Daughter of the Earth and Sky (15 page)

I considered for a moment. It was better than being tortured by Reapers. “I’ll think about it.” I took a look at my phone. “I’ve got to get to the park to run then head down to the Underworld. But I can swing you by the shop and get the keys to the apartment for you.”

Aphrodite brightened. “Sounds great.” She caught the eye of the guy at the other table. “You want to carry all this for us, right?”

He nodded, tripping over his feet to get to her. I started to protest but changed my mind. I didn’t want to carry all these bags.

* * * *

If Mom had any objections to Aphrodite staying above the shop, she didn’t voice them. I dropped Aphrodite off and left her my credit card. I’d have a hard time explaining the bill to Mom later, but it was better than the alternative.

I felt a pang of guilt flash through me when I saw Joel waiting for me at the bridge. Melissa was right. I was leading him on. I wasn’t sure how it had happened. We’d progressed from our daily jog, to a daily jog and smoothie. Then to a daily jog, smoothie, and occasional dinner. Now it was a daily jog, smoothie, occasional dinner, and occasional movie. We weren’t going out, and I had no interest in dating anyone other than Hades, but every time Joel suggested something and looked at me with those big blue eyes, I found myself agreeing. It was just so easy to be normal around him. For those short bits of time, I could forget about Hades and Thanatos and the Underworld.

“I gotta say, I liked your other outfit better.” Joel motioned to my Disney princess running shirt and pink shorts.

I laughed nervously. I hadn’t switched into different running clothes because Hades had made that comment, but because the way Joel looked at me sometimes made me want to wear a shapeless sweat suit. But this was Georgia, I would die.

Joel grinned at me, and I forgot all about that. He was too nice to lead on. I needed to end this.

“You ready?” Joel asked, eyes searching mine.

“Yup!” We could talk after the run.

I ran faster than I ever had, beating Joel and my goal. I collapsed on the grass when I finished my third mile, grinning like an idiot.

“You’re in a good mood,” he noted.

I pushed myself up on my hands. “Hanging out with Aphrodite, running with you, it’s weird, but …” I struggled to explain it. “I feel like I get to be me again, for just a few minutes. It’s really nice.”

“Who else have you been?” He sat beside me, eyes lingering appreciatively on my legs. He caught my reproachful look and gave me an impish smile. “You can tell me anything you know. I won’t tell anyone.”

And suddenly I wanted to tell him. Not everything, but Joel was so easy to talk to, I bet he’d understand what I was going through better than most of the gods. “What the heck,” I said catching his eye and waiting for the charm to catch. When his pupils widened I said, “It’s not like you’re going to remember this anyway.”

“No,” he said slowly.

I slid my necklace back and forth on the chain, trying to think of the right words to say, “A year ago, I didn’t know about any of this, and I was fine, happy even. And now I know everything, but it’s like I became this completely different person. And I don’t know if that person is me, just more somehow, or if I’ve lost who I was completely. I look at the decisions I’ve made lately, and I wonder if the girl I was a year ago would have made the same ones.”

“Everyone goes through that,” Joel assured me. “It’s just a sign you’re growing up.”

I laughed. “Is that so, oh old and wise one?”

“I’m serious. It’s a rare adult who’ll admit they’re the same person they were at sixteen. It’s completely normal to want to hold on to who you were, but you need to give yourself space to grow into who you’ll be.”

“I just don’t want to disappear into this stuff that I’m dealing with. I did something today that I thought I’d never do, and I didn’t even think twice. I’m losing myself.”

Joel touched my cheek. “I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. You’re stronger than you think.”

He met my eyes, leaned closer, and I knew he was going to kiss me. I thought of stopping him. I shouldn’t have led him on this long. But…

I let him kiss me, releasing him from the charm that would compel him to forget this conversation. His lips on mine were warm and eager. Completely different from a kiss from Hades. Hades was always fighting a battle with himself, trying to hold back. Joel had no such reservations.

My stomach turned at the thought of Hades, and I pushed Joel away. This was wrong. I didn’t want to do this. Why was I doing this? I knew it was just kissing, but I didn’t
want
to kiss anyone else. I just wanted Hades.

“What’s wrong?” Joel’s bright blue eyes searched my face.

I stared at him wondering that myself. What was wrong? Joel was a perfectly nice guy, and I liked him before. No, he wasn’t Hades, but Hades was never going to be happy with me. Even if he managed to forgive me for the Thanatos thing, he would always feel guilty for being with me. He would always wonder if he was taking advantage of me. Didn’t I deserve a guy who wasn’t filled with regret for kissing me?

I shook my head, breaking free of his gaze. “I should get going. But…” Here I was, leading him on again. “I’m going out with Aphrodite tonight, maybe you could come? You should meet her. You kind of remind me of her.”

Joel gave me an odd look. “How so?”

I laughed. “Not like…physically. There’s just…” I frowned, trying to put my finger on it. “You’re both very confident, comfortable with yourselves.” I stood up, brushing the grass off of me. “To be honest, I’m kind of jealous.”

He smiled at me. “You’ll get there. I’d love to hang out tonight. I’ll give you a call later, all right?”

I nodded and walked toward the parking lot. When I was sure I was out of his sight, I teleported to the Underworld and went to find Hades.

He was in the library, as usual, reading a book that he quickly stashed cover down, something about the gods Mars and Venus. “You still run?” His gruff voice sounded surprised. His gaze caught on my necklace, like he was surprised I still wore it.

I touched the plant. “Every day. Why?” I sat down on one of the cushy brown chairs.

Hades hesitated, like he wasn’t sure how to answer, his dark gaze watching me warily. “You don’t…erm.” He paused as though he wasn’t sure how to continue. “You don’t look like you have enough energy to stand for more than two minutes. How exactly are you running every day?”

I scowled at him. “Can we just get this over with? I’m supposed to meet Aphrodite at her place when I’m done here.”

He jerked his head and his gaze sharpened. “Isn’t she still staying with Melissa?”

My mood darkened. I’d forgotten about my fight with Melissa. When I didn’t explain, Hades took my hands and channeled away the excess power. His grip on me stiffened, expression going dark as bits and pieces of my day flashed through his head. A flash of anger went through me when he saw Joel kiss me. My stomach twisted with guilt. I watched him watching me, his dark lashes lowered to conceal his eyes from me. I couldn’t feel a single thing from him. It was like he’d thrown up a wall.

We didn’t say anything for a few minutes. The silence felt like it dragged on forever. Hades finally cleared his throat. “We need to talk.”

I stood and walked to the door. I couldn’t look at him. How could I have kissed Joel? “I’m sorry. I don’t know—”

“Not about that.” His voice was much too calm for the torrent of anger running beneath it. He took a deep breath, as though he was forcing himself to calm down. “Are you ever going to tell me what’s bothering you?” He ran his fingers through his hair and caught me in a piercing stare. I felt like I did the first time I’d seen him. Like he could see everything in me, everything I’d ever done and would ever do.

And he wasn’t impressed.

“What do you mean?” I pressed my hand against the frosted glass on the French door leading to the library.

“We’re gods. It takes a lot for us to look as worn down as you do. You’ve lost weight, and you feel anxious and worried all the time. You’ve been like this since you found out Zeus was alive, but it’s gotten worse since…”

That night.
I finished the thought for him.

Hades moved in front of me. “This isn’t you. You used to tell me everything. Something’s happened. What’s going on, Persephone?” His voice dipped, entreating me to respond.

The warmth of his nearness reached out to me, but this entire conversation hurt. My heart thudded uncomfortably in my chest. I felt dizzy, sick. I needed to get out of here. I shoved past him. “I can’t tell you.”

I made it as far as the door before he got in front of me again, blocking me with his body. “It’s not just Zeus. I kept thinking maybe it was just…” He gave a helpless shrug. “I know you’ve been through a lot—”

My temper flared. “A lot? Oh, you mean finding out that everything I knew about my life was a lie? Or were you referring to having to hide in the Underworld from a psychotic rapist until I
killed
him, then discovered my sociopathic father sent him after me and is now killing students at my school to send me messages. Gee, Hades. You think I’ve been through a
lot
? Wow, you’re like, observant.”

Hades shook his head. “That’s not it. I watched you deal with all of that, and none of it affected you like whatever this has.” He gripped my shoulders, his gaze pinning me. “I can help you.”

“You’re not listening to me!”

“Then
tell
me! You know one of the things I like about you? I’ve never had to sit around and try to decipher the things you said. You’re different than the other gods, Persephone, or at least you were.”

That stung. “You mean I wasn’t like Hera.”

His grip tightened. “I mean that you used to trust me. I don’t know what I did to screw that up, but whatever it was, I’m sorry.” His blue eyes met mine, full of concern. “There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. Do you get that? Whatever it is that you’re keeping from me, it can’t change that. I can help you.” He stooped down so his face was level with mine. “So whatever you’re hiding, whatever you’ve done, I promise—”

“Don’t! You don’t know—you can’t promise that it won’t change the way you feel about me.”

“What are you talking about?”

For the thousandth time I tried to tell him about Thanatos. My stomach clenched, my throat closed, trapping the words. My head spun. I couldn’t breathe. I felt as if I was about to fly into a million pieces, but I couldn’t break my promise.

“I—” The single word cost me. The pain that wrenched through my body was unbelievable. I saw stars. My knees buckled beneath me, and I found myself clinging to Hades. “You’ll hate me.” I drew in a sharp breath, hiccupping around a sob.

“Never.” Hades’ arms wrapped around me, pulling me even closer to him, pressing me hard up against his body. “I could never hate you. It isn’t in me.”

I wanted so desperately to believe him. There had to be a way to tell him. I stood on my tiptoes, twining my arms around his neck, and poured my feelings into a kiss. I couldn’t think about Thanatos directly, couldn’t think about anything that would help Hades to figure it out, but the promise couldn’t block my feelings. Hades knew
something
was wrong. I could only hope the pieces fell into place before it was too late.

To my surprise, he kissed me back. One hand looped around me, pulling me to him, the other cupped my face. His body crushed against mine, and I bumped into the door, shifting so the doorknob didn’t dig into my back.

“Wait,” I gasped.

Hades stopped immediately, taking a step back for good measure.

“Gods,” he gasped, breathing ragged, his face dark and intense.

My lips longed for his, but I shook off the feeling. “I shouldn’t have kissed you. I still need…”

What? What did I need? The issues that seemed so pertinent had vanished, taking all my reasoning skills with them. What did it matter he’d dated Minthe, or that Thanatos was probably plotting to overthrow Hades at this very moment? None of that mattered compared to
this
. This felt right.

He’s going to hate me
.

So what?
I argued with myself.
He’s going to hate me anyway, but we have now. Why am I letting Thanatos take him from me?

If you see something you want, just take it!
Aphrodite’s cheerful voice echoed in my thoughts.

I looked back up at Hades, bridging the distance between us with a single step. “Never mind.” I leaned forward to kiss him again, but he drew back.

“I think—” He broke off, staring into my eyes.

“Stop thinking,” I whispered, pulling him into another kiss.

Suddenly things were moving fast. My brain seemed to fog over when he took me into his arms again. There was a different quality to his kisses. Desperate, almost forceful…yearning. We stumbled back toward his bedroom.

I lifted my hands over my head, breaking contact for a minute to get my shirt off, but then he was kissing me again. I pushed his shirt up, but he was too tall for me to get it over his head. We broke apart again while he stripped off his shirt. Words fell out of my mouth in a whisper as I pulled him back to me.

Wait, what? What did I just say?

A moment of crystal clarity burst through my brain. What had I just said to Hades? What was I doing? I replayed the last few seconds in my mind to the place where I’d looked Hades in the eyes, and he’d kissed me.

No!

He was already whispering back. “I swea—”

“Stop!” I pushed him away from me, reeling with horror.

“Seriously?” His hair was disheveled. The expression on his face a combination of confusion and frustration. His pupils were so wide, his eyes were practically black.

What had I done? He’d almost sworn fealty. I broke off the charm so fast I got whiplash. Hades blinked, startled.

“Persephone, what—”

“I’m sorry!” I stumbled away from him, backpedaling toward the door. I snatched my shirt off the floor and clutched it to me. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to. It was an accident.”

“Wait, what?” He followed on my heels, his breath warm on the back of my neck. “What was an accident?” He turned me around, his grip tight on my upper arm, then rubbed it, as if he was afraid he’d bruised me. His gaze, even darker than normal, lingered on my lips.