Days of Winter (29 page)

“Let’s not look for ghosts, Mother. I’m sure all that can be seen to without any problem. So the matter is settled. Please rest now. I’ll bring the children to you later.”

He kissed her briefly on the cheek and left.

Madeleine sat on Jeanette’s bed as she packed. She was astounded by what Jeanette had been telling her. “You mean you actually spoke up to Monsieur Dupré?”

“No, Madeleine, I’d hardly call it that.”

“Well, I assure you no French girl would have had the courage.”

“He thought I was too young. But I showed him that inside I am not so simple, so naïve.”

Madeleine was flabbergasted. “Where did you learn so much?” she said. “Where did you find your courage?”

Jeanette laughed. At last she had a job. “I don’t know, somehow I just managed to summon it up. I’m not sure I’ll ever know what really decided him to hire me, but he did and that’s the important thing. …You know, Madeleine, in a way I need those children as much as they need me.”

“Ah, my dear, you are marvelous. May I tell you something? When you first came, I thought you were just a young small kitten, but you’re really a tigress that will not be beaten down.”

Jeanette laughed. “Oh, my dearest Madeleine, I’m far from being a tigress. I’m many things. I’m frightened, I’m lonely, I’m sometimes very blue, but when I reach the bottom, I just try to pick myself up and start all over again. There’s a great deal you don’t know about my life. I was born part peasant. And in spite of all my education, I think it’s the peasant who pulls me back up.”

Jeanette sat down beside Madeleine and took her hand. “I’ll never forget how you were there when I needed you most, and what a friend you’ve been to me.”

Madeleine began to cry. “You make it sound as though I’ll never see you again.”

“No … no, Madeleine. We’re friends forever. We’ll see each other often, I promise you. …”

M
ONSIEUR DUPRÉ LED JEANETTE
down the second-floor hall to the children’s wing, the same quarters he, Denise and Jean-Paul had shared as children. A large square playroom formed the center. Off to the right were three small bedrooms, just large enough to accommodate a single bed, a night stand, a chair and a dresser. To the left was the governess’ room and bath, somewhat larger and quite attractive.

Mademoiselle Valeriese, the old governess, her bonnet already on, was waiting to leave.

“Mademoiselle Valeriese, may I present Mademoiselle Hack?”

The old governess scrutinized the young woman and thought, My God, their grief must have driven them mad. This new one is only a child herself. Is she to attend to the needs of these children? Unbelievable! She cursed her bones and her age for compelling her to relinquish her charges to a mere slip of a girl. Oh, the toll that time exacted. She had been with her babies since the birth of young Lucien, now seven years old. Nicole was five and Desirée only three.

“Here are their schedules and some suggestions,” she said. “I know you will love the little ones.” She hoped so, at least Then she looked at the three to whom she’d given so much of herself and said, choking back the tears, “And now, my little darlings, it’s time for me to leave you. You are the oldest, Lucien. Be kind and watch over your sisters.”

She bent down to kiss them, the tears rolling down her cheeks. Then, amidst the cries and protests of the children, she took her leave.

“Now,” said Etienne to the children, “I have a wonderful surprise for you. Can you guess what it is?”

“No,” said Desirée, who had cried the hardest,” I can’t.”

“The surprise is Mademoiselle Hack. Say good morning to mademoiselle.”

Desirée looked at Jeanette and snuggled closer to Etienne. Nicole ran to her room and plopped down on the bed. Lucien glowered.

“Good morning, Desirée,” said Jeanette. “Do you like dolls?”

Desirée nodded her head.

Jeanette went to her room and came back with a colorfully wrapped box. She handed it to Desirée, who tried to undo the wrapping, but her tiny fingers couldn’t manage it Jeanette bent down and took Desirée’s fingers in her own, guiding them. When the wrapping was off, Desirée lifted the top of the box. Inside was a doll, the perfect size for a three-year-old to cuddle.

“Thank you, mademoiselle.” Desirée examined the hair and the eyes, then held the doll close, smiling back at Jeanette.

Jeanette breathed a sigh of relief. Thank God she had thought of buying a gift for each child, knowing how difficult the transition would be.

“Lucien, please come here,” said Etienne. Lucien had gone to the window. He turned around slowly and walked to his uncle. “Lucien, greet Mademoiselle Hack and make her feel welcome.”

Lucien’s eyes were lowered. He wouldn’t look at this terrible person who was trying to replace Mademoiselle Valeriese.

“Lucien, look at me. Mademoiselle has kindly consented to come and live with us.”

Lucien didn’t reply, obviously wishing she had kindly consented to go somewhere else. He despised this intruder, he always would. …His mother was gone, his father was gone, and now Mademoiselle Valeriese was gone. Everyone was going away and leaving him. He looked at Jeanette and said very carefully, “Go away. I hate you. Go away.” He ran into his room, slamming the door behind him. Jeanette understood his feelings all too well. …

Etienne was badly shaken. He knew that of the three, Lucien had suffered the most. His intelligence was well above average, and he was so very sensitive. Seeing Desirée dozing off in Etienne’s arms, Jeanette took the child, who still clutched the doll in her arms, and gently carried her to her room. She laid her down, covered her with a blanket, and returned to the playroom.

Etienne still sat with his hands over his eyes. Finally he sighed, looked up and saw Jeanette. “Please, I’m sorry, won’t you sit down?” he said.

Jeanette lowered herself into the chair nearest her, which was one of the children’s.

“I want to apologize for Lucien’s rudeness,” Etienne said.

“Oh, Monsieur Dupré, there’s no need for that, I assure you. I understand how they feel. It’s been a very difficult time for all of you, and especially for the children.”

“Yes, but foolishly I had hoped it would be less difficult.”

“Of course, monsieur. But it’s only natural that they should be frightened and resentful of me. It will take time. But with love and patience I believe the children will become accustomed to me … at least I shall work hard for that. It’s a pity, though, that Mademoiselle Valeriese was obliged to leave just when they needed her so much. …” Where, he wondered, had he found the wisdom to hire her? She was even comforting him …“But life seems to have a way of healing wounds. Please trust me, monsieur. I’ll do my very best to serve the children well.”

He nodded his head. “I do believe you.”

“I’m very grateful for that, and now, may I make a suggestion?”

“Of course.”

“I’d like to wear ordinary clothes, if I may, instead of a uniform. I think that would be best. I think the children will be less apprehensive if I appear less formidable, as though I were one of them.”

“I believe you’re absolutely right.”

“Good, and may I ask your indulgence in one other matter?”

“Yes … of course.”

“Might we have a small piano?”

“Do you think that would help?”

“Yes, I do. Music is a wonderful way to divert the mind, especially with children. I think it might help a great deal.”

“All right, I’ll attend to it immediately.”

“Thank you. And now I’d like to try again to introduce myself to Nicole … this time alone.”

He rose at once. Before leaving, he said, “Thank you, mademoiselle, for all your understanding.”

Jeanette had a doll for Nicole, too, which she proceeded to give to the child, and which Nicole immediately threw against the wall. Jeanette picked it up and placed it gently on the bed alongside Nicole, who turned immediately toward the wall.

“I know you may find it hard to believe, Nicole, but I bet we’re going to be very good friends—”

“You’re
not
my friend. Mademoiselle Valeriese left because of
you
. Lucien said so. Go away, I hate you.”

“That’s too bad because I like you very much. And Lucien is mistaken. …”

Turning her head, Nicole looked at Jeanette appraisingly. Jeanette got up to leave. “You’ll see. We’re going to become friends. …And now, my dear, go and wash. It will soon be time to visit your grandma.”

As Jeanette left, she knew the war hadn’t been won, but at least the campaign had begun and she thought the opening battle had ended a little in her favor. She saw Nicole walk to the bathroom to wash. But when the time came to go, Luden refused, saying he would visit his grandmother with Uncle Etienne only, and, of course, Nicole promptly followed suit.

Time to go to work, Jeanette decided. “Lucien,” she said, “get out of bed at once.” She spoke with authority, but without anger. “I must take you to see your grandmother. That will be my job from now on. The sooner we understand each other, the better it will be for all of us. Now make yourself presentable. Immediately.”

He glared at her, but Jeanette turned and left the room. The moment she turned, he stuck out his tongue. He knew he would have to obey her … after all, she was bigger … but he still hated her. She was his enemy. He would ask Uncle Etienne to send her away.

When they entered her room together, Madame Dupré was still on her chaise longue.

“Good morning, Madame Dupré,” Jeanette said. “I am Mademoiselle Hack.”

Madame’s eyes were good and she scrutinized the girl closely. Etienne must have taken leave of his senses, hiring her. She was much too pretty, much too thin and much too young. For the life of her, she couldn’t understand what had taken possession of Etienne. How dare a governess be dressed in a simple silk frock like some English schoolgirl. She would certainly speak to Etienne. …“You may leave us now,” she said. “Come back in fifteen minutes.”

When Jeanette had closed the door behind her, Lucien began to recite his list of complaints. Mademoiselle Hack was loathsome, and he would never obey her. She was mean, hateful. Nicole joined in. “We despise her, don’t we, Lucien?”

“Yes, and we always will.”

Desirée sat on the chaise, snuggling up to her grandmother. “Isn’t she beautiful, Grandmother?” she said, showing her the doll.

“What …? Oh, yes, quite beautiful,” Madame Dupré said, absorbed in the others, and scarcely noticing the doll.

“That woman gave it to her,” Lucien said angrily.

“She gave me one, too,” added Nicole, “but I threw it against the wall. Lucien told me not to take anything from her.”

Her grandmother was shocked. How unorthodox! The very idea, to present the children with gifts on her very first day! The girl had to be devious. She would speak to Etienne and have her sent away.

When Jeanette came to pick up her charges, Desirée got down from the chaise and ran to meet her, taking her hand. The other two children didn’t acknowledge her presence until Madame Dupré finally said, “Go, children. I will see you again before bedtime.”

On the way out, Jeanette nearly collided with Etienne coming in. She decided the second skirmish had gone to the opposition, and silently laughed to herself, reminding herself this was a job, not a field of battle. …

“Did you have a nice visit with the children, Mother?” Etienne asked when they were alone.

“With the children, yes. With that … person, emphatically
no
. I do not approve of her, Etienne.”

“But why—”

“First of all, she had the audacity to present herself before me improperly dressed. And, furthermore, the children clearly dislike her, especially Lucien. Of course, at her age, Desirée is like a small puppy who can be enticed by anything, especially a doll, which I resent that girl’s giving her, and I understand she made the same overture to Nicole. …It’s really most irregular and … improper. Altogether, she’s thoroughly unsatisfactory.”

Etienne sighed. How very French his mother was in her rigid sense of propriety. “And all of this you discovered in fifteen minutes?” he said wryly. “I think you’ve been prejudiced by Lucien.”

“Prejudiced by Lucien, a mere child? Please don’t patronize me, Etienne. My powers of observation are better than that.”

“Mother, I believe that I’ve had a better opportunity to observe Mademoiselle Hack’s behavior with the children than you have.”

“Then perhaps you can explain to me why she isn’t wearing a uniform.”

“Because we decided that everyday clothes would be better. The children will feel less strain—”

“
We
decided?”

“Yes … replacing Mademoiselle Valeriese will not be easy on any of us—”

“Ah … and that satisfies you, does it, her appearance?”

“Yes.”

“Well, it doesn’t satisfy me. A governess is a governess, and a guest is a guest, and she is neither. I believe she will be a bad influence on the children, and I wish her to leave as quickly as possible, the moment she can be replaced.”

Etienne was beginning to get angry. “I have no wish to defy you, but I don’t think you realize how important this young woman can be to the children. I do. And until such time as I find her unfit, she will remain. We really should be grateful that she came to us when she did. I’m convinced that she understands the children’s upset, and can help them to overcome it.”

Madame Dupré’s shoulders sank back into the chaise. “You’ve never spoken to me in that tone of voice in your life, Etienne. I’m surprised at you … why are you being so protective of
her
? What can she possibly mean to you …? I do believe she has bewitched you.” Her voice was quivering.

Etienne dug his fingers into the edge of the desk. His patience was almost gone. He looked his mother in the eye. “Never …
never
say anything like that to me again. Twice you’ve suggested that my intentions might be personal. They are not. Now, the subject is closed. …”

Etienne left the room. Madame Dupré began to cry. She loved Etienne more than all the others. True, she loved them all, but he was special. It was she who had brought him into the world deformed, something for which she could never forgive herself. From the moment of his birth she had questioned herself: had she committed some terrible sin to call for this punishment from God? And now Etienne was angry with her, something she could not bear. …