Deceived (22 page)

* * *

Luke awoke the next morning with Sarah still nestled against him. For several minutes, he lay there staring at the ceiling, enjoying the way her satiny-soft skin felt beneath his fingertips as he lightly traced her spine. But finally he heaved a resigned sigh and eased out of her arms. She stirred briefly before settling back into a peaceful sleep.

He quietly pulled his jeans on and grabbed the rest of his clothes before creeping to her door and slipping into the hallway. He pulled the door closed behind him and nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard the floorboards creak behind him.

He turned with a start to see Eli standing there, Chief at his side. “Hey, buddy,” he said, narrowing his eyes as he studied the kid, his guilty conscience pricking at him for breaking Sarah's rule about leaving her room before Eli was awake. “Everything okay?”

Eli studied him for a moment before finally shrugging. “Sure. Just hungry.”

The tension in Luke's shoulders lessened slightly. “Oh. Okay. Well, come on downstairs and I'll fix us some breakfast.”

A few minutes later, Luke was at the stove making them bacon and eggs, trying his damnedest not to read anything into the kid's unusual silence. Normally, Eli would be talking his head off. But he just sat at the table, sipping his hot chocolate without a word. Luke could feel the weight of the kid's stare on his back as he prepared their breakfast and tried not to imagine what was going through Eli's head.

And when he set a plate in front of Eli and sat down across from him, the kid continued to study Luke, nibbling on his bacon without a single word. Unable to hold Eli's gaze for very long, Luke dug into his own breakfast with a vengeance, shoveling eggs into his mouth.

“So, are you having sex with my mom?”

Luke sputtered, choking on his scrambled eggs. When he managed to dislodge his breakfast from his windpipe, he took a swig of his coffee, then gaped at the kid. “What the hell kind of question is that? And you're ten. How do you even know about sex?”

“I'm eleven,” Eli corrected. “And Mom had The Talk with me last year because my friends were telling me stuff. Besides, I've seen sex on TV.”

Luke frowned. “Does your mom know you're watching that shit?”

Eli shook his head. “No. We don't have cable. It's at Dylan's house. So, do women really moan and scream like that?”

“Holy shit,” Luke choked again, feeling cornered like never before. He'd rather face off against the deadliest of foes than sit here getting hammered with questions about orgasms. “I can't talk to you about this, kid. You need to talk to your mom.”

Eli pegged him with an irritated look. “Dude. It's my
mom.
I can't talk to her about that.”

“Sure, you can,” Luke countered. “And you're going to. 'Cause I'm not pissing her off just to satisfy your curiosity.”

Eli rolled his eyes. “Fine. But I can't believe
you're
afraid of my mom.”

Luke picked up a strip of bacon and wagged it at the kid. “You listen to me—I'm not afraid of your mom, even though I saw her go ape-shit when that guy grabbed you yesterday, so I know she can kick some ass. But there's a difference between being afraid of a woman and respecting a woman. And I respect the hell outta your mom. She's an amazing lady and you should be proud. There's nothin' she wouldn't do for you.”

Eli's wise gaze met and held his for a long moment. “I think she feels the same way about you.”

Luke leaned back in his chair and said cautiously. “I hope I've earned her respect.”

Eli grinned, knowingly.
Damn, the kid was too smart for his own good.
“I mean, I think she loves you, too.”

Luke's brows shot up. “Eli—”

“You do
love
my mom, don't you?” Eli asked. “I mean, if you're having sex, you have to love her, right?”

Luke ran his hand through his hair, not quite sure what to say. He knew he cared about Sarah, knew he'd never felt anything even close to what he felt for her. But was it love? Hell, would he even recognize it if it was? “It's complicated, Eli.”

“It's not complicated at all,” the kid shot back. “You either love her or you don't.”

Luke shoved away from the table and took his plate to the counter, but as he did he caught a glimpse of Sarah's reflection in the window over the sink. His heart seized and he turned to face her where she stood in the doorway, wondering just how much of the conversation she'd heard. From the look on her face, the anxious anticipation in her expression as she waited to hear his answer, she'd apparently heard the last part.

“Hey, Mom,” Eli greeted, seeing her for the first time. He polished off the last bite of his toast and hopped up to put his dishes in the sink, not sensing the tension in the room from the question that still hung, unanswered, in the air. “I'm gonna go take Chief outside for a while, if that's okay with you.”

“Yeah,” she said, finally looking away from Luke and offering her son a smile. “That's fine. But it's too cold to be out there for very long. And be sure to wear your hat and gloves.”

As soon as Eli was out of earshot, Luke took a step forward. “Sarah—”

“It's okay,” she interrupted, stepping around him to get to the refrigerator. “You don't have to answer his question. I understand, Luke. The conversation we had last night . . . I know this hasn't been just sex. It hasn't been for me either. But I knew what I was getting into with you. And it's okay. It's not like you didn't warn me about how it was going to end.”

Luke closed his eyes and let out a long sigh. God, he'd made a mess of things. When he opened his eyes again, Sarah was passing by him on her way to the table. Instinctively, Luke's hand shot out and he grasped her arm.

“You didn't let me finish,” he told her, pulling her close. “I was gonna say that I've never been in love with anyone before, wouldn't know what it feels like—or what it's
supposed
to feel like. But I know what you mean to me, the way you make me feel when you walk into the room, when you smile at me. It's . . . hell, it's like nothing I've ever known, Sarah. And if that's not what it's like to fall in love with somebody . . .”

Sarah's lips curved into a smile as his words trailed off. “I think I'm falling in love with you, too.”

Hearing the words affected Luke more than he ever could've expected. His throat constricted, and his chest grew tight with emotion. Not knowing how else to respond, he wrapped his arms around Sarah and captured her mouth in a hard, hungry kiss. It soon became something far more tender and sensual. If not for the chance of Eli coming back in at any moment, he would've stripped her out of those goddamned adorable pajamas and taken her right there on the kitchen floor. As it was, he finally brought the kiss to a slow close, lifted his head, and wrapped her in his embrace, pressing her against him.

God, he was in serious fucking trouble. He'd never believed it was possible for someone to love him, to accept him for who he was, and love him anyway. And he loved her, too. Loved her with everything he had. Which scared the shit out of him.

Because now he had something to lose.

“Hey there,” Sarah said, bringing Luke a cup of coffee in his office and pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “Anyone going to work out?”'

He turned his chair enough that he could wrap an arm around her waist and pull her down into his lap for a quick kiss before answering. “Yeah, I think so. I ran them all through the Alliance's background check protocol, and these guys came up clean enough.”

Sarah pointed at the one application that still rankled for some reason. “And what about the guy from the diner?”

Luke sighed. “He's clean. Not a single mark against him.”

“That's good, right?” she asked. “You want someone you can trust helping Mel.”

He nodded. “I don't know.... The guy's almost too clean,” he told her, trying to explain the nagging feeling that had never failed him before. “I didn't find a single infraction. Not even a speeding ticket.”

She frowned along with him, studying his laptop screen anew. “That's not out of the realm of possibility, is it?”

He shook his head. “Not really. Something just feels off.”

“Then don't hire him,” she said, getting up from his lap and kissing him again all too briefly. “You have to be comfortable with your decision, babe.”

He held on to her hand, keeping her from leaving. It'd been two days since their conversation in the kitchen. Two days since he'd fully realized how much she meant to him. And yet it felt like weeks, months that he'd loved her.

Luke brought her hand to his lips and kissed her fingertips. “It's not about my feeling comfortable. I have more to worry about now.”

She tilted her head to one side, a sad smile on her lips, her expression telling him that she knew their time was coming to an end soon and that she had resigned herself to it. He wished he could say the same.

“Are you coming down soon?” she asked, avoiding the subject. “Melanie and Davis are bringing Jim by for lunch. And Eli is eager to show you the new trick he's taught Chief. I swear that dog has doubled in size since we got him.”

Every time she said, “we,” warmth spread out across his chest and tightened it at the same time. “I'll be down in just a minute. You go ahead.”

She took his face in her hands and kissed him tenderly. “Don't be too long.”

His gaze lingered on the doorway to his office long after she'd left. Finally, he ran a hand through his hair in frustration and turned his attention back to the applications before him. But he couldn't concentrate. All he could think about was that soon Sarah and Eli would be who-knew-where, going on with their lives, and he'd be moving on to his next assignment.

Once, the prospect of taking on his next mission would've been an adrenaline rush, would've had him antsy to wrap shit up and get going. But not this time. The thought of saying good-bye to Sarah and never seeing her again filled him with dread. And then there was Eli. He loved the boy like he was his own flesh and blood son. For the first time, he actually understood how it was that Jim could've loved the stupid, troubled kid that Luke had been. How he loved him still even though Luke sure as hell hadn't given him any reason to.

Luke heard the front door and then the cheerful chatter of his family downstairs.
His family.
He'd been on the fence about how to handle his situation, but he'd made his decision. He opened up his email and fired off a short message before he could change his mind.

Then he shoved up from his chair and headed downstairs. But he paused at the bottom of the steps for a moment, silently watching the scene before him. This was where he belonged. With them. With the people who loved him. With the people he loved.

He was just stepping off the bottom stair when his phone buzzed at his hip. He lifted a hand in greeting when Davis glanced his way as he answered the phone. “Rogan.”

“What the hell is this shit?”

The tone of his commander's voice snapped Luke's attention away from Eli's excited chatter. He headed back up the stairs to take the call. “Depends,” he replied. “There's been a lot of shit going on lately, so you might want to be more specific, narrow it down a little.”

“Don't fuck with me, Rogan,” Will hissed. “I just got your message. You want to explain what the hell you're doing?”

“Nothing to explain,” Luke told him. His jaw tightened. He wasn't about to go into his relationship with Sarah with his commander. He massaged the back of his neck, working out the growing tension there. “I think I made my position pretty clear.”

“I'm not accepting your resignation,” Will spat. “You're one of the best field operatives I have. I'm not dropping you down to
confrere
or watching you walk away from the Alliance.”

“The way I see it, those are pretty much your only options,” Luke replied calmly. “I've made my decision.”

“Is this about Sarah Scoffield?” Will demanded. “If so—”

“It doesn't matter what's behind my decision to leave the Alliance,” Luke snapped, cutting him off.

“Luke, for fuck's sake,” his commander snapped. “Would you just shut the hell up and listen to me for a goddamn minute?”

“I've made my choice,” Luke insisted through clenched teeth. “The next one's yours to make.”

* * *

Sarah heard Luke's angry footfalls—uncharacteristically loud—on the hardwood and ducked into her bedroom, not wanting him to know she'd overheard the conversation. She'd noticed the hard expression on his face when he'd answered the phone and had followed him upstairs, fearing that there'd been a development with her father. She'd never anticipated hearing him discussing his resignation from the Alliance.

She leaned back against the wall and closed her eyes. Part of her was thrilled that he would give up the job he'd referred to as a calling to be with her—in fact, the thought of seeing if they could build a relationship, a life together, filled her with such happiness it brought tears to her eyes. But she'd already had one man give up his dreams, his calling, to be with her. She couldn't help but wonder if Luke would regret his decision a few weeks, months,
years
from now....

And then what? Where would that leave them? It wasn't just about her and her happiness. She had to consider Eli and what it would do to him if things didn't work out. He already adored Luke. It was going to be hard enough to leave as it was.

“Sarah?”

Sarah wiped her eyes and forced a smile at the sound of Melanie's voice calling to her from the hallway. “Be right there!”

But there must've been something in her voice that sounded off because Melanie's concerned face peeked around the door frame. “Everything okay?”

Sarah nodded a little too emphatically. “Yeah. Sure. Of course.”

Mel gave her a disbelieving look. “Uh-huh. Tell me another one.” She entered the room and sat down on Sarah's bed. “You and Luke have a fight?”

Sarah's brows lifted. “Fight? No. Nothing like that . . .”

Mel stared at her for a long moment, her penetrating gaze all too astute. “My stepbrother can be a closed-off jackass sometimes,” she said. “But he's a good man. And he loves you. I can see it whenever he looks at you. I'm glad to see him finally letting someone in. We worried about him after Lyla died.”

Sarah joined her on the bed with a sigh. “It's complicated, Mel. I wish love was all that mattered.”

“Isn't it?” Mel shot back. “When you get down to it, after you get past all the other bullshit that distracts us on a daily basis, isn't love the
only
thing that matters?”

Sarah shook her head. “I want to believe that, but there's more going on with Luke . . . with me . . . than what you realize.”

Mel put her arm around Sarah's shoulders, giving her a comforting squeeze. “Oh, honey, we knew there was something more happening than you two were letting on when you got here. Like I said, Luke's never brought anyone home before. And I'd hoped whatever it was meant that you and Eli would stay here permanently.” She laughed. “Davis and Dad and I were laying odds on whether you were pregnant, running from an ex, or something else equally dramatic.”

Sarah offered Mel a smile, wishing she could tell the truth of their situation, but it wasn't her place. It was for Luke to handle. She'd grown to adore the woman and would've liked to remain at the ranch and truly get to know her better. Something told her they would've been the best of friends.

“I can tell you I'm not pregnant,” Sarah assured her. “And I'm a widow. My husband died a few years ago. So no crazy ex.”

Mel's face sobered. “Well,” she said, “whatever it is that brought you here, I'm glad for it. You've made my brother happy—even if it's just for a short time.”

When Mel rose to her feet and strode toward the door, Sarah called out, “Melanie.”

The woman turned back to her. “Yeah?”

“I do love him,” Sarah told her. “I love him very much—more than I thought possible in such a short time. No matter what happens, I . . . I want all of you to know that.”

Mel smiled. “Then I'm sure it'll all work out like it's supposed to in the end.”

Sarah watched her go, then reached over to the bedside table to pick up the photo of Luke and his mother. With a sigh, she set it aside and made her way downstairs, donning a smile to hide her heartache. But her spirits lifted when Luke turned from his conversation with Jim and met her gaze, his dark eyes filling with happiness when he extended a hand to her.

She cried out in surprise when he pulled her off-balance and she landed in his lap. She was still laughing when he brushed a quick kiss over her lips. They were still grinning at each other when Eli bounced onto the couch next to them.

“Get a picture of me, too, Mel,” Eli suggested.

Sarah glanced at Melanie to see her holding up her cell phone. And she didn't even hold back the happiness that washed over her as Luke gathered her and Eli close. Chief, not to be left out, jumped into their laps, licking their faces with exuberance. But the puppy wasn't content to stay still and leaped off at full speed, Eli chasing after him with a laugh.

When Mel showed them the photos and promptly sent them to their phones, Sarah felt her eyes grow misty, grateful that she would have the moment captured forever. Later, after they'd gone and she sat alone in the kitchen, she brought up the photos again. There was one of her and Luke gazing lovingly at one another. One of them with Eli. And a third where Chief had photobombed them. Luke was laughing, his eyes squeezed shut. It was the same smile he'd had in the photo with his mother. To see him that happy, and to know that that moment together was the source of it, filled Sarah with warmth. And yet . . .

“There you are.”

She looked up from the screen and smiled at Luke. “You get everything squared away with Melanie?”

He nodded and joined her at the table. “Yeah. She's going to make calls tonight to offer jobs to the men I selected.”

“Good.” She fumbled with her phone, her fingers trying to find something to do to keep from reaching for Luke. “So, I was thinking . . . now that things are nearly wrapped up, it'd probably be a good idea for us to visit my father.”

There was a long, tense pause before Luke said, “I'd have to get clearance from my commander. I'd rather not move Eli until we're certain whatever knowledge he has is no longer valuable to anyone.”

“We can't stay here any longer, Luke,” she said softly, tears thick in her voice. “The longer this takes, the harder it'll be on all of us.”

He reached for her hand, but she shot to her feet, avoiding his touch.

“Sarah, there's something I need to tell you,” he told her, coming to her.

She shook her head, refusing to look at him when he placed his hands on her hips. “Luke—”

“I want you and Eli to stay,” he interrupted. “For as long as you want.”

She turned her gaze up to meet his. “At what cost, Luke? I'm not letting you give up everything you've worked for just because of what we feel for each other. That isn't fair to you.”

His hands fell away and he took a step back. “That's my call to make.”

“Then what about asking
us
to give up everything to stay here?” she replied gently. “You want me to uproot my son for a relationship that might or might not even work out? What happens if three months from now you decide you don't want the widow and her kid tying you down?”

His expression hardened and he nodded, taking another step back, putting more distance between them.

“Luke, please try to understand,” Sarah pleaded, reaching out to him, taking his hand. “This is all going so fast. I'm just . . . I'm afraid.”

He finally turned his gaze to her. “You don't think this scares the shit out of me? I told you this is all new to me. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I have no idea how I'll feel in three days, let alone three months. You got me there, Sarah. Guilty. But I'd like to see where it goes. I'd like to at least have the chance to find out.”

Sarah felt her resolve crumbling. Her head and her heart were at war, and at that moment her heart was pounding so hard it was all she could hear. She closed the gap between them in two quick steps and threw her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. And then his arms came around her and he buried his face in her hair, holding her close.

When she finally pulled back, she took his face in her hands and kissed him once, twice. “We'll figure this out,” she whispered. “I promise.”