Death of Cupids (The Blood of Cupids MC) (16 page)

Ryan

I was fuming as I left the hospital.  I’d love to say
it was because Grace had no reason to talk to me like that.  Everything I
had done had been to keep her safe.  I watched her almost die, I watched
as Sean held her life in his hands, and I made a decision in the moment that
ensured she and our child would live.  How could she berate me for
that?  How could I have been in the wrong?

But what I had been too ashamed to tell her, too ashamed to
even admit to myself, was that I could have easily found a way to see her
sometime in the past six months.  Sean didn’t monitor me.  He made a
threat, yes, and had he found out about any rendezvous, I’m sure he would’ve
taken action on that threat, but he wasn’t actively waiting for me to slip
up.  And I knew that.  I had known that for quite awhile.

The reason I was so angry with Grace was because
I
had made the mistake, and she had pointed it out, even if she didn’t truly know
what mistake I had made.  It would’ve been so easy to explain my actions
on the surface: it was a choice between her life and me getting to be with
her.  I chose her life, and I was suffering the consequences, plain and
simple.  It was black and white.

But the second layer wasn’t so black and white.  The
gray area was the power I felt, the success I let go to my head.  When I
chose love, I also chose a life where I had no other purpose.  Everything
I had been trained to do since childhood was dropped off on the corner, and I
was supposed to forget it.  I was supposed to forget who I was, forget my
conditioning, and become a nobody.  And yes, that was what I wanted. 
I didn’t care for that life anymore, and that was a choice I made even before
meeting Grace.  I wanted out.  I wanted normal.

But when I found out Grace was pregnant, the first thought
that went through my mind was the question of how I was to support a
child.  Sure, I had saved up a good chunk of change, but that was just
supposed to be for Grace and me to live large for a brief amount of time. 
A child changed all of that.  Would my child shake their head at me
because I was just some greasy mechanic who had no way of providing for my
family the way a man should?  Would my child want for things that I regrettably
couldn’t provide because my skill set was so limited?

I hated Sean for the way he had gone about it, the way he
pulled me from Grace, but once I got that first taste of success, everything
began to turn around.  I stopped seeing him as the monster and started
seeing him instead as the man who had shown me the full extent of my
talents.  He showed me power, he showed me focus, and then he gave me back
the family I had been dreaming of since childhood.  What started out as a
way to support Grace and our baby from behind the scenes, turned into a life I
craved to wake up to each morning.  He knew from that moment that he had
won.  I had been sucked in.  If I went back to Grace, I would lose
everything else. 

So he didn’t monitor me, and I didn’t sneak out to see my
wife.  I let her suffer.  I let her be truly alone.  I allowed
her to think the worst, while I convinced myself that if she cared for me, she
would have found me.

So yes, I was angry because of what Grace had said to me,
because of the accusations she made.  But I was angry because she was
right.  I let her down.  I didn’t choose love.

It was time to change that.

Grace

I felt terrible.  I don’t know what I expected from my
little outrage, but it wasn’t to end up alone in a hospital room.  I just
wanted to prove a point, for someone to listen to me.  I didn’t want him
to actually leave.

“Knock knock.”

I looked up as Mark peeked his head around the corner of the
hospital room door.  

“Well this feels oddly familiar.”

I chuckled, half sincerely, half out of pity. “What are you
doing up here?”

“What, I can’t visit my favorite patient?”

“I’m not your patient today.”

“True, but my shift doesn’t start for another ten minutes,
so I guess I’m just visiting my friend.” He gave me a crooked half smile.

I was happy to see him, happy to see a familiar face, and
happy because I knew he wouldn’t leave me.  If I could count on Mark for
anything, it was that he never left my side when I needed someone.

“How did you know I was here?”

“Funny story,” he moved closer to me, sitting on the edge of
the bed, “I woke up this morning realizing how big of a jerk I came off as last
night, so I stopped by your place to apologize.”

“And I wasn’t there.” I continued his thought.

“You weren’t.  I noticed your car wasn’t in its spot,
so I figured I’d just check up here before my shift, and voila, here you are.”

“Stalker.” I teased.

“Yes, pretty much.”

We both laughed at our little exchange, neither of us really
ready to talk about what happened.  We made small talk about the room,
about the weird pictures on the wall, and about all the tubes hooked into my
arms.  We laughed at the people we could see out of the window and how
they had no idea we were spying on them.  We laughed at anything and
everything, even though during that whole exchange, he had found a way to hold
my hand.

“So, this might be awkward, but where’d you put the baby?”

“Ha!” I choked, finally finding an excuse to pull my hand
away without screaming at the awkwardness. “The nurse took her to the
pediatrician for a check up.”

“Ah, yes.” Mark inched himself higher on the bed, closer to
me.  “So, how are you feeling?”

I took a deep breath, trying to combat the tension. “I’m
fine.  And just to help move this conversation forward for you, I’m fine
with last night too.  You were drunk.”

“I was unacceptable.”

“It happens.”

“It shouldn’t have.”

“But it did and while I appreciate your apology, I’m happy
to move past it.”

Mark smiled softly at me and shook his head as he lowered
his hand on top of mine.

“Mark…” I stopped him, pulling my hand away before we
touched. “Ryan came back last night.”

He half laughed and turned his face toward me.  “I’m
sorry… what?”

“My husband, Ryan, he showed up last night, at my
apartment.”

“So he’s not dead?”  He was oddly becoming angrier as
he said each word.

“No.  It’s a long story, but…”

“No, Grace.  It’s not a long story.  You see that,
right?  Here are the facts: he left you drugged up and alone in the
hospital emergency room and then didn’t show up again for six full
months.  That doesn’t need a story.  That needs some sort of
restraining order.”

“Mark, it’s not like that.”

“And you’re defending him?  Where is he now?”

I didn’t want to answer him.

“I said ‘where is he now?’.”

“He… he had to go take care of something.”

“Sure he did.  What, Grace, are you just stupid when it
comes to him?”

My jaw dropped involuntarily.  “Fuck you.”

“Grace…”

“No, you don’t get to talk to me like that.”

“But I do.”  He leaned in closer to me, his hand moving
to my cheek.  “I care about you.  You’re my friend.  How am I
supposed to let you run back to someone who could turn his back on you like
that?”

“Because you have nothing to do with this.”  Now I was
just snapping at him.

“I know that it’s none of my business, but who is going to
pick up the pieces when he leaves you again?  I know you.  You have
no one else.”

“I don’t need anyone else.”  My tone deepened as my
voice rang louder.  “And I certainly don’t need you.”

“You don’t mean that.”

I didn’t answer him; I stood my ground.

“You know what?”  He slid off the bed, resigning
himself.  “Fine.  Do whatever you want to do.  I have to start
my rounds.”

“Mark…” I didn’t have anything to say, I just didn’t want to
leave things that way.

“You did this, Grace.  You’re the reason no one can get
close to you.  You pushed me away.”

Then Mark walked out on me; he had done the thing I never
thought he could do.  And yet again, I was alone in my hospital
room.  Yet again, I had said things I didn’t truly mean.

I really did enjoy Mark’s friendship.  He was there for
me at a time when no one else was.  He filled a void in my life.  But
he would never understand my past.  He would never understand what I had
been put through, what sacrifices I had to make.  He would never
understand the overwhelming sense of security that I felt when I was with Ryan
compared to the utter vulnerability I felt at any other time.  Maybe, in
any other circumstance, Ryan leaving me with no word for half a year would be
considered unforgivable, but I trusted that any excuses he had for his behavior
were both valid and well intentioned.

But, to Mark’s point, I was not, and I was never, a damsel
in distress; and I refused to be treated as one.  I had proved on
countless occasions that I could take care of myself; I could hold my own in a
tough situation.  What was I doing?  Why did I let Ryan leave without
me?  Why hadn’t I been the one to stand up for my part of our
relationship?

I tossed the warming blankets off my legs and swung them to
the side of the bed.  I looked the other way as I pulled the IV from my
arm.  I was going to go after Ryan.  I was going to remind him that
we were a team, and as a team, we could do anything.  I had found the
motivation I needed to finally take what I wanted.

But just as my socked feet hit the bare floor, my attention
was drawn to the door by the sound of squeaking wheels.

“Do you need anything, Mrs. Cassidy?”

The breath was knocked out of me as I stared down at my
sleeping child swaddled in her pink blanket.  “No.”  I shook my head
at the nurse as I sat back down.  “No, I’m fine, thank you.”

“Well, the doc said your baby girl is as healthy as can
be.  Ready to feed her?”

What was I thinking?  How could I put myself in harm’s
way?  This little person, my daughter, she needed me.  She needed me
to care for her.  I couldn’t be reckless and stubborn any more.  I
had to protect myself so that I could protect her.  Never before had I
cared when or how I died.  It was something I had never feared, never gave
a second thought to, but in that moment I knew I had to live.  I had to
live for her.  I had to let Ryan fight our battle on his own.  I had
to take a step back for our daughter.  

I couldn’t protect Ryan any longer.

Ryan

10:57.

I was ten minutes later than I said I’d be when I pulled up
to the
Cupid’s
clubhouse.  I could have taken the car from the
hospital, but there was still a chance things could go sour, and I wouldn’t be
able to make it out of this mess alive.  If that happened, I didn’t want
Grace to be stranded at the hospital.  I wanted her to be able to get
herself and our daughter home.  I had made a choice: I was thinking of her
and only her from now on. 

So I left her the car and grabbed a cab back to Old City
where I had parked my bike the day before.  I hopped on, revved the
engine, and took a deep breath before I sped down the cobblestone roads. 
I tried to call Rocky.  I dialed his number over and over, but he was
ignoring my call.  I couldn’t get through to him.  I needed to get to
Rocky; he needed to see my face.  He needed to know the seriousness of the
situation.  After the failed phone call attempts, the entire ride to the
clubhouse was a blur.  The streets were so familiar to me that I didn’t
need to think, I didn’t need to focus.  The only thing I needed to do was
to get Rocky into the clubhouse before 11:00.  If not, Sean would attack.

I knew a group of twenty men, twenty-two including Sean and
Danny, were currently hiding under the main meeting room of the
Cupid’s
clubhouse
. 
Danny and a few of the guys had taken the night to plant explosives on the
ceiling of their basement hide out.
Once Sean gave the word, they would
blow the ceiling, which would in turn cause the floor above to give. 
Whomever the fall didn’t kill, Sean’s group, my group, would then attack. 
They had the upper hand.  They were prepared, and they were armed. 
The
Cupids
wouldn’t stand a chance.

I needed to get there before 11:00.

10:57.  I was cutting it close, but I still had three
minutes.  I had three minutes to get Rocky inside a building that was
about one hundred yards away.

Rocky was leaning against his bike staring at his watch when
I kicked up the parking lot stones.  He stood tall when he heard me,
breathing out an impatient sigh.

“It’s about time, Ry.”

“Where is everyone?”  I jumped off my bike, landing
directly in front of him.

“Who?”

“The club.  Rock, where are the guys?”  I needed
confirmation that they were all in the clubhouse.

“They’re all gathering for church.” 

Shit.  “Rocky, we have to get inside.”  I sped
past him, grabbing onto his shirt in the process.

“Whoa.  Whoa.”  He resisted my pull and wrapped
his hand around my wrist, tugging me back.  “I’m not going anywhere until
you explain to me what is going on.”

“I really don’t have time, Rock.  Believe me, we need
to get inside.”

It wasn’t enough; he didn’t budge.  “Well, that’s too
bad, Ryan.” He gave me a light push.  “What the fuck is going on with
you?”

10:58.  I had no time to explain the facts to him, but
Rocky refused to move.  What did I have time to tell him?  What would
quickly make him see that I was trying to protect him, to protect the
club?  Did I tell him the rumors he heard were true?  Did I tell him
that I had helped found a new club that would rival his?  Did I tell him
how Sean had built a secret lair under the club?  That he had been spying
on them for months?  That he was planning a takeover and would be more
than happy if it turned hostile?  Did I tell him that if Sean didn’t hear
Rocky’s voice in two minutes the club would explode?

“Sean is in there right now.  If you don’t get in there,
everyone is going to die.”

Rocky just stared at me.

10:59.

“Rocky, move, do something… say something, anything.” 
I was becoming frantic.

“What are… Sean is… and you…” He was trying to wrap his head
around what I might have gotten myself into, and he wasn’t finding clarity.
 “Fuck, Ryan.”

“I know.  Believe me, I know.  And you can curse
me out all you want, but only after we get in there and save your people.”

“And you let me wait here for an hour?  You didn’t try
to warn me?”

“I called you a thousand times, Rock!” I yelled at
him.  “But that’s not the point.” 

“What the hell were you doing?”

“Rock, it doesn’t matter.  We have to get inside.”

Rocky disappointingly shook his head, but finally took a
step toward the club.  I followed and then took lead, quickening my pace
to a run.

“Rocky, I am so sorry.  For everything.”

“Shut the fuck up.  I don’t know you.”

It stung, but I knew I deserved it.  I had let the
Cupids,
the group of people who raised me, walk into a trap.  If something
happened to them, it was completely my fault.

I tried to speed up my feet, but it was useless.  The
second hand on my watch was faster than my run. 

It turned 11:00 a.m.

Then came the explosion.