Decker's Wood (26 page)

“You don’t deserve her,” he shook his head with irritation, “but for some reason she wants you. You need to think real hard, Decker, this isn’t a game or a movie, this is life, her life. If you love her, like, really love her, the shit that marriage, babies, and happily ever afters are made of, then you need to fix this. You get one chance and if you fuck up again, we’re done.” He left.

Leah gave me a pitiful attempt at a smile. She moved around the counter and gave me a chaste kiss to my cheek. “Don’t lose her, Decker, for all of us who haven’t found it, don’t throw it away.” She left.

I couldn’t look at my mom, her disappointment was the last thing I needed right now.

“I’m sorry,” I found myself murmuring. A gentle hand on my arm brought my gaze around to my mom’s. Surprisingly, her look wasn’t one of admonishment.

“I don’t think I’m the one you should be apologizing to.” I wrapped my mom in my arms. I might be a man, but every man needs a hug from his mom now and again, and right now I needed it like I needed to breathe.

“I tried, she wouldn’t listen. It’s too late.”

“You should never give up on the important things, Decker, the things you can’t live without are worth fighting for.” Mom began pulling bacon and eggs out of the fridge. “Are you familiar with the concept of groveling?”

I chuckled at her question. “I should be, I’ve watched Dad do it often enough.”

“He has perfected the art. You carry his genes, so it shouldn’t be a problem for you either. Both your brothers are pretty good at it too.” Mom poured me a glass of milk.

“So, I should buy her flowers or something.” Mom snorted. She damn well snorted at me!

“Please, Decker, nothing says I-can’t-be-bothered-trying like a bunch of flowers and a half-assed apology.” The sound of popping oil filled the kitchen as Mom began frying bacon. I thought about what I could possibly do or say to Andi that might make her see how sorry I truly was for hurting her and breaking what we had only started building.

“I could get a billboard in Times Square and put, ‘sorry, please forgive me’ on it.”

Mom actually rolled her eyes at me. “Seriously, Decker? That’s just cheesy.”

“Maybe I can go around to all the bookstores and buy any book with ‘sorry’ in its title?”

“That’s not bad, but I think you can do better.” Mom flipped the eggs, only allowing them to seal over before sliding them onto a plate and adding the bacon. She placed the food in front of me with a knife and a fork. “Does she have any dreams or fantasies?” My grin became instantly wicked. “I mean of the non-sexual variety!” she added, hitting me over the head.

I shrugged and dug into the food. Damn, how long had it been since I ate? My stomach growled with appreciation.

“Her favorite book is
Alice in Wonderland
. When she was a little girl, she said she always wanted to disappear down a rabbit hole into fairytale universe.” As soon as the words left my mouth an idea began to form.

“There you go,” mom whispered, no doubt noticing the light enter my eyes. “I know she’s a special girl, Decker, she deserves to be treated like one. Your father managed to keep me completely wrapped up in his heart because he never stopped for one moment trying to show me how much he loves me. To be honest, he doesn’t need to show me, I know he loves me, but women like to see, we like to feel. It’s nice to know you are the center of someone’s universe, and in return, he’ll always be the center of mine.”

I kissed my mom on the forehead. “Thank you, Mom.”

I had work to do, a girl to win back, and a universe that had barely begun to take shape that needed to be built. And if Andi could find even a spark of love in her heart for me, I would put her smack bang in the center of that universe for the rest of my life.

ANDI

“Stop fiddling with it.”

My hand was pushed away by the brute force of one boutique owner on a mission. I stood in front of my mirror as Bella fussed over my dress, a dress that I had no idea why I was wearing. It was beautiful, like something out of a
fairytale. It was strapless in a soft willowy chiffon that hung to the floor. It had an empire waist with a fitted bodice filled with encrusted crystals in a soft pink that bordered on being a blushed flesh color; it was simply beautiful. My hair had been lifted into an elegant bun, showing off the gentle arch of my neck. My makeup was minimal, a splash of ‘fairy dust’, as Casey put it, on my chest. I didn’t look like me at all, I looked like a princess. I slipped my colorful cast behind my back, it kind of ruined the look, and glanced nervously at Bradley.

“When are you getting dressed?”

His smile was devious. “I’m not.”

Bella stepped away from me, Vanessa stopped fiddling with my hair, and Casey took another damn picture.

“What do you mean you’re not? I’m not going anywhere with you dressed like that. I’ll look like a fool.”

Bradley shook his head. “Don’t be
daft, I’d be the one who’d looked like a fool, daring to step out with a woman as beautiful as you.”

Casey appeared before me and sprayed something in the air. “Step through,” he ordered with a flick of his wrist.

I simply stared at him. I wasn’t sure what he wanted me to step through. Perhaps some magical gateway that would escort me from this world of weird and into a fairytale of opulent perfection.

He rolled his eyes. “Step through the perfume. If you spray it directly on your skin, it will be too overpowering. You are supposed to glide through the mist.” He sprayed again and sashayed
through the perfume like the queen he was. Then he turned and sprayed once more. Someone behind me, Lionel I think, nudged me forward. I sneezed. “Yesh, it’s like playing dress up with my brother all over again,” Casey groaned.

“Time to go!” squealed Bella.

“I’m not going anywhere ‘til ya’ll tell me what the heck is going on here.” I crossed my arms and stood stubbornly in front of them all. They were a conniving bunch of old women. I had no idea what they had planned, but I was growing quickly tired of the charade.

“You either walk down those stairs, or I’ll carry you over my shoulder,” ordered Bradley.

The thought of being tossed over his shoulder reminded me of Decker, and I suddenly didn’t want to dress up and go out. I wanted my sweats, my messy hair, and my slippers. I wanted to curl up on the couch and disappear in a book, where someone else’s miserable love life could make me feel better about mine.

“Trust me, Cinderella, you need to do this.”

Casey reached out his hand and I grudgingly took it. I’m not sure what they felt I needed to do, but they had promised me this was important, and I promised if it was really important, I would play along. With my fingertips poking out my cast, I picked up the bottom of my dress and smiled at the boots that peeked out from underneath.

“You can take the girl out of Texas...” Casey smiled at me.

I nudged his shoulder affectionately. “But you’ll never get her boots,” I finished for him, smiling back at him.

As I stepped out onto the street, the slight chill that was starting to invade the end of summer wrapped around my naked shoulders. I wasn’t cold though. Nervous, anxious, scared? Heck yes. I pulled my gaze from the pavement and stopped dead in my tracks. Oh hell, he was so freakin’ handsome it hurt. Like a punch to the gut. The devil in disguise, clean shaven,
finger combed hair, his perfect suit molded to his perfect body that I knew intimately. And that smile, that cocky yet honest grin, the one he saved for me alone. It wasn’t his womanizing, turn you into a puddle of mush gaze. No, this was a gaze of awe-struck wonder.

“Hey,” I murmured nervously, wondering what the heck he was doing here.

“Hey,” he replied, anxiety obvious in his own, monotone reply.

“Awww, they’re struck speechless, so sweet. I need a photo!” rambled Casey, pushing me forwards.

I was shoved, unceremoniously, beside Decker, who carefully placed his arm around me, his hand a possessive brand on my lower back. I forced a smile through gritted teeth at Casey, who I just wanted to smack over the head right now. A number of flashes flooded my vision and Decker chuckled. The sound reverberated right through my body and down to my soul. That laughter, that sound, god how I missed it. Still struck mute, I was turned to face a limousine. A young man, who didn’t look old enough to drive, opened the door and I slid across the leather seat, Decker following behind me. As the car pulled away from the curb, Decker gave our friends a quick wave. Me, I was as still as a statue, shocked into a state of conscious submission so it seemed. The awkwardness that filled the small space was all-consuming.

“So, this is a nice limo, but is the driver old enough to drive? ‘
Cause I’m not sure he’s shaving yet, and as far as I’m concerned, you should not be able to operate a vehicle if you haven’t learned to manipulate a razor.” Decker didn’t answer and I grew more uncomfortable under the silence. I ended up casting him a sideways glance, and he grinned.

“I missed your rambling.”

I quickly looked away, unwilling to let him see the pain his words caused me. I missed rambling on to him, but the image of Melody on her knees in between his thighs was not only burned into my retina, but also my heart. I tried valiantly to concentrate on the passing scenery, but Decker’s very presence was overwhelming. I could almost feel the heat coming off his powerful body that was sitting far enough away to give me my personal space, but close enough to give me a hint of musk that clung to him. The rest of the trip was made in silence. When the limousine pulled onto a dead end street, I gave Decker a confused look. The boy driver opened Decker’s door and he slipped out with a powerful yet easy grace, his hand stretched back, palm up, as in an offer of trust.

I could ignore the offer, move around his hand, and stand tall and proud on my own two feet, but the truth was, I wanted to take his hand. It was that simple. I wanted his sturdy reassurance that everything was going to be alright. I wanted that strength. I had no idea if it
was insanity, hope, desperation, or something as simple as timeless and pure as love, but I took his hand. Decker drew me from the limousine as if I were a sophisticated and delicate treasure.

“Holy shit!” I burst out, ruining any chances of me being a lady. Two massive horses attached to an elegant carriage stood in front of us. Decker strolled forward to meet an elderly chap who at least looked old enough to carry a driver’s license. The driver of the horse and carriage offered me his hand, but Decker was having none of that.

“Move aside, Jeeves, you’re stealing my thunder.” Decker stepped forward and took my hand again as I climbed into the opulent carriage. With a simple flick of the reins, we were moving. Cushioned by urban concrete and lights, we were drawn into the dark leafy shadows of Central Park. “You pulled out the big guns, huh?” I whispered.

Decker smiled, but it wasn’t egotistical, it was hopeful. I allowed myself to enjoy the beauty of the moment, the magical essence that had me thinking this was someone else’s life, someone else’s story. But it didn’t belong to someone else, this was mine, my magical moment. When the horse and carriage finally drew to a stop, Decker’s hand, still tight around mine, we stepped to the cobblestone under the carriage, and I gasped. Small lights twinkled in a steady cadence all around us. It was as if the stars had floated down to settle in the trees for a closer look. A sculpture was lit with a soft blue lighting before us. It was a scene straight out of
Alice in Wonderland.

“I’m not sure how to get you in a rabbit hole, so I did the next best thing. I brought the fairytale to you.” Decker’s whispered words at my ear caused my skin to flood with goose bumps. Soft music
was playing from speaker’s hidden god knows where. A small table was set up, and to one side a chef waited for us to be seated. Night had fallen not long ago, and this section of Central Park was empty apart from us. And the chef…And Jeeves and his horses.

Decker chuckled. “Speechless, Country?” I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. “I did the impossible, rendered the rambling woman speechless. I should get a wish or something, right?” I slapped his chest which immediately became caught under Decker’s much larger hand, pressed firmly against his beating heart. “If I had one wish, I would wish you would dance with me.” Melted. I had flat out melted onto the pavement. Decker gently turned me into his chest, wrapped one arm around my waist, my good hand slid to his shoulder, the fingertips of my cast
hand were gently pressed under Decker’s as he began to slowly move. I didn’t want to think about the things Decker had done to cause me pain. I just wanted to think about us, here, now. I moved with him as he smoothly spun me then resumed a melodic sway.

“God I missed you.” His voice cracked with emotion and I automatically held him tighter. I shouldn’t be offering him comfort. He didn’t deserve it. He had hurt me, used me,
lied to me.

“I’m angry with you,” I breathed, my own voice wavering.

“No one can be angrier with me than me. I screwed up, so bad.”

I turned my head, my cheek pressed firmly against his chest. “You warned me.” Well, there I went trying to shift the blame off him again. Bradley was right, I really did have a problem with that.

“I wasn’t man enough to do right by you and there is no excuse under the sun that can absolve me from that. You are a beautiful, vibrant woman who deserves a man who will spend every moment of every day making her laugh, not cry.”

The music had changed to a country song I knew well, Keith Urban’s “Making Memories
Of Us”. I was impressed. He’d gone country in an effort to apologize.

“I actually like this song, it’s…sweet.” He seemed as shocked with the admission as I was. His hand at my back slipped a little to settle on the dip that led right over the curves of my butt.

“Hands, Decker, I haven’t given you a green light yet.” The ‘yet’ seem to floor Decker. I guess it floored me a little too. Was I really that easy?

“I really like that you used the word ‘yet’, it means I still might be able to redeem myself.” His steps seemed lighter, as if a heavy weight off his shoulders had lifted.

“Just because I haven’t said no doesn’t guarantee I will say yes,” I whispered.

“I guess I will have to work a little harder at this groveling business,” Decker chuckled.

Anger prickled at my skin. My feelings were not a game for Decker to play with. He had damn well hurt me, crushed me. I wasn’t going to roll over with forgiveness the moment he offered me a pretty bauble or created a fairytale scene in which I was the lead princess, even if it was the most romantic gesture ever! I gave his chest a small push and took a step away. Being this close to him made it hard for me to think straight. I wanted him so damn bad it made it hard for me to understand what the right thing was. And wasn’t that just a curly question. Was there a right or wrong here? Or was it simply a chance, a chance at happiness or a chance at more pain? My feminist independent side wanted to hurt him, and by the bruise on his jaw, I guessed someone had already beaten me to it. The womanly side of me, the big, soft, tender heart that dwelled within me and made me who I am wanted to scream, ‘I forgive you’ and scale the firm rigid length of him like a horny cat in heat.

“Damn you, Decker!” I cursed. The sudden swing in my mood took him by surprise. “Is this some sickening case of you wanting what you can’t have? Is that what this is? You conquered me once but now you need to prove you can do it all over again?”

He pinned me with an angry look. “You were never a conquest to me.”

“Then what the hell was I?” He took as step forward and I was caught between wanting to take a step into his arms and taking a step back. That’s what this had become for me, a vicious tug of war between my heart and my head.

“You were everything I ever wanted and I didn’t even know it. You were the light I was missing from my days, you were the heart I was missing from my soul, and you are the fucking future missing from my dreams.”

I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Instead my eyes filled with tears. “Crap, you’re gonna make me cry now?” I’m not sure who I was shouting at or why, but Decker panicked at the sight of my tears. He pulled me into his arms and patted me awkwardly on the shoulder.

“Shhhh, everything will be alright.”

“Oh good lord, you still suck at this,” I sobbed. The rumble of laughter under my cheek felt good.

“If it makes you feel any better, Bradley hit me.” Oh, that did make me feel better. “Actually, he hit me a few times.”

“You don’t look like you’ve been beaten,” I confessed.

“Well, it
was
Bradley.”

After a short silence I regained my composure and felt more than a little embarrassed by the little hissy fit I just threw in front of strangers. I glanced over my shoulder at the chef who seemed present only in body, the bored look on his face a great example of how professional
he was. Jeeves was showering his horses with loving attention. With a big sigh, I turned back to face Decker. Yes, he had hurt me, but being here with him now made me feel better. The simple truth was I felt happier with him than I had ever felt before. He filled an empty space in my heart with something that made my monotone days and nights just a little bit extraordinary. Yes, he had a past I preferred to ignore. He had terrible taste in music, his gag reflex was pathetic, and he couldn’t help himself with lewd and inappropriate comments. He was also sweet, he made me laugh, and he was spontaneous and fun to be around. And I loved him. Love wasn’t meant to be simple and it didn’t come without risks. It appeared I had found love in the wrong place, in an adult film star who was supposed to be my friend without benefits. But, as it turned out, porn stars are people too, with beating hearts, sexy smiles, and mischievous eyes of liquid amber. And isn’t a partner a friend…with benefits? Yes, taking a chance on Decker was worth all the heartache I would most likely be burdened with. As if sensing my internal battle, Decker took my face in his hands, his thumbs brushing away the remnants of my tears.