Deadly Expectations (50 page)

Bee sighed.
 
It was getting late for her.
 
“Go and get some rest now child.”

No point in arguing with her.
 
She was right.
 
I was tired too.

“Grown up talk, I get it,” I got up and kissed her cheek.
 
“Good night Mrs. Desmond.
 
Ray, Denis, ‘night.”
 
I yawned.
 
“See you downstairs Paul.”

Chapter 39

I put the ice pack in the freezer while I had my bath.
 
It was probably too hot but after all the walking and standing I wanted to be sure that I wasn’t up half the night trying to ignore the aching in my legs.
 
Paul was quiet when he came down later.
 
I’d fallen asleep on the couch.

“Anna …
wake
up Sugar.
 
The ice came off your hand,” he said as he gently shook my shoulder.
 
He didn’t sound like himself.
 
Apologetic and I couldn’t guess why.

“What’s the matter Paul?” I asked him.
 
He didn’t look right either.
 
It was guilt I’d seen only briefly on his face only this time it wasn’t leaving.
 
He helped me sit up and put the cold pack back on my hand.
 
It was stiff and sore from the swelling and the popped joints were bruising but it felt a lot better now that everything was connected properly.

“Ray says you should have it off and on for a while.”

“Okay,” I consented but I wondered if he had just woken me up to tell me that.
 
“Are you turning in?”

“I thought I would go out with Ray and Denis tonight.
 
I just wanted to get you tucked in so you weren’t waiting up on the couch for me.”

“Oh.”
 

I went and got in bed and he sat with me for a while.

“What’s troubling you Paul?”

He sighed and didn’t say anything but he didn’t get up either so I waited.

“What I tried to do to your line tonight was terrible,” he said finally.
 
“Bee explained it’s like a skin graft … it’s yours now.
 
In time it will be indistinguishable from yours … yours will just be that much stronger.
 
The only part of our lines we own is the part we have used.
 
I thought it was part of another man’s and after seeing you with Kenny today all I wanted was to get it away from you.
 
But it’s you now … it would be like me trying to take away your arm or leg.
 
My father is very angry with me.”

“I don’t really understand,” I told him.
 
“What about what I tried to do to you?
 
If you weren’t so quick …”

But Paul shook his head.

“My father says I deserved to be hit with it,” he sighed.
 
“I did one of the worst things a man can do to his mate.
 
My family can decide that I’m not worthy of you and send me away.
 
I’d be bound to that decision … but since you are so aware of us and who you are Bee has decided to leave it up to you.
 
If you feel that what I did was unforgivable and you want me to leave I will.
 
You won’t see me again.
 
Damian has tried to harm you too so he couldn’t be left in charge of our daughter.
 
He has proven himself unworthy countless times and Bee feels the fate Pilot has chosen for him is fitting.
 
Ray has agreed to see to her upbringing.”

Cold sunk into my stomach.
 
I didn’t understand why what he did was so wrong but the potential consequences for him made me well aware of how completely wrong it was.
 
Just as wrong as what Damian had tried to do to me.

“What exactly do you mean by leave Paul?”
 
There was no chance whatsoever I would ever want
him
to go … I knew that soon I would have to find a way to make him keep his distance while I dealt with Damian but that was temporary.
 
Something brief I hoped we could get through.
 
But this would be punishment for both of us.

“I would … Ray and Denis would make sure,” he struggled for the words.
 
“You would never see me again like this … I would be waiting to see you on the other side.”

I felt sick.
 
Maybe for someone like him who had lived so many times it wasn’t such a big deal but for someone like me who would only remember one life at a time it was barbaric.
 
I remembered how he had just surrendered to Damian when he thought Catherine was dead and how he was so ready to start over when he thought I was dead.
 
It disgusted me that it was so easy for them to hit the reset button.
 
And I thought I had a problem with running when things got tough.
 
I was learning to stick it out.
 
To deal with what I had before me rather than take off and avoid it.
 
He would have to learn how too.

I couldn’t see his face.
 
The bedroom was dark except for the hall light that shone in on the foot of the bed next to him.
 
I wasn’t going to minimize the importance of his family rules.
 
I was certain that they were there for a reason even though this one was completely ridiculous.

“Let me make sure that I understand this,” I said.
 
“You did something possibly unforgivable … yes?”

“Yes,” Paul said.

“And punishment for you is getting to run away from your guilt and start over with a woman who won’t remember what you did?”

He shook his head.

“So who is the one who would really be punished for this?
 
Doesn’t sound like you would be at all.”

He didn’t say anything.

“I appreciate the need for order and rules in the family … but from my perspective spending what could be the last few months of my life without you isn’t really a fitting punishment for you at all.
 
Maybe it’s a lot more complicated than I could ever understand,” I paused.
 
“If you really feel that you have done something so terrible then you should have to face me every day until your guilt goes away on its own.”

“You’re far too generous,” he whispered.

“If you think you’re getting off easy then that’s because I’m far too selfish and naïve.
 
I don’t understand what happened tonight or why it’s a big deal.
 
I’m more upset by what I tried to do to you.
 
I can’t make that up to you if you’re not here.
 
I’m sorry if this sounds blunt but perhaps humility is something that you have lost touch with through the course of your long life.”

He just nodded.

“I forgive you.
 
I don’t know if you forgive me … I have no idea what I could have done to you but I’m sure it wasn’t good.
 
I don’t know what else to say … are you still going out?”

“There is nothing for me to forgive.
 
I guess I’ll go with them for a bit.”

I sat up and put my arms around him.

“Come back to me tonight, promise?”

“Yes.
 
I promise.”

He got up to leave, straightening his shirt and zipping up his jacket.

“Wait Paul … I haven’t been back much more than a week after what I did to you.
 
We both have things we feel terrible for.
 
In a few days can we get away alone for a while?
 
Take the truck and go?
 
If things go wrong in a few months I don’t want to think I spent every night patching things up with you after an evening at Bee’s table.”

“Yes,” he said and came back to kiss me.
 
“Goodnight Sugar.”

The next day after their run and breakfast Denis took me car shopping.
 
After looking at a few minivans I quickly realized that the back seats were too small.
 
It was hard enough to get myself in them much less anyone bigger so we went back to one of the smaller used car lots in the south end of town so I could take another look at a nice older sedan I had passed over while I was focused on vans.

All it needed was winter tires and a tune-up.
 
Price was a little high but after pulling out cash Rachel drove out in a beautiful nineteen-seventy something Lincoln Town Car.
 
We spent an hour in the tire shop then I ran into the parts store before we went home and got the tools out.
 
Now Ray and Denis could get Bee around while Paul and I were away.

Paul seemed more like himself after a little more sleep.
 
He avoided his father but otherwise got along with Ray and Denis like nothing had happened.
 
I wondered if he’d only come down the night before to say goodbye.
 
Maybe he felt so bad about what he had done that he had planned on going back upstairs and telling them that it was time for him to go.
 
But then he couldn’t run out on me and changed his mind, deciding to tell me instead.

The following day was Friday and Ray came with Bee and I for her appointment.
  
We got everything sorted out for her and Ray was pleased with the locum.
 
Maybe he would want to stay in
Toronto
with Alina when he finally went to see her.

Paul and I were having a late breakfast the day that the ID would be ready when there was a knock at my door.
 
Ray and Denis would just knock and walk in but the door stayed closed.

“Expecting anyone?” Paul asked quietly.

“If
it’s
Kenny he’s hours early … are you ready to meet my father?” I asked as I quickly picked up my plate and cup.

“What?” Paul asked.

“You’re John Lund, Bee’s grandson, doing a favour for the owner.
 
Make it sound like I’m still in the States and won’t be back for a long time.”

He sighed.
 
“I get to meet him for real eventually, right?”

There was another knock.

“He knows I’m never up this early so he’ll keep knocking for a while trying to get me out of bed.
 
We can ignore him but he’ll just keep coming back.”

“Okay … get down the hall.”

“Thanks Paul,” I told him and gave him a quick kiss before disappearing with my breakfast.
 
I didn’t want my father to see an abandoned second place set at the table.
 
After closing my door most of the way I stood behind it and put my plate on top of the dresser.

Paul fiddled with the lock for a moment and opened the door.
 
“Yeah?” he said.

I was right about who it was. I heard my father’s surprised voice.
 
“Who are you?”

There were a few seconds of silence.

“I’m the man holding the door open,” Paul sounded irritated.
 
“Who are you?”

After a few more seconds.
 
“I’m John Creed.
 
The uh … owner’s father.
 
Is Anna around?”

“John Lund,” Paul said.
 
“Sorry, I wasn’t expecting anyone.
 
No, she isn’t … you want coffee or something?
 
I’m letting all the heat out.”