Dear Laura (26 page)

Strength beneath sweetness, will beneath submissiveness, a justice executed without mercy. Adultery and murder mastering love and suffering.

Which must be forever between myself and God, and that shall be my expiation. One lays down the burden of others and takes upon one’s shoulders the greater burden of oneself. One can demand nothing, expect nothing, only hope for redemption and be of service. Theodore. I shall temper his memory for the
children’s
sakes, supply what he possessed – for her, at least – and could not give to them. They shall remember him with pride and honour, that is their need and their right. Blanche will mend his image in her sampler. Edmund will soften and Lindsey grow firm. Titus? Titus will never change, but in his way he cares for all of us.

And Arthur Edgeley? Grey-headed, thickening, well-versed in adversity and the ways of the world.

He courts a better and a worse woman than he knows, thought Laura. Pray God I have the calmness to remember and the courage to forget, so that I do not fail either of us. I must not cheat him.

Look
neither
to
right
nor
left,
and
stay
on
course.
You
follow
me?

Well, every wandering is followed by a homecoming, thought Laura. And I have wandered far and into dark places. Perhaps I shall be given grace.

‘You’ll excuse me, ma’am,’ said Kate, softly imperative, ‘but I do think you should come and change before dinner. The lady and gentleman will be here directly after, and your new black satin is here from the dressmaker – by special delivery!’

‘Ah, Kate, how practical you are. You deal only with the present, and that is the most important, after all. Let us inspect the dress!’