Deadly Wands (61 page)

His father never told Billy he had a dead
brother and sister. His father let him believe his mother had been
raped. His mother preferred him becoming a genocidal monster
exterminating an entire race of people rather than a prince of
England.

Billy had to pee so bad.

The Matriarch suddenly walked in with fresh
baked pie that made the room smell like apples. But before she
could offer Billy a slice, he asked the one question that forever
changes childhood into adulthood:

“When did life get so complicated?”

CHAPTER 78

Billy held a secret meeting with the few
dozen relatives who knew his duel identities. He scheduled it
during Princess’ childbirth to be sure she wouldn’t attend. He felt
naked not wearing something that covered his face. He made them
record him, then gave it to them bluntly.

“I’ll die when I run out of Mongols to kill.
Many of you can get by with flying a lot, but my addiction is the
strongest in history. No quad with half my strength has ever
survived retirement, even blasting mountains into rubble. It’s what
keeps the dueling arenas alive. It’s the real reason I’m waiting
two years to duel Genghis Khan. Victory will kill me. I may survive
the war, but not the peace, so we need to plan now for my
absence.”

He paused to let them absorb this, not
appreciating how his words contrasted with his boyish face or the
energy radiating from him. The Matriarch, of all people, looked
ready to cry with her one good eye.

“My father warned me about this. We just
didn’t think this day would arrive so soon. I found it harder to
enjoy our victories because each one reduced my life span. Winning
battles felt like committing suicide. Please don’t tell me how
sorry you are, because I regret nothing. I’ll have lived longer in
twenty years than most people who last two hundred.”

Although death staring at him in the face was
a hard way to enjoy a honeymoon. Just convincing Princess to marry
him took more energy than it was worth.

“I’ve made out my Last Will and plan to
legalize it in every relevant country. If something also happens to
Princess, then Emily becomes the executor of my estate. She knows
how I want my fortune invested. I’ve also given her my video
diaries for her to release after my death, along with my parent’s.
What? Oh, yeah, I’ve been recording myself since I was little.

“My problem -- it sounds weird to call it
that -- is that I have too much money. I want to spend as much as
possible, as fast as possible, as constructively as possible, so I
need people I can trust to spend it for me. Under the parent
non-profits that I’ve started, I want you to invest heavily in food
production, infrastructure, education, and healthcare. Buy as much
farmland and ranchland as possible to feed people during famines
and for leverage over bad leaders. I also want to give free land to
Americans who move to the Stans. I’d like to see huge herds of
cattle and buffalo there, like in the American Midwest.

“I want to hire as many marathoners as
possible. Some can fish off the coasts. Long flights and blasting
the ocean -- so dead fish float to the surface -- will help ease
the pain of their addiction, while feeding the hungry. Jack, please
start a global postal service to employ others. George, hire
marathoners to increase ship speed.

“I plan on holding a family get-together at
the end of every year. Since they’ll be the world’s best quads when
grown, I want them to develop personal bonds. Jack, as our common
ancestor, I leave you in charge of my general war fund, charity,
and investment company, although Princess or Emily can overrule
decisions. Please do everything you can to keep my kids from
killing each other.

“The world economy will soon be booming. I
want everyone to credit peace for their prosperity. Genghis Khan
made world war his legacy. I want to leave world peace as my
legacy. That is my dying wish for all of you and for all of my
children. See to it that they live up to it.”

Now that Billy bummed them out, he tried to
lift them up. The king never married the Matriarch, nor informed
her that he once told Billy he’d marry her. Since he had more money
than time, Billy thought he’d hurry that along. He turned to the
king, but waited until he grew impatient, because that never got
old.

“Grandpa, if you marry Susan before my
wedding, I’ll forgive that thousand ton loan.”

The room exploded as if bombed. Everyone but
King Richard was on their feet hugging and screaming. Susan not
only lifted Billy up, but kissed him on the lips in front of her
new fiancé. They weren’t, after all, blood related. No one bothered
to ask the king if he accepted because no one refuses a thousand
gold tons.

King Richard finally understood how this
little brat kept beating the Great Khan -- through surprise.
Billy’s true talent was not war or dueling, but surprising. He must
have gotten it from his parents.

Some actors perform on larger stages.

Emily started chanting, “Queen Susan, Queen
Susan!” When the room finally quieted down, Billy thought he’d
clarify something. Like all good surprise attacks, this one had
more than one shocker.

Billy called Emily and their firstborn up
front.

“Emily -- or should I now say, Lady Emily --
I’m not giving away a thousand gold tons to make Susan royalty. I’m
doing it to make you royalty.”

And, with that, even King Richard broke into
tears. The beefy guy picked up Billy and Emily and everyone else
hugged them until the tears of joy dried up. William did flips
above them and Billy saw past Emily’s shocked expression that he
made her the happiest girl on Earth. The utter devotion he saw in
her eyes helped heal his wounded soul. But he was not done. Billy
could be vicious in his generosity.

“But our children are less likely to ascend
to the throne if they remain illegitimate.” That stopped the music.
“Princess refused to marry me after making you show me that video.
Do you know how I convinced her otherwise?” He didn’t wait for an
answer because Emily looked about to shatter into a thousand pieces
of glass. “By promising to marry you if something ever happens to
her.”

Billy caught Emily as she collapsed. William,
however, was past mere joy. He slammed into them so hard he knocked
the three of them down. He sat on King Richard’s barrel chest and
joked, “Do you know what I like most about a fair fight?”

Every quad in the world saw the video of
Billy taking the Third Millennial.

Billy was laughing too hard to use his wands,
but the king chased him around the high ceilings. Billy brushed
Emily’s blond hair from her face so she could see his eyes.

“Emily, should the opportunity present
itself, will you marry me?”

It felt like such an odd question to ask the
mother of six of his children right before he married someone
else.

“You actually do understand how much I love
you!” she whispered in joy.

“I’m gonna take that as a yes.” Billy turned
to Susan. “Several of your offspring have died for me. Ennobling
your descendents is the least I can do for their service.”

Which is why he invited Prince’s beautiful
fiancée to this meeting. Billy called her in front of everyone and
William let the king finally catch him.

“Cousin Mara -- or should I say, Lady Mara --
your sister Mary died protecting my mother the day she was killed.
I cannot thank her enough. But I can try.

“When my future brother-in-law wouldn’t shut
up about how wonderful you are, I suggested he turn the baby in
your tummy into a prince or princess by marrying you. So if you
ever hear him call me a genius, that’s why. As royalty, I warned
him that you should own an estate to pass down to your children.
Since he didn’t know what to buy, he just gave me control of one of
his accounts. I doubt the fool had any idea how much was in it.
Anyways, you should soon own several estates in England and
Ireland, a dozen in Europe, a huge territory in the Stans, and an
agent is buying land across the Americas. Just in case you two have
a lot of children.

“I also had your forgetful groom put you in
charge of the charities he started for war orphans and widows. And
I gave a thousand gold tons in your name to his tribe to build
roads, schools, and hospitals. I hear they’ve already named a
street after you. The rest I donated to the families of those who
either gave or risked their lives saving him.

“And you’re still richer than the king, who
just got a thousand tons wealthier. But please don’t lend him money
-- that’s my job!” Billy paused to smile at grandpa. “It’s better
to give to family than to lend, and it costs about the same.

“Your boyfriend has invested heavily in my
companies, but he doesn’t care about business. I hear you’re a whiz
with numbers, so perhaps you’d consider a membership on my board of
directors. Our children will be cousins twice over, but I want them
to grow up as brothers and sisters. After all, any one of them
could one day rule England.”

And, more importantly, Billy needed powerful
people willing to work hard to make his legacy last. His mother was
right: only lasting peace justified killing so many. Falling short
of that would make him the genocidal monster he spent his life
destroying.

When Susan, Emily, and Mara sobbed together
in a group hug, it occurred to Billy how frequently he made women
cry. He didn’t have the heart to tell Mara that Prince would spend
the rest of his life dueling to satisfy his wand thirst, rather
than living large in luxury in London. Effectively, she’d be a
widow as soon as they married.

“You’d make a great king,” his grandfather
flatly stated in awe.

“Thank you, grandpa. It’s in my blood.”

CHAPTER 79

Best. Birthday. Ever.

The king’s huge wedding at Buckingham Palace
drowned out his own, smaller wedding on an uninhabited island off
England’s coast. Having his wedding a week after the king’s made
Billy feel safe. While royalty from across Europe flooded England
to witness history, only a few dozen relatives saw Billy and the
twins get married. Wanting to make the new queen as popular as
possible, Billy imported kegs of alcohol and tons of food which he
distributed free in Susan’s name. The hundreds of infrastructure
projects, hospitals, and schools that he funded propelled the
English and Irish economies like super wands. Billy’s growing fleet
couldn’t keep up with demand, no matter how many shipyards they
started.

Princess looked stunning in her white dress.
He had never seen someone so happy cry so much. She made Emily her
bridesmaid, and the two bonded like incestuous sisters. William
loudly and repeatedly volunteered to be his best man, the little
shit, knowing Billy had already asked Jack to have that honor. The
little monster loved attention, and soon became the life of the
party. William tried to make everyone like him, and collected jokes
like other quads collected porn.

I’m gonna be a grandpa as soon as that
bastard touches puberty, Billy realized.

In contrast to his dreamy wedding, Billy’s
honeymoon was a nightmare. So long between transferring wands gave
him the shakes, which affected his performance, which pissed off
the ladies impatient to get pregnant. A lot of dangerous women with
nothing to do but gossip was a unique hell that Billy became eager
to escape from.

Spring in Siberia couldn’t come fast
enough.

Billy found fifty thousand marathoners in
Anchorage desperate to kill someone. Over half were Americans, and
the rest split between Europeans and Asians thirsty for revenge.
Grandma had been flying their units hard -- telling them it was to
maximize their endurance, but really to keep them from shooting
each other. Billy wondered how they’d fare after the war ended.

Bear took Billy aside, bubbling with
excitement. He had never seen the old veteran look so content.

“You finally got laid!” was Billy’s first
guess.

Bear projected a video of a laughing baby.
“Isn’t he beautiful?”

Beautiful was -- honestly -- not the first
thing that came to mind. Furry, maybe. “If you’re into little boys,
yeah, he’s cute.”

“Mongols killed every family I’ve ever
started -- three wives and seventeen children, so I never expected
another family. I haven’t reproduced in a century. You remember the
three brothers you dueled in Barcelona? They killed my last wife
and kids over what they thought was my dead body. You gave me the
wands that nearly destroyed me, and I’ve been killing Mongols with
them ever since. So I no longer fear Mongols slaughtering those I
love. Then I met this really great girl…”

Billy lit up like a fireball.
“Congratulations! Are you calling him Bear Jr.?”

Bear must be projecting an invisible shield
because Billy’s quips just bounced off him.

“We’re calling him Ralph, for now, but…”

Billy’s laugh interrupted him. “Ralph?
Really?” He studied his friend. “Oh, no! Is Ralph your real
name?”

“Lower your voice!” Bear had never yelled at
him before. “The new guys aren’t gonna respect a guy named Ralph.
Much less let me get away with so many jokes.”

“So why burden your only child with that
name?”

Bear suddenly looked sheepish. “I was hoping
we could name him after you.”

Billy fell backwards. He had never been
floored before. Or, in this case, grounded. His butt landed on a
rock and he squealed like an anal virgin. He was about to joke that
his name was also Ralph, but Bear looked so vulnerable. Billy got
up, still dizzy from being so flattered. He looked around to make
sure nobody could overhear.

“Billy.”

Bear had been staring at him hard. First his
eyes started laughing, then his face began chuckling, and finally
his whole body roared with mirth.