Death of a Red Heroine [Chief Inspector Chen Cao 01] (70 page)

Nor was he sure that there had been nothing but passion on his part last night.

Gratitude for her magnanimity?

In Beijing, they had cared for each other, but they had parted, a decision he had not really regretted. All those years, he had often thought of her, but he had also thought of others, made other friends—girlfriends, too.

When the case first came to his attention, he was dancing with Wang at his house-warming party. In the following days, it was Wang who had accompanied him through the early stages of the investigation. In fact, he had hardly thought of Ling at all in those days. The letter written at the post office had been anything but romantic; it was inspired by a moment of desperation—by the instincts of a survivor.

He was a survivor, too ambitious to perish in ignoble silence. It was the haunting image of Liu Yong, the deplorable Song dynasty poet, who had only a prostitute to take pity on him at his deathbed, that had spurred him into desperate action. He had resolved not to end up a loser like Liu Yong.
You have to find a way out,
he’d told himself.

That’s the way she came back into his life.

Maybe just for the one night.

Maybe more than that.

Now what was he supposed to do?

In spite of the difference in their family background, there ought to be some way for them to be together. They should be able to live in the world of their own discourse, not just in other people’s interpretations.

Still, he could not help shuddering at the prospect before him. For it was not going to be a world of their own, but in which he would, perhaps, begin to find his life much easier, even effortless. He would never be able to shake off the feeling that nothing was accomplished through his own efforts. She did not need to go to this or that minister, claiming him as hers. He would have become an HCC himself. And people would be eager to do a lot of things for him.

There was no point going back to the bureau at the moment. He was in no mood for Party Secretary Li’s recital of the
Wenhui Daily
editorial. Nor did he want to go back to his own apartment, alone, after such a night.

He found himself walking toward his mother’s place.

His mother put down the newspaper she had been reading, “Why didn’t you call?”

She rose to set a cup of tea before him.

“Politics,” he said bitterly, “Nothing but politics.”

“Some trouble at work?” She looked puzzled.

“No, I’m all right.”

“Politics. You mean the conference? Or the HCC case, today’s headline? Everybody is talking about it.”

He did not know how to explain to her. She had never been interested in politics. Nor did he know whether he should tell her about Ling although that was what his mother would really be interested in. So he just said, “I’ve been in charge of the Wu case, but it has not been concluded properly.”

“Was justice served?”

“Yes. Politics aside—”

“I’ve talked to several neighbors. They are all very pleased with the outcome of the trial.”

“I’m glad they are pleased, Mother.”

“In fact, I have been doing some thinking about your work since our last talk. I still hope you will take your father’s path one day, but in your position, if you believe you can do something for the country, you should persevere. It helps a little if there are a few honest policemen around, even though it may not help much.”

“Thank you, Mother.”

After he had his tea, she walked downstairs with him. In the hallway crowded with stoves and cooking utensils, Aunt Xi, an old neighbor, greeted them warmly, “Mrs. Chen, your son is a high cadre now, Chief Inspector Director or some high ranking position. This morning I was reading the newspaper, and his name with an important title jumped out at me.”

His mother smiled without saying anything. His rank might have appealed to her a little too.

“Don’t forget us in your high position,” Aunt Xi continued. “Remember, I’ve watched you grow up.”

Out on the street, he saw a peddler frying dumplings in a gigantic wok over a wheeled gas burner, a familiar scene from his childhood, only a coal stove would have been used back then. One fried dumpling would have been a lavish treat for a child, but his mother would stuff him with two or three. A loving mother, beautiful, young, and supportive.

Time, as Buddha wrote, passes in the snapping of the fingers.

At the bus stop, he turned around and saw her still standing in front of the house. Small and shrunken and gray in the dusk. Though still supportive.

Chief Inspector Chen would not quit the police force.

The visit had strengthened his determination to go on.

She might never fully approve of his profession, but as long as he did his job conscientiously, he would not disappoint her. Also, it was his responsibility to support her. He would purchase a pound of genuine jasmine tea for her the next time he went to visit. And he would think about how to tell her about his relationship with Ling.

In the words of the poem his father had taught him, a son’s return for his mother’s love is always inadequate, and so is one’s responsibility to the country:

Who says that the splendor of a grass blade returns

The love of the spring that forever returns?

The End