Darkness of Light (25 page)

Now that I was about to face him, I wanted to run home and hide. I had no idea what to expect from Eli. I didn’t really know how it was between us and if I should bring up my suspicions about McNamm’s and Pock’s murders. In all honesty, though, that wasn’t even what made me the most anxious. I was more nervous about seeing him because of what had happened between us than I was that he might have murdered two guys. What kind of person was I? Granted, they were low-life scum who had attacked me and tried to rape me, but still, did they deserve to die? 

My gut instinct said hell yes. 

Those thoughts took a detour when I saw Eli’s Bronco sitting in the parking lot. Don’t ask me why—I’d have to plead insanity or something—but when I saw the damn fiberglass top was off the Bronco, an overwhelming anger punched its way through my nerves as I reached the gravel of the parking lot. My reaction was completely irrational I knew. It infuriated me he had taken the time to remove the top of his Bronco, kill a couple of people, and yet he still didn’t have time to even text me? 

I pushed my way through the doors and stormed down the hall. My stomach twisted even tighter at the thought of also seeing Samantha. I was afraid she would see my obsession with Eli written all over my face and know what had happened. What would she do if she knew I had kissed the guy she was involved with? That thought made me feel even more ill as I trudged into the classroom. I slid into an empty chair at the same table as Josh.

“Hey Em.” Josh’s smile brightened. 

“Hey.” I pulled my math book out of my bag.

“This is your last week here, right?”

I smiled over at him. “No. I knew how much you’d miss me and that you wouldn’t be able to function, so I decided to stay.” 

He blushed. “Well that goes without saying. But seriously you’re staying here? That’s awesome.” He paused, cocking his head to the side. “Wait, what happened? What’d you do?”

I laughed. “Let’s just say Christmas came early for the sheriff.”

Josh nodded, understanding. “So you are here to stay.”

“I am,” I replied.

“Does your staying have anything to do with the scars on your face and neck?” 

Like a flash of lightning, my mind recalled the way Pock had shoved his hand down the back of my pants and how McNamm had straddled me, grinding into me. I shuddered at the sickening memories.

“You okay?” Josh asked.

“I’m fine.” I nodded and forced myself to smile. It felt fake and wrong on my lips. “Just going through a lot lately.”
That’s an understatement.

“Well, if you stop trying to make Sheriff Weiss happy, you might find you have more time on your hands.” Josh cocked his head at me, a smile playing on his lips.

“I know, but when I see his face and how happy he gets when he can add on more hours of community service, I just can’t seem to help myself. What can I say, I’m a giver.” 

***

Every step I took out to the O.A.R. site that afternoon was agonizing. I was determined to hold my head high. I would not let a guy make me feel stupid for my actions, and I most definitely would not allow myself to think the reason he didn’t call me was because he was too busy beating someone to death or getting back together with Samantha. I would try to be mature about it all. 

Yeah, sure. The inner-me really just wanted to kick him in the shins and call him a poopie-head.

Sam was my biggest fear because of her threat, and I believed she’d stay true to her word. I didn’t want to think about if she found out what had happened between Eli and me. 

I’m going to throw up. 

I was barely at the trails when my body started humming, signaling that Eli was somewhere close behind me. It was as if he had his own ringtone or some kind of alarm that let me know he was near. I clenched my teeth, closing my eyes briefly, forcing all the insecure, panicky voices in my head to quiet down. I slyly scanned the group of students ahead for Sam. She stood not too far off, staring back at me. Her icy stare locked onto mine and told me all I needed to know. Rage, jealousy, and revulsion oozed from her narrowed eyes. 

Oh, crap on ash bark.
I lifted the hood on my sweater to hide my face—like that would do any good—and looked away.

Eli unlocked the garden shed and everyone headed over to claim the better tools. I hid behind Josh in line. Through my lashes I watched Eli. He looked incredible, but the baseball hat he wore concealed his expression—not that he would show me anything if he didn’t want to. He was good at that.
Could this incredible looking guy be a killer? Wasn’t Ted Bundy supposed to be good-looking?

I shook the questions from my head as I walked up to the door where Eli stood. As Josh went to grab two shovels, I took the opportunity to peer up at Eli. From under his hat, his eyes found mine, causing the air to halt in my lungs. Any clue as to what he was thinking was absent from his face. If seeing me caused him any emotion, he kept it well buried.
Well, two can play at that game
, I thought. As much as the power of his gaze weakened my knees, I would not show it. I would try—really, really hard. 

“Hi,” I forced out, keeping my voice steady and non-emotional. 

“Hey,” Eli replied as he flicked his chin up in a slight nod. 

A pained expression twisted my face. Turning away from him, I tried to hide the emotions. I used to be good at hiding my feelings from others. I was not used to them being so near the surface. Breathing out deeply, I forced my face to go blank. 

The sensation of someone’s eyes burning into me caused me to turn around. I caught Sam’s intense, narrowed gaze looking between Eli and me. Unlike Eli, her feelings were crystal clear. 

Eli was clearly trying to act like nothing had happened between us or he was trying to forget that something did. Now his supposed “non-girlfriend” wanted to string my innards up in the trees like Christmas lights. My fear, my embarrassment, and my anger came bubbling up from deep inside; it came on so fast and so strong it almost knocked me back on my butt. 

Twisting in the darkest pit of my stomach was another flood of emotions. It was an oozing blackness. It felt like tar, pulling and pushing me down into its dense confinement. Something shifted inside me. No longer frightened of being sucked into it, I surrendered. Comfort and a sense of peace replaced my fear. It was not a calming peace. This new sensation made me feel exceptionally powerful, strong, and indestructible. My focus became sharper. A strange smile curled my lips. Feeling sad and embarrassed was for the weak. I would show them how strong I really was. 

“Em?” I heard Josh’s wary voice next to me. “Your eyes? Th-They’re black . . .?”

I never had the chance to ask him what he meant when a firm hand clasped my arm and pulled me quickly away from the group. Eli showed no gentleness as he moved me deeper into the forest. 

“Ow! Eli, what the hell?” I yanked my arm away from his grasp. I could already see a slight bruise forming in the shape of his hand around my bicep. 

He scanned the thick forest and grabbed my arm again. “Not far enough,” he muttered to himself as he tugged me roughly, plowing further into the foliage. When he was content that we were far enough into the woods, he stopped. He was silent as his eyes moved quickly over my body. I wish I could say it was in a way that would get my blood flowing, but the worried, critical way he examined every inch of me only made my blood turn cold. Whatever feeling of power I had experienced earlier disintegrated as dread began to prick at my skin. 

“Eli?” I looked at him for an explanation. He didn’t answer, just continued to stare at me. “Eli.” I raised my voice. “What the hell is going on? Why did you pull me away like that?”

He held my gaze before looking down, mumbling. “This is not good.”

“What is not good?” 

“Nothing.” He shook his head.

“Nothing, really? That didn’t seem like nothing. What is going on?” 

“Really, nothing.” He took off his hat, running his hand through his hair before replacing the cap on his head again. He seemed to do that a lot when he was frustrated. 

The silence drove knives into my stomach as we faced each other. My voice was shaking when I finally spoke. “Did you kill those men from the Hells Angels?”

“What?” He looked at me, startled.

“Tell me the truth, Eli. Did you kill them?” 

“You mean those two low-lives who attacked you?” His eyes darted between mine. “I heard they were killed by a rival gang.”

“I’m certain I never told you who they were. H-How did you know?”

“There are things you’re better off not knowing.”

I stared at him, my eyes narrowing as I mulled over his words. Even if Eli hadn’t known the names of the men who attacked me, I had a feeling he’d find out somehow. There was war in Eli’s eyes as he struggled to come up with an answer, which I hoped I would be able to stomach. I felt like Alice, who was about to fall down the rabbit hole. I didn’t know or understand what was going on, but I knew there was so much more to everything than what I knew or saw.  

“You can’t imagine the things I’ve done in my past. I’m not a good guy; I won’t ever be. I will never be someone who will bring flowers or candy or meet the parents. I don’t do anything else normal guys do for girls. I’m not like that, not even close. There is no white horse and certainly no knight in shining armor in this story.” His tone was ardent. “Does that make you want to run?”

I looked deeply into his eyes, searching his face. “No.” It was the most honest I had been with myself all day. Nothing in me wanted to run from him. 

A half-smile pulled on his lip. 

A gust of wind blew my hair and rustled the leaves, reminding me that the two of us were alone together, in the middle of the woods. Anxiety tugged at my stomach as I thought of what happened last time we were alone together in the forest. “So, really, why did you pull me out here?”

“I wanted to get you out here alone,” he said, stepping closer to me. 

“Bullshit,” I replied, my heart picking up speed. 

His body pressed against mine. “You think I’m lying?”

“I think you’re lying about a lot of things,” I replied, feeling his body against mine. “What about Sam?”

“What about her?”

“By the looks she’s giving me, I’d say you’re clearly together.”

“If we were together, you’d be dead right now.” 

He slid his hands up my neck, cupping the back of my head, bringing me closer to his lips.
Dead?
Somehow, when it came to Sam and her possessiveness over Eli, I believed that was true. 

“Don’t,” I whispered against his lips with such little conviction it was laughable. His mouth met mine and again a zing of electricity raced up through my body, making the hair on my arms stand on end. It made me feel alive. “You think you can use this pathetic tactic to distract me?” I mumbled against his mouth as we gasped for air.

“Yep,” he said as he smiled wickedly and pulled me back into him. I couldn’t argue with that extensive, in-depth logic. 

Our kisses became deep and thorough. I couldn’t seem to get close enough to him. His hands moved to the back of my head, crushing me into him even more, as if he couldn’t get close enough either. He kept his hands there, and I knew he didn’t want to venture anywhere near my tattoo. We both seemed okay with continuing to ignore it. The way his tongue curled around mine and the way his lips pulled at mine, I was willing to ignore anything. 

My hands had a mind of their own, running freely up and down his stomach. Those funny little buggers had discreetly found their way underneath his t-shirt and wanted to do more—a lot more. I had a sudden impulse to rip his clothes right off. Normally the thought of “going further” would scare the shit out of me. With Eli I couldn’t seem to stop myself. I wanted him—badly.

“Eli?” A familiar, feminine voice rang through the air. We jumped apart, looking around for the intruder. He held a finger up to my lips, telling me to keep quiet. I nodded. I envisioned Samantha stepping around the corner, catching us. What would happen if she did? I didn’t want to find out. 

“Eli? Where are you?” Sam’s hard tone drifted over the trees.

He spoke with his eyes again.
Don’t make a sound.

I concurred. He had no idea how much I didn’t want Sam to catch us out here.

“
A ghra
?’” Her voice moved closer to us. “I know you’re out here—
with her
.” 

Somewhere deep inside me, I seemed to recognize her words. My love? Something possessive in me roared back,
He’s mine!

He turned his face back to mine. I couldn’t tell what Eli was feeling, but his eyes regarded me intensely.

“Eli, don’t hide from me.” Anger tightened her voice. “Don’t lower yourself. Remember what she is. She is not one of us.”

His lids lifted to look at me again, and for a brief second, I saw revulsion flicker through his eyes. I felt gutted. I gritted my teeth and stared back at him, trying my hardest not to show my feelings, but the image of me pounding both their faces—Sam first, then Eli—flittered across my brain. I stuffed my balled-up hands into my jacket, astounded at my violent, jealous thoughts. 

I moved my body around his. He grabbed my arm; his expression remained neutral, but there was an unspoken question on his lips that I didn’t want to answer. I yanked my arm from his grip and continued silently through the forest, away from him. Wanting to be alone, I wandered around the woods for a while, gratefully accepting the tranquility that settled within me. 

Eli was wreaking havoc in my life.

***

By the time I got back, O.A.R. was over. I hurried out of Silverwood to avoid dealing with Eli. I would drive myself to the ropes site. I had just stepped onto the parking lot when I saw Sam leaning against Eli’s car. Seeing me, she pushed herself off the Bronco and headed for me. I sighed, closing my eyes briefly. 

This is just not my week.

“You slutty, little whore.” Her lips twisted cruelly. The sun hit her eyes and reflected a flaming red color, her pupils narrowing.