Deep (12 page)

“Green light,” he said, unable to mask the waver in his voice.

“Excuse me?”

“The green light. I’m giving it to you. Don’t go to one of those places. You don’t have to. I’m here.” He pressed his lips against the captain’s, slipping his hands into the older man’s undershirt and pushing it over his muscular shoulders.

Joel pulled back, grabbing Sean’s hands. “You’ve been drinking.”

“I’m not drunk.”

“You don’t drink at all, so why can I taste it on you?”

“It doesn’t matter. I told you, I’m giving you the green light.” Sean dropped to his knees. He fumbled at Joel’s boxers. He needed to get going, then instinct would take over. But Joel didn’t give him a chance. The captain pushed his hands off and backed away from Sean.

“Get up,” he growled.

“I thought you wanted this. You said you wanted me; well, here I am. You can do what you want to me. Whatever you want, Joel.”

“Anything?” he said. “You’d let me hit you?”

Sean cringed at the words, but he nodded. If it meant Joel didn’t find someone else, he’d be willing to take the pain.

“What if I wanted to make it more interesting? What if I wanted to bring other people in? Would you lie back and take it from them for me? I know a lot of guys who would pay a lot of money for you.”

Again Sean nodded, even though it was killing him.

“Get up,” Joel said again, and a look of disgust crossed his face as Sean complied. “Get out.”

“But—”

“Get out, get some coffee, and we’ll pretend this never happened.”

Sean glared at him. Suddenly self-conscious, he started buttoning up his shirt. He got to the door and stopped.

“I’m sorry,” he said, dazed. “I thought you wanted it.”

“I want you, but not like this,” Joel said. “Not if you have to drink to bring yourself to it.”

HE WATCHED SEAN leave and went to the sink to splash his face with water. The thought of Sean like that turned his stomach. He loved the boy, but there was nothing of the doc in that performance.

Joel was exhausted. He needed to get some rest, but there was no way he was going to sleep now. He wiped his face, slammed his fist into the wall, and went to confront the doc.

He didn’t knock. After what had happened, he didn’t think he could find Sean in a worse position. But he was wrong. The doc was sitting on his bed, his knees pulled close to his chest. He was sobbing violently, on the verge of another panic attack.

Joel approached the bed slowly.

“I’m so, so sorry,” Sean murmured. “I should never have done that. I don’t know why I did that.”

“Can I sit?”

Sean nodded.

Joel dropped down beside him.

“Anna Clayton, my first love. She was so beautiful and everyone loved her. She had such a reputation, too. We all used to talk about her, and what she would do to us if we were a little older or richer. I lusted after that woman for years until, finally, I got my chance. I was in her bedroom, she took off her top, and I could see the despondency in her eyes. She didn’t want to be there, and if she didn’t, neither did I. This beautiful woman, this woman I loved, was standing naked in front of me and all I could think about was putting a coat around her and telling her it was okay, that she didn’t have to.”

Sean stopped sobbing and listened.

Joel rested his back on the bunk wall and dared to brush his fingers against Sean’s leg. “Like most boys that age, all I wanted to do was sleep with a girl. And Anna was perfect, except she didn’t really want to sleep with me. She just wanted someone to love her for a little while.

“Couple of weeks later, her sister Jane took me to that same room and she had this look in her eye. I knew there wasn’t a chance I was going to leave there without giving her exactly what she wanted.”

Sean frowned. “Why are you telling me this?”

“When I first met you, you had that look in your eye. Same look as Jane had. You were going to work on my ship whether I hired you or not. And I knew when I brought you onto this boat there would be nothing I could do stop you. You had this ruthless determination, and a stubborn streak bigger than mine. But it was that look. Soon as I saw it, I knew I wanted you on my boat.”

Sean wiped his face. “What happened to them?”

“Anna got married. Not long after that, actually. Has a couple of kids now. Jane died in the Deep a couple of months after we hooked up.”

“You loved her?”

“I loved them both in my way. But, yeah, me and Jane could have worked something out, maybe. Guess it wasn’t meant to be. Taught me not to let precious things slip through my fingers, though. Maybe that’s why this thing between us is easier for me.”

“My first love,” Sean said, “was a doctor I worked with: Jeremy Crocker. I was crazy about him. We dated for a while in secret, but I wasn’t ready to take it further. Jeremy got impatient. He wanted a physical relationship, so I did things for him to keep him happy. I went down on him whenever and wherever he asked, but it wasn’t enough. He found someone better and made sure I caught them together. I was so upset I went to a party my father was hosting and jumped into bed with the first man who looked at me.”

Joel closed his eyes. It was hard to think that the strong, determined man he’d known for three seasons had come from something so tragic.

“I’ve done so many things, Joel. I’ve let them do so many things to me, and I hate it. I really hate it. And then with David it happened again, and I felt disgusting. I still feel disgusting.”

“So why come into my room like that?”

Sean twisted his fingers together. “Because I don’t want you to go to anyone else, and Selena said I should show you what’s available here.” He turned his head toward Joel, clearly realizing now how absurd he sounded.

“You took relationship advice from Selena? You’d be better off getting health-and-safety tips from Harvey.”

“I was scared. I didn’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t.”

“Even if I can’t offer you what you want.”

Joel stroked his face. “I’m not going to lie to you. You’ve awakened a part of me I’m pretty eager to explore, but not at your expense. I’d rather never touch you and have you here than sleep with you now and watch you walk away at the end of the season.”

Sean’s breath caught. “So what do we do?”

“Well, no more offering yourself up like a piece of meat, okay? Don’t ever submit to me like that again.”

“Okay.”

Joel ran his thumb across Sean’s lips. “You know, all I want to do is take care of you.”

“I’m not sure you can,” Sean confessed.

“Let me try.”

HE NEXT SPOKE to the captain two days later as Joel carried Harvey into the emergency room. Harvey’s leg was bleeding.

“What happened?” Sean said as he cut away Harvey’s thermals.

“Stupid bastard set one of the hand drills off inside the entrance hatch and sent a bit of shrapnel flying into his leg. It was only about the size of my fist,” Joel said. “Is it bad?”

“No, it’s not very deep.” Sean inspected the shallow wound and began to clean it. “You were lucky you were still wearing your suit.”

The mining suits were almost as tough as
Ariel
herself. For something to have sliced through one, it must have been sharp.

Joel watched as Sean cleaned the wound. The captain looked tired. The shift had another hour to go, and Sean wondered if maybe he’d call the dig off with Harvey injured.

“Will I be able to go back out?” Harvey said.

“I’d prefer you give it a couple of hours to let the bleeding clot.” Sean glanced up at the captain. “Unless the captain doesn’t mind you ruining another suit. Can you afford to close the shift?”

“I guess we have to. Damn it, Harvey, why do you always have to be in the way of goddamn danger?”

Harvey stood and staggered out of the room, grumbling about how things weren’t his fault.

“So, I guess I’ve got a couple of hours free,” Joel said, turning to Sean. “You want to get a coffee or something?”

“A coffee? Uh, okay.”

They went to the mess together, passing Selena and her knowing wink on the way. Joel pulled out two cups and filled them with stale coffee from the jug.

“Who’s on duty?”

“Just me and Selena. I think she was heading back to the engine room.”

“So we have some privacy.”

Joel leaned forward, pressing his lips against Sean’s. This wasn’t what Sean had expected at all.

“Trust me,” Joel whispered in Sean’s ear. “I’ve got you, and nothing bad is going to happen. You say stop whenever you want and I’ll stop, I promise.”

Sean fell into the kiss, losing himself in the moment. Joel smelled of sweat and the ocean, and Sean couldn’t get enough of it. The captain pushed him against the wall, pulling desperately at his clothes. He slipped his hand down the back of Sean’s pants, squeezing his ass. Sean’s erection pressed against Joel’s thigh. Joel ran his tongue down Sean’s neck and dropped to his knees. He unbuttoned Sean’s pants, freeing his cock.

“Wait,” Sean gasped. “What are you—”

Before he could object, Joel swallowed his cock, running his tongue along the thick shaft. Sean groaned something incomprehensible. He rested his head against the wall, unable and unwilling to do anything but whimper. He’d never imagined this would happen. Even in his fantasies, he never thought Joel would do this for him. The intensity of the situation was pushing him over the edge.

“I’m gonna come,” he managed to get out, expecting Joel to pull free.

But he didn’t. He kept working his tongue up and down Sean’s shaft, bringing him closer and closer. Sean dug his fingers into Joel’s shoulders. He bit down on his lip, trying to hold in his screams. Then he erupted in Joel’s mouth, crying out embarrassingly loud. He felt Joel’s tongue perform one last dance, and then Joel pulled away and clambered to his feet.

Sean’s legs had stopped working. Even when he was back on Earth, men rarely dropped to their knees for him. The men he usually went with liked to be in control. They were in it to be pleasured, and if Sean got off, too, then that just made it a little more bearable for him.

“You... you....” he tried to say.

“Gave my first blow job,” Joel said. “How awful was it?”

Sean was so overcome, he could only kiss him. He lowered his hands to clasp the top of Joel’s overalls, but Joel stopped him.

“What’s wrong?”

Joel’s eyes softened. He pressed a hand against Sean’s face, rubbing his thumb against Sean’s lips. “That was for you.”

“But....” Sean said, still unable to process what they had done.

Joel sighed. “God, you are beautiful.”

The uncensored statement caught them both by surprise.

Joel let out a nervous laugh. “I have to go and get the machines sorted out. Kyle will be starting his shift, and you know how that man is if everything isn’t primed and ready to go.”

“But I haven’t done anything for you,” Sean said.

Joel smiled. “Yes, you have. Don’t think I don’t appreciate how letting me do that was difficult for you. And we will pick this up again, but we’ll do it at your own pace once the dig is done,” Joel assured him.

“After the dig, then,” Sean said, more desperately than he’d intended. Time passed quickly when they were mining, but it wasn’t going to be quick enough.

DAY FIFTEEN. ONE more day to go and then they would start the ascent. Joel was already starting to get impatient. That morning they’d hit another natural shaft in the seabed. Sometimes the shafts led to pools of minerals—a lucky find if you happened to stumble on the right one. A part of Joel was tempted to hold out a little longer. Sometimes digs could run over for weeks. But he had someone waiting for him back on
Ariel
, and he was damned if he was going to put that off.

“Let’s call it a day,” he said to Kyle.

“You sure?”

“I said it, didn’t I?”

“Oh, I get it. Now that you’ve got someone to keep your bed warm, you’re eager to get back.”

“Do you want to pack this crap up on your own?”

Kyle held up his gloved hands.

Joel moved toward the hatch. “
Ariel
?” he said into his radio. “We are packing up and moving out. Gather all hands to the cargo bay. Let’s get ready to close down the dig.”

“Okay, Captain,”
Sean said.

Damn, but I love hearing that boy’s voice
. “Hey, Sean,” he said. “What are you wearing?”

He heard a splutter down the line.

“He’s wearing a pair of battered old jeans and a black sweater.”
Selena giggled through his earpiece.
“Do you want me to check what he’s got on underneath?”

“And ruin my surprise?” Joel replied, knowing Sean would be barely able to contain his embarrassment in the cockpit.

He patched in the key code to open the first hatch. Kyle started the slow process of moving the machinery. Joel got the drill and started moving it toward the ship. The first hatch opened. A green light caught his eye. The fish were back. He watched as they floated past him, twisting like a lime cloud.

“Captain, get down!”

Kyle’s voice registered in his ears, but he was too late. A shadow hit the drill; the tail fin of a viper shark. Joel rolled into the sand and the drill fell on top of him. Another shadow soared by. Viper sharks hunted as a pack. They were fierce fish, happy to attack anything that moved. Joel lay on his back, watching the frenzy above him. The green tips were being massacred and trying to seek sanctuary right in his path.

“Get in the hatch,” he yelled to Kyle. If the sharks saw movement they’d try their luck. The best thing was to wait it out.

“I can get to you,”
Kyle said through the earpiece.

“Get your ass in the hatch and wait for them to move on.” A tip of green floated toward him.
Hold your nerve and stay put
.

“Captain?”
Sean’s frightened voice came through his radio.
“Are you hurt?”

“Just my body,” he groaned.

“Hold on, we’re getting ready to come and get you.”

“That’s a negative, Sean. Nobody is coming out here. We wait it out.”