Deception (3 page)

Maura laughed nervously. “I understand his difficulty with my situation. I should have told him about Alan sooner.” Maura thought back to that night and grimaced. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Courtney rested her hand gently on Maura’s forearm. “I know exactly what you were thinking.”

“You do?” Maura was interested in what Courtney saw in her.

“Of course. You were thinking
what if
.”

“What if?”

Courtney nodded. “What if I had never met Alan? What if I had met Julian five years ago? What if Julian and I were able to pursue a relationship? What if.” She shrugged.

“
What if
. Yeah, I did ask those questions.”

“Look Maura, I love my brother, but Julian can be completely irrational at times. If he’s being unreasonable, call him out. Somebody needs to set him back on course.”

“Oh, is he off course?” Maura had sensed darkness in Julian, but he tended to seize up when she inquired of his past so she was riveted by the conversation and hungry for every word and revelation Courtney shared.

“He has a little trouble letting go. Lately it seems he’s only happy when he’s drinking.” She sighed. “It worries me.” She leaned into Maura and spoke softly, “I’m sure you know he’s had some bad experiences.”

Maura nodded. “That’s a shame.”

“It is, because he’s such a great person. To be fair, he’s been hurt worse than anyone ever should be, but if he lets his past dictate his future he’ll never find happiness. Given his history he’s like a deer in the woods. You have to sit back and let him approach you or he’ll scurry off. Please don’t give up on him and for God’s sake, please don’t believe everything you hear. But you listen to me, Maura—if he gives you any more heartache you come to me. Between the two of us we’ll set him straight.”

What the hell had happened to him?

Courtney popped a piece of gum in her mouth. Maura loved this woman. She was tough and didn’t take shit from men. She’d called off her own wedding after she had walked in on her intended groom in bed with another woman. Courtney had auctioned off the entire wedding on the internet, down to the dress and ring. She’d given all of the money to the children’s hospital, a most generous act in light of the fact that Bailey said she’d raised over two hundred thousand dollars.

Just then Julian walked in, observed them at the counter, and then walked to the fridge.

“Look at the time. I gotta jet. Don’t forget what I said, love.” She patted Maura’s arm and winked at her before she left the kitchen.

Maura’s stomach growled and so she started in on her food for the second time. She was curious and desired to know more about Julian. She could always google him, but she’d rather have him trust her enough to tell her what lurked in his past.

Julian stood across from her with a beer—the same beer she had. “So now you’re drinking my beer.”

Shit
. “I didn’t know it was your beer, Julian. Trust me, had I known it was yours, I wouldn’t have drunk it even if I’d been in a desert dying of thirst.”

“What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?”

“Just tell me where you buy it and I’ll get the next case.”

He pulled a shrimp from the foam container and held it between finger and thumb. “Are these David shrimp?”

“How should I know?”

“Where’d you get it?”

“Crazy Cajun.”

His eyes went wide, “you live in my home and drink my beer. The least you could do is make sure you support my business.” He tossed the shrimp down with disdain.

She placed her head in her hands and pressed thumbs into her brow. A stress headache was beginning to develop. She hopped down from the stool, took the carton of shrimp, and threw it into the trash along with the beer.

“Maura?”

She gathered her purse and crossword and fled the room. She heard him calling her, but she didn’t want to look at him anymore and wanted to speak with him even less. She wasn’t giving up, she just couldn’t deal with him right now.

Ear buds in her ears, she lay on the duvet cover in the mint-colored room listening to an Indy play list and thinking about her predicament. Alan came to town once or twice per month. The house had two bedrooms: Bailey’s and hers. Whenever Alan came he slept in the bed with Maura. He also demanded sex. Sometimes the sex wasn’t aggressive or brutal, but sometimes it was just that. He’d threatened her job, he’d threatened to cease paying for Bailey’s dialysis, and he’d threatened to evict her from the little home on the basis of violation of the rental agreement. To her mind she hadn’t violated the agreement, but she knew he could make anything happen.

Truth told Maura would have slept with Alan a hundred times over in order to provide Bailey with the treatment she had needed. What did that make her? Maybe she was the whore Alan had referred to.

She recalled the day Julian had come to the university and escorted her to lunch. With his sincere attentiveness she’d liked him instantly. He’d been a southern gentleman—holding doors open and asking what music she preferred. They went to a sweet Italian restaurant where they’d shared calamari and tiramisu. Then he’d been there for her when Bailey had fallen into a coma. He’d been gentle and kind when she’d cried into his chest—his hard, masculine chest.

A knock at the door preceded Bailey’s voice, “Hey Maura, how goes the home search?” Bailey had entered the space and injected it with fun energy. Maura smiled.

“I found a few nice places. I hope to hear back from them soon.” Bailey wore a bikini top and shorts. The same thing she’d worn almost every day since her surgery. She was taking the terms
rest
and
rehabilitation
to a new level.

Bailey sighed. “I already regret living with a boy.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, he’s kind of gross. When he farts in bed he traps me under the covers and calls it a Dutch oven.”

“Eww.”

“And it turns out that toilet seat thing is a real struggle.”

Maura laughed, “but at least you’ve found your soul mate.”

“That’s true. What about you? Is Julian still being a dick?”

“I don’t know.” Maura groaned. Wouldn’t she have been upset if the situation had been reversed? Yes, she definitely would have. “A couple of days before the Alan fiasco I brought scratch-made banana pudding to him at the seafood plant and we shared a really intimate lunch. He’d kissed me.” Their relationship had progressed slowly and she’d enjoyed the pace and the opportunity to peel away who he was layer by layer. Finding out new facts about him was like getting a little present and she’d hoped to be in a position one day to learn much more.

“How was the kiss?”

“It was wonderful. I was so into him and I thought he’d been attracted to me, but then the events of that disastrous night occurred, and now I think he loathes me.”

“Did you talk to him?”

“I’ve tried, multiple times, but the stubborn man won’t even listen to what I have to say.”

“Well screw him. You can do better. You need someone who’ll trust you.”

Maura nodded.

“Bails? You ready?” Parker’s voice filtered through the air. He walked into the room and put his arm around Bailey. “Hey Maura, we’re going to ride our bikes down to get frozen yogurt if you want to come.”

“Thank you, but I think I’m going to take a nap.”

“We just did that,” Parker smiled, and then kissed Bailey’s forehead.

“Bye, Maura.” Bailey waved.

Maybe Bailey had the right idea with her
screw him
quip. Maura knew Julian was intense, but his behavior toward her lately had just been mean and rude. She didn’t deserve to be treated poorly and dismissed like used Kleenex. She’d
been there, done that
, as Bailey would say. Maura sighed, laying her head on the plush down. It felt so good she thought she’d close her eyes, but after forty-five minutes of trying to empty her mind of all thoughts Julian she gave up.

She thought a bubble bath was in order so she padded into the en suite bathroom and filled the tub. The scent of gardenia wafted into the air from the oil she’d dripped into the running water.

With the exotic smells of the oil and the sounds of U2’s Bono crooning in her ear, she relaxed and let the negative emotion exude from her pores. As she deposited the small MP3 player into her shirt pocket, she swayed to the music. She unbuttoned her jeans and slid them down with her underwear, stepping out of them when they reached her ankles. Slowly she unbuttoned her shirt, one button after the other. Closing her eyes she imagined what it would be like if Julian’s hands were opening her shirt. Her hands spread across her stomach and traveled up from there.

As Bono sang about not being able to live
With or Without You
, Maura thought how wonderful her life would be if Julian would erase Alan’s touch from her skin and her memory.

***

Julian’s feet connected with the moist earth that skirted David land. The rubber projections on the soles of his running shoes slung tacky globs of mud on the backs of his calves. Julian ran faster, attempting to outrun his troubles. At the bend in the road he pushed himself over the incline and used the inertia to sprint over the next hill. In his haste, Julian lost his footing and tumbled to the bottom-most point of the hill and into the thick swamp-like brush.

“Shit, that fucking hurts!”

He sat and pulled his left arm and shoulder from the thick sludge. Using a twig he scraped as much mud from his arm as possible, slinging it haphazardly into the existing murk and onto a log. It was then that Julian realized what had seemed to be a decaying log was actually the head of an alligator.

Protruding eyes bulged open and both Julian and the gator sat as still as a reed in swamp water as they sized each other up. Hissing cicadas could be heard interspersed with the loud rhythmic thumping of Julian’s heart muscle against his chest. In one swift move Julian erupted from the swampy forest floor, throwing himself onto the road. He rolled in his haste and frenzy to get away from the gator. To his utter relief the beast was not following, nipping at his heels. Julian leaped to his feet, chilled to the bone with fear.

“Jesus Christ!”

Shaking off his ordeal he jogged slowly back to the house. He blamed Maura for his lack of focus and the tumble down the hill. He realized he’d been blaming her for most of his unrest these days.

Julian had seen the frustration on Maura’s face when he’d teased her about the shrimp. If Maura Douglas thought he was going to make this easy on her then she was in for a huge surprise. He’d been filled with intense yearning for her
before
the moment that shattered any prospect of a future with her. He’d desired to know every detail about her, both internal and external. He’d wanted to know her body as well as he knew his own. He’d wanted to know what made her happy and what would bring her to tears. What excited her and what dreams she had.

Now he just wanted to know what had compelled her to lie to him. Their intimacy had been intense—both of them needing the release they sought from one another. He’d never felt such a raw force of energy with a woman. As cliché as it was, it seemed there was something in the air, in the universe—some energy that existed to push them together. That energy had been strengthening with every breath and glance and touch that transpired between them, but he’d been reluctant to have sex without first getting her reaction to his past transgressions. Transgressions he felt in his heart she’d be able to overlook. However, the horrid things he’d done were borne from great deception and he just couldn’t risk going through that all over again.

What had pissed him off most was Maura’s nonchalance about her situation, gamboling about as if she didn’t have a care in the world, as if she were available, completely unattached. It wasn’t as if they were hanging out as friends. Every touch of her fingers seared his skin. Every press of his lips marked her flesh. They’d both been so astonished by their physical reaction to one another they’d acted as if they were exploring their bodily senses for the first time—gliding fingers across one another’s skin just to bask in the sensation.

The run had done nothing to clear his head of a particular chestnut-haired beauty with hazel eyes and glowing skin. He’d already developed feelings for the woman when he’d found out she shared a bed with her ex. If she’d simply told him she was still connected, quite physically, to her ex-husband, all of the hurt feelings could have been avoided.

The mysterious electric notes of U2’s
With or Without You
pumped into his ears from his wireless headphones—how appropriate. Something in his gut told him he’d be struggling to live with her, but he’d be tormented to try and live without her.
Fuck it all!
He stripped out of his shirt, grabbed a towel, and headed down the hall to the bathroom for a shower. He entered the guest bedroom, musty from disuse, and padded to the shower.

Standing toe to toe with Maura he watched as her body swayed ever so slowly to whatever music she listened to via ear buds in her ears. Eyes closed, she seemed to be in another time and place. Naked except for the unbuttoned silk shirt she wore, sticking to her skin from the steam in the bathroom. The movement of her hands performed an erotic dance across the skin of her abdomen and then her right hand traveled ever so slowly to her beautiful full breasts where she lightly cupped herself. Her head floated on her neck across to the other side and then her eyes rolled beneath their lids before they opened.

Drugged and entranced initially, her eyes grew to large spheres when she registered Julian standing so close across from her. Her head righted itself and then all hell broke loose.

“Julian!” She threw her MP3 player at him and pushed him with all her might. He teetered on his heels before falling backward. In his haste and disorientation he grabbed her hoping to right himself, but she went down on top of him. Full breasts and hard tits rubbed against his sweat-slickened chest.

“Ouch!”

Modesty forgotten, she drew her leg to her chest to rub her ankle. The outline of extremely feminine parts between her legs was doing a number on his brain. He could make nothing work. No words. No thoughts. The only thing he knew was the outline of her folds, the scent of her arousal, the small, tight furl of her tits, the bare silken glowing skin. When she attempted to stand she sucked up air through her teeth and flinched in pain. Julian offered help and she acquiesced. Sitting her on the edge of the bed he took her foot in his hands, anchoring it on his knee. With her senses collected she frantically began to button the damp silk shirt she wore.