Authors: Jean Stubbs
Man has his will – but woman has her way.
The
Autocrat
of
the
Breakfast
Table
–
Oliver Wendell Holmes
‘I
REGRET
that I have something of a painful situation to put before you, ma’am,’ said Lintott, ill at ease in Laura’s dark-blue drawing-room, ‘but Mr Titus Crozier and me have talked it over, and this will save a deal of unpleasantness.’
He peered at the deep frieze round the walls, where a series of semi-Greek ladies disported themselves with vases and peacocks. He wished he had his hat between his hands, since it gave him something to hold and he had always been an awkward man.
Laura had been playing on the grand piano when he was shown in, and now sat, half turned towards him, on the
gilt-legged
stool. The seat had been worked in bright wools by her own hands, and he found further evidence of her industry in the profusion of footstools and embroidered cushions.
‘You have discovered the lady in question, and the manner of my late husband’s death, Inspector?’
‘Yes, ma’am. I am of the opinion that Mr Crozier took his own life under the pressures of emotion and circumstance.’ He knotted his hands together, and took the first hurdle manfully. ‘Mrs Crozier, I must be frank with you, and not entirely frank, and both for your own good – and the good of your children. The woman who brought the letters was not your late husband’s mistress. She was acting as a go-between for somebody else – it don’t matter whom – and he
was
being blackmailed. And he could, and would, have been blackmailed again until they bled him white. That’s rough speaking, ma’am, but I don’t know how to put it any nicer.’
Pale and attentive, she motioned him to go on.
‘I
have uncovered an aspect of the late Mr Crozier’s life that does not bear mentioning. I shouldn’t like my own wife to know
of it, nor any lady, come to that. We’ll just say that it’s best left alone. Taking a mistress is very small beer – if you’ll excuse the expression – in comparison with what did happen. They had him in a cleft stick, ma’am, and he knew it.’
‘The love-letters? What of the love-letters?’
‘He was in love, with someone else. That, too, pushed him over the edge as it were, because there could be no proper end to such an association. Now, ma’am, Mr Titus and I are anxious to spare you shame and suffering – without, of course, being untruthful or impeding the course of justice. And I do assure you, that if it all came out, your life, and the lives of your
children,
would be under a shadow until you died. Are you with me, ma’am?’
She nodded.
‘So we propose to tell the truth, and nothing but the truth, up to a point. Mrs Flynn – the woman who carried the letters – is prepared to testify that they were written to
her
.
The question of blackmail will come up, and of course she’ll deny it. Nor have we any evidence. We have only Mr Titus’s report of his brother’s conversation, and no money passed hands. They must still have been arguing the toss between them. Your late husband was a gentleman of strong character. He wouldn’t go under without a fight, even though it was a losing one.’
‘Why should
she
go free?’ Laura cried.
‘Look here, ma’am, Molly – Mrs Flynn – is doing us a favour. We
want
her to go free. If she doesn’t she’ll blow the gaff and then we’re all in the soup. It could take a few lids off London that had best remain covered, as yet. Now, if you aren’t prepared to go along with us, say so. I’ll fetch the whole lot out in court, name names, state facts. It’s your choice, ma’am, and nobody else’s. I’d just say one thing to you. Make sure you have some good friends in the country that’ll take you in for a few months. Put this here establishment up for sale. Take your sons away from Rugby, before you’re
asked
to take them. And send a prayer up for Mr Titus, because he’ll have to face the music and try to keep his sales level. Do you understand me, ma’am?’
She made a gesture of resignation, or acceptance, and bowed her head.
‘Now you’ll have to sit through an awkward hour or so in the courtroom. Those letters will be read out. Molly Flynn will be acting like Lady Hamilton. And you’ll have to bear it, ma’am. Nobody minds if you cry a bit, or faint, or anything of that sort. But if you stand up, halfway through, and start saying it’s all lies, I may as well hand in my resignation now!’
‘I shall not go back on my word,’ said Laura with dignity. ‘And that word I give you most wholeheartedly, Inspector.’
He wondered what wild imaginings passed through that
subdued
head, and tried to set a few of them at rest.
‘It wasn’t forgery, ma’am, or anything like that. I should have had to bring that up. He was mostly a danger to himself, so’s to speak.’
He was attempting to rob the courtroom of its sharpest
humiliation
, preparing for what must come.
‘I shall do as you suggest, Inspector,’ she said quietly. ‘After all, I need not look at Mrs Flynn, and I shall be heavily veiled. Mourning has its uses.’
She could say so with conviction, for it became her. This was the third ensemble Lintott had admired, and he wondered how long the money would last.
‘I was about to drink coffee,’ she said, in a different tone, ‘I should be truly obliged if you would join me, Inspector. Perhaps Mrs Hill has baked some biscuits. I understand you admire her skill, and with good reason.’
He caught a demure and vanishing smile on her face, and was glad she took his news so calmly.
‘Well, that’s uncommonly kind of you, ma’am. I wouldn’t object.’
Kate appeared to have adopted her mistress’s air of serenity, and though she did not respond to Lintott’s covert wink she tossed her head as she passed him, and set down the silver tray with its complement of Theodore’s fine china.
‘I’ve always been an interfering sort of fellow,’ said Lintott, friendly, ‘so will you forgive me if I ask – not out of curiosity, but interest – whether Mr Titus has got himself any sort of manager?’
She glanced at him quickly, and he was suddenly aware of her intelligence. It had never struck him before.
‘I am only too pleased to discuss such a matter with a man of understanding,’ Laura replied simply, ‘because my brother-in-law is the head of the family, and as such his opinion is paramount. Rightly so. But I should be so much obliged if you could render me a small service. That is, if you approve of my purpose.’
Lintott blossomed over the hot coffee, with a biscuit in his square hand.
‘Anything I can do, within reason, ma’am.’
She looked at him a little shyly.
‘I am afraid you do not think as well of me as I could wish, Inspector. I fear you have cause for your opinion. Yet I should like to think that you do not entirely condemn me.’
‘Let’s say,’ Lintott ventured, ‘that one deplores the sin but does not hate the sinner.’
He felt rather pleased with the success of this remark, which brought radiance as well as relief to her.
‘I should like to start afresh,’ Laura continued. ‘Just now you mentioned the necessity of a manager. My brother-in-law has a gift for all the artistic sides of Crozier’s – indeed, his gift is, one might say, without parallel. But he has not the knowledge of practical matters and finance that my late husband possessed. I fear that I am not very practical myself, as no doubt you have observed. I know that you observe much, Inspector Lintott.’
He watched her keenly, unable to guess what she was after. She smiled at him, and sipped. He wondered how much her gown had cost: the little buttons covered in black velvet, the four flounces edged in the same material, the collar and bodice exquisitely braided and buttoned, the yards and yards of fine wool flowing from the trim bustle. It was mourning in the
deepest
sense: a nocturne of elegance and pathos. Kate had curled the small wisps of hair on neck and forehead, and gathered the long fair fall into a smooth chignon.
‘You made me very much afraid, Inspector, when I first met you. And when Kate told me – for she confides everything of
importance
– with what grasp of situation and deployment of detail you had discovered our sad tale, I was even more afraid. But I
learned much from you, and of you, because of this. Inspector Lintott, I have the utmost confidence in you. I am quite alone, as you know, and have no male relatives to speak for me – my uncle is close on eighty-four and almost blind. Could you not somehow suggest to my brother-in-law that we allow a good businessman to take shares in the firm? Or am I,’ and she hesitated, pale and pretty, ‘talking nonsense?’
Lintott set down his cup, suspicious and astonished.
‘Far from it, ma’am. Far from it.’ He looked hard at her. ‘Had you someone in mind, then?’
‘
I
had no one in mind. How should I? I know nothing of the firm. But one of my late husband’s city acquaintances called upon me yesterday, to offer his condolences. I believe,’ said Laura,
uncertain
how much to confide, ‘that he might be interested. He asked me a great many questions, which I am afraid I was unable to answer as fully as he could have wished, but I did receive the impression that he was prepared to take on my husband’s work in return for a share in the firm.’
‘I am surprised,’ said Lintott gravely, ‘that he troubled a lady with such matters and did not approach your brother-in-law himself.’
She sought help from the many pretty things scattered about the room, and did not find it. Lintott watched each thought pass across her face, and smiled to himself.
‘You see, I do not know how Titus would feel about letting so much power pass out of the family. The firm would still be Crozier’s, of course. Indeed, this gentleman has a considerable business of his own. He does not seek to alter Crozier’s, only to make an investment of it.’
‘He talked to some purpose,’ said Lintott, grasping the
situation
. ‘But why to you?’
‘He thought I might have some influence with Titus. You see, Inspector, my own money is tied up in the firm. That was my late husband’s wish, and I have no reason to change matters even if I could. But I have no control, except that if this gentleman and Titus were to become partners my shares would be the deciding factor in any discussion. I mean,’ she endeavoured to explain, ‘that if they disagreed on any matter, any disposition of money
for instance, my shares could weigh the balance on one side or the other.’
Lintott grinned. He could not help it.
‘I should not wish to be a bone of contention,’ Laura cried, pink with distress and perhaps with a flavour of excitement, ‘but you do see that the position could be a delicate one? This
gentleman
is a stronger character than Titus – I do not say that with any criticism. You do see my difficulty? And yet, if Titus was to employ a manager, one with no power at all, I fear that we might well lose all the ground that Theodore so patiently gained over many years.’
Lintott rubbed his head, amused.
‘It sounds a good proposition, as far as I can judge, but I shouldn’t advise
you
to raise it, ma’am.’
She poured more coffee, relieved again, and nodded her head.
‘Do you know this gentleman well enough to meet him
socially
, or was he merely a friendly stranger who had known your late husband?’
‘Oh, he has visited us here many times.’
‘It wouldn’t seem odd if you had a little evening with friends, and included him along with Mr Titus so that they could get together?’
‘Not at all.’
‘Then that would be my advice, ma’am. It’s not a bit of use,’ Lintott said kindly, ‘expecting
me
to say a word to your
brother-in
-law. He wouldn’t listen to me, bless you, why should he? I’m not a businessman, I’m a policeman.’
‘One is so helpless,’ Laura murmured. ‘I ask your pardon for any error of judgement on my part.’
‘No, no, no. I don’t mind. If this gentleman is as clever as he seems to be he should be able to talk Mr Titus into a partnership – even with your shares as a reckoned factor. But don’t you, my dear,’ he had so far forgotten himself as to talk to her in the way he would talk to Kate, ‘don’t you go saying what a good idea you think it is. Quite the reverse. If I was you I’d tend to play it down a bit. Say you’re not sure, and beg Mr Crozier to consider it
carefully
. Else he might smell a rat when none was there – when none was there. And I do,’ said Lintott, setting down his second
cup empty, ‘I do think it’s the best solution. In fact I think it’s capital. Capital!’ And he chuckled over the crumbs on the
biscuit
plate. ‘I must be on my way, but I wonder if you’d mind my having a final word or two with the servants, Mrs Crozier?’
A shadow crossed her face, and again he saw the intelligence through the beauty.
‘You are going to tell me that this is merely a formality, and then reveal another and more terrible skeleton, are you not, Inspector?’
‘No, ma’am. Not me. But as you say, we want a fresh start after this tragic affair. You’ll have enough to put up with, what with the reopening of the inquest and having Molly Flynn
brassing
away, and the slur of suicide. I’d like to see that you have nothing more. In short,’ said Lintott frankly, ‘I’m going to close a few clattering mouths for you. Is that all right?’
She was laughing and clasping his hands, thanking him. In his heart he wished her well, and translated the emotion to plain words.
‘Best of luck, ma’am,’ said Inspector Lintott.
She sat there smiling, long after he had left the room, and then trailed gracefully to the mirror and touched the little curls on neck and forehead. She was no longer thinking of the inspector, and the sting of the inquest had softened considerably.
The Law is the true embodiment
Of everything that’s excellent.
It has no kind of fault or flaw,
And I, my Lords, embody the Law.
The
Gondoliers
–
Sir William Schwenk Gilbert
‘H
ERE
I am again,’ said Lintott cheerfully. ‘You’ll be glad to see the last of me, I shouldn’t wonder. Well, so you shall when we’ve had a chat.’
His presence arrested them in mid-motion. Mrs Hill’s wooden spoon dribbled sponge mixture into the big blue bowl. Henry Hann paused with a tankard of beer halfway to his open mouth. Harriet stood still, holding a pile of clean dinner-plates. Annie Cox’s scrubbing brush ceased its busy swish and scratch. Only Kate smiled and waited.
‘Where’s the sergeant’s sweetheart, then?’ Lintott asked heartily. ‘Upstairs with Miss Blanche? Aren’t you going to ask me to sit down, Mrs Hill? I thought you were a friend of mine.’
‘Offer the inspector a chair, Harriet, and shape yourself, girl!’
‘That’s right,’ said Lintott. ‘That’s comfortable, ain’t it? I’ve got some very good news for you all. No, not good, but better than we hoped. You were all wrong except our sharp little Kate, here. This is in confidence, mind,’ threatening with a smile. ‘Your late master
did
make away with himself, that’s the bad part. And consequently he wasn’t murdered, and that’s the good. What do you think of that?’
They were, apart from Kate, bitterly disappointed, but made a great show of pleasure and astonishment.
‘That’s not all,’ Lintott continued, enjoying himself. ‘Your mistress and Mr Titus have been slandered and libelled. Libelled and slandered. Which means, in short, that people have been
telling
lies about them, and writing lies about them.’
Cook said it was a shocking shame and she didn’t know what the world was coming to, and for her part she had never believed a word of it.
‘That’s a police matter,’ said Lintott very gravely. ‘We’re just wondering how to prevent it in future. There is one way, of course, which is to make sure that everything said or done inside or outside this household is watched, and noted down. Because we can’t have it, you know, we really can’t. Why,’ said Lintott, ‘there’s been public time and money wasted over this alone. Somebody might be on the cockchafer for this – that’s the
treadmill
. Or picking oakum. Terrible what oakum does to your fingertips!’ And he smiled round blandly.
‘I ain’t said nothink!’ Annie cried in terror.
He became fatherly in an instant, feeling for a humbug in his pocket.
‘Here! Shut that noise on this sweet, Annie. I’m not after you, my lass.’
He looked at Henry Hann.
‘I should finish that beer off if I were you,’ he observed. ‘There must be something for you to do at a half after eleven in the morning besides sitting in the kitchen. You won’t get another position like this one. I’ll say more. You won’t get another
position.
See that you keep it, and keep your thoughts to yourself in future! And remember what your late master said about driving the lady and children about when under the Influence. Savvy?’
‘Yes, sir, thank you sir,’ said Henry, and was off after a last long swallow. ‘Thank you, Mrs Hill,’ wiping his mouth.
‘Now you, girl!’ to Harriet, ‘You mind what Mrs Hill says to you, because she only says what’s right. And don’t embroider it, neither, with
The
Duchess
of
Tramura
! Hasn’t she got anything else to do this morning, ma’am, but in the kitchen?’
‘Yes, o’ course she has. Harriet, it’s high time the attic rooms was cleaned up. You sleep like pigs up there –
I
know!’
‘But, Mrs Hill, the ceilings are due for a whitewashing in April. I shall have everythink to do all over again then,’ Harriet protested, with some cause.
‘Am I asking you to wash the walls, girl? Go and turn them flock mattresses over, and wipe the chairs down with soap and
water – don’t forget the legs, and scrub them washstands. Here, take Annie with you, then you’ll be done afore I need you with the luncheon.’
She glanced anxiously at Lintott to see that she had interpreted him aright, and he nodded and smiled.
‘I shan’t take up your morning, bless you, Mrs Hill. I know you’re a busy woman. We’ll just have a word together, you and me.’
‘Mrs Crozier did say to sort out the clothes, with her being in full mourning and them having to be put away for a year, Mrs Hill,’ Kate offered.
‘You know your own work best,’ said the cook. ‘I should do that then, Kate. We’re all right here for a good hour yet, afore you need to lay the table and that.’
‘I shan’t be long,’ Lintott reassured her.
The woman was perturbed, but the professional in her
continued
to beat the cake, to grease tins and slide the mixture evenly into each and set them in the oven. Lintott watched her
movements
with contentment.
‘I’d like to taste that sandwich cake, Mrs Hill,’ he said kindly, ‘but I shall be off and away, and then it’s goodbye to a very
pleasant
friendship between you and me.’
‘Well, sir, I can say the same – and I’m glad you’ve cleared everythink up to your satisfaction.’
‘It’s not in the bag yet,’ said Lintott, ‘but I’ll eat my hat if I don’t put it there, and put it there for good.’
He surveyed this prospect with amusement, and then became serious.
‘Mrs Hill, if you found that Harriet was tattling behind your back and saying injurious things about you – things that could set you wrong in the eyes of the world, things that wasn’t true – what would you do?’
‘Give her her notice, sir.’
‘I’d do the same, if it was one of my constables. There’s been animosity in this household against Mrs Crozier, and it must not go on. Your master was kind and fair to you, but he’s dead. It’s the living that count, and the lady has always spoken well of you.’
Mrs Hill wiped down the deal table with a damp cloth and rinsed it.
‘I’ve been a bit on the tattling side now and again,’ she
admitted
, ‘but I never hated the mistress.’
‘We know who did, and does, though. Don’t we?’
She shook a due quantity of salt into a pan of peeled potatoes, and slowly nodded.
‘And you must never tattle about that, either, whatever
happens.
Good cook-housekeepers are hard to come by, and when they’ve been in a family for uppards of fifteen years they want to stay. Now we’ve all got things in our lives that we’d rather folk didn’t know about. Things that we’ve sorrowed over and put
behind
us, and learned to live with.’
He watched her closely. Her hands trembled as she smoothed her apron and then attended to the soup, skimming it delicately.
‘How’s that young nephew of yours that’s going for a
drummer
?’ Lintott asked, very friendly, on another tack.
‘Very well, sir, thank you.’
‘How old did you say he was? Fifteen, eh? A fine young chap by all accounts, and you’ll have done all you could for him. I know a woman of your heart and sort. He must have been born about the time you had your illness, mustn’t he?’
‘Around then, sir,’ almost inaudibly.
‘Your family would have had a deal of worry. Worry over you and over him. Well, these things happen, but when folk stick together and show each other a bit of love and affection it all comes right in the end, don’t it?’
‘Sir!’ she cried, and then could not go on, stirring the soup with one hand and wiping the other across her eyes.
‘You see what I mean, my dear? It’s best forgotten, ain’t it? No point being hurt over and over again. That’s all I’ve got to say to you, and all that will be said. You stick by your mistress, and what you say in this here household goes. That’s why I spoke to Harriet as I did. She looks up to you. You tell her that night’s day and she’ll believe you.’
Mrs Hill did not answer him, but brushed her hand more firmly across her eyes, sniffed twice, drew up, and stirred as though her life depended on it.
‘Goodbye, my dear,’ said Lintott gently.
He rose, walked over to her and gave her a friendly pat on the shoulder. She attempted a smile and a nod.
‘Wouldn’t he marry you, my love?’ Lintott asked.
She shook her head, wordless.
‘Well, he
was
a fool,’ said Lintott grinning. ‘He left you to be an ornament and an example to a heap of people, instead of
having
you all to himself!
I
wouldn’t have done!’ said Lintott, and winked.
She burst out laughing, crimson with trouble and pleasure. She was still roguish when he went out and closed the door quietly behind him.
*
Blanche was standing in one corner, with a heavy book on her head and her hands clasped behind her back, when Lintott knocked on the nursery door and entered without being asked.
‘She’s been a naughty girl!’ cried Miss Nagle defensively, ‘and I won’t have naughty girls in my charge.’
‘Take that book off her head,’ said Lintott quietly, ‘and ask her mamma to have her for half an hour or so. Say that I asked
specially.
Don’t you drag her by the arm like that, neither. She’s not the size of Sergeant Malone, and he’d fetch you one if you did that to him, and quite right too.’
Very white, Miss Nagle escorted the child to the door. Lintott sat in one of the hard chairs and waited without kindness for her return.
‘I ought to have you in the Force,’ he observed drily, ‘you’d be a good one with the naughty lads – or don’t you pick on anybody that can scratch back? Sit down. There, where I can see you. You’re a fine one, aren’t you?’
‘I do my job, sir, and a-bringing up of children is my job.’
‘You’re still answering back, too, I notice. Well, that’ll be
my
job to correct. We’ll start with Sergeant Malone, who’s the man I’m after – and the man you’re after, too, if I’m right. You should try a spoonful of sugar now and again, instead of all that vinegar! And don’t give him orders, neither. A sergeant don’t like having orders, especially when he’s asked to do something in the criminal line. Ah! That’s better. Now you look more like
a woman and less like a shrew – I should practise that if I was you, it’ll come in handy.’
‘I’ve done nothink wrong,’ Miss Nagle whimpered. ‘I tried to help you, sir, that was my intention all along.’
‘Oh, I’m not talking about what happened once I’d arrived. I’m talking about what happened after your late master’s funeral.’
She was weeping into her apron, terrified.
‘Now I want you to get two facts into that busy head of yours,’ said Lintott. ‘Your late master did away with himself – we’ve proved that. And all that about Mrs Crozier and Mr Titus was wicked, libellous lying. Do you believe me?’
She nodded fiercely into the apron.
‘Good, because if you didn’t believe me, and started a-
gossiping
again, that sergeant of yours could have a taste of prison – instead of a good home and a loving wife. I hope you’ll be a loving wife, my dear, because if you ain’t I think he’ll be a bit of a tartar. I know his sort,’ Lintott mused, head on hand, watching her.
‘A simple man, good-hearted, and easily led. Don’t cut his drink altogether, he could get nasty. Oh, he’s the one for you all right,’ with relish, ‘you couldn’t have picked a better.’
‘But he don’t want to settle down,’ Miss Nagle wept.
‘You don’t know the right way to go about him, then. Tell him how much money you’ve saved up, and stop telling him how to behave himself. I should bring him to the point,’ Lintott added, ‘because you can’t stay here making trouble. I won’t have it.’
He judged her to be amenable, and altered his tone.
‘An upright good-looking lass like yourself,’ said Lintott,
jocular
, ‘with a waist as any honest Queen’s soldier would like to
embrace
,’ she had a neat waist, trim and compact beneath the deep starched band, ‘and can’t get a man to pop the question?
Nonsense.
I don’t believe it. You’ve been keeping him dangling. I know you ladies! You can make him do as you please. If I didn’t know what a decent man he was I might think he’d been
persuaded
into printing those anonymous letters! But as long as you keep a quiet tongue I’ll do the same.’
She nodded, and tried to compose herself.
‘So you fetch him up to scratch, give your mistress a month’s notice, and treat Miss Blanche as if she was a new-laid egg
until you leave. Those are
my
orders. There’ll be no more gossip
downstairs
. Mrs Hill’ll see to that, and you see that you go along with her. All right, Miss Nagle?’
‘Yes, sir.’
‘Ain’t you going to ask me to the wedding?’ Lintott inquired cheerfully.
‘You’ll be very welcome, sir.’
‘That’s right, my dear. I’d like to pop my head round the church door and wish you well. There’s nothing wrong with you,’ he added, ‘that a good husband won’t cure. You should’ve got married before. I’ll lay that you don’t slap your own
children
about like you slap other folkses’!’
‘I’ll come down with you, sir, if that’s to your way of thinking, and fetch Miss Blanche. And’ – interpreting his raised eyebrows – ‘thank you, sir,’ grudgingly.
They descended the stairs together: he amicable, she subdued. But on the first floor he paused, seeing Kate’s neat figure busy among a heap of silk and velvet.
‘I’ll just have a last word with Kate,’ he murmured, and knocked loudly on the half-open door.
‘You can’t come in, sir,’ said Kate firmly. ‘I’m sorting out Mrs Crozier’s wardrobe and it wouldn’t be proper for a gentleman.’
‘Then you come out, will you, Kate?’ wooed Lintott, grinning.
She appeared, closing the door smartly behind her, and looked steadily at him.
‘Don’t I get a smile this morning, after saying you was the only one that was right about your master? That’s cruel, Kate.’
‘You don’t want a smile from me, sir,’ she replied, but smiled none the less. ‘You want information of some sort. I know you.’