Dead Silence (17 page)

The tightness in her throat made it difficult to find her voice. “So who is this other woman?”

“You really want to know?” he asked.

“Maybe it would help if I could picture you with someone who’ll make you happy.”

He cursed softly. “Don’t say that, Grace. It only makes this harder for me.”

“Who is it?” she repeated.

“You know my secretary, Heather?”

Her mind flashed back to the strangled sound of Heather’s voice the last time she’d called. “You’re seeing
Heather?
”

“No, her older sister came by the office, and…well, we sort of hit it off.”

Something sharp seemed to be stabbing Grace in the chest, again and again. Tightening her grip on the phone, she tried to slow her breathing, to bear the pain. “Have you slept with her?” she whispered.

There was an awkward silence. “Yes.”

The darkness pressed closer. Hot. Cloying. Terrifying. Just like that night when she was thirteen and she woke with the reverend’s hand clamped tightly over her mouth….

I won’t think about it!
But she couldn’t stop the tears burning behind her eyes.

“That’s how I…that’s when I realized what it felt like to be with a woman who really wanted me,” he said.

Grace couldn’t speak. She didn’t know what to say. She could imagine how wonderful it must’ve been for George to feel desired—and couldn’t even hold what he’d done against him. This was her fault, not his. She couldn’t give him what he wanted. She’d locked her sexuality away long ago. Those early experiences with the reverend had left too many scars.

She squirmed out of the sleeping bag, gasping for air.

“Grace?” he said after several seconds.

Someone was stirring in the other tent. She was afraid of waking Heath and Teddy. “What?” she managed to respond, her voice barely audible.

“Are you okay?”

She burrowed deeper into the bag, hoping to smother all sound along with the pain. “Yes,” she lied.

Silence. “I’m sorry,” he said at last. “I know we talked about trying again once you got back, but…I’m afraid to miss this opportunity with Lisa because I can’t believe anything will really change between us.”

“Don’t apologize.” She swallowed hard. “I—I understand.”

“I never meant to hurt you, Grace.”

“I know.” Her nose was running. Sniffling, she wiped her eyes. “Can we still be friends?”

“I don’t think so.” He spoke as though the words had been wrenched from him, but they drove through her like a pickax. “I’m afraid we’d fall right back into the same relationship,” he said. “Whoever I’m seeing could never compare to you. Not if I don’t make a clean break and put what we had behind me.”

Grace couldn’t imagine returning to Jackson without George there, waiting for her. They’d been together for three and a half years. Except for the fact that he wanted to make love far more often than she did, their relationship was comfortable. But he was right. Their love life wasn’t spectacular, and probably never would be.

“You’ve been good to me,” she admitted, trying to keep the tears from her voice.

“I love you,” he said.

For a second, Grace felt the worst kind of panic. She wanted to fight for him, promise him anything that
would make him change his mind. But he deserved someone who was madly in love with him, who would marry him without reservation and who would enjoy the physical aspect of the relationship far more than she did.

“I love you, too,” she admitted.

“Grace?”

He said her name with such doubt she fought a second impulse to capitalize on it. “You’re doing the right thing,” she said briskly and hung up.

Kennedy had heard the phone ring, the whispering and then the zipper of Grace’s tent. He knew she was going somewhere. He guessed it was to the bathroom. But if she’d taken the flashlight he’d given her for that purpose, she didn’t turn it on. And when she walked away, it wasn’t in the direction of the Port-a-Potties, which were several campsites to their left.

Was she sneaking off to search for the Bible he’d stuck in the glove compartment of his Explorer? He probably would’ve let her go, but he didn’t think that was it. Something had happened during that phone call. He hadn’t heard enough to follow the whole conversation, but he suspected Grace was upset.

He listened to her footsteps recede. She seemed to be heading down to the lake.

Being careful not to wake the children, he slipped out of his sleeping bag, pulled on a pair of jeans and hurried after her. He felt reluctant to invade her privacy, but he wanted to make sure she was okay.

Following at a distance, he hung back in the trees when she got to the beach. Once she passed into the moonlight, he realized she was dressed in a bathing suit and planned to go into the water.

At that point, he almost stopped her. The weather had cooled. She’d freeze when she got out….

But then he saw her dash a hand across her face and thought maybe she needed the solitude.

Without a moment’s hesitation, she waded into the water and plunged below the surface as though seeking oblivion.

Kennedy held his own breath until she came up for air, but he didn’t feel much better when she began to swim hell-bent for the middle of the lake.

Eventually, she turned toward shore and he started to relax. But she didn’t get out as he expected. Before she reached shallow water, she flipped around and glided out even farther.

“Shit.” Shoving his hands in his pockets to help combat the chill, he shifted anxiously on his feet. He didn’t want her in that big lake alone. The dark of night made the water look more like ink, and most of the time he could barely see her. What if she went under and didn’t reappear? How would he ever find her?

He yearned to go in after her, but her grief seemed so profound. He knew she wouldn’t welcome the intrusion. Maybe someone else could help her, but he was the last person she’d want as a witness to her pain.

She’ll get out soon, he told himself. But the minutes ticked by and she didn’t show any signs of slowing down.

She had to be exhausted. Not to mention half-frozen.

He couldn’t take it anymore. Striding down to the water’s edge, he cupped his hands around his mouth. “Grace!”

At the sound of his voice, she stopped. He was
pretty sure she saw him standing there, waving for her to get out. But it didn’t do any good. A moment later, she continued swimming in the opposite direction.

“What the hell?” He almost called out a second time, but if she wouldn’t listen, there wasn’t any point. Besides, he might wake the boys and the other campers.

Nearly ripping his faded jeans in his rush to get them off, he tossed them on the sand. He was wearing only a pair of boxer briefs, but he didn’t care about modesty. He couldn’t see Grace at all.

The cold jolt of the water stole his breath as he dashed into it. Ignoring the sharp sting, he dived under. She was coming in whether she wanted to or not.

His lungs burned as he forced himself to go as far as he could without air. Finally he surfaced and began swimming freestyle. After several minutes, he stopped to get his bearings and heard her splashing not far ahead of him. Obviously, she knew he was coming and didn’t want him to catch up. But Kennedy wasn’t convinced she could make it back without him. Not after swimming so long already.

With a silent curse, he concentrated on closing the gap between them. By the time he reached her, her movements were growing sluggish. She was tired—and hurting somehow. But fear for her safety made him angry.

“What the hell are you doing?” he shouted, grabbing hold of her ankle and dragging her toward him.

“G-go away!” she gurgled, flailing her arms in the water.

He wiped the droplets from his face. “You’re going to drown us both!”

She struggled to keep her head up. “I d-didn’t ask you t-to come out here.”

There wasn’t anything to be gained by arguing. They needed to get back before she was completely spent. Circling her waist with one arm, he began towing her to shore.

“Let go of me,” she said, trying to tear herself away. “I d-don’t need y-you.”

“You need me more than you think,” he responded. “Quit fighting.”

“L-leave me alone, and—and go b-back to your k-kids.”

Her teeth were chattering so badly he could hardly understand her. “I’m not leaving you anywhere.”

She pried at his fingers. “K-Kennedy.”

He squeezed tighter. He needed her to understand how determined he was, before she exhausted his strength, too. “Relax. You’re along for the ride.”

She went limp, and he suspected she was actually grateful for an excuse to give in.

Kennedy could touch bottom long before Grace could. Breathing heavily, he stood at the earliest opportunity and pulled her against his chest, wanting to make sure he hadn’t drowned her in his efforts to save her. “Hey,” he said, his voice gentle now that he knew she wasn’t going to disappear in the lake. “What’s wrong? What happened tonight?”

She didn’t answer, and he couldn’t tell whether it was lake water or tears that rolled down her cheeks. “Who was on the phone?” he asked.

“No one,” she said, shaking violently. He hugged her close. They were cold, but they’d be far colder once they left the water.

Although she stiffened at the contact, he ignored that, too, because he wanted to comfort her.

Surprisingly, as soon as his bare stomach touched
hers, she wrapped her legs around his waist and grabbed on as a child would. She even buried her face in his neck.

“You’re okay,” he said, tightening his arms around her.

They didn’t speak for several minutes, but she slowly stopped shaking. After a while, she lifted her head. “Why are we camping together, Kennedy?” she asked. “Why did you bring me here?”

He couldn’t help letting his gaze drift to her lips. He’d brought her because of the reverend’s Bible. He had a decision to make. But he was fascinated with her, too. “I don’t know,” he said. “You—you get to me somehow.”

She shook her head. “No. I’m no good for you. For your own sake, keep your distance.” She tried to swim away, but he caught her easily enough.

“I’ll decide what’s best for me, Grace.”

Their stomachs touched again, and so did their bare legs and arms. “But you don’t know what you’re getting into.”

Considering her possible past, he supposed she was right. But she already mattered more to him than any uneasiness he felt about that. “I’m a big boy,” he told her. “I think I can handle it.”

“You don’t understand—”

“Shh…” He didn’t want to hear any more. Silencing her the quickest way he knew how, he rubbed his lips lightly against hers. In Stillwater, he’d told her he wouldn’t touch her, but he hadn’t expected her to take a swim in the middle of the night. Now that he had her in his arms, he couldn’t seem to let go. Especially after she closed her eyes and parted her lips, as if she wanted him to give her a real kiss.

Taking her bottom lip in his mouth, he slid his tongue very deliberately against hers. He longed to slip his hand under the elastic of her bikini while he was kissing her, to press a finger deep inside her at the same time. But he had to be careful or he’d ruin whatever was happening between them. The way Grace made him feel wasn’t anything he wanted to lose. She was the first woman he’d desired since Raelynn.

Slowly, the tension in Grace’s body eased, and she opened her mouth wider. Her response made every muscle in his body grow taut with hope and expectation. “I knew you’d taste as sweet as honey,” he told her.

She frowned in confusion.

“What is it?” he murmured.

“You just kissed me as if…”

“What?”

“As if I mattered to you,” she finished.

He winced at the thought that she’d find it so hard to believe. “You do matter to me,” he said.

She tried to pull away, but he wouldn’t let her. “Don’t,” he said.

She scowled. “This isn’t good.”

“Are you kidding? It’s the best thing I’ve felt in a long time.”

At the hoarse quality in his voice, her eyes locked with his. “I know what you want,” she whispered.

He brought his forehead to hers. “All I want is to hear you say you like this, too.”

“No.”

“You won’t say it? Or you don’t like it?”

“I don’t like it.”

He studied her, measured the feel of her body against his. “You’re lying. Fortunately I can always tell.”

“You don’t know anything.”

“You don’t have to be afraid of me, Grace. I won’t hurt you.”

“I’m not afraid of you. I’m afraid of me.”

“Why?”

Her demeanor changed instantly. “If I give you what you want, will you leave me alone?”

He could think of scarcely anything except getting rid of the scraps of fabric between them. He was rock-hard and breathing heavily. But he could tell she was looking for any excuse to write him off, and he wasn’t about to hand her one.

Ignoring her question, he said, “Let’s get you warm and dry,” and began carrying her to shore.

She tried to stop him. “No. Let’s finish this. Put it behind us.”

“Maybe someday. Not now.”

She lifted his hand to her breast, and his fingers curled instinctively around the soft flesh. “See? There you go. That’s what you’re after. I’ll give it to you. Right here.”

There was something reckless, even dangerous about her. Kennedy wanted to make love, but he knew her offer wasn’t as straightforward as it appeared.

“And then what?” he asked hesitantly.

“Then nothing. It’s over. You go brag to your friends, tell everyone in town they were right about me. Do whatever you want. But you have to promise you’ll never contact me again.”

With a grimace, he pulled his hand away. “Sorry, not interested.”

“Still too good for me?” she taunted.

He caught his breath as she wrapped her legs around him and thrust her pelvis convincingly against him. She was after something. But it definitely wasn’t
sex. She wanted to diffuse the tension between them and move on. The question was why. The past? The present? Fear of intimacy? Fear of reprisal?

“Too good?” he echoed, laughing mirthlessly. “What’s wrong, Grace? Feeling threatened?”