Death of Cupids (The Blood of Cupids MC) (15 page)

“You have to.  You have to do that for me.”

“Why do you think you can ask that of me?  Why do you
think I’d ever agree to that?”

“I just wish you could see it my way.”

“And I wish you could see it mine.”  I tried to step
back, but he held tight to my hips.

“I do see it your way, Grace.  I want your way.  I
want it so badly it hurts me every day.  But what I
need
is to know
you’re safe.  I’ve proved to myself enough times that I can’t do that any
other way.”

I wanted to beg him to stop blaming himself for all the
times I had found myself in trouble, but there was no use arguing any
more.  I was exhausted, and he wasn’t listening.  Even more than that,
I thought as my baby kicked, I was being selfish.  My hands moved to my
stomach, to my child.  I didn’t just have myself to protect anymore. 

Ryan was right.

“We can have tonight?”

“We can have tonight.”

I guided him up and positioned him behind me.  He slid
my torn shirt down my shoulders, massaging my tired muscles with his capable
hands.  He skimmed his fingers down my arms, and wrapped his hands low
around my wrists while he kissed the back of my neck.  He traced my
shoulder blades with his lips as he squeezed my wrists tighter in his
palms.  I felt him swell from behind me, and as he grew harder, he pushed
harder.  An excitement raged within me that I had almost forgotten was
possible.  His hands let go of mine as he began to explore everything in
his reach.  He squeezed my swollen chest, and then rounded my belly as his
hands tickled their way down to my warmth.  He slid his fingers inside of
me, ensuring I was ready for his taking.  When he was satisfied with my
level of preparedness, he pushed my pants down over my hips and bent me over
the bed.  His left hand took hold of my hip, steadying me in front of him,
while his right hand teased my clit until I stood on the verge of orgasm. 
That’s when he finally pushed into me, freeing every bit of energy that I had
pent up since he disappeared.  I screamed as he sent me overboard, not
allowing me to finish without him.  Every time I was close, he pulled me
back.  His hands moved freely, touching, squeezing, and pulling a
different part of me with each new thrust.  He was fast, he was slow, he
was gentle, and he was rough.  When he finally released, he stayed inside
of me, not ready to sever our connection.  We stayed in that position, him
inside of me, until we were both ready to go again.  And we went
again.  And again.  He told me we had tonight.  And we took
advantage of tonight.

After our exhaustion took over and we both felt satiated
from our conquests, we curled up together, him the big spoon, and I the
little.  I wanted to remember that moment forever; I wanted to stay awake
the whole night.  But I didn’t.  I fell asleep, and so did he.

We both woke up when my water broke.

Ryan

The last time I had been in that hospital was the night
Grace was shot.  This time was for a whole different reason, but the
stress and anxiety still felt the same.

I paced at the bottom of her bed while she chewed on ice
chips and laughed at me. 

“Would you just sit down?”

“No.”

“Okay.”

I continued pacing, and she continued chewing and
laughing. 

“You know you did this, right?”

I looked up at her.  “Got you pregnant?  Yah, I
thought I had something to do with it.”  I sarcastically remarked.  I
wasn’t in her chipper mood; I couldn’t joke about this.

“No, I mean you induced my labor.”

“What?”  I felt the horror spread across my face.

“No, no, no.  Come here.”  She held out her hands
to me, knowing she needed to comfort my uneasy nerves.  I met her hands
with mine and waited until she squeezed my fingers with hers to make eye
contact.  “The baby is ready.  But the sex… all the sex… triggered
this part.”

Then she gave me a wink.  Why was she so calm?

“How are you not freaking out?”

“You’re doing enough of that for the both of us.”

“Well… well… you’re having a baby.”

“
We’re
having a baby.” She corrected me with a small
chuckle.

“Yes.  Exactly.  So
we
should be freaking
out.”

Her smile found me and calmed me yet again.  She
motioned to sit next to her, which I gladly accepted.  I curled up next to
her while she wrapped her arm around me and brought me tight into her
side.  It should have been me comforting her, I should’ve been calming her
down, but right then, she was the strong one among us.

“You’re so beautiful.”  I held her tightly, quietly
knowing it might be the last time.  But I didn’t want to think of it that
way.  I wanted to live in that moment with her.

The contractions hit, the epidural took over, and before
long, a tiny person was placed into my arms.  I was holding my baby
girl.  What I had spent months conditioning myself to believe as a fact,
was no longer applicable.  I had gotten to meet my daughter.

It was 10:15 a.m.  My phone was buzzing in my
pocket.  Rocky was waiting for me, Sean and the gang were set up in the
basement of the
Cupid’s
clubhouse, but I was holding my child.  How
could I leave now?  How could I walk away now that I knew her?

“Grace…”
“You have to go.”  She looked up at me, so matter of fact like.

“I don’t want to.”

“Then don’t, Ryan.  Just… don’t.” She pleaded with
me.  It was heart breaking.  And so tempting.

“Grace,” I moved to her side, handing her our daughter, “if
I don’t leave now, something very bad could happen.”

I was sending Rocky straight into a trap.  How could I
do that?  What had come over me?  Everything I had done the past few
months, I vowed was for Grace.  But would Grace even recognize the man I
was when I walked away from her?  Would she, could she, love that
man?  What was I doing?

I needed to put a stop to it.  Motorcycle clubs were
inevitable.  Drugs, gun running, the same.  I had learned that these
things happened with or without me.  But the
Cupids
were about to
be annihilated by a club that had done such a good job at staying under the
radar, that their mere existence was nothing more than rumors.  I had
planned that.  I had brought that plan into action.  And now I knew,
I couldn’t let that happen.  I couldn’t let my daughter be brought into a
world where I was the bad guy.

I had spent months being brainwashed into thinking that a
normal life with a child and the woman I love would never satisfy my
needs.  I had told myself time and time again that if Grace had truly
wanted me, she would have found a way back to me.  But what had I been
doing but making excuses?  I had chosen the easy way out.  That
wasn’t how Grace and I did things.  We saw things through to the end. 
We changed our stars.

“I’m going to fix this.”

“What?”  Her brow furrowed.

“I… something is about to go down, something I’m not proud
of.  I’m going to stop it.  And then I’m going to find my way back to
you.”

Maybe it was the rush of hormones from just giving birth,
maybe it was the reaction I deserved, but Grace broke down into shrieking
sobs.  I had never seen her collapse in such a way.

“Grace?  Baby?”  I pulled her into me.

“I just… I just… I just…”

She could barely speak through her cries.  I lightly
kissed her forehead, waiting patiently for her emotions to calm.

“You suck, you know that?”  She whispered.

“What?  Why?”

“What you did to me.  You left me.  And I tried to
be strong, I tried to put on a good face, but damn…” She wouldn’t look at me,
only kept talking.  “I have been waiting, just waiting, for someone to
knock on my door and tell me that the one person left in my life was dead: that
I was officially alone.  I prepared for that news.  And then you came
back.  You rocked my world, but I knew it was only a taste.  I knew I
wouldn’t get to keep you.  And now this.”

“Grace, you don’t know…”

She cut me off before I could finish.  “Shut the fuck
up, Ryan. 
You
don’t know.  You don’t know how hard it is to
sit here and listen to you promise me that we’ll figure it out, that you’ll
make it back to me, all the while knowing deep down that your first instinct is
to run.  If there’s a chance that you can keep me uninvolved, you’ll take
it.  That’s not how this relationship, this marriage, works; we’ve
established that.  So, you know what?  Leave.  Do what you have
to do, but know that I don’t plan on you coming back.  Know that the
pattern you’ve established proves my point.”

I was shocked.  And hurt.  And she had every right
to say each of those things.  I had no rebuttal.  I had nothing with
which to fight back.  The only thing I could give her was proof: proof
that this time it would be different.

I stood, leaving her side.  “I will find my way back. 
I will raise our daughter with you.  I will find a way to make you trust
me again.”

I didn’t hug her, I didn’t kiss her; I just walked out of
the room.  I left my wife and child to finish a fight.  I left them
then so I could win them back later.

I took a quick peek at my phone.  It was 10:32.

“Rocky, change of plans.”  I quickly spoke into the
receiver.  “Meet me at the clubhouse, just in the front.  I’ll be
there in fifteen.”

Grace

“Grace…”

Just the way he said it… I knew.  I knew it was over:
the bliss.  The pure joy I felt staring at him as he held our baby girl
was about to be taken from me.  He was ending it.

“You have to go.”  I looked straight into his eyes, wishing that daggers
would fly and he would know the depth of my disappointment.

“I don’t want to.”  I believed him.  He was
hurting; I was sure of it.  Could there be a way to stop him?  Would
I have a chance at manipulating the situation?

“Then don’t, Ryan.  Just…” So many reasons came to my
mind, so many other options I could give him, but he needed to make that
decision on his own.  I needed to make sure he still could.  So all I
said, was: “don’t.”  I thought it might be enough.  I hoped it would
be enough.  But it wasn’t.

“Grace,” I couldn’t bear to hear him say my name that
way.  I knew what it meant.  He wasn’t choosing me.  He wasn’t
choosing us. “If I don’t leave now, something very bad could happen.”

What could be worse than leaving his family?  What
could be worse than depriving us of a lifetime of these happy moments?

I wanted to hate him.  I wanted to tell myself that I
was strong; I could handle a life without him.  I didn’t need him to
choose us, because I was choosing my daughter.  I would be able to give
her the life she deserved, one where she wouldn’t, we wouldn’t, have to
constantly fear abandonment.

But I couldn’t hate him.  Deep down I knew that
everything he did, every decision he made he did because he loved me. 
Every choice was only to protect me.  How could you hate someone who
offered up his own happiness in exchange for your safety?  How could you
not be absolutely in love with a man like that?   

“I’m going to fix this.”  He eyes were so determined.

“What?” 

“I… something is about to go down, something I’m not proud
of.  I’m going to stop it.  And then I’m going to find my way back to
you.”

It seemed random at the time, but when hearing those words,
I snapped.  Love him or not, I had enough.  I was tired of
promises.  I was tired of getting my hopes up and then being let
down.  I couldn’t wait for him anymore, especially now that we had our
daughter to think about.  I had to put an end to it, for her sake.  I
wouldn’t subject her to the pain I had been living with the past six
months.  But the mere thought of my conviction combined with my exhaustion
sent my emotions into overdrive.  I simply broke down.

“Grace?  Baby?”  His arms were around me. 
Why did his touch bring me so much comfort?

“I just… I just… I just…”

Just say it, Grace.  Say what you need to say. 
End this madness right here and now.

“You suck, you know that?”  My tiny voice squeaked.

“What?  Why?”

And then I let him have it

Everything I had wanted to say, but knew would be too
hurtful, I threw at him.  I said things I didn’t truly mean only to push
him away.  I didn’t care if the past six months had been hard on him as
well.  I only cared that I was the one who was left.  He had made a
choice without me.  And sure, I understood his reasoning, I really did,
but with everything we had been through, all the rules we had established, for
him to just blatantly disregard a promise we had made to each other… I couldn’t
live with that.

But he knew my threats only went so deep.  He knew I
was in love, and if the chance for a happily ever after were to take shape, I’d
gladly choose that path.  I would always choose the path that took me to
Ryan.  And only because he knew me so well was he able to still make me a
promise after I had so terribly cut him down.  “I will find my way
back.  I will raise our daughter with you.  I will find a way to make
you trust me again.”

He didn’t hug me, he didn’t kiss me; he just walked out of
the room.  He left me there, happy I had said my peace, but wishing I
could take it all back.  I didn’t want that to be the last thing I said to
him, the way he would always remember me.

Luckily, I knew deep down that after the fight was over,
really finally over, Ryan would always choose the path that took him to me.