Dave Cameron and the Extraterrestrial (16 page)

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Authors: V Bertolaccini

Tags: #extraterrestrial, #science fiction horror, #alternative universe, #horror comedy, #david cameron, #downing street, #action comedy, #alien comedy, #interdimensional voyager, #ufo humor

BOOK: Dave Cameron and the Extraterrestrial
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It was Saturday
night, and Cameron no longer thought anything had even happened on
the previous night, and had dismissed what had happened that
morning as being one of his strange dreams, as his hangover was so
painful he slept through most of the morning.

His last
thoughts of it were of what to tell his psychiatrist on Monday,
after the weekend, and he decided it was not worth mentioning as it
never had anything to do with his memory loss and he did not want
it to confuse things any further as he wanted him to give him the
precise answer to the problem.

After watching
news programs and reading endless newspapers and magazines he was
left stumped on where the Prime Minister was, and how to meet him,
and he wondered if Dory could give him the answer as she seemed to
answer all of his queries!

In the end he
just got drunk over again, and kept drinking until it was late in
the night, and ended up in almost the same state as the night
before!

So when the
second alien leader arrived to continue their first contact
scenario with the human race he never heard his newly repaired
doorbell being ring, and because he had altered the bell itself so
it could not make as much noise.

The bell rang
for a long time until it was dislodged and the adjustments he made
to it to make it silent were altered and it ended up louder and
suddenly blasted out into the night, waking his neighbors, which he
wished to avoid as the police were still looking for him after they
chased him out the bar, and it rang until he became conscious from
his deep slumber.

When he opened
his eyes, and he was dizzy, and sat up wondering what the hell was
going on, and thought he was in the middle of an air raid, and
carefully listened to the strange sounds of the altered doorbell
and cursed, and lay slumped over a seat trying to identify the
racket until his memory returned.

Consequently,
he staggered around trying to get on his feet and stumbled over a
seat and fell against the side of the door, but actually going in
the direction of the door, but he slowly slid down the wall until
he landed flat on the floor, and after wobbling about he managed to
rollover onto his side and climb back up onto his feet, and
tripping over himself, he finally reached the door and felt it
until he realized that he had to unlock it and he gasped and
wondered if he should leave it, after he recalled something from
the previous night, and he jerked it open!

Again nobody
was there, or away out in the darkness, and he stood swaying about,
doing a form of dance, and he eventually got tired of the drilling
and thuds of the bell bouncing around viciously, and he spotted two
of his neighbors looking out their windows annoyed, and he realized
that it was probably the first time that they had properly seen
him.

He realized
that the doorbell needed replaced and started to search the dark
garden, and gasped and stopped when he saw the strange thin fog
engulfing his garden again, and he watched a neighbor at the side
of his eyes trying to see what he did, and saw nothing, and decided
to wait and see what happened to the mist and he studied it in more
detail realizing that it had thickened, and he could not see what
it was emerging from, and considered it was condensing there and he
studied the dark night sky, and looked sideways and was surprised
that it was not further down the road or up the road, or in fact
anywhere else other than in front of him, and he considered it had
to be a freak weather condition, caused by something he could not
identify, and realized that it was entirely at ground level, and he
wished he had a camera to film it and he considered who would be
able to answer what it was while he watched an area of fog forming
thicker in a region, where he was sure it was at the central point,
which was surprisingly straight out in front of him!

He stood
propped up against the door considering how the doorbell was
connected with it, and wondered how it had activated it, and he
ignored what had happened there on the previous night and was
determined to start over again, less drunk than he had been, and
explain what had happened.

His sight was
still hazy and the mist seemed deepened, and he almost vomited for
a second, and held himself firmly upright, trying to think of ways
of stopping the bell blaring out, and getting rid of the neighbors
looking out windows, and he wondered if he should leave it and see
what they thought of what happened, and grew annoyed at the noise
and collected all his energy and thought of pulling the bell off
the side of the wall.

His thoughts
went on the strange nature of the mist and its strange shifting
movements, as though alive, and he saw lights flash like
electricity in it and wondered if lightning could form at a ground
level.

He had to keep
examining it to see what it was altering into and he tried to
recall what it had done on the previous night and he could not
recall it having done anything itself and it was things that had
formed in it, and with his hazy tired vision he saw it was
repeating everything over again, and he realized he could not
properly move, and especially move away, for some reason.

The thin vivid
thin streaks like strange colored lightning flickered about,
appearing all about his front, and he examined the thickening area
hovering around his front menacingly carrying out what it was
designed to do, and he considered trying to find a way of getting
inside before something happened, and he wondered if he would be
killed by it this time!

It was like
seeing the past breaking through a faint warp, or another time in
the future that looked like the past, and he tried to see if he
could recognize anything!

He strangely
saw something actually appearing there from somewhere else, and
examined it at different angles, and then it was like seeing
another world somewhere else emerging through a gateway, and he saw
parts of it through gaps in the thickened fog and saw regions of
something strange in places, and spotted a major region open and
studied it furiously and saw what looked like a chamber full of
incredible technology he never recognized.

Out of nowhere
a powerful light emerged through the thickest formation of mist,
and dazzled his eyes and made him gasp and try to move back, and he
stood frozen watching its radiance pulsating and illuminating his
garden and house out of the darkness, and he spotted one of his
neighbors at their window standing watching it dazzled and
confused, and realized he actually saw it, and he saw other
neighbors looking out at the tremendous bright light illuminating
all the buildings and their bedroom walls, magically illuminating
the night, and the fog everywhere, with strange shadow formations
from things shifting around that he could not see, creating
mind-bending shifting shadows that weaved and probed their way
around, and he watched a nearby neighbor’s face studying all the
fog and lights.

Sounds of
pounds of some heavy beast emerged, like it were there but not
there, and he was surprised that the ground even gave shudders, and
he wondered just what it was he had witnessed, and why he needed
the neighbors to confirm it!

He considered
how he could photograph it, and realized he could not leave to get
a camera, and wondered what he could tell his psychiatrist about it
and if he would believe that anything like it could possibly
exist.

While he looked
straight into its central region a massive strange dark shadowed
formation emerged out, and shifted about in the surrounding mist,
with the light behind it, from where it had come, creating
mind-bending shifting shadow shapes all across his front, which
weaved and probed their way about and to him, and he occasionally
stopped his contemplation of the occurrence to consider what the
hell was going on, especially as he had proven all the events of
the previous night had not actually taken place!

In the end,
after realizing how the psychiatrist would react he believed there
had to be something solid there and that something was there that
he could not quite grasp, and he considered if it was a new form of
hallucination, and decided to force his brain into waking and
pulling itself out of it and grasping what was actually there,
realizing that something real had to be there all along and that he
had to get to the bottom of things!

So when the
shape emerged out of it he stood glaring at its giant monster shape
in the light and darkness outside his front door and in the end he
just laughed loudly at it, holding his belief that a hallucination
would not be able to do anything, and vanish!

It was then the
monster alien, the second alien leader, from the starship, which
had teleported itself there to make contact with him, Dave Cameron,
stood furiously watching him, wondering what he was, and detected
something and gasped in horror, and Cameron lost his temper and
started shouting and swearing at it and told it go away and to stop
bugging him, and he refused to accept it existed and he grabbed the
first object he found and threw it at it, and threw an old beer
bottle at it and it bounced off its head!

The alien
leader lost its temper and altered into an early form of its
species and a giant alien bug and it sprayed him with yellow slime
and tried to grab him around the waist but he avoided it and
grabbed another empty bottle and charged at it as fast as he could,
still attempting to force his mind into accepting nothing was
there, and he ended up frantically wrestling with it all around his
lawn, in the middle of the night, with him shouting loudly and
swearing!

Before all the
neighbors looked out their windows and come out houses the alien
and phenomena had vanished and all most of them saw was Dave
Cameron rolling about on the dark lawn drunk with an empty bottle
of beer shouting and swearing loudly!

Once again
Cameron got to his feet dizzily and feeling the drink and ran
blindly without looking at full speed and dived on top of one of
his neighbors, thinking he was the creature, grabbing at him and
wrestling with him, and the other neighbors managed to grab him and
carry him into his house, with him shouting out at it!

Later that
night he awoke, where his neighbors had left him, when he heard his
bell ring and he frantically grabbed a vase and ran at full speed
to the door and yanked it open and the monster smashed the vase and
attacked him over and over throwing him about his lawn, and thumped
him in the stomach, and he doubled over and collapsed!

The next
morning he was awoken by a paperboy in a heap in a large bin,
wearing his pajamas!

 

Chapter 11

 

The Last Alien
Leader

 

Cameron was ill
the next morning and was furious too, and knew it existed now and
he had enough evidence to prove it, and early in the day he rushed
out and met a guy in a bar, someone in the army had introduced, and
he bought an old rusted rifle and hundreds of rounds of ammunition
and declared war on the alien bugs!

On Sunday night
Cameron no longer thought about what had happened on the pervious
night and only thought of his wounds!

His last
thoughts of it were what to tell his psychiatrist on Monday, after
the weekend, and in the end decided it was not worth mentioning to
him.

After watching
and ignoring the news programs and endless newspapers and magazines
he decided to ignore it all until he had evidence the Prime
Minister was back from where he was!

He ended up
watching horror films and drinking until it was late and ended up
almost in the same state as the night before, even though he
intended to remain sober!

So when the
third and last alien leader arrived to continue the first contact
scenario he never heard the doorbell when it started ringing as he
was in deep sleep, and when he awoke later he rushed over and
grabbed his gun and loaded it.

The bell had
been damaged, and with it continuing to ring, and was bouncing
about on the wall beside the door and he ignored it and waking
neighbors, which he wished to avoid, even though the police were
looking for him, after they had chased him out the bar.

He conclusively
unlocked the door and rushed out with the gun and he instantly saw
something actually appearing in the thick mist there, from
somewhere else, and he blasted three rounds at it, and he examined
it at different angles, and while he reloaded the gun he saw it was
like seeing another world and something emerging through a gateway,
and he saw parts of it through gaps in the thickened fog and saw
regions of something strange in places, and saw a major region open
and studied it furiously and saw what was there on the previous
night and a form of chamber full of technology that was part of
something.

Out of nowhere
a powerful light emerged through the thickest formation of mist,
which made him gasp and jerk, and he moved back, and he stood
watching its radiance pulsating and illuminating his garden and
house out of the darkness, and he spotted one of his neighbors
glaring out a window and recalled the man from the previous night
in his garden and wondered why he had not acknowledged the alien
existed, and he saw other neighbors looking out after seeing the
tremendous bright light illuminating the buildings and their
bedroom walls, magically illuminating the fog, and he carefully
watched his neighbor’s faces studying it all.

As soon as he
heard the sounds of pounds of the heavy beast emerge he lifted up
his gun and aimed it at it, and placed bullets where he could
easily get them.

He instantly
heard the ground shudder and prepared himself, and he wondered just
what it was he was witnessing, and why the neighbors on the
previous night had not confirmed it existed.

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