately, that limited my opportunities to get laid.

Which reminded me… I had a very beautiful,
very complicated woman to call.

“Anna?” I waited until she looked up and
smiled. “You need to fuck off now.”

“Always the gentleman, aren’t you?” She stood
and got her bag. “You’ll call Scott and your mom?”

“No.”

“Carson, you really—”

“Good seeing you, Anna,” I said. As soon as
I’d slammed the door, I called Lane. She picked up on the third
ring.

“Hey, it’s Carson.”

“Oh, hi.” Her voice wasn’t as excited as it
had been. What’d I expect after some foreplay up against a concrete
wall in a cold stairwell before telling her I had to go talk to the
crazy woman who’d just called her a whore? Fortunately, I’m
persistent when I want something.

“Anna is gone. And... What was the other
thing?” Right. “I have a big bed. It’s empty. Needs you in it.”

She laughed, but didn’t sound happy.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“I don’t think I can do the casual thing.
Sorry. Take—”

“Wait! Don’t hang up.” What was I doing? Take
her obvious hint and hang up the fucking phone. But I didn’t. “We
don’t have to have sex. We could just hang out.” Oh shit, I really
just said that.

“Have you ever just hung out with a woman
before? Without having sex with her?”

“No, but I don’t see a reason it couldn’t
happen.”

“I’m not sure it’s a good idea.”

“We can meet in public. You’ll be perfectly
safe as long as we stay away from sex shops and mattress stores.”
Probably.

She didn’t respond right away. “I’m not
sure.”

“One time. Test run. If it’s too weird or I
can’t control myself, we can shake hands and part ways.” Who was I
kidding? I wouldn’t be able to control myself. In public or not.
There was no way I could be within three feet of her and not touch
her. Just to see if the jolt I’d felt when we kissed was real. If
it was, I’d get hard just imagining what everything beyond a kiss
would feel like.

She sighed. “I get a cup of coffee at Bella
everyday on my way home from work.”

“I’ll buy you tonight’s.”

“I’m already home and it’s ten o’clock.”

Damn. Had Anna been here that long?
“Tomorrow.”

“Just to be clear—we’re not going to sleep
together.”

“Right.” I hung up and spent the rest of the
evening thinking of a way to make her change her mind.

I spun my head towards Carson when I heard
him yell, “Don’t let her pay for that,” to the barista.

“If you buy a woman coffee,” I said as soon
as I didn’t have to yell, “she might think it’s a date.”

“I take it back!” He pulled back, hands at
two and ten. “That was a close one. Thanks.”

“Since that’s something neither of us are
interested in, I think I’ll get my own.”

“Cool, would you pay for mine, too?” He
laughed at the shock on my face. “Relax, Lane. I was kidding.”

“Once we’ve established the rules and are
settled into things, feel free to offer again.” What was I doing
establishing rules for anything? Or settling into anything? I
walked over to the counter that held the cream and sugar. After he
paid for his own cup, he followed and watched me while I doctored
up my coffee.

“Wow. So the coffee is just a vehicle for the
cream and sugar?”

“They don’t have a Grande Cream and Sugar on
their menu, so I have to improvise.”

He picked the same spot I’d been in
yesterday. “I meant to get here earlier so I could put up a big
‘We’re not going to sleep together’ sign. But it was so crazy at
work, I forgot to pick it up.”

“What do you do?” I asked as I sat down
across from him.

“I thought you didn’t like small talk.”

“We’re trying to get to know each other.
That’s what friends do.”

“I have friends. We meet, get drunk, and
watch each other make fools of ourselves. There’s a fair amount of
pointing and laughing involved, too.”

“That’s what friends do when all of them are
boys. When one of them is a woman, there’s more talking involved.
So tell me what you did today.”

He paused.

I wiped a drop of coffee from my lip. “Would
you be more comfortable if I pointed and laughed while you
answer?”

“Um…” His eyes came back up to mine. “I went
to the…place I work. Then I worked. Ate lunch. Worked some more.
Went somewhere else to help someone with a problem they were
having. And then came here.”

“Well done, but next time try being more
vague.” I laughed. “It’s fine if you don’t want to tell me. But
just in case you do but don’t know how to talk to a woman who’s
clothed, I’ll show you how it’s done. I have a small furniture
business. I know: it’s a weird profession for a girl and it must be
so boring, right? Well yeah, not too many women do it, but it’s
definitely not boring. I like it a lot. It’s the business part of
it I hate, and that’s the part that could be going a lot
better.