Death Wish (37 page)

“You don’t need to worry about me, Shaz. Put yourself first for a change. Be wolf with the others and be happy. You’re far too beautiful to go giving yourself worry lines.” I gave him a playful nudge and swallowed the sudden burst of raw emotion.

He captured my hand, raising it to his lips. Pressing a kiss to my palm, he breathed in my scent as if afraid he would forget it if he didn’t memorize it now. We stood there with nothing more to say. Kylarai’s laughter was the only sound, muffled by the closed patio doors but musical just the same.

I smiled, but it hurt to do so. I didn’t want to leave my wolves, especially Shaz. I wasn’t arrogant enough to believe everything would go off without a hitch tonight. A demon with a price on my head wasn’t going to be easy to subdue, particularly if I really was all that stood between her and the freedom from her curse.

Death held more terror for me now than it ever had before. Because of the blood bond I’d formed with Arys, I was guaranteed to rise as a vampire upon my mortal death. I had grown to fear that transformation so desperately that I’d asked Shaz and Kylarai a few weeks ago to kill me if I became little more than a bloodthirsty maniac. Arys was not aware of my request nor did I want him to be.

“I should go,” I forced the words out.

With a nod, he released my hand, hesitating just a moment before he pulled me into his arms. Tucking my head under his chin, I closed my eyes and savored the comfort of his embrace. It reminded me of a time when we had been so close that people assumed we were lovers before we’d even kissed. Things had changed, but I could still feel that connection between us, buried under the rubble of our broken romance.

When he let me go, I felt like something was missing. My wolf leaped against my insides, demanding to be freed. It was getting harder to resist.

I turned to go, my hand on the patio door.

Shaz’s voice followed me. “Be careful, Lex.”

The scent of coffee and werewolf hit me when I stepped inside. Shaz remained on the deck, staring out at the night. After wishing the wolves at the table a nice night, I headed for the front door with Kylarai hot on my heels.

“Are you ok?” She asked in a soft whisper when we stood alone on the front step. “The tension between the two of you is suffocating.”

“I’m fine. I just wish I could stay.”

“Liar.”

“Ok, I’m lying.” Trying to hide anything from the mother hen of the group was hopeless. She knew both Shaz and me well. She was the big sister neither of us ever had. “I’m not fine. I’m coming apart inside and doing my damnedest to hide it.”

The confession felt good. Keeping everything buried was hurting me, not helping.

“You’ve never been very good at hiding your feelings. It’s one of the things I love most about you.” Kylarai’s grey eyes shone with warmth. She gave me a tight hug that crushed the breath from me. “We need to have some quality girl time. You don’t have to bear every burden alone.”

I nodded and bit my lip, trying to hold back my next words. “Shaz is leaving town, Ky. I don’t know how I’m going to survive without him.”

Her smile faded, and she gave a solemn nod. “I know. He told me. I’m so sorry, Lex. Maybe it will be for the best. Give you both a chance to sort things out.”

“I know,” I sniffled, cursing the few stray tears that had escaped. Clear and human, they mocked me in ways blood tears did not.

“He’s leaving because he loves you, Alexa. Because he wants to be the link to the light that you need to battle Arys’s darkness. He knows now what that means.”

“How is that possible when I don’t even know?”

Ky shrugged and pushed a blonde lock out of my eyes. “He has faith. And, so should you. Everything happens for a reason. Your link to Arys, your love for Shaz, it all has to mean something. Remember that.”

She was right. Staying strong would carry me through. That’s what I needed now. “Take care of each other tonight, ok? I’ve got to go.”

Arys was waiting in my car. I got in, started the engine and backed out of Kylarai’s driveway without a glance in his direction. I didn’t want him to see the pain I fought down inside. I had to change my focus. Tonight’s rendezvous permitted no room for crippling emotion.

I could feel the weight of his gaze as I drove. The vampire was a clever creature though, and he knew better than to ask whatever questions were dancing on the tip of his tongue. He allowed me to pretend everything was fine and dandy until we reached the outskirts of the city.

“Might as well head down to the Avenue. It’s still early but hunting down a snack shouldn’t be too hard.” Arys sounded uninterested. Bored.

The Avenue was a strip just off the downtown core, known for being a fast paced, highly frequented red light district. It was my hunting ground of choice when the demands of the bloodlust became too much. I wasn’t proud of the things I’d done there, but it was my best alternative to mindlessly slaughtering innocents. I just didn’t feel quite so bad about spilling the blood of a man that used and abused fifteen-year-old girls.

“That’s not what you really want though, is it?” I eased the Charger to a stop at a red light and glanced his way. “You like them with enough innocence to make it wrong. Don’t you?”

A wicked smile tugged at his lips. “You’ve seen my memories. You tell me.”

“If I wasn’t here, you’d be hunting one of the prostitutes. Or, maybe some random passerby that captures your attention. Someone that you can play the game with. Someone you can draw in, work into a frenzy, and devour.”

I wasn’t wrong. His silence confirmed that. The differences between the two of us were becoming more apparent all the time. Since I’d learned we were twin flames, I had been looking harder at each of us, seeking evidence of the light and dark we were both said to possess, and I was finding it. True to the yin-yang description, we each held a little of the other inside.

“Ladies choice tonight,” Arys said with a wink. “How’s that sound?”

“Fantastic,” I replied, my tone thick with sarcasm.

I pulled the car into the parking lot of a small, vacant church. We quickly joined the rest of the creatures of the night, prowling the streets for the perfect victim. The Avenue was not where I wanted to be. The stink of car exhaust and the filthy city streets made me long that much more for the clean earthy scent of the forest and the wolves that should be running at my side. Not being there with them, it felt so wrong.

We passed a row of abandoned buildings complete with smashed windows and graffiti. Dark stains marred the concrete in several places. The screech of tires echoed a few blocks away. Loud rock music poured out of a sketchy bar at the end of the street.

Arys captured my hand in his as if we were just a regular couple out for a stroll. “Your wolf feels wild tonight. Dangerous.”

His fingers were cool between mine, maybe more so because of the heat rushing through my veins. I burned with the wolf. Arys was hinting his concerns but not asking. Good man.

“I’ll be fine,” I tried to say with cool assurance, but it came out through gritted fang teeth. My fingers were tipped with deadly claws, and I had to concentrate hard on the human sights and scents around me. “I’m not sure I can do this. The bloodlust is buried so deep tonight. I can barely feel it at all.”

The three nights of the full moon, before, during and after, were the few days of the month when I was free of the vampire essence rooted deep down in my core. As grateful as I was for that, it wasn’t going to work in my favor tonight. I was about to face the vampire demoness that wanted me dead, and I had to be ready to bring it hard if need be. The wolf could potentially cripple me.

Arys stroked his thumb along my finger. “I can always feel it. Some nights worse than others. I need to do this, but you don’t have to.”

“I know. You’re still not choosing though.” I squeezed his hand and smiled up at him.

I was nervous about being present for Arys’s kill when I myself was free of the bloodlust. It felt too much like being an accomplice of my own free will. When the bloodlust drove me to kill, I wasn’t making the conscious decision. That didn’t make it ok, but it made it easier to live with myself afterward.

We passed the loud bar and rounded the corner, coming upon a small group engaged in some kind of conflict. Shouts rang out, and the thud of fists on flesh was audible. A young prostitute stood off to the side, trying to avoid the melee. Her thick makeup did nothing to hide her youth. She looked like a kid playing dress up.

“Nobody touches my girls for free.” One man shouted into the face of another, holding him tightly by the collar. “I hope you got a good feel because I’m going to break every one of your fingers.”

They looked up as we approached, ready to send us on our way if we dared to do something stupid, like intervening. I took in the sight, making a quick decision. Pimp or john. Both?

I gave Arys the slightest nod. Immediately I felt the change in him as he slipped into full-on predator mode. The pimp barely had time to sneer, “What the hell are you looking at?” before Arys was on him.

Arys grabbed the greasy sleaze in a death grip, sinking his deadly fangs in a motion so fast it was hard to follow. The pimp shrieked and flailed to no avail. The john looked on in horror, as if unable to believe what he was seeing. Then he turned and fled down the street, cursing up a storm.

The woman backed up a few steps before crumpling in a dead faint. I stood there transfixed, knowing I should help her but unable or unwilling to tear my eyes from the feasting vampire.

Arys was in his element. Blood sprayed, and the tangy aroma reached out to taunt my bloodlust to life. It sprang forth with a fervor that rocked me. Just moments before it was nonexistent, but watching Arys flick his tongue over the wounds before sinking his fangs once more was bringing me to my knees.

A groan drew my attention to the fallen hooker. She rolled over and attempted to get up though her insanely high heels made that difficult in her woozy state. I moved to help her, grabbing her arm. She peered up at me with frightened brown eyes. My gaze went to the bloody cut on her forehead, and it was all over.

I dragged her close and bared my massive fangs. She screamed, a high piercing sound that hurt my sensitive ears. She lashed out, striking me repeatedly in the face as I struggled to pin her arms. She smelled like blood and cheap perfume, and I wanted her.

I fought for her throat, overpowering her with my superhuman strength. The next hand that slapped my face belonged to Arys. Everything became a blur as he wrestled the woman from my grasp and shoved her away, shouting at her to get moving if she wanted to live to see another night.

“Alexa!” He shook me until my teeth rattled. “Have you lost your mind?”

He smelled like blood and death but felt like power. So much power. I leaned into him, seeking the thrill of the connection we shared. I kissed him with dark intentions, aching for him to take me to a higher level of ecstasy. Tasting the blood on his lips had me clawing at him like a lunatic, which given the circumstances, I was.

He kissed me back, plunging his tongue into my mouth with a hunger to match my own. My larger fangs sliced his lip, and the taste of his blood had me ready to tear my clothes off right there in the filthy street.

“Alexa, stop. We have to go. You fucked up.” Arys pushed me into motion, forcing me to keep up with him as he dragged me down a darkened side street in a circle back to the car. I protested his forcefulness, finding it hard to see through the fog in my brain.

I did fuck up. I was the worst kind of killer, one who would do under influence what I wouldn’t allow others to do. And, I had no control over it. Right then, I didn’t give a damn. I was raging with the hunger for human life and the aching need for my other half. I wanted to find release from the desire. Only Arys could give that to me.

We reached the car, finding it as we left it. Nobody was lurking around the small church at this time of night. I tugged at his jeans, unable to give voice to what I wanted. He stared at me as if I really had lost my mind.

“Do you see now?” He asked. “My darkness is growing inside you. The balance is shifting. You’re in danger.”

“Please,” I murmured, ignoring his unwelcome warning. “I need you.”

Arys gazed at me with lust in his deep blue eyes. And something more. Worry. Love. Regret. Then he gave in to the pull, and we fell into the big back seat of the Charger like two smitten teenagers.

After shedding only as much clothing as required, I climbed onto his lap and rode him like I was running a race and the finish line was in sight. Arys clung to me, holding me as if he feared I would disappear. Pressing his face into my hair, he breathed deeply of my scent and sighed.

Feeling him inside me as our power swept through us, I was transported to a place where light and dark didn’t exist, where we were simply one, the same shade of grey.

After the thrill of climax subsided, rationale began to creep back in. I collapsed against him, my head resting on his shoulder. Reaching out a shaky hand, I drew a crooked heart in the fog on the back window.

“Why can’t we stay this way forever?” I asked, expecting no answer. “It isn’t fair.”

“Nothing is fair, beautiful wolf.” Arys stroked my tousled hair. “Don’t make the mistake of thinking that means it isn’t worth it.”