Deep (10 page)

And Joel was being just as stubborn. They should have sunk to the deeper ocean by now, but he had been holding off. He’d kept the ship in limbo while he tried to work out what was going on with him and Sean. He knew once the mining started he wouldn’t be able to focus on his lousy love life, and he was worried he’d lose his chance with Sean.

He could see now, in each one of those carefree fish, that life didn’t stop, and by waiting he was drawing out an impossible situation. Things had to go back to normal before they got better. He smirked to himself, because they would definitely get better.

The crew were gathering for dinner; the doc’s space was still empty.

“Harvey, haul that lazy-assed physician out of my bed, would you? Tonight we’re celebrating, and if he doesn’t grace us with his company, I’ll float him. Don’t take no for an answer, you hear me?”

He sat with the rest of the crew and ordered Mia to open their second-to-last keg of beer. The last would be saved for the voyage back. He sat at the head of the table and made sure a space was reserved beside him for the doc. It took a while, but eventually Harvey deposited a very grumpy Sean at the table.

“Good to see you up and about, Doc,” Joel said with a smile, handing the doc a beaker of purified water.

“Harvey said it was important.”

“And it is. All right, listen up, people. We’re all back to normal, or as good to normal as any of us are going to get,” he said, directing the last comment at Harvey. “I think it’s about time we dive to deeper waters and get some work done. Now, I know what you’re thinking. We already have a payoff to see us through the season, and you’re right. But that doesn’t mean we ain’t got a job to do or the time to do it. And I figure if we put in half a season mining in the dregs, we don’t put anyone at risk and every last scrap we bring in is a bonus. I’d also say that, seeing as
Ariel
profits from a new drill, saving me all kinds of expense and trouble, anything else we dig up should be split between you all. I don’t need to take a cut.”

Harvey’s eyes were wide. “You serious, Captain?”

Joel took a mouthful of beer and nodded. “And in keeping with tradition, since this is our last night in the shallows, we drink and enjoy ourselves. Hard work starts in the morning.”

The crew cheered, raising their glasses. Their spirits were high. This was the perfect atmosphere to dive in. When they hit the minerals their minds would be focused, but knowing their share was going to be the biggest yet meant they wouldn’t take stupid risks. This would be a dig without the usual desperation. It was something to look forward to.

Joel sat back, watching his crew as they chatted and laughed. Kyle was starting one of his long, convoluted stories, made bearable by the rest of the crew chipping in. It was one they’d all heard before—the story of how he’d saved
Ariel
from a landslide. The story had long since transformed from how Joel remembered it, but he still found himself smiling as Kyle got more and more animated.

While the others were distracted, Joel dared a glance at Sean. The doc was smiling, at least. Like always, he sat on the sidelines, watching and enjoying what was happening but saying very little. He didn’t seem put out that he was only drinking water. If anything, he seemed grateful.

Sean looked up and startled, but Joel gave him a playful wink before turning to Kyle. “Just how big did you say the boulder was?”

The rest of the crew chuckled knowingly.

Kyle waved away the comment with a scowl and carried on. Joel turned back to Sean and was pleased to see that this time the doc relaxed.

“Anyway, the moral to the story is—”

“Invest in a good pair of boots,” the crew said together.

Kyle shook his head. “You can all mock as much as you want. I swear, you should all look at your kit. You’ve got the cash; make a wise purchase.”

“Screw that,” Harvey snorted. “I’m spending my share on women and booze.”

Joel leaned into Sean. “He means bail and an STI checkup,” he said under his breath.

Sean let out a little laugh, and if the rest of the night went south, Joel could at least take that back with him.

“I’m getting my hair done,” Selena said.

“What the hell for?” Harvey scoffed. “Nobody here is going to give a damn.”

“I’m not doing it for anyone down here,” Selena said, giving him a sharp kick in the leg. “What about you, Doc? What’re you spending it on?”

“I haven’t really thought about it,” Sean replied, although Joel knew that was a lie. The doc was planning to spend it on his escape.

“It’ll be boring bandages like the last time,” Harvey grumbled.

“I don’t recall you saying they were boring when they were keeping you from bleeding out,” Sean jibed. He went back to sitting in the shadows, but his brief appearance was enough to keep Joel happy.

SEAN HAD THOUGHT the crew would be talking about him; looking at him differently, treating him differently. But they weren’t. Back at the table it was like nothing had ever happened. He watched as Selena got too drunk to stand, and as he couldn’t carry her, Harvey had to do it. His reprimanding voice rattled down the corridor as he tried to control Selena and her mischievous hands. Then Mia and Kyle got up to leave. They were already too distracted to remember those they were leaving at the table.

Joel yawned, his muscles bulging against his shirt. Sean couldn’t remember if he’d obsessed about the captain’s body before they kissed, but he couldn’t stop doing it now. “Guess I’d better turn in, too. You need a hand?”

Sean shook his head. “Good night, Captain.”

Joel reached forward and patted Sean on the shoulder as he got up to leave. Sean tried to move, but pain surged up his back. Joel was almost out of sight, and he knew if he didn’t call him back he’d be stuck in the mess until morning.

“Captain.”

Joel turned.

“Actually, I think I may need some help.”

Joel smiled, as though he wanted nothing more than to carry Sean to bed. He gently lifted Sean to his feet and rested his weight against his side. “Hey, you remember that time when you had to carry me back to my bunk?”

“You mean when you had food poisoning. Yes, I remember. You threw up on my shoes.”

Joel laughed. “I did, didn’t I. God, your face was a picture. I honestly thought you were going to euthanize me in my sleep that night.”

“I won’t lie. I thought about it.”

With Joel supporting his weight, they made it back to the sleeping quarters. Joel opened his bedroom door and eased Sean down on his bed. “Been doing some reading?” He nodded at the book beside the bed.

“Do you mind?”

“No, not at all. I can read it to you as a bedtime story if you like?” he joked.

He turned to leave, but Sean stopped him. “Captain, did you ask the crew not to talk about me?”

Joel frowned. “If I did, they wouldn’t have listened. Look, Sean, people on this boat have a lot more to worry about than the situation you found yourself in. A man caused a lot of trouble here, and then died. Most of us would prefer to forget about it.”

Sean realized he was being selfish. Of course they all wanted to forget about what happened.

Joel leaned closer. “The only person on this boat who is thinking about you all the time is me. Now get some sleep. We dive tomorrow, and even though I know you’re off duty, I’d sure be grateful if you’d be on hand in an emergency.” He opened the door.

“Captain, I’d like to be on duty. Since I’m here for the season I may as well be useful.”

“Sure thing.”

DESCENTS INTO DEEPER water were done in stages to keep pressure on the ship stable. Every two hours, under Selena’s instructions, Mia would start dropping the ship down several hundred feet.
Ariel
creaked and groaned as the ocean became heavier. Sean sat in the infirmary, listening to the familiar sounds. This was one of the most dangerous parts of the expedition, but Sean always found himself at ease. Sometimes he felt the deeper he went, the farther away from his troubles he sank. In the Deep there was just the ship—nothing else mattered.

The rest of the crew were busy. The ship needed constant monitoring, and an error at the wrong moment could see them all in watery graves. Sean had learned to stay out of the way. His role was to be there if something went wrong and in the meantime pray he wasn’t needed.

It took nearly fourteen hours to hit the target bed. Titan’s ocean had several layers of mineral beds, the richest being dangerously deep, but
Ariel
only needed to hit the first mineral crust. The scrapings at this level were poor, but still sellable on the surface. The engines relaxed and the ship came to life as the first stage of deep-sea mineral collection began. It took eight hours for the ship to stabilize, giving the crew enough time to gather samples and decide whether the site was worth mining. Sometimes it could take days to find a site, especially if the crew were after something worthwhile. This time
Ariel
could afford to take the first site they came across.

Sean ventured out of the infirmary and went into the mess. The place was deserted, most of the crew being in the cockpit. Sean put on some water and heated up a pan of flavored noodles. He was a pretty lousy cook, but this at least would keep them going until someone else had time to cook. By the time Mia and Selena finished work, he was serving. There was no time to sit and eat as a crew, but one by one everyone eventually passed through the kitchen, collected a bowl, and headed to bed.

The captain was the last.

“You cook this?” he asked, poking the noodles with suspicion.

“I put them in water,” Sean assured him. “Did the dive go well?”

“Engine coolant is playing up,” Joel said with his mouth full. “And the site’s been poked before. Not heavily, but if we didn’t have stock already I’d be inclined to move on.”

“But it’s still good?”

Joel smirked. “Yeah, it’s good. Which is more than I can say for these.” He put the bowl of noodles down. “Goddamn, Sean, how can you screw up something as simple as noodles?”

Sean rolled his eyes, but he wasn’t offended; he’d already put his portion in the trash. “Says the man who never cooks.”

“I don’t cook because if I did you’d all be making me do it for you every night.”

“Of course, that’s the reason,” Sean jibed.

“You keep on like that and I will make you a meal that will blow your mind. I’ll even put candles on the table and everything.”

Sean blushed. He hadn’t expected the conversation to turn so quickly.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” Sean squeaked.

“My whole life I’ve always been a ladies’ man. Never even looked at another guy before you. And even with women I’ve never been open to much more than a passing evening when I’m on the surface. This whole thing we’ve got going on, or not going on as it may be, is about as far away from my comfort zone as anything could be. So why is it, given that I’m the straight one, it’s you who’s freaking out about all of this?”

The question knocked Sean back. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“I mean, I thought I was supposed to be all panicked and jumpy at the thought of being attracted to another man.”

“I’m surprised that you’re not,” Sean murmured.

“Yeah, I guess I am, too. But then I’m a man who likes things simple.”

“I don’t think anything about this is simple.”

Joel leaned against the counter. “It’s really simple. You’ve just got to remove all the rest, you know? It’s a bit like the sea. If you think about it, all the things that could go wrong, all the danger, you’d never dip your toe in the water. But you can’t think of things like that. You have to see an ocean, a potential, and a ship that’s going to keep you dry. Nothing else.

“Same with you and me. We care about the same things, we’re down here together, and we’re attracted to each other. It’s really very simple.”

Sean swallowed. “But there’s the crew to think about. There’s the future. What if things don’t work out? What happens when we hit the surface?”

Joel snorted. “We might not even survive the night. Why worry about it? The only thing holding you back, Sean, is you. Now, maybe that’s because you really aren’t interested, in which case I respect that and I’ll get over it. But if you are interested in me, and if you’re finding reasons to stop yourself from having something good, then you’re an idiot.”

Sean was terrified. He had no idea what to do or say.

Joel edged his way around the counter. “Digging starts tomorrow; there’s going to be a lot of work to do. Probably be a while before we get to talk again. I guess that’s a good thing.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean it is taking every ounce of strength I have not to jump you right now. And, boy, the mere thought of it is making me hard.”

Sean nearly choked, his body already betraying him. “W-What’s stopping you?”

Joel moved closer. “You are, Doc. I’m a man of my word, and until you sort out that pretty little head of yours, I’m going to have to make do with my right hand and increasingly graphic imagination. You want this to step up to a new level, just give me the green light.”

It would be easy to fall forward and succumb to Joel. Sean couldn’t deny that he was tempted. His body quivered in anticipation of surrender. Just one kiss, that was all Joel would need.

And then what would happen? In flashes, Sean could see his life unravel as he was beckoned like some kind of slave into the captain’s bed, unable to refuse even if he wanted to. The thought sent an icy chill up his spine and he froze under Joel’s hungry gaze.

“Hey, Captain!” Harvey called from down the corridor.

Joel groaned. “Yes, Harvey, you master of timing, what do you want?” he said, and left to find out what his engineer needed.

Sean waited for them to disappear. Then he fled to his room—Joel’s room—and closed the door. Sean rarely touched himself. Sure, he’d done it to entertain others at their request, but hardly ever for himself and never sober. For Sean, sexual gratification had always been tarnished and dirty. Now, clearheaded, he felt the throb between his legs and panicked. He wanted to deal with it and yet the idea filled him with dread. Gingerly, he unbuttoned his trousers and fell onto Joel’s bed. The smell of the captain was still rich in the room, and Sean breathed it in, trying to get his mind off the act itself. Spitting on his hand, he grabbed his cock and rubbed, slowly at first, but then the need increased. Pumping faster, he moaned. His climax was building and he was too far gone to draw it out any longer. He came over his stomach, crying out loudly.