Deception (18 page)

“I missed you at dinner.” He spoke so that his voice ruffled the hair at her ear.

“I thought you might want a chance to be with the children.” Her voice was short, breathy. A flush of warmth spread over her.

“Aren’t you hungry?”

His voice teased her, tickling her cheek and playing along her skin.

“Willene will keep a plate in the oven for me.” She swallowed, afraid to turn around and face him and afraid to slip out of his arms.

“The water feels good.” His hands captured hers in the water and slid slowly up her arms, wetting the sleeves of her shirt as he cupped water over her arms. “I remember when I was a boy how much I liked to help our barn manager, an old character everyone called Mick, clean the saddles. He was as tough as tree bark.”

Connor started to answer, but she could only feel the beat of her heart in her chest.

Clay lifted one hand from the water and touched her cheek. Warm water ran from his fingers down her neck, soaking into her shirt as it traced in tiny rivulets down her breast. Her breath came on a sharp intake.

In that second, Clay turned her to face him. Their gazes caught and held.

“Connor?”

She lifted her face for his kiss. Whatever the consequences, she had no choice but to explore the passion Clay ignited with a look, a touch. She’d danced around the issue for weeks. Right or wrong, she had to take a chance. After all, as he’d pointed out, they were both single adults.

His fingers were at the buttons of her shirt, her jeans. Just as eager for the feel of his flesh, she opened his shirt and pushed it down his arms. Dropping their clothes around their feet, they undressed. The night air was cool, but neither noticed.

Reaching behind Connor, Clay picked up the sponge from the bucket. Connor caught her breath as the warm soapy water cascaded over her shoulders.

He pressed her against him, their chests slick against each other. His fingers glided over her back, warmed by the water and slick from the glycerine. The sensation was like molten fire.

Clay lifted her arms, locking them around his neck. “I’ve dreamed about this moment,” he whispered. “Trust me, Connor. I won’t hurt you.”

Her breasts slid against the crisp hairs on his chest as he lifted her waist high and eased her down his body, the soapy water creating a smooth lubricant. Connor felt him, hard, ready. Then his hands were moving the bar of soap along her back, her buttocks, her hips and breasts. Warm water cascaded from the sponge once again, and she clung to him, helpless against the sensations he aroused as his hands and lips explored her body.

His mouth closed over hers, and he lifted her, pressing into her as her back found the solidity of the barn wall.

It was much later, wrapped together in the warmth of Cleo’s clean red cooling sheet, that Connor realized the first cold weather of the season had settled in around them. Her breath frosted in the air in front of her face, and she could imagine that the freeze the weatherman had promised had arrived, stealing across the countryside.

In the light from the feed room she could see Clay’s sleeping profile. His hair, still damp, curled on his forehead. What they had started against the wall of the barn they’d finished on the clean sheet. Connor stretched tentatively. She was pleasantly sore. Now they were nestled in the big blanket in a pile of hay, and for the moment she was comfortable. Too comfortable. Clay had changed her perception of making love. He had excited her beyond anything she’d ever known, and the emotions he’d aroused were more substantial than she wanted to acknowledge. She respected the way he took care of his children, and she admired his honesty in telling her about his past. He was a man of integrity. As she watched his chest rise and fall in his sleep, Connor felt a sudden tremor of fear. She felt too much for Clay. That’s why her physical attraction had been so hard to control. Given any encouragement, she knew she could care a great deal for him. And that was really dangerous.

A chill touched her back and she slipped closer to him, drawing warmth from him. In his sleep, he turned to her, pulling her down against his chest. He kissed the top of her head. “Have you already gotten your second wind?” he asked. His voice was warm and sleepy, with just the perfect hint of teasing.

In that second, Connor’s gaze found the rafters of the barn. An image came to her mind, unbidden and painful. “No, but I may have gotten a healthy dose of reality.” The past was over. Whatever had happened to Talla Sumner was not Clay’s fault. The man beside her could not be blamed for his dead wife’s excesses. Connor kissed his chin.

“Second thoughts?”

“Third, fourth, and fifth.”

He eased back so he could look into her eyes. “Stay here beside me a while longer, then we’ll both get up and shower. We should try to sneak in the house before anyone else wakes up.”

When she started to snuggle closer to him, he lifted her chin. “Connor, this isn’t a game with me. Tonight was, well, it was very special. It would be foolish to make any rash statements now, but I want you to know my feelings for you are real.” He kissed her forehead, nose, and chin. “Now snuggle up here and help me stay warm. Daylight will be here soon enough.”

“Put it higher!”

There was a note of command in Renata’s voice. She turned her pony in a circle and faced the jump again. Her mouth hardened into a flat line. “I said put it higher, Connor!”

Taking a deep breath, Connor ignored the imperious tone in the little girl’s voice. “Two feet is high enough, Renata. You’re still standing on your toes. When you get your seat down properly, we’ll put the jump up.”

“If Danny can jump two-six, so can I.” There was mutiny in Renata’s face.

“Look, I don’t know what bee got in your bonnet this morning, but I’ve had almost enough of you.” Connor could feel her temper, slow to ignite but potentially dangerous, begin to flare. “Either get a new attitude, or get off that pony. I’m not your servant, and I won’t have you speak to me that way.”

“My father will never love you!” Renata hurled the words at her.

For a split second Connor felt as if she’d been kicked in the gut. She and Clay had been so careful, so very careful not to let Renata or Danny—or even Willene—know about the new level of their relationship. They had both agreed that it would do Renata no good at this point. Their feelings for each other had strengthened, forming a demanding bond. But neither was willing to say they were at a stage where the children needed to be told. No, they were both far too careful, and too afraid of failure, to take any giant steps such as that.

Over the last few weeks of November and the first week of December, Clay had found more and more reason to stay overnight at Oaklawn. That was undeniable. Once the children were asleep in their beds, Clay found his way to Connor’s room. There, shut off from the rest of the house, they’d made love in slow, unhurried hours. But each morning, Clay was careful to be in the master bedroom long before anyone else in the household stirred. Perhaps, though, they’d been careless one night, and Renata had discovered their secret. Concern shot through Connor. Whatever she and Clay shared together, she had no wish to inflict more trauma on Renata or Danny.

“We aren’t here to discuss your father’s feelings, we’re here to learn to jump,” Connor said, keeping her tone matter-of-fact.

“Daddy loves my mother. He could never love you or anyone else.”

“Get up in the galloping position and try the jump again, Renata. Keep your weight in your heels, and try not to lean on the horse’s neck. Balance there if you have to, but don’t lean.”

“He won’t love you!” Renata’s voice cracked. Her eyes were black pools of fury. “Not in a million years. No matter what you do!”

Connor walked over to the child. “Renata, why don’t we talk about this later. You’re upset with me. I can see that.”

“What’s wrong?” Danny trotted up from the barn on his small gelding, Ali Baba.

“Daddy will never love Connor,” Renata declared hotly. “It doesn’t matter what she does. She’s a stupid fool if she thinks he will.”

Danny looked from his sister to Connor. His face immediately went blank.

“Danny, why don’t you and your sister take a ride through the woods?” Connor was at a loss for what else to do. She had no intention of lying to Renata. But what truth could she tell her? That she and Clay were involved in a hot affair? That wasn’t exactly what either of the children needed to hear. And it was pointless to try and work with Renata when she was in such a state.

“Can we?” Danny asked, his eyes lighting. “Can we go alone?”

“If you’ll remember that your sister’s pony can’t go as fast as Ali. And promise me you won’t race. That’s the best way I know to break your neck in these woods.”

“We promise,” Danny said, not even giving his sister a chance to answer.

“Be careful,” Connor said. She deliberately turned her back and walked to the barn. She could feel Renata’s eyes boring into her. What
had
the child seen? She wanted to go to the barn and call Clay at his office as soon as possible.

As she walked across the arena, she could feel Renata and Danny watching her. She kept walking, even though she felt her heart breaking for the little girl. Renata was so afraid of losing Clay’s affection that she viewed everyone except Danny as a potential enemy. Connor had hoped to avoid this issue for a few more months, until she was certain what Clay’s feelings for her were. She had no doubt that she’d fallen in love with him. But in the bliss of love, she hadn’t completely lost her good sense. Just because she was in love with him didn’t mean that he loved her equally.

Then there was Clay’s career. So far, through the fall and early winter, he’d been almost free of political duties. His law practice kept him busy—very busy. But it was nothing compared to what would happen in the spring and summer, when he started his campaign. Connor knew then that her relationship with him would be more liability than pleasure. Having lived in Alabama only three months, she was well aware of the political clout religious organizations held. As much as Clay disdained those organizations, he was going to have to acknowledge them.

It was one thing for him to label the ostentatious church on the interstate as “Six Flags over Jesus” and “Fort God,” but he still had to draw votes from the people who attended. It was obvious that the fact that he was sleeping with one of his employees—a female devil from California, no less—wouldn’t exactly win those votes for him.

Once in the barn office, she looked out the window. Renata was lagging behind Danny as they disappeared down the trail that led around the perimeter of the property. If they stayed on that path, which wound in and out of the woods, they’d be gone well over two hours. Plenty long enough for Clay to come to the rescue if he wasn’t in court.

She dialed his number and gave the receptionist her name.

“Hello, sweetheart.”

“Clay?” She felt a sense of relief just hearing his voice. “I think you should come out to Oaklawn as soon as you can.” She tried to keep the worry out of her voice. “Renata’s upset. I think she needs her father.”

“How bad is it?”

“She’s upset, about us. I don’t know how or why, and I didn’t want to push it. She’s terrified of losing your affection and I think she needs you.”

“Damn! I’ve got the publicity guy flying in from Washington. He’s due here in thirty minutes and he’s only available for two hours. He has to catch the next plane to LA.”

“Could you bring him out to Oaklawn?”

There was a pause. “Possibly, but I don’t know what good it would do Renata for me to carry my entire campaign staff out to the country so we could shut ourselves in the library for a couple of hours.” There was frustration in Clay’s voice.

“That might only make her feel even more threatened,” Connor agreed. “All of those strangers around.”

“Do you think it can wait until this afternoon? Three at the latest? I’ll see the campaign coordinator and cancel everything else.”

Connor checked her watch. It was ten. Renata and Danny would be gone for at least two hours, another hour to cool and groom their horses, clean their tack, then lunch and maybe some time with Willene. “That might actually be better,” she said. “She was terribly upset, but she’s gone off riding with Danny.”

“Was he upset, too?” Clay’s voice was anguished.

“Not really, but he didn’t seem to know what Renata was getting at.”

“Connor, I know this isn’t really your problem, but do you think you can handle it until three?”

“It
is
my problem.” She took a breath. “I care about you and those children. I know how delicate Renata is, and I don’t ever want to do anything to hurt her. Clay, if what we feel for each other is going to threaten your little girl, I think we have to face the fact that it might be better for me to leave.” She hurried on before he could interrupt. “Renata has made progress. She really has, and I can’t jeopardize that. We’d never have anything solid between us if we did that.”

There was a slight pause. “Is that what you want, Connor, something solid between us? It’s the first time you’ve ever implied such a thing.”

She’d been very careful not to look forward, not even for a few weeks. She and Clay were both feeling their way, inches at a time. But a future with Clay was what she wanted, even if she’d tricked herself into admitting it. “That’s something we need to talk about.”

“I’ve been waiting for you to say that. And you’re right, we do need to talk about this. Tonight.”

“I’ll see you at three, Clay.” Connor replaced the telephone. She was torn between dread and elation. What did Clay feel for her? He said he’d been waiting for her to say she wanted something permanent. Was that what he wanted? She paced the small office and almost cried out when the telephone rang again. It was one short ring, a signal that it was someone from the main house. She picked up the receiver.

“Connor, I saw the children riding off to the woods alone. Did you give them permission?” Willene’s voice was ridden with anxiety.

“They’re fine, Willene.”

“They really haven’t been riding long. If the horses spooked at something, or if they started fooling around, like children do … I don’t think they should be allowed to ride alone like that. Anyone could be in those woods.”