Deceived (25 page)

“Since I’m certain you don’t believe me,” she continued. “I will very gladly send all of Claire’s letters to you once I return to London. You can read them yourself, as you wanted to tonight. I would ask for them back, though. They’re precious to me. The letter in my desk in the other room contains no valuable information, though you may take it when you leave.”

He blinked, all thoughts of Claire and what this new information meant fleeing in the face of his wife’s cold demeanor.

“Leave?” he repeated.

She nodded, motioning to the door behind him. “Yes. I would like for you to go now.”

He sucked in his breath. “Josie, you cannot mean that.”

She swallowed hard and he saw her fighting her pain, her pride, whatever feelings she still had for him.

“But I do,” she finally said.

“No,
no
!” he said, striding across the room, around the bed where she stood. She staggered back into the corner, as if she feared his touch.

“Get out, Evan,” she repeated, but the tremor in her voice betrayed her.

“No,” he repeated. “I won’t.”

She made a low sound of frustration in her throat and lunged past him over the bed. “Then I will,” she declared, searching around the ground for her nightgown. She caught it up and struggled to detangle it.

While she was distracted, he moved to where she stood yet again, but this time he didn’t stop himself from catching her arm and pulling her in. She molded against him, her eyes wild as she stared up at him.

“Don’t,” he whispered. “Please.”

He dropped his lips to hers, his kiss gentle and filled with all the pleading and apologies he could give her. And for a moment, she relaxed into him, her mouth opening, her body receiving. His arms came around her, holding her to him, as he prayed he could make her see how much she meant to him. Prayed he could repair what he had damaged.

As quickly as she had allowed herself to surrender, she pulled away. Her breath was short and filled with pain. Her eyes wide and wild with the same. Even her desire didn’t trump it.

“Please go, Evan,” she repeated, and the sob that followed her words tore at him more than a blade could have.

He stared at her, her head bent in defeat and humiliation, her shoulders shaking. He had to do what she wanted. Even though it hurt him, even though he didn’t want to walk away, right now she needed space from him.

In truth, she had earned it.

“All right,” he said softly. “All right, I’ll go.” She darted her gaze up in question, but didn’t respond. He grabbed his shirt, his boots, and moved for the door. There he stopped. “Josie, the only thing I want you to know right now is how sorry I am. I’m sorry, Josie.”

He waited for a moment for her response, but again she remained silent. So finally he stepped from the room and left her to her own feelings.

He shut the door behind himself and leaned against it, his heart throbbing and his head spinning. When he had started this game with Josie, he never thought it would lead to this. Not just this confrontation, but their passion, their connection, their marriage.

He’d never thought he’d destroy it all.

But now he had to think of Josie, as he hadn’t before. What did she need? Because giving her that was the only way he might ever get her back.

Evan stood in the foyer of his mother’s home less than half an hour later, looking up the stairs. He was waiting, and after the emotional moments of that night, he was having a hard time with patience.

Finally, the person he had been waiting for came running down the stairs.

“What is it?” Josie’s mother asked as she tied her dressing gown around her tightly.

He pursed his lips as he moved toward her. “Your daughter is physically fine,” he reassured her, and caught her elbow as she sagged with relief. “But she needs you.”

Mrs. Westfall gathered her composure and looked at him with question. “I have no idea what you are talking about. Tonight is your wedding night—why in the world would you be here demanding I come down to see you? And why would Josie need me?”

He swallowed hard, hating himself more and more with every passing moment. “I made a promise to you to take care of her. I made the same promise to her,” he said slowly. “And I broke it. Stupidly. Selfishly.”

Mrs. Westfall drew back. “What did you do?”

“Just go to her. I’ve had the carriage prepared. Go to her. She needs you now.”

Josie’s mother shot him a look of disbelief, mistrust and he turned his face away from it. It was too much like Josie’s expression when she caught him going through her things.

But she said nothing else. She merely rushed out the door and left him to watch her ride away, back to her daughter. Back to Josie. Back to the woman who never wanted to see him again.

The woman he wanted more than anything.

Josie sat staring at the dying fire. She had no idea how long she had been sitting there. An hour? Two? A day? It didn’t really matter. Everything she had thought she had was gone now. Destroyed with one swift revelation of a lie.

She bent her head and fought the tears that had been threatening since the moment Evan walked out her door and left her to her own thoughts and pains and humiliations.

There was a light knock at her chamber door, and she tensed. “Please, I already asked you to go away, Evan,” she called out.

The door opened regardless and she glared up, but was surprised to find it was not her husband but her mother who invaded her privacy and her pain.

“Mama?” she murmured as she rose her feet. “What are you doing here? You were staying at the Woodley estate tonight.”

Mrs. Westfall stepped into the chamber and shut the door behind her. Josie could feel her mother’s questions, her hesitations and her pity as she looked her up and down.

“Evan came home and fetched me. He said you needed me.”

Josie bent her head. “Then you know what happened.”

Mrs. Westfall shook her head as she crossed the room and sat down beside her daughter. Then her mother’s arms came around her and she held her close.

“I know you need me. If you want to tell me why, I hope you will. If you just want to cry, that is perfectly acceptable too.”

Josie drew in a sharp breath and then her body made her choice for her. She sobbed into her mother’s shoulder, crying out all the high emotions of the day, of the weeks before, of the feelings she had finally allowed herself to feel, of the disappointment at having her dreams shattered.

And when she had no tears left, she drew back and took the handkerchief her mother offered from somewhere, despite the fact she was in her nightclothes.

Josie laughed weakly as she stared at her. “So you got into a carriage in your nightshift and dressing gown?”

Mrs. Westfall smiled. “He said you needed me, darling. Why would I waste a moment putting on a gown?” She touched Josie’s face. “Now, do you want to tell me?”

Josie shook her head. She didn’t want to tell
anyone
about this humiliation. How could she say that her new husband didn’t want her, had never wanted her, but had gotten too caught up in a ruse meant to obtain information? The world would laugh that she had ever believed his desire for her was real.

“Love, perhaps it would help to say the words,” Mrs. Westfall encouraged.

Josie sighed. That wasn’t true. But if she wanted to be understood, she didn’t have much choice.

“It all started at Audrey’s wedding,” she began.

For the next half an hour, she talked. The most sordid of the details, when she had to tell her mother about the affair, was difficult. But she had to be honest. Totally honest. By the time she sank back against her chair, her mother was pale, regardless.

“And so he left and apparently fetched you, and here we are,” she finished.

“Indeed, here we are,” Mrs. Westfall said with a shake of her head. “Josie, I am…I am speechless. Here you were, engaged in such things and I was completely blind to it.”

Josie shrugged. “I suppose I wasn’t exactly telling the world. And if it had only been our affair, then this would be easier.”

“How?” her mother burst out as she leapt to her feet. “At least now you have the protection of the Woodley name.”

“What protection? Oh, yes, I suppose if there is a child resulting from tonight or last week then I won’t be shamed. But it is more likely than not that there will not be one. And so I am left married to a man who used my attraction to him in order to obtain information.”

Mrs. Westfall bent her head. “I can imagine that was rather hard to hear.”

“Hard?” Josie dug her nails into her palms. “Humiliating. Heartbreaking. Not hard. Oh, why did I ever believe he wanted me? Why didn’t I see that everything he said and did was a lie?”

Mrs. Westfall shifted with discomfort as she retook her seat. She reached out a hand and cupped her daughter’s cheek gently. “Are you certain it was?”

Josie tilted her head with an incredulous look. “You think there was any truth to it after what I told you?”

“Josie, you have been mistreated over the years and it makes you doubt those around you,” her mother said softly. “But you cannot be blind to this, to him. I saw Evan when he came back to his mother’s home tonight. His eyes were filled with regret, with pain. If he didn’t care about you at all, why would he fetch me to offer you comfort?”

Josie clenched her teeth. She didn’t want to hear about Evan’s good qualities at present. She didn’t want to picture him taking care of her, thinking of her. The throb of his betrayal was still too strong.

“Evan isn’t the worst person,” she admitted. “I’m sure he feels terrible that his ruse was revealed.”

Her mother pressed her lips together. “And let us talk of his ruse. Why would he take it so far if seducing you was only to find out what you knew about Claire? You were so reluctant to marry and no one else knew what you’d done. He could have walked away the moment it was clear you were not breeding.”

“Please don’t defend him because you are happy I’ve finally landed a man.” Now it was Josie who stood and walked away.

Mrs. Westfall let out a long sigh. “That isn’t my motivation. And I am not defending him in the slightest. Evan will have to answer for what he did, how he misled you. To you and to me. But I’m trying to make you see that everything he said might not be the lie you think it is, darling.”

“What could possibly be the truth?” Josie whispered, wishing her eyes didn’t fill with tears when she asked the question.

“The way he looked at you today when you wed, that was the truth,” her mother said, rising from her place. “The pain on his face when he fetched me,
that
is the truth.”

Josie flinched away from the words she didn’t want to hear. They gave her hope and that was far too dangerous a feeling in this moment. She couldn’t dare to hope there was something left between her and Evan.

Because it wouldn’t be enough for him to think well of her or want to make it right and be chums. Not anymore.

But her mother didn’t know her thoughts, and continued, “You were there during the development of this relationship, so you know you saw some things that were the truth. Once you face him again—”

Josie spun on her. “Oh, no, please! Please don’t make me face him again.”

Mrs. Westfall blinked in obvious confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I mean don’t make me face him again,” Josie repeated. “I don’t want to see him or talk to him. I can’t look at him!”

Oh God, to look at him now. To see that he didn’t love her when she loved him, to know he had merely used her to his ends.

“Dearest,” Mrs. Westfall said slowly, approaching her with the same caution that was in her tone. “You are upset and with every right to feel that way. But you must see that you can’t walk away or never see him again.”

“Why?” Her voice broke on the question.

“Because you are married. And you did nothing wrong. But if you hide, it will seem like you did. And
they
will talk.”

“And you care that I don’t ruin our family’s reputation any more than I have over the years I was a spinster?” Josie asked.

“No.” Her mother touched her cheek. “I care because I know
you
care. If you slink away, you won’t be able to show your face again. But if you hold your head up high—”