Deborah Camp (22 page)

He bent to examine the mare again. “I’m almost done with the planting anyway.”

Elise stared at the back of his head and resisted the urge to smack him. She’d been edgy and bitter all day, and his rejection heightened her aggravation. “I just wanted to do my share, that’s all.”

He didn’t face her, but she saw his body stiffen. “You want to do something more? You can stop jumping every time I touch you.”

“I don’t.”

He glanced around at her. “Oh, no? You
do
remember last night, don’t you?”

“Yes, but that wasn’t just touching,” she whispered
to him, careful that Penny wouldn’t hear. “That was groping. If you had gone slower, been more considerate, told me that you care for me and that—”

“It’s all my fault, is it?” he demanded, his jaw firming.

“Should I fill up her water bucket?” Penny asked.

“What?” Blade glanced at the nearly empty bucket. “Yes, that’s a good idea. Maybe Elise should go with you and help you carry it.”

“I carry water all the time,” Penny said, giving him an odd look before scampering out with the bucket in hand.

Elise glared at him, angry that he’d tried to get rid of her. “If you’d take the time to look at us occasionally, you’d see that Penny and I have become quite efficient around this farm. I chopped firewood last week. I hitched the mules to the wagon today and picked Penny up at school.”

“I noticed.”

She propped herself on stiffened arms and regarded him over the tops of her knees, torn between the urge to slap him and kiss him. “But never a word from you,” she said, her voice quivering with an anger that had germinated in his rejection last night. “Not one word of praise. Not a smile or a nod of approval. Nothing. Were you this cold and ungiving with Julia? I suppose it’s best she couldn’t have children by you. Children need encouragement and open affection.”

He swiveled on the balls of his feet, his brown eyes glittering dangerously. “Who told you that Julia couldn’t have my children?”

She felt trapped, and knew she’d have to betray her source. “Uh … Mary. Was it a secret?”

“It’s nobody’s business, is what it is.” A muscle ticked near one corner of his mouth. “You’d do well to remember that.”

He started to give her his back again. Elise shot a hand out and grabbed his arm.

“Blade, we’ve got to talk. Last night when you—”

Janie gave a grunt and her body jackknifed, ripping Blade’s attention from Elise. She rose to her knees, eager to be of help.

“What’s happening?” Penny asked, lugging in the bucket of water.

Reaching out, Elise snagged it by the rope handle and helped Penny place it to one side as the horse thrashed again.

“Here it comes …” Blade positioned himself and bent to assist the new life. He grabbed the emerging hooves and pressed a hand on Janie’s side. “Come on, girl. One more big push and we’ll have this licked.”

As if understanding his directions, Janie released a long, sighing moan. The filly spilled out in a slimy gush of fluid and afterbirth.

Blade grinned and Penny let out a squeal of delight.

“It’s a girl, isn’t it?” Elise asked breathlessly.

“Yes, a filly.” Blade pushed the newborn toward Elise. “Take her for a minute while I see to Janie. Penny, bring that bucket of water over here.”

“Yes, sir.” Penny set the bucket close to Blade. “Is Janie going to die?”

“No, little one.” He paused in his sponging of the horse to smile at Penny. “She is a new mother and she’s tired. She’ll be on her feet in a few minutes. We won’t be able to keep her down.”

“Is this her first baby?”

“No, her second. She had a colt two years ago.”

“Where is he?”

“I sold him to a horse breeder in the next county.” Blade washed off Janie as he talked. “I won’t sell this filly, though. I’ll keep her, and someday she, too, will be a mother.”

“You like babies, don’t you, Blade?”

He nodded, his smile full of tenderness. “Yes, very much.”

Elise choked back tears of shame. Why had she said that his inability to father a child with Julia had been fortunate? It was so petty of her to hurt him just because she was hurting.

The filly struggled to her feet. Elise grabbed an old, ragged horse blanket and rubbed the filly with it, wiping off most of the fluid and the remains of the birth sack. The newborn’s spindly legs trembled, but held her upright. She was iron gray with a few white spots. Her mane and tail were ebony. A black streak ran along her spine. Elise followed the dark ribbon with her fingertip.

“Lineback,” Blade said, watching her. He stood and moved closer to the filly. “That’s what that’s called in a horse. She’s a pretty color.”

“She’s a beauty.” Elise looked up into his face. He smiled at her, and her heart expanded. “Oh, Blade, I’m sorry for … for everything.” The words tumbled out of her. “Last night I was frightened of my feelings. It wasn’t you, it was me. And just now, when I said that about—”

He shook his head. “Not now. Later.” His gaze flickered to Penny.

Elise nodded, admitting he was right. What they needed to say to each other should be said in private.

“What will you name her?” Penny asked, flinging her arms around the wobbly filly.

“I’ll let you name her,” Blade said, gently pushing Penny back as Janie lumbered to her feet. “I told you she was all right.”

Janie shook her head, flinging her wet mane. She stomped her hooves, then shook herself all over. Penny laughed at her antics.

“Looky, Janie.” Penny pulled the filly over to the mare. “Here’s your little baby. ’Lise, let’s call her Gwenie after Mama.”

“That’s a good name,” Elise said, “and in keeping with the others around here. We certainly can’t have a Smoky or a Princess. Not around Bob and Janie.”

Blade chuckled at her good-natured sarcasm. “Your mother was called Gwenie?”

“Only by my father. Her name was Gwendolyn. Some of her friends called her Gwen. Papa called her Gwenie.” Elise started to rise from her knees. Suddenly Blade’s hand was there. Smiling, she slid her fingers against his palm and let him help her up. He didn’t let go of her hand. “I’m not sure how my mother would take to having a horse named after her,” Elise noted with a light laugh.

“She wouldn’t mind,” Penny asserted. “Know what? I love Gwenie already.” She gingerly stroked the filly’s damp, pointed ears.

“Step out of the way, Pen,” Elise instructed. “Let Janie examine her new baby and clean her up.”

“Look! Gwenie’s already trying to drink milk!” Penny’s voice lifted with excitement as the filly nudged Janie’s underbelly, sniffed, then lipped a distended nipple. Janie nickered, shifted and settled down to let her newborn nurse.

“They’re just doing what comes natural.” Blade
looked at Elise. There was a challenge in his statement, in his expressive eyes.

Elise held his gaze. He still clasped her hand, more tightly now. “Yes. At first it’s rather startling, but then it all seems as right as rain.”

His lips parted and he blinked. She realized she’d surprised him. Blushing, she also realized she’d surprised herself as well.

After supper the next evening, Blade sat sprawled in the rocker, one leg outstretched, the other bent at the knee. He’d spent the previous night in the barn with Janie and the new filly. Tonight he looked bone-weary. Elise closed the bedroom door softly, but he heard her and made a motion to stand.

“No, stay there,” she entreated, holding up one hand.

“I should check on Janie and the filly.”

She shook her head vigorously, so that her hair fanned her back and shoulders. His hair fell in disarray across his forehead, and his jaw was dark with stubble. He sighed and eased back into the chair.

“Penny’s asleep?” he asked.

“Soundly,” she answered.

The room grew crowded with tension. A light rain tapped on the windows and roof. A single candle burned on the table, giving out little light. Elise could barely make out Blade’s features. She stared at him, wanting to be in his arms, but was unable to get a clear sense of how he was feeling. Giving a little sigh, she turned to move to the door, thinking that a breath of rain-washed air would be nice and might lessen the tightening in her chest.

He moved so quickly that she let out a startled gasp. His mouth covered hers and his arms bonded
her to him. Grateful that he’d finally made his move, Elise plunged all ten fingers through his hair and positioned her lips more completely against his. His tongue entered and mated with hers in a silken dance of desire.

“Is this what you wanted?” he breathed into her mouth. “Is it?”

“Yes, you know it is,” she whispered back to him, combing his hair with her fingers. “It’s what we both want.”

“You don’t even know what you’re asking for,” he rasped, his hands moving down her body in a scorching caress. “Remember last night? You were smart to push me away.”

“No, I was stupid. I was afraid.”

“You should be afraid.”

Suddenly he let go of her and retreated. The hand he pulled through his hair trembled slightly.

Elise captured his other hand, linking her fingers through his. “Let’s go into the bedroom.” She stood in front of him, telling him with her eyes how much she wanted him.

He ran a fingertip down her cheek, across her lower lip. “Are you a devil tempting me or an angel saving me?” he whispered before touching his mouth to hers. He nibbled lightly at the corners of her soft lips, then outlined them with his warm tongue. She arched against him and his hands spanned her hips, pulling her closer until she felt him straining against his trousers.

He went down on one knee before her and she dropped to her knees, facing him. Taking his time, he unbuttoned the front of her dress, his eyes speaking eloquently to her. To show him that she wouldn’t change her mind tonight, she tugged his shirt free from his trousers and lifted it up and over
his head. The sight of his bare, gleaming chest sent a frisson of weakness through her.

“I never knew a man could look so beautiful,” she confessed. Muscle sculpted his arms and chest. She touched him with tentative fingertips. His skin felt like hot satin as she smoothed the flats of her hands over his chest and kissed the base of his throat. “You’ll have to show me the way, Blade. I’ve never been down this path before.”

He gathered handfuls of her auburn hair. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t,” she assured him.

“Oh, but I will. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.”

“You’ll be gentle,” she said, her confidence in him unshakable, her lips sandwiching one of his brown nipples. “If we take it slow …” She kissed his other nipple, then lifted her mouth to his. His mouth opened over hers and seemed to pull at her. When he ended the kiss, he was breathing heavily. A pulse leapt in his throat.

“I hurt Julia.”

The strain in his voice set her back from him to stare into eyes that were suddenly haunted. “What do you mean you hurt her?”

A frown creased his brow. “I hurt her, plain and simple.”

“It was her first time with a man?”

“Of course.”

“From what I’ve heard, it’s often a bit painful the first time.”

He released her hair and framed her face with gentle hands. “I hurt her every time after that, too.” He trailed his fingertips down her throat. “White, well-bred women … they are more …”

“More what?” Elise asked, not liking where this
was heading. “White, well-bred women are more what?”

“Delicate,” he said with a quirk of his lips. “They’re more delicate and smaller. They need men who … who are better suited to them.”

She brushed aside his hands. “Smaller than you, you mean.”

He seemed reluctant to agree with that, but then he seized on it and nodded. “Yes, that’s probably why white men often have mistresses. Their wives give them children, of course, but they take their pleasures with servants or with painted women.” He must have sensed the anger rising in her, because he added quickly, “And they are discreet so as not to dishonor their wives.”

She could hardly believe her ears! With colossal will, she managed to keep her voice level. “Is that the arrangement you had with Julia? Did you slip in the back door to visit the painted women at the Rusty Keg so you wouldn’t dishonor her?”

He sat back on his rump and glared at her. “I wasn’t talking about me. I honored my wife. I was never with another woman while Julia was alive. Never.”

She believed him. How could she not when his jawline looked as rigid as rock and his eyes were clear and guilt-free?

“But she was narrow-hipped like you, and she was …” He paused, and Elise could feel him searching for the right word. “Tight,” he finished. “My mother spoke of this once. She, too, had endured great discomfort when she was with my father. She warned me that I should be careful when I was with … well, with frail women.”

“Frail? That’s rubbish.” Elise scowled at him, and he scowled back. “Let’s talk about this, Blade.”
She sat back and pulled her knees up. He sat cross-legged across from her and scowled at the floor.

“Talking won’t do any good.”

“It will do
me
good,” she insisted. “As a matter of fact, I think we both need to clear the air. Julia was with child at least once—isn’t that right?”

“Twice. She was with child twice.” Even as he said it, the pain settled like a shadow on his face. “The doctor said she shouldn’t try to bear children again. She wasn’t built for it, and our times together were never good for her. I knew before the doctor told her. I knew she would never bear a child.”

Elise eyed Blade curiously. “How did you know that?”

He seemed uncomfortable and was unable to look her in the face. “I knew because …” He shrugged, words failing him.

“You said she was too small. Too narrow, too? Didn’t you think a baby could come into the world through her? Maybe because you were a … shall we say a tight fit?”

He nodded, then leaned back on his arms. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” He rolled his shoulders and angled his head from side to side to relieve tight muscles. “I know more about such things … more than you.”

“Blade … are you rejecting me?”

His gaze snapped to her face, then lowered slowly to her breasts. She felt his resolve waver. Pushing the top of her dress off her shoulders, she tipped her head to one side.