daynight (37 page)

I catch up and whisper in his ear, “Try harder. Because I can’t stand confinement another night.”

After Jared shows restraint
for a couple sessions, he’s allowed to start his ‘official’ training. He still attends group therapy, but spends the remainder of his non-sleeping hours learning Theran doctrine. Meanwhile, Ethan and I are going out of our minds. There’s only so much we can do within the confinement of our locked down home. I teach Ethan games like charades and hide and seek from my childhood to distract him. We garden. Have cook-offs. Do a lame aerobics routine since we’re gymless. Read to each other. Sleep a lot. And I do my fair share of crying behind closed doors for my failure to consider how my actions would affect my family.

After stuffing ourselves with veal schnitzel that I cook and chocolate soufflé that Ethan makes, I excuse myself to my room to hide a pending mental breakdown in thinking our confinement will never end. Within a few minutes, a knock at my door forces me to dry my tears on my pillowcase and answer.

“I’m sorry to bother you,” Ethan says. “But, I could tell you were upset and thought you might need a hug. And I know I could use one.”

“I could,” I say. I let him join me on my bed, although I face away from him and let him hold me from behind. We both silently contemplate our situation for a while. Finally, I speak, turning to face him. “I’m so sorry. I should have listened to you and not fought coming back. I’ve made such a mess of everything. Even though I didn’t hold the guns, I pulled the triggers.”

He takes my face in his hands. “It’s not your fault and I don’t blame you. I’m just happy that you’re okay—that Jared’s okay,”
 

“It is my fault and now I’ve ruined your life. I assume the blonde girl they killed was the girl you spoke of at the party? The one you wanted to grow old with?” I say. He shakes his head.

“No, Kira, she wasn’t. Not even close. You haven’t ruined my life,” he says. “Don’t ever think that.” He presses his forehead against mine and touches his nose to mine for a moment before pulling back.

“Why were you dating her then?” I ask.

“My girl’s been a little tied up, so I’m in a bit of a holding pattern. To be honest, I only took Sarah to a couple events my uncle was hosting. She’s the daughter of a colleague of his and Sarah wanted those dates to turn into a relationship. I didn’t feel the same,” he says. So Sarah was a bit of a stalker and forever girl’s been giving Ethan the brush-off. I feel terrible for him. What girl would keep a guy like Ethan waiting? Even if he is a Darcton.

“Do you think we’re ever going to get out of here?” I ask.

“We’ll definitely get out of here. You’re handling this… them… Jared… well,” he says.

“They took more eggs from me,” I whisper.

“Are you absolutely sure?” he says, his blue eyes narrowing.

“Positive. Same process as before,” I say.

“They took a sperm sample from
me
during my ‘check-up’—they said they needed to test my reproductive system. It was the second time they’ve done it, in fact. That night you heard me at the clinic… that’s why I was there—for my routine reproductive system check,” he says.

“Great, looks like we’re going to have labies together, too,” I say. “Don’t they have any other high-DNT, Original-blooded girls to spread the joy of motherhood with?” I ask. I’d be more disturbed, but the fact is that I’m well beyond being surprised at the absurdity of the Ten’s actions. I bury my head in his chest and he holds me tight. Despite our situation, I feel safe with Ethan. That hasn’t always been the case. It’s taken a while for me to trust him and I still have doubts. It’s hard to believe that he didn’t have anything to do with the Goodington explosion and that he’s not an evil pawn, but an unwilling pawn in the Ten’s terror games.

“Somehow, everything’s going to work out. We have to believe that,” he says.

I look up at him and wonder if he really thinks that, or if he’s just trying to make me feel better. An absurd line of thought trickles through my brain as I wonder if my labies with Blake or Ethan will be cuter. I laugh out loud.

“What? Are you mocking my optimism?” he says.

“No, no. Not at all,” I say. “I’m just truly going bonkers. Don’t worry about me. Can I ask you something that I’ve been meaning to ask you for a while?”
 

“Sure,” he says.

“How’d you get the scar on your chest?” I ask, rolling his shirt up gently and running my fingers across it and down the contours of his muscles, despite the fact I know how intimate and inappropriate my action is.

“I was born with a heart defect,” he says. “The doctors weren’t sure I’d live, but they were able to correct it with a bunch of surgeries.”

“Oh, wow, I didn’t know,” I say. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s long done with and fixed, although my parents continually remind me of my shortcoming,” he says. “I think they… and others… are worried that it’s genetic and I may pass it on to my children. It makes me a less-than-appealing Cleaving candidate. So I guess it’s a good thing I don’t live here full time.”

“There’s absolutely nothing that could make you unappealing,” I say and I mean it. He’s downright beautiful. We lock eyes and I can see him melt at my complement. I can’t believe that his parents have killed his self-esteem so much. His eyes drift to my lips and I can’t help but drift my eyes to his.

“Likewise,” he says. He leans in to kiss me, the first time since we’ve returned to Thera. His cinnamon-tinged lips hit mine and then he parts and teases my lips with his tongue. He alternates between gentle exploration of my mouth and nibbling on my bottom lip. For a sizable moment, I allow, respond, and even enjoy this sweet, passionate gesture, my heart pounding and desire for him building. Until I remember Ethan loves someone else. And, Blake’s alive and fighting for his life. The guilt pummels me. I have feelings for Ethan. No question. He’s gorgeous, fun, a great listener, an even better smooth talker, a fabulous cook, my best friend at the moment, and I feel comfortable with him. He’s the only reason I’m getting through this. But, we’re no longer faking this to support our cover. This is all too real and feels wrong. I can’t and won’t be ‘the other woman.’

I pull away. “I’m so sorry. We need to stop. This isn’t right. Not now. You’re in love with someone else. And, there’s Blake. I forget all that sometimes… being here with you and not having them around. But, I’m just not one of those kinds of girls. Just look at what Briella and Tristan did to me. I don’t want to ever be like that… ever.” My loyal tendencies are a good trait, right?
 

 
He closes his eyes, unable to look me in mine. “I understand and I shouldn’t have done it. Forgive me? I just caught up in the moment… beautiful girl I care for in my arms… but I’d never want to disrespect what you have with Blake. I’m not that guy either. I promise. We just seem to have bad timing,” He rolls off the side of the bed and then comes around and sits on the edge, facing away from me, head in his hands.

“It’s okay and of course. There’s nothing to apologize for,” I say, rubbing his back. It’s hardly his fault. I put my hand up his shirt and told him how incredibly appealing he is. What guy wouldn’t act on that?

“I hope we can be friends,” he says, though I’m not entirely sure he means it. He looks sad, but I don’t see why he would be, since he’s still got his dream girl in the wings. I couldn’t stand to be his ‘fill-in’ girl anyway.

“You are already my friend, Ethan. The best friend I could ask for,” I say, pausing for a moment to wonder if it’s really possible for a girl and a guy to be just friends. Sure we can, I think. How could we not after what we’ve been through together? “How about I go trash your butt in charades? Because you really, really suck at having to keep your mouth shut.”

“I’m a lawyer-in-training,” he says with a chuckle, although I can tell he’s still upset. “What’d you expect?”

I’m so excited to see the familiar sights
of ‘my’ canyon I loosely hug a giant cactus and kiss the dirt. Never mind the fact I almost died in it. And discovered the truth about the Second Chancers here. Blake and I spent so much time here amongst the Theranberry bushes and cacti, and for that reason alone I’ll always appreciate the place.
 

Ethan and I were released on a ‘probationary’ basis. If we continue to toe the party line, we stay free. If we start spewing unflattering words about the Ten or SCI we’ll be re-confined or Exiled. Jared had to stay behind to complete his training. I expect he’ll also be receiving a little extra therapy time, too.
 

“Come on,” I say to Ethan who seems less enthused to deliver me back home than I am to get there. “Let’s go.” I grab his hand and drag him along the canyon path and up towards my house. He stops me at the ramp to my front door.

“Things are going to change now that we’re out. You and Blake will be together. I have my internship. And soon I’ll return to Earth for my last year of law school. I just wanted to tell you that I, uh, am glad to have gotten to know you better. That first night I met you I thought you were amazing and I was right. You are, well, incredible. I’m really going to miss you,” he says. He’s got his hands in his pockets and is rocking back and forth on his feet. Just like he did that night.

“You can come see me anytime you like,” I say. “And, if I’m allowed, I’ll come visit you. We’re going to stay friends, Ethan Darcton, despite the fact you were spawned from Satan. You don’t get to use law school or Blake or anything as a cop out. I’ll miss you just as much.” He smiles at the reference to his father.

“Promise?” he says.

“I promise,” I say. “Now can I go see if Blake’s home?”

“Sure, I’ll be going,” he says, motioning towards the doors to the train. He looks so sad that it makes me want to cry.

“Uh, no you won’t. You’re coming with me. If Blake’s not home, you’ll handle my meltdown and help me track him down. If he is home, I still want you there. You guys should be friends, too,” I say.
 

“I don’t know about that. I don’t think he’s going to like me much now,” he says. “After all, I did pretend to be your boyfriend.”

“Right, you
pretended
. On orders,” I say.

“What about all the kissing?” he says, biting the edge of his lip and looking at me through his long eyelashes. I feel a pang of longing at the memories, particularly of our last kiss. But I feel even more desire to see if Blake is home and well.

“What kissing?” I say with a wink. “I don’t remember a thing and even if I did, I think you compared me to a post and suggested I need lessons.”
 

“Kira,” he says, cocking his head to the side. “You know…” I don’t let him finish, shushing him by placing two fingers over his mouth. Then I put my hands on his shoulders and push him up the ramp backwards until his back is against my front door. I pause, my body pushed against his, our eyes locked, knowing it will be the last moment we have for a while, so I soak in the fabulous nature of his sapphire eyes, strong jaw, full lips and stubble. Finally, not wanting the moment to get any more awkward than I’ve let it, I knock with one hand while keeping him trapped with the other. Trapped being an overstatement, as he could easily overpower me, but he’s going along and laughing while he does.

It seems like an eternity before the door opens. Ethan has to catch his footing as the door gives way. To keep him from escaping, I shove him inside, shut the door behind me, and then jump into Blake’s arms. Blake feels a whole lot skinnier than he did the last time I saw him, if that’s even possible.

“Whoa, whoa, Kira,” Blake says, setting me down gently. “I guess no one told you about my skin grafts? Ow!”

“Skin grafts?” I say. “No one told me squat. Last I heard you were ‘barely hanging on.’ I didn’t even know if you’d be here when I knocked on the door.”

“Well,” he says looking at Ethan. “It looks like we have a lot of catching up to do.”

“Blake, I think you’ve met Ethan Darcton. After the flash flood I kind of flipped out. So, the Ten allowed Ethan to escort me back to Earth for a vacation of sorts. He’s been a good friend.”

“Friend?” Blake says, narrowing his eyes and looking Ethan up and down. Perhaps it does look a little sketchy for me to show up with an incredibly attractive male ‘friend’ who I’ve just spent several weeks with.

“Yes, friend,” Ethan says, offering his hand to Blake to shake. Blake hesitates for a moment, but finally accepts the gesture. “It’s good to see you, Blake. I’m glad you are back and well.”
 

“That was quite a long vacation you took,” Blake says to me.

“Well, it wasn’t all vacation,” I say. “But, no matter. Thank goodness you’re okay. I have been sick with worry.”

“You know, I’m going to get back into the city to see how my house held up while I was away,” Ethan says. “It was good to see you again, Blake. Kira thinks the world of you. You’re a very lucky guy.”

“Thanks for bringing me back,” I say. I’d like to hug him, but don’t think Blake would react kindly. So I smile and tell him I’ll see him soon. When the door closes, Blake wraps his arms around me.

“I thought he’d never leave,” he says. “I’ve been waiting an awfully long time to do this.” He backs me against the front door and kisses me. He’s holding back, though, and I wonder why. Or maybe it’s me holding back. For that I’d know why—but I push the comparisons with Ethan aside.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

“You must hate me for leaving you like that during the flash flood,” he says.

“That sucked, but how could you even think it would be possible for me to hate you?” I say.
 

“I love you, Kira,” he says.
 

 
I pause. It’s funny how once one person says those three little words that it’s expected to reciprocate and keep saying them. And at some point you stop questioning whether you meant it in the first place and the words continue to leave your mouth. That happened with Tristan. And now, here I am again. About to tell a guy I love him. He nearly died. What else can I do? I might love him. But am I sure? Why am I second-guessing myself?