Dealing With Discipline (24 page)

“I’ll want to invite Grace to the next
one.”

“That’s fine,” he responded absently,
already beginning the salutation to Hugh. If this dinner party went
off well then he had no reason to deny Eleanor something so
simple.

Eleanor muttered something that
sounded like “if she’s still in London.” By which he supposed that
her friend had indicated she might be leaving the city soon. It
didn’t make a difference either way to Edwin.

“Thank you for letting me
throw the dinner party,” she said, breaking through the silence
with a loud, firm voice, demanding his attention. He glanced up to
look her in the eye and found that she was staring at him with the
queerest expression on her face. One that he hadn’t seen before. “I
appreciate it.”

“I trust that you’ve learned your
lesson from the time before,” he said with a little half-smile. “If
you did not then I will not hesitate to ensure that it does not
happen a third time.”

The way she shifted, obviously
remembering both the pain and the accompanying passion, almost made
him want to set aside the letter and begin something else entirely.
But that would take quite a bit of time and he still had work to
do; he’d taken a short break to read Hugh’s letter and once he was
done responding he needed to get back to it.

“I have no wish to
antagonize you again,” she said, sniffing as if affronted by the
very idea.

“I’m glad to hear it.” Edwin returned
his attention to the letter, congratulating Hugh on his marital
bliss and his own anticipation of the happy couple’s return to the
Season.

“I rather care for you, you
know.”

“I do.”

There was something tense about
Eleanor’s silence that caught Edwin’s attention again. He looked
up. That strange expression was still on her face, as if she was
waiting for him to say something more.

“I care for you too, Nell, you know
that,” he said with the grin that he knew made the ladies flutter
their fans. “Always have, ever since we were kids.”

“Of course,” she said, but
her tone was neutral and he suddenly felt as if he was
disappointing her again, but he didn’t know why or what she wanted
from him. Somehow she seemed even more perturbed than usual by the
lack of whatever it was she wanted to hear from him, but it’s not
as if she ever gave him any damn
clue.
Eleanor shifted and looked
away. “I’m going to go discuss dinner tonight with
Cook.”

“Very well,” he said,
lacking any other response. Eleanor swept out of the room almost as
suddenly as she’d entered, taking quite a bit of the vitality and
light from it with her. He felt as though something important had
just happened but he didn’t know what or why he even felt that
way.

One thing he knew for sure was that
Eleanor had been looking for something in particular and he didn’t
think he had provided it. He shook his head as he returned his
attention to the letter. Women. Even the one he thought he knew
best could baffle him on a regular basis. It was a sensation he was
becoming accustomed to.

******

Stopping by one of the windows to
stare out onto the street, Eleanor didn’t even have to try not to
cry. Her insides felt numbed, like ice. It didn’t even hurt that
Edwin obviously still saw her as a woman that he cared about
because of his long relationship with her and not because he was in
love with her. It couldn’t hurt because she couldn’t really feel
anything at all. As if her heart was encased in cold, soothing ice.
A barrier to keep out all the pain that she would otherwise be
feeling.

It had been hard enough to tell him
that she cared for him, to try and bare her feelings to him when
she had no idea what his return would be, but he’d barely given her
his attention much less reciprocated. Would it have really hurt him
to take a moment or two to actually speak with her? To look at her
as she spoke to him rather than dividing his attention between her
and the letter to her brother? It wasn’t as if Hugh was even there
to compete with her for Edwin’s attention, and yet he held it
anyway.

Was she only important to Edwin as an
extension of Hugh?

Hopelessness welled up in her only to
slam against the wall of ice and melt away, but it was out there,
just waiting to slam down on her. She could feel it, at a distance
removed.

Her fingers splayed over
her stomach. Her monthly courses were due, had been due for the
past two days, and so far had not come. That was why she’d finally
gotten up the courage to try and say something directly to Edwin,
to try and spark a conversation about their feelings for one
another. One which he’d basically brushed off. A sick feeling rose
inside of her and she clung to the icy barricade which kept her
safe.

If she was pregnant with
his child, his heir, then perhaps the smartest thing to do would be
to leave the city with Grace, if Grace left, and then she could
have Edwin’s heir without the constant emotional highs and lows
that living in the same house as Edwin caused her. No one would be
able to say that she had denied Edwin his rights, the way they
spoke of Grace. She would do her duty but avoid revealing her
vulnerability to her husband. Because she knew that he could easily
shatter this new cold exterior, either directly or indirectly by
his behavior. He could read her well enough that she couldn’t hide
her feelings for him forever if they were residing in the same
household.

The best thing to do would be to wait
and see if she truly were with child and then escape the city with
Grace. Escape this awful one-sided love that threatened to undo
everything she’d ever wanted for herself in a marriage.

Escape her fate of turning into her
mother.

******

They were going to be returning to
London tomorrow and if Irene was going to ride Rex it had to be
today.  Once they were in London she knew that it would be
much harder to find the time and the opportunity to do so, and she
didn’t relish the idea of attempting her first ride on the big
horse in the hustle and bustle of the city.  Although she was
sure that she could handle him, eventually, she knew that it was
much safer in the country where there was less activity to spook
and rile him.  Even the most docile horses could have their
patience tested in the city where there were so many other people
and animals and carriages.

The honeymoon had been lovely,
although she was becoming concerned over her growing feelings for
Hugh. How could she be in love with two men at the same time? Yet
as Hugh had shown her his favorite places on his lands and in the
houses they stayed in, as she’d interacted with him every day and
lay in his bed every night, her emotions had become more and more
tangled. The sparkle in his blue eyes when he was being mischievous
or playful set her at ease, the hunger on his face when she
disrobed made her heart pound, and every day she worried a little
more that the image of Alex’s face in her mind seemed to be
fading.

If Alex was on her one true love then
that shouldn’t happen… but she didn’t know how to explain it.
Perhaps she was like Guinevere with Lancelot and Arthur. Only she
couldn’t imagine deserting Hugh to be with Alex, not completely.
She enjoyed having him in her life too much.

Eventually she turned her attention to
something much simpler – her desire to ride Rex. There were other
emotions coiled up in that of course, a desire to show Hugh that he
was wrong and she could handle the horse, a desire to prove her
skills to both him and herself, and a burgeoning need to run wild
and free on the stallion. Something simple and lovely that she
would thoroughly enjoy before they returned to London, where Alex
was… where her feelings would have been be examined more
closely.

After directing the servants in the
packing for their return to London, Irene had her maid dress her in
a riding gown and snuck out to the stables.  Hugh was as busy
as her and she hadn’t seen him all morning since they broke their
fast so she wasn’t too worried about him stopping her.

Surely once she showed him that she
could handle Rex close to the house he would allow her to truly try
the stallion’s paces.  Standing in front of the magnificent
animal’s stall she looked up and actually felt a touch of
trepidation.  He was much larger than he’d looked from
Liberty’s back. 

Feeling as though someone was watching
her, Irene glanced over her shoulder.  Somehow she felt as
though her mother was right there watching her with cold,
censorious eyes. 

“Hello beautiful,” she whispered,
turning her attention back to the horse.  He whuffled and
snorted, tossing his head a bit and she took a step back. 
Because it was the smart thing to do, not because she was afraid…
at least that’s what she told herself.  When he calmed down
again, eyeing her warily, she gathered her courage and reached out
to try and touch his nose. 

The horse struck, causing her to
stumble backwards as she snatched her hand out of reach of its
teeth.  Landing heavily on her backside, Irene glared up at
the magnificent creature as he whickered.  It sounded like he
was laughing at her. 

Equal parts fear and
rebellion, Irene stood up and brushed off her skirts, glaring at
him.  She was the best horsewoman she knew; she'd seen the way
ladies of the
ton
 "rode" in town - if it could even be called that!
 While she might not have been equal to them in style of dress
or quality of jewels and fabrics, she was better than any of them
at riding.  It was a point of pride with her and she'd never
come across a horse than she couldn't master.

Of course it didn't occur to her that
she'd never be presented with a horse beyond her skills, because no
competent stable master would risk his position that way.  Or
that the grooms of this particular stable would have gone running
to their master the moment they saw her attempting to approach
Rex's stall.  It was well known that the devil-horse was a
one-man horse; they instinctively knew that Hugh would not approve
of his lady-wife getting anywhere near the unruly animal.
 

For a few minutes he'd been standing
just outside the doorway to the stables, watching her, rather
amused if aggravated that she'd obviously gone against his wishes.
If she’d looked out the door she would have seen him, but her
attention was all on Rex.  She'd been approaching him
intelligently at least, with patience and caution, and Hugh had
been sure that she'd realize the error of her ways without his
interference.  Unfortunately almost getting knocked onto her
backside, while entertaining him, had only increased her
resolve. 

She looked akin to his sister as she
approached the stall door again, despite the difference in their
complexions and coloring, the stubborn expression on her face was
pure Eleanor.  Not what Hugh wanted to see, especially now
that Rex was already riled up and Irene had passed the point of
patience and calm contemplation.  He was going to have to
intervene before she did something stupid.  

Irene almost screamed as an arm
wrapped around her waist and swung her away from Rex's stall.
 The horse stamped his hoof and tossed his head as if in
triumph. Spun around, breathless, she found herself looking up into
the stern blue eyes of her husband. 

Caught. 

"What are you doing?"  Her voice
was shrill, high, as her hands pressed against his chest, trying to
push him away.  It was like pushing at a stone
wall. 

One blonde eyebrow arched
at her as his lips quirked, almost looking amused before the solemn
mien of disapproval descended again.  "What are
you
 doing,
sweetheart?  I seem to specifically recall ordering you to
stay away from Rex."

"But I'm a good horsewoman," she said,
half-arguing, half-pleading.  "You know I am.  I just
wanted to show you that I can handle him."

"By sneaking around behind my back and
approaching him alone?  You couldn't even get near enough to
open his stall door, much less get a bit in his mouth or a saddle
on his back."  Hugh's eyes darkened as he looked down at his
wife, not at all liking the rebellious tilt to her mouth.
 "You lost your temper just now and tried to approach him
again, without even considering the fact that his temper is short
as well.  You could have been seriously injured, do you not
realize that?"

The sparks in her eyes said
that she was unpleased with his assessment and that just
made
his
 temper come perilously close to the surface.
 

"Promise me that you'll stay away from
him."

"No!"  The word was
out of her mouth before she had time to think about it. It was the
first time in a long time that she had said the word, she was so
used to acquiescing to whatever was asked of her. This new
independence was both frightening and exhilarating.  Hugh
loomed over her and she pushed at him again, uselessly.  He
was almost scary looking and she could feel her heart pounding
faster.

"Irene, promise me that you will stay
away from him.  I won't have you putting yourself in danger."
 Holding her securely in place with one arm, he cupped her
chin with his opposite hand and lifted her gaze to his so that she
could see how in earnest he was.