Dearly Departed (26 page)

Then she said, ‘Georgina, I know you’re after a pup, but one of my first breeding female pugs, Candy, needs a good home with much love and affection. Would you consider taking her instead of a pup? This would be a gift—no charge. I just need her to go to a home where I know she’ll be loved.’ Tears welled up in my eyes just as Brendan walked in from playing with Danny, a one-year-old pug. The two had hit it off immediately, developing an instant rapport, running backwards and forwards in the garage.

‘What’s up, Mum? Why are you crying?’

When I told him the exciting news, he said, ‘That’s nice.’

Sue sensed there was an issue, and asked him, ‘What’s up, mate?

What’s the problem?’

‘Well, I love Danny. He’s the dog I want.’

I could have fallen over backwards with embarrassment. There was silence for a moment, and then Sue turned to me and said, ‘You can have both dogs, on one condition, that when I need Danny for breeding he’s available.’

That evening we became proud owners of not one but two pugs, at no cost. It certainly is an amazing story of two women meeting each other’s needs. It is a connection that’s lasted more than thirteen years now. Sue’s love for her pugs has extended beyond the grave, and she recently recounted BJ’s life to me:

BJ was my first black pug. It was love at first sight when I bought him. He wasn’t the pick of the litter, but he was mine. It was a soul connection—we just clicked. He was so close to me, and I him. When I had all my lengthy surgeries, he would sleep on my bed all the time. He was my little comforter, my little man. BJ seemed to know if I was down and would always snuggle up to me. He was eleven years old when he passed. He had lost the use of his back legs and had arthritis. He had to be put to sleep because his body was failing him. So I had him cremated and brought him home where he sits on the mantelpiece.

After his passing, I always felt that he was still around me. The first time I saw something was when his breeder came to stay and we were going to a show with our young pugs. It was probably a couple of months after he’d passed. We were in the kitchen and I saw a flash of something go across the room. It happened to me a couple of times, and we both said, ‘BJ’s here for a visit’. It was a quick-moving grey shadow. Sometimes when I’m on my own and have young dogs that I’m attending to, I feel his presence, and at times I’ve noticed the dogs will seem to be looking and reacting to something unseen. A couple of times when I’ve had pups born from his line, black pugs, I see a grey mist and feel his presence. It gives me great comfort and happiness to know he’s around. Just like in our household, we had suffered a loss and were looking for a replacement, you may well undergo a similar situation where children are involved. A possible suggestion would be that the family research what kind of pet would suit your family’s personality and needs. Will it be long-hair or short-hair, big stature or minute? And how about temperament—do we want a lazy dog who’ll sit by our feet, or do we want an active dog we’ll have to walk each day?

You can encourage talk about the special qualities your previous pet had and the not-so-pleasant aspects of their personality, such as barking for hours when you left for shopping. You may wish to use the example of how science has proven the beneficial effects an animal has on a human, selecting specific breeds of dogs who can be trained to be the eyes of someone blind, the ears for the deaf, and tune in to vibrational change in brain activity for their master who is epileptic and sense a seizure is coming on. Pets are now being taken into nursing and aged care facilities as their contribution as a great therapeutic aid to the elderly and infirmed is now acknowledged. They are selected for their nature and placidity. After all, their role is of a special kind of counsellor or therapist. I know some families who have chosen to rescue a pet from an animal shelter, giving them a second chance at life!

When I was considering purchasing a cat, I had a vivid dream there was a tortoiseshell at the local Cat Protection Society. The next morning I rang to make enquiries, and if they have such a cat—in fact they had two. I hurried down and it was obvious which cat I was going to choose—her paw kept poking out of the cage to grab my attention. Had her soul sent me a telepathic message she was available for adoption? I called her Miracle, for it was a miracle she’d been given a second chance. Well, if there’s wisdom in the saying ‘cats have nine lives’, Miracle is on her second—or perhaps she’s already been full circle and reincarnated a number of times!

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Moving forward Moving forward

There comes a special moment in everyone’s life, a moment for which that person was born. That special opportunity, when he seizes it, will fulfil his mission—a mission for which he is uniquely qualified. In that moment, he finds greatness. It is his finest hour.

Winston Churchill

D
o not be afraid that death is final. You have lived this life before and will almost certainly return again through reincarnation to continue the lessons and choices you have made with your soul’s grouping on this earth. There are no final goodbyes, as there is no death, only an intermission between heaven and earth while you are waiting to be reborn to experience another karmic path.

So what do you do and accomplish ‘in the meantime’ until we meet again in another lifetime? There exists now a powerful opportunity for your soul’s development and happiness to look at special ways to celebrate and remember the special soul connection that existed with your dearly departed.

Reclaiming life

Grace had watched her husband, Richard, slip away with leukemia. It had been five long months, eventually ending with a vigil by his bedside. Samantha, their five-year-old daughter, would clamber up on her daddy’s bed and rest her little dark curly head upon his chest. She felt reassured when she could feel the beat of his heart.

A year had slipped by since his death, and now Grace was seeking some direction in her life with a General/Futuristic reading.

It was most evident that this vibrant 33-year-old was exhausted.

She had turned her grief inward, focusing on Samantha’s needs, trying to be both mother and father. She admitted that she felt cheated, and had been building up some frustration and resentment now that she was left alone to raise her little one. Would she have another relationship, someone who would love her and her daughter? They were a package deal after all. She needed to reclaim her life.

Grace needed to focus on the basics—to get back to healthy, nutritious foods, and to have take-away food only as a ‘treat’ instead of every meal. Her physical life had been stagnant and she didn’t see where she could fit in an exercise routine with Samantha’s daily activities. Looking at her options, I thought hiring an exercise bike would allow her to oversee her child’s activities while using pedal power.

Weekends could include a fun walk by the beach or in a park.

And by buying a kite for Samantha and herself, it would be like waving to Daddy up in the sky. They may even choose to place a little kiss on the wings of the kite and see how far the wind could take their loving kisses to the heavens. It would be a fun activity that included exercise, and they would have some happy moments in nature playing together.

I could see that the power of touch through massage would be of great benefit to Grace, and a practitioner who could work with the subtle energies of the auric field and clear built-up negativity would definitely give Grace a feeling of release. I’m so fortunate to know one such person who possesses all these skills, plus she is a master of psychotherapy—Alison. The timing was just right for Grace to start her inward journey to release her pain and look at formulating some direction for her future. I knew she and Alison would be the right match.

Next it was time to look at something new—a skill or a hobby that she had always wanted to do, but never got around to. Instantly, Spirit showed me a pair of bright red dancing shoes. Had she considered dancing? Grace laughed. Just before she met Richard she was enquiring about enrolling in Latin-American classes. Bingo!

Thanks Spirit, you knew exactly what she needed.

Grace felt guilty about leaving Samantha with a caregiver.

Money was not the issue; it was the security of knowing they only had each other. There was the need to wean each other from this codependence. Two hours would be the first little break while she met up with a girlfriend for coffee; then perhaps the next break would be half a day. It would be a slow but steady adjustment for all.

Grace could implement these small steps immediately, and I felt Alison would take her on her journey of her self-discovery.

Tears welled up in her eyes—she still felt heavy-hearted on special days such as Father’s Day and Valentine’s Day. How could she overcome the grief for both of them? She had purchased a beautiful carved camphor box for Samantha to place special paintings and craftwork she did at school for her daddy to ‘see’ which sat at the end of her bed. But she needed a practical ritual beyond the house that would see both of them getting excited. I suggested she consider naming a star after her husband. On special days, such as his birthday, both she and Samantha could go to a local observatory and look at ‘Daddy’ shining down and smiling on them from his heavenly home. A huge grin appeared on her face—she could do this.

I then suggested that when Samantha had a birthday or a special painting or message she wanted to give to Daddy, that they purchase some helium balloons and tie a very small piece of cake, or the painting, to the balloon and send it to heaven, just for Daddy.

‘Samantha loves balloons, why didn’t I ever think of that?’

Grace said. ‘I’ve searched high and low for grief books for children, but none with practical rituals. Can you guess what Sam and I will be doing this weekend?’

Grace bounded out of my apartment, a woman on a mission.

Richard’s life was to be a celebration.

Dealing with the hurt of loss

Individuals and families can differ in the ways they experience grief, much like the waves of the ocean coming up and down. So too some individuals will appear to be riding the crest of their grief— they seem controlled and functioning well in society, but they may suddenly become aware of their beloved’s favourite perfume or hear their favourite song and come undone. A special day such as Christmas, a birthday or anniversary can trigger a sudden temporary surge of grief and they appear to come down with a crash.

Know that this is normal—grief is a process and not an event.

Seeking professional help from a well-trained counsellor, general practitioner, priest or minister, or attending a grief support group, will allow those who are suffering to feel supported in the loving presence of others. It can provide a place where they feel they can talk about their loved one, receive encouragement and learn ‘tools’ for strategies to deal with their loss.

Different styles of grieving

It is thought that there are two styles of grieving, with the majority of people using a combination of both. When using the ‘intuitive approach’, individuals seek out social support and tend to focus on their emotional aspects of loss, around managing their feelings.

For others, they will adapt the ‘instrumental approach’, focusing on thinking about their loss; their grief is often expressed through activity and problem solving.

Grace unknowingly used a combination of both of these styles of grieving to assist her and Samantha in dealing with Richard’s passing. Grace was all Samantha had, and Samantha looked to her mum to learn how to understand her dad’s death. Grace was honest, open, and gave her clear and direct information about her dad’s condition. Samantha was allowed to participate in his funeral— she placed her favourite teddy bear in his coffin when they viewed the body because she felt he needed something to cuddle up to when the nights got cold.

Grace had thought long and hard about how she would get Samantha through Richard’s passing. Perhaps if Samantha had been a teenager, it would have been a different story—teenage ways of coping sometimes create tension with other adults.

Staying out late with friends, playing loud music and not showering are typical types of adolescent behaviour dealing with the normal issues of independence and separation from parents.

Yet these developmental tasks can interfere with their capacity to receive support from the adults around them in dealing with their grief.

Well, thankfully for Grace, Samantha was only five years old.

However, after a year of struggling and trying to be both mother and father to Samantha, Grace’s health was starting to fail her. The medical professions do acknowledge that grief can cause a reduction in the functioning of the immune system, leading to colds, influenza, anxiety, sleeping difficulties and depression.

Luckily for Grace, she could see where she was heading and she sought help. If you feel this way, or someone close to you points out that you seem to be suffering from some of these symptoms, seek the help of a professional immediately—after all, your dearly departed would only want the very best for you in health and vitality.

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Life is a celebration Life is a celebration

Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.

Mother Teresa

W
here do you begin? How do you cope with the memory of someone you loved so much, who was so dear to you, whose life and love was so treasured? Sometimes actions speak louder than words, and being in a state of ‘doing’ can assist you in the processes of taking baby steps forward towards tomorrow. So I have compiled a list of inspirational (remember inspiration means ‘in-Spirit’) ways to honour your dearly departed.

Honour your loved one

There are many ways to cherish the memory of your loved ones after they have crossed over so that their memory lives on. You could start a daily journal or diary, writing down your feelings, happy moments together, holidays enjoyed, little sayings that you shared.

Learn to verbally express your feelings to others, the good and the not so good. Remember, a problem shared is a problem halved.