Death Sentences (23 page)

Keiko pointed at the manuscript and said, "This ... is read as dobaded, right? Where does that come from?"

Sakakibara shook his head.

"And?"

"At first I thought it was just a rhythmic word. But then, you see, it is used as a noun, as a verb, and even sometimes as an adjective."

". . . dobaded, huh?" Sakakibara pursed his lips. "I guess there's no way to translate it then?"

"Well, I don't think it's entirely impossible. If you come up with something good for dobaded, the phrases themselves seem fairly easy."

"What about the other works? Like `Mirror' and `The Gold of Time'-?"

"I haven't looked through them yet. There just hasn't been much of a chance."

She was right about that.

Sakakibara picked up the copy of "The Gold of Time" that Kasadera had been clutching right till the end.

"L'or du temps, huh ... ?"

He read the title and skimmed over the first few lines, trying to translate them into Japanese.

"`In the shade of the shadow of light. In the depth of the depths of light.... Beyond, behind it....' Well, even without a dictionary you can get a basic sense of it."

Gazing on the manuscript beside him, Keiko continued with the translation.

"`The darkness is out of reach. The light too eludes our grasp. . . .' Right?"

She looked into Sakakibara's eyes.

"Hey, what do you think? Shall we put our heads together on this?"

"Put our heads together?"

"Exactly."

With these words, Keiko disappeared into the bedroom. She soon reappeared with another copy of the manuscript.

"Okay, then."

Sakakibara nodded. He refilled the glasses, took a sip, and returned to the manuscript.

"This should be interesting. Let's give it a go. First, `The Gold of Time ... Who May' and then ..."

"`In the shade of the shadow of light. In the depth of the depths of light.' And let's of light, on the other side...: "

Translating line by line, the two of them made their way through "The Gold of Time."

Then-

Suddenly feeling as if the wine had hit him, Sakakibara raised his hands to cover his eyes.

"What happened? Are you all right?"

Keiko's voice sounded very far away.

"... um, yes, I'm

He replied, or thought he had, but wasn't entirely sure.

In the darkness behind his eyelids something was spinning wildly.

He reached out to support himself on the table that was supposed to be right in front of him, but he couldn't feel a thing. Or, rather, he was surely touching it but could not feel it.

He brusquely opened his eyes.

Keiko's face was there. But it was all a blur.

Her mouth opened. Now her voice sounded exceedingly close.

"`In the shade of the shadow of light. In the depth of the depths of light.... Equinox of light.... Around to the other side of light, at the time you arrive here ... time is gold ... gold itself resembles time."

The voice wasn't right. The voice-wasn't Keiko's!

Sakakibara opened his eyes wide. He couldn't tell if he had really opened them or not. But he kept trying and felt that he had.

The face before him wavered, back and forth, and then suddenly he saw it clearly.

(Kasadera-!)

He felt him. He had the distinct sensation that Kasadera was right in front of him-or something that looked like him was certainly there.

The face laughed.

It was joyous, heartfelt laughter. Or so it seemed.

(In the shade of the shadow of light. In the depth of the depths of light.... At the time you arrive here, time is gold, and the shadow of the shade ... in the depth of depths....)

The voice echoed through his mind.

Sakakibara then came to a realization. He gained some insight.

That voice ... those words ... each one contained the key to understanding the overall order. Each and every word ... explains something about their order. That was the key to their endless combinations ... and at the limit ... therein is ... a whole that is locked within that limit....

In an instant-

Everything went black.

He shifted his body, but this time a distinct sense of his physical presence came over him.

He opened his eyes-

It felt strange. He had supposedly opened his eyes before. Yet they had opened again.

Something had been peeled away before his eyes.

Or that's how it felt to him.

A layer had been peeled away, and a new scene appeared.

Therein-

Was Keiko. Without a doubt, it was Keiko.

Kasadera had ... vanished. Only a faint echo of his smile lingered. Exactly like the smile of the Cheshire Cat.

And yet ... and yet ...

Sakakibara looked at Keiko. He stared at her.

Her eyes were open as wide as possible.

Her face was pale. It was drained of blood.

"Kei ... ko ..."

He barely managed to speak.

But the expression on her face was stiff, so stiff that it looked about to crack.

Her eyes were focused intently on something, something behind Sakakibara. It was as if she were looking through him.

Sakakibara instinctively turned around.

Her gaze gave him the feeling of something behind him.

Is there something-there-!?

But he couldn't see anything.

There was nothing, no one, behind him.

His head was spinning, but now probably because of the alcohol. Sakakibara turned to face Keiko directly.

He placed both hands on her shoulders.

"Keiko!"

His shout verged on a scream.

face. Just then she blinked as if confused. Three times, four times, he shouted to her. Gradually, the focus of her eyes shifted to his

Her mouth opened wide in a silent scream.

She made an effort to push his hands from her shoulders.

Sakakibara held tightly to her.

"What happened!? Come on, it's okay!"

With these words, he tried to pull her into his arms.

.. Ah,

Finally, she realized that it was Sakakibara. Now she threw herself into his arms.

They clung to one another, trembling in each other's arms. They were unable to move for quite a while.

"What happened-? What was it that happened!?" Sakakibara repeated somewhat deliriously.

"It's really you ... suddenly ... you were . .

As she began to speak, she was at once sobbing and speaking.

"Me-? What happened to me!?"

"You ... you suddenly ... changed ... and you were no longer you ... at least that's how it looked to me ..."

"What did I look like!?"

She didn't answer.

She breathed as if gasping for air.

He held her tighter and then found the courage to speak.

"Was it Kasadera-!?"

Keiko burst into tears as if unable to hold them back any longer. And he felt her entire body stiffen as if struck by lightning.

He must have guessed correctly.

That meant ... it meant ... that she too had seen his ghost.

"It's horrible ... why? Don't say ... don't tell me, you, too..."

"You should lie down in bed for a while-" He tried to get her to her feet. "It must be the wine, the two of us just drank too much."

But Keiko shook her head violently in response.

"You saw it, didn't you? You saw it, too, didn't you!?"

"Try to keep calm, okay? Come on-"

"But you're right, you're absolutely right! It was Kasadera!"

"Stop!"

"He was smiling ... he looked so happy ... he was smiling at me ... and behind him ... I wonder where he was? The earth around him was a sort of red, reddish brown, all the way to the horizon ... and the sky too looked reddish ... the sun was very small but it was shining all the same ... where was it?"

Earth ... ? Sun ... ?

That wasn't it at all! Sakakibara had seen something entirely different.

What Sakakibara had seen, or thought he had seen, was the ghost of Kasadera wearing a joyous expression, and nothing else.

"That's right ... that place was definitely not our Earth ... on the distant horizon was a range of mountains taller than any that I have ever seen ... and Kasadera was flying in that direction ... it's true! He really was floating in the sky!"

"Enough! I get it-"

"... but ... but ... it wasn't only him ... a great number of ... a great number of others were with him ... hovering ... on air ... in the sky. I couldn't see them but ... I felt it ... it wasn't just him ... and I could almost see them ... almost ... almost ... and when I could, then ..."

"Stop it now!"

Sakakibara pressed a hand to Keiko's mouth as she continued chattering as if in a feverish trance.

And then he helped her to her feet.

Were such things really possible-?

Sakakibara had never thought it necessary to deny the existence of ghosts because he had always considered the issue ridiculous and irrelevant.

He had always believed, and there had been no good reason to think otherwise, that ghosts and such existed only in the minds of those who saw them.

That was why, that was-(precisely!)-why Kasadera had appeared here and now before him.

That had to be it.

Kasadera who had waved good-night to Keiko and Sakakibara that night ... the copy of the manuscript that he held in his hand ... the notes that he had left behind ... and then what Kasadera's mother had revealed of his feelings for Keiko ... all these things, in combination with all the wine, had sparked a radiant illusion upon his retinas. There was no other explanation.

It was all due to his unnecessary feelings of guilt.

And Keiko too was surely prey to similar feelings of regret.

That's all there was to it.

We simply ignore it and move on. And that would be the end of it.

Holding Keiko, Sakakibara pushed open the bedroom door with a foot.

They fell into bed in each other's arms.

Keiko sighed deeply, her breath hot.

She wrapped her legs tightly around him.

They didn't even take the time to undress. Their hands were all over one another, arousing one another, and they rolled and grappled until they found themselves locked in an embrace that matched their bodies' passion.

It happened quickly.

In the heat of the moment they both reached climax quickly.

Still, they remained entwined. They could not move apart.

They feared the exposure that would come with separation. Someone was watching. Even though their minds told them it was impossible, they nonetheless burrowed deeper into each other's bodies, like small animals instinctively trying to hide themselves deep in their lairs.

Until the night began to give way to dawn light ... they ravished each other, in flight from fear.

3

They married.

They held the wedding in mid-May, on the Saturday following Golden Week.

A small reception was held for their friends, acquaintances, and coworkers at Kirin Publishers.

The reception also celebrated the publication of Kirin's new book series, Undiscovered Materials.

The first volume was scheduled to appear in late May.

It was Sources of Surrealism, an overview of the history and philosophy of surrealism.

Preliminary copies had been prepared for those who attended the party.

Subsequently, a volume would appear every other month, Visions of Surrealism in late July, Forms of Surrealism in late September, Languages of Surrealism in late November, and so forth.

In any case-in accordance with Sakakibara's original plan, the first three volumes would be on time for the Seito department store exhibition.

Preparations for the exhibition were also well under way.

The editorial work on various brochures was about 6o percent completed, and it was now the responsibility of the Hakuden Agency to follow through with the photography and printing. Since the conception and design work for the collection had been established, publication of the subsequent volumes should proceed quite smoothly.

On the day of the party, the Seito Group sent a large bouquet of flowers. President Tsujimi's personal secretary made an appearance to read his message of congratulations.