Darkfall (4 page)

“How could you know what Dad felt?”

He leaned back against the wall, his arms still crossed and his expression tight even as he provided words she’d never imagined crossing Ian’s lips before. Well, okay, that wasn’t true. She’d fantasized many times what he’d say to her when she saw him again. She’d wanted him to tell her she mattered. A lot.

“I can imagine what a father would feel about a son or daughter. Frantic. Wanting to go get you but knowing it would waste precious time and put you in danger if he’d told you to stay in San Diego. There were a lot of people heading toward the danger, too. Police agencies had too much on their hands to keep all lanes of traffic out of California open.” His voice lowered, went deeper and huskier. He looked up at her. “He knew you had to get yourself out, and he couldn’t do anything to make it easier for you. He was worried sick.”

She stared into his warm eyes. His tone said he knew what her father felt, and she wanted to believe it so much. It warmed her clear through to bask in the possibility that maybe Ian had worried for her. Was it possible? She wondered if he’d reveal more, but instead they sat in heavy silence.

When the quiet went on longer than Penny could stand, she had to fill the silence. “Do you like working in private military contracting?”

Ian didn’t hesitate to answer. “Yeah. I feel like my whole life’s been about protecting others. When I was a little kid, I hated bullies and protected other children from them. I think that’s what I’m doing now.”

Ian had always seemed to look out for her and had showed her in subtle ways that while she was near him her safety was paramount. She’d craved that feeling in the past even as she’d maintained her independence. He was nothing like Frank. Yet she also understood the
big
reason why he’d gone into the military and private military contracting.

“You couldn’t stop protecting people if someone held a gun to your head,” she said. “And I know why. Your mother.”

He shifted, uncertainty filling his eyes. “Yeah. Mum.” He stretched his legs out and crossed them at the ankles and also crossed his arms. “It’s been a long time.”

She hesitated to ask more, but curiosity pushed her forward. “You never told me exactly what happened. Dad told me a little.”

“What did he tell you?”

She drew a slow breath. “He said you’re a warrior because you couldn’t save your mother. You’re trying to save other women from men who would hurt them.”

Pain flashed over his face and she wished she hadn’t pushed.

“He’s probably right.” He scrubbed one hand over his chin. He stood abruptly and paced the room slowly, hands on hips. “I was born in Edinburgh, Scotland…Leith actually.” He shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. Da’ worked in the shipyards long hours and my mother stayed at home to raise me and my little sister Rose. From the first day I was born, it seems, I realized Da’ was an ass. Jaked all the time.”

She tilted her head slightly to the side. “Jaked?”

“Sorry. Drunk. He spent all the house money on liquor and made it damned hard for Mum to keep afloat with us kids. My little sister and I were close and stuck together when Da’ started beating Mum.”

She inhaled sharply. “Oh, God. I’m so sorry. She didn’t…try and get away?”

“No. I resented that for a long time. My sister and I considered running away, but I decided against it. I told her I could protect her.”

She couldn’t miss the regret in his voice. The self-recrimination.

“So many things happened,” he said softly. “I can’t even think of everything that happened. My father ridiculed us, wore down our egos. Mostly he wore down Rose’s ego. I didn’t realize what was happening to her. He was…” He stopped for a moment and heaved a deep breath. He stared at the wall, arms now at this sides.

She almost held her breath. “He was what?”

“I’m getting ahead of myself. When I was eighteen, it all came to a head. I’d already decided to join the military after a year working with my father at the docks.” His voice turned unsteady, his accent thick. “A year was more than enough time working with him. One night I came home and he was drunk as hell, raging at my mother. Calling her a whore and other ugly things. He was sitting in the chair at the dining table. My sister walked by and he grabbed her ass.”

She gasped softly and covered her mouth with her right hand. She couldn’t even vocalize her horror.

“It shocked the hell out of me. Mother threw her hot coffee in his face and started yelling at him to keep his filthy hands off Rose. Rose ran crying into her bedroom. I was torn between running to her and beating the shit out of my father. When he started laughing, I picked the second choice. I grabbed him out of the chair and busted his jaw with one hit. He landed on the floor unconscious. Mum started screaming and called the cops.”

Ian paused, and she didn’t know what to say. She didn’t have words for what she felt. Revulsion. Certainly pain for what his family experienced.

“What happened after that?” she asked.

He nodded. “My mother and sister stood up for me, and when they admitted that my father had been sexually abusing Rose since she was a wee child…”

“Oh, God.” She stood and went to his side. With a soft touch she brushed her hand over the taut muscles between his shoulder blades. “I’m so sorry.”

“Not half as sorry as I was.”

“That you hit your father?”

“No. That I hadn’t seen what was happening to Rose. She hid what he was doing so damned well. My mother knew.” He gritted his teeth and his words became clipped and harsh. “Mum knew what he was doing and didn’t bloody stop it. I hated her for that for a long damned time.”

“What happened after that?”

“The judge dismissed my assault charges partially because he knew I was going into the military. Da’ was thrown into jail for several years after the authorities proved child abuse and sexual abuse.”

“What a mess. But I’m glad he served time. Is he out?”

He turned toward her, and her hand fell on his hard shoulder. “Yeah. He’s on the dole because no one will hire him when they find out what he’s done. He’s in his own hell.”

Penny almost didn’t ask him the next question. “What about the rest of your family?”

“Mum’s all right. She’s never gotten over her guilt, and she divorced Da’ when he went into prison. Rose had trouble for the rest of her life. She couldn’t shake it even though she went to therapist after therapist. Six years ago, she hanged herself.”

Raw hurt sliced through Penny. “Oh, Ian.” She cupped his face in both palms. “I didn’t know. Dad didn’t tell me what happened to Rose.” Sadness built inside her, almost blocking her throat. “He didn’t tell me any of the important things.”

“I asked him to keep it confidential.” He reached up to pull her hands away from his face, but then he held them to his chest. “I don’t like talking about it.” He stared into her eyes. “You’re the only one I’ve told outside of the General. Even Adam and Mark at Sentry don’t know the details.”

She understood why he’d want to keep the information quiet. After all, it was ugly, horrible, and heartbreaking all at once. Just like her mother’s death. At the same time, knowing he trusted her with the information warmed her heart.

“Have you talked with your…Mum since Long Valley went up?” she asked.

“I did. She wants me to come to Scotland. She’s afraid of what’s happening here.”

“I don’t blame her. Why haven’t you gone to Scotland?”

He drew her closer until they pressed hip to hip, and she dared spread her palms over his hard chest. For several moments he said nothing, and frustration eased upward. He released her and walked away. He stood looking at the video camera. No one was there.

She let him stew until finally she couldn’t allow the silence to grow. “How can you be so calm? We just…there were people attacking us just minutes ago and you act like we were walking in the park or something.”

“You’re wrong. I’m not calm. Those idiots almost got you because I wasn’t aware…because I was distracted by—” He cut himself off, and his chest heaved up and down slowly. “It scares the crap out of me.”

She nabbed onto certain words. “Distracted by?”

“You.” He shook his head and chuckled, but it was a ragged, insincere sound. “Now you’re having me on.”

“What?”

“I’ve always been distracted when you’re in the room. You know that.”

The revelation floored her. “No, I didn’t know that. You’re…” She rubbed one hand over her face and shook her head before tossing him an exasperated look. “You’re saying we almost got nabbed because this is my fault?”

When he glared his eyes held a mild form of disbelief. “Why didn’t you come to Buckleport when your father asked you back in January? When everyone knew the volcano would erupt? Why did you head straight for Bangor when you got to Maine?”

“And now you’re the one having me on.” Memories of her trip across the country made her stomach clench with anxiety again.
That’s the past. You’re safe now. Well, relatively speaking.
“I was exhausted.”

He was quiet for a moment, then his eyes narrowed. “It’s safer at the compound.”

“I didn’t care.” Tears she didn’t expect rose, and she closed her eyes in hope of hiding them. “I was looking for some relief and rest after traveling cross-country. And my relationship with Dad isn’t repaired.”

“It’s better than it was when I met you, isn’t it?”

“No. My relationship with him was never solid. It got worse after you and I…after we…” She swallowed hard, unable to say it.

“After we almost shagged?”

Her face flamed. For three reasons, actually. One, remembering those few moments where she’d almost let every inhibition down with a man she didn’t know that well. Two, because her father had caught them in the supply room at Sentry Security. Three, because she’d thrown herself at Ian as if she was starving. And she had been. For him.

She owned up. “Yes. He treated me like a teenager. I didn’t want the stress. I’ve done very well here for three months.”

Dead silence swallowed the bunker. Earlier she’d felt claustrophobic, but the air had changed, and she could breathe again. Oddly enough the panic that had pulsed through her for hours had eased.

“Your father will likely kill me for this. I’ll be sacked,” he said.

She laughed, but with no real amusement. “I’m still trying to work out the fact you’re with Sentry again.” She shrugged. “Did he just rehire you?”

“Long story.”

“Do I look like I’m going anywhere?”

Reluctance entered his eyes. “He stole me away from another company. I hired on with Allegiance Protection less than a month after the General fired me. Worked for them for six months in Europe protecting rich businessmen.”

She wrinkled her nose. “Exciting, eh?”

He snorted. “Not exactly. When the General contacted me with an offer of three times the pay I was getting…I didn’t think twice about saying yes.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m a lunatic, apparently.” He picked up the flak vest. He brought it back to the table where she’d placed her weapon. Mucking through the pockets and checking his ammo he said, “Because in a twisted sort of way I liked the feeling he’d forgiven me for taking advantage of you.”

Penny gaped. He didn’t look at her as he worked, but the amazement that crawled through her brought a flurry of questions to the fore. “You’ve never impressed me as a man who cared what anyone thought.”

He stopped messing with his vest and turned to face her. He crossed his arms. “I don’t usually. I care what the General thinks because my integrity was in question.” He took a deep breath and blew it out of his mouth.

To say she was shocked was an understatement. She had to be hearing things. And since when did Ian MacDaniel open up and talk of feelings? He’d never done
that
before.

“You didn’t take advantage of me, Ian.”

He made a sound of doubt. “Yeah, I did. You came into Sentry trying to get ahold of your father, upset as hell about your mother and I…” He shrugged and closed his eyes.

She remembered all right. “You held me while I cried. That’s all you did until I kissed
you
. I’m the one who took it to the next level. I take responsibility for my actions.”

“Yeah, so right there in the compound where anyone could see us, I let you drag me into the supply closet and start a make-out session that could have burned the compound down.”

Heat crawled into her face. Just thinking about how he’d followed her as she grabbed him by the t-shirt and had hauled him into the closet made arousal stir in her womb. She’d kissed him like a fiend until he’d whirled her around, lifted her against the wall and pressed his thick erection against her aching center—

“Jesus,” he said, his voice raspy. “You’re thinking about it, aren’t you?”

Penny covered her face with both hands, unwilling to admit it. When she felt the heat in her face recede a little, she looked at Ian.

At first she didn’t know what to say, but when he continued to stare at her, she asked, “Why…why do you care what Dad thinks? He’s an overbearing, stick-up-the-butt, strict, pain in the—”

“Because despite all that he’s a good man at heart. Yeah, he wasn’t such a great parent to you or a good husband. He’s a cold bastard sometimes. He didn’t see the warning signs coming with your mother…” His gaze intensified on her face. “But why would he? They were divorced and not speaking.”

She made a rough noise in her throat. “Yes, they were speaking. They used me as the go-between in communications. I wished I hadn’t allowed that. It was…dumb.”

“Now who is beating herself up?”

She returned to the bench and sat down. She drew her legs up until she could circle them with her arms. “I regret every day that I didn’t know what she was thinking. That I didn’t know she planned to take a whole bottle of sleeping pills.” She supposed she could forgive her father that much when she’d been just as clueless. Words spilled out. “I called her the night before and she acted fine. Cheerful even.”

She remembered getting a call from the police telling her that her mother’s cleaning lady had found her mother dead in the bathtub. Her mom had also slit her wrists to make sure the job got done right. After that, Penny tried calling her father but it had gone to voicemail. She’d identified the body at the morgue, answered questions from the police. Still, her father hadn’t answered her calls. After that, jumping in her car and barreling toward Buckleport and Sentry had seemed like the only thing to do. The first person she’d run into when she’d gotten there was Ian—he’d let her in the gate without question. When he met her at the door…well, she’d lost it and he’d comforted her. The rest was history.