Deep Down (Lockhart Brothers #1) (25 page)

I bypassed her without a second thought today. Reed knew I was coming because I’d texted him when I left work. I needed the comfort of his presence right now.

When I walked into his office at the end of the hallway, he looked up from his desk, taking off his dark-rimmed reading glasses.

“Hey, Beauty,” he said, smiling as he got up to meet me halfway across the room.

I pushed the door closed and threw myself into his arms. His warm, musky cologne was becoming a familiar scent to me. I pressed my face against his chest and breathed it in.

“You okay?” he asked softly.

“I just needed this. It’s been kind of a lousy day.”

He kissed my temple, holding me tightly against his chest. “Missed you at lunch. I had an eleven-thirty meeting and court at one.”

“It’s better seeing you alone anyway,” I said, pulling back so I could look up into his eyes. “Do you have a few minutes?”

“Of course. We can sit if you want. But first . . .” He cupped my cheek and kissed me. “Okay, now we can sit.”

I took one of the leather club chairs in front of his desk and he took the other, turning his chair so we were knee to knee.

“Have you heard about Chuck Ashley?” I gripped the arms of my chair nervously.

“Yeah.”

Reed’s brief answer gave me an opening to continue. This was my chance to tell him why the news about Chuck had struck me so deeply. I was ready for him to see the darkest parts of me.

“I’ve been upset about it since I heard this morning,” I said. “His poor stepdaughter. I just—”

Reed put a hand on my knee, an apology in his eyes. “Ivy, I’m sorry, but I shouldn’t discuss any aspect of this case with you or anyone else.”

I felt a flutter in my chest. “What?”

“I was assigned to defend Mr. Ashley at the one o-clock call today.”

My lips parted with shock.

“It’s gonna make me unpopular around town, I know,” Reed continued. “If anyone gives you any shit over it, you tell me. I’m just doing my job, but not everyone sees it that way in a small town.”

“A rapist?” My voice was barely audible. “You’re defending a rapist?”

His brow furrowed. “Alleged. And yes, I am. Bart, the main public defender, has a conflict because he represented Mr. Ashley in another case before becoming the PD.”

My head spun with dizziness even though I was sitting. “But . . . so your job is to discredit his stepdaughter, then? Call her character into question? Make her out to be a liar?”

He leaned forward and rested his palm on my thigh. “I haven’t even opened the file yet. Ivy, what’s going on with you? You’re worrying me.”

“You asked before if someone had hurt me.” My voice broke and I cleared my throat before continuing. “Well, someone did.”

Reed closed his eyes, his shoulders dropping forward in defeat. “Dammit, Ivy. I didn’t want it to be true. I’m so sorry.”

He hung his head for a few seconds and when he looked up at me, tears glistened in his eyes. “Do you feel ready to talk to me about it?”

“I did,” I said, wrapping my arms around myself. “But . . . I can’t do it now. You’re defending a rapist. I’m on one side of this, and you’re on the other side.”

When Reed sat back in his chair, the hurt in his eyes tugged at me for just a second. But no. He wasn’t hurting anywhere near as much as me.

“This is my job, Ivy,” he said. “I don’t advocate sexual assault any more than I advocate drunk driving or parole violation or any of the other things I defend people for.”

Nervous energy propelled me up from the chair. “When he goes on trial, you’ll be sitting next to him. You’ll plan a way to get him off.”

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, clearly aggravated. “I don’t even know if it’ll go to trial. It’s still very early.”

“How can you sleep at night, knowing you could be helping a rapist do something so horrible again?” My voice shook and the tears I’d been holding back spilled over.

“That’s an oversimplification of my job, sweetheart.” Reed rose and approached, trying to wrap me in his arms again.

I backed away. “Not now.”

“I love you. You’ve just shared something painful about your past with me and I need to be there for you right now. Don’t let this case come between us.”

“I can’t help it. You don’t understand.”

“I want to understand, though. Help me understand.”

I closed my eyes, my heart threatening to pound its way out of my chest. “I wasn’t ready to tell you everything, Reed. Just that my heart has been broken all morning for that girl because I was raped, too. You probably already realized it, from when we talked before. It’s how I got pregnant with Noah.”

Reed’s face crumpled. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t say that,” I said fiercely. “Don’t ever say that. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just sorry about the whole goddamned thing, Ivy. I can’t imagine how painful it must’ve been.”

“No, you can’t. You’re a man. And you’ll be defending another man who stole things from that girl that she can never get back.”

“How can I make this better? I get why you’re upset with me. But I don’t get to choose my cases.”

“Can’t you just turn this one down?”

He shook his head. “It doesn’t work like that.”

“I can’t be here anymore,” I said, clutching my purse to my side and stepping toward the door.

“Please don’t go.”

“I was already upset, and now . . . I can hardly hold it together. And I have to go get Noah.”

“Ivy.” Reed’s tone was pleading. “Stay. Talk to me. Be with me. Don’t walk out like this.”

My hand was on the door handle when I turned to look back at him. “I can’t be with a man who would defend a rapist. I know it’s probably not normal to feel this way, but . . . I just can’t.”

Reed’s eyes were wide with shock. “Don’t do this. I love you. I love Noah. We can work this out. Just please don’t walk out that door.”

I turned the handle and stepped out, wiping the tears from my cheeks. Leaving his office was just a formality. In my heart, I was already gone.

SEVERAL WEEKS PASSED. AT
first I felt like I was surrounded by a fog, carrying a cloud of sadness around me everywhere I went. It didn’t help that Noah asked to see Reed and Snoop every day.

I thought about calling him so many times. Sometimes I even sat on my couch after Noah was in bed, just staring at the screen of my phone and reading the many text messages he’d sent me since I’d left his office that day. I knew I’d overreacted. But the problem was, I didn’t know any other way to be anymore.

Freaking out when Reed was on top of me was also an overreaction, but it came from a subconscious place in me I had no control over. Those horrible minutes in my bedroom four years ago had changed me. Now I was a woman who felt a deep connection to others who were violated, and a deep disgust for any man who’d done it.

I picked Noah up from daycare one day, wondering in the back of my mind if April had responded to my recent email. Though I had planned to return the laptop to Reed, I still had it for now. When I got home and opened the computer, I saw that she’d responded, but it wasn’t the sort of message I’d expected.

Hello Ivy. My heart is heavy after reading you’ve broken up with Reed over the case he’s been assigned. As a friend, I’m here to support you, but I also have to say I think you’ve made a huge mistake.

It’s time to be honest with yourself. You took this girl’s sexual assault so hard because you, too, were assaulted and you still haven’t completely dealt with it. I was proud of you for going to counseling when you first got to Lovely, but it sounds like when the counselor pressed you to open up about what happened, you stopped going to sessions.

What happened changed the course of your life. But, at some point, you have to realize that you’re in control now. You get to decide if you seek help or stay buried under the weight of what happened.

Reed is a good guy, Ivy. From everything you’ve told me about him, I know he’s serious about you and Noah. Stop sabotaging your own life and forcing yourself to be alone. Reed is doing his job, and nothing more. Talk to him. I know it’s hard, but be brave. You deserve happiness.

Much love,

April

I sat back, reading the message three times before signing out of my email. April was right. I’d pushed away the best thing to happen to me since Noah. But I knew in my heart that if I went to Reed and apologized, it would be hollow. I’d still feel the same pain and resentment about him defending Chuck Ashley.

After I picked Noah up, we ran errands and then went back to the diner for dinner. Gene was sick with the flu and Margie was taking care of him so they’d asked me to keep an eye on things in their absence.

I carried Noah into the kitchen and made a sweep through it. The second shift cook, Nick, nodded at me. He had the place looking as good as Gene would have. I wiped down the prep table out of habit and took Noah back to the lobby to eat.

“Where’s Gene and Margie?” he asked, used to seeing them here every time we came in.

“They’re at their house,” I said. “What sounds good for dinner?”

“Go to Gene and Margie’s.” He grinned at me.

“We would, honey, but Gene’s sick. Do you want a cheeseburger?”

He nodded and we settled into a booth, where he asked me to draw a picture of a train. I did my best, but he frowned at me.

“Where’s Reed?” he asked.

I sighed and set down the purple crayon I’d been drawing with. “He’s probably at his office, buddy.”

“Want to see Reed.” Noah tried to slide out of the booth.

“No, we can’t.” My heart tugged in my chest. “Want to dump out the sugar packets?”

He grinned and slid back into his side of the booth. Dumping out the sugar and putting the packets back in the container one at a time was one of the ways he kept busy when he was here.

I watched him with half an eye as I looked over at the two boys sitting together at a table in the corner. They were familiar to me. I waited for their parents to return from the bathroom or wherever they’d gone so I could place who the boys were, but after fifteen minutes, they still sat alone.

“Noah, let’s walk over here for a bit,” I said, taking his hand to help him down from his seat.

We were on the way to check on the dark-haired boys when it hit me. They were Jordan and Eric Lockhart, Kyle’s sons.

“Jordan and Eric, right?” I said, approaching the table with Noah.

The older boy, Jordan, nodded. They’d pushed their dirty dinner dishes off to the side to make room for two boxes, which they were decorating with markers.

“Are your parents here?” I asked.

“Our mom’s picking us up later,” Jordan said.

“Did she drop you off here for dinner?”

Jordan nodded. “And to make our Valentine’s boxes.”

A surge of concern laced with anger passed through me. “How old are you guys?”

“I’m seven and my brother’s five,” Jordan said.

“You know what?” I said, lifting Noah into one of the empty seats at their table. “I know your Uncle Reed, so how about if I call him and he can come here and we’ll help you decorate these boxes?”

“Okay,” both boys said, smiling.

“Will you ask him to bring some tape?” Jordan said, pulling out a broken flap on his box.

“Sure.”

I grabbed my phone from my purse and dialed Reed, who answered on the second ring.

“Ivy. God, I miss you. I’m so glad you called. Why haven’t you answered any of my messages?”

After an awkward moment of silence, I said, “I’m at the diner. Jordan and Eric are here. Kim dropped them off and they ate alone and now they’re decorating their Valentine’s boxes here.”

“Jordan and Eric?” Reed’s tone was incredulous. “My nephews?”

“Yes. They’re too young to be here alone.”

“I’ll be right there. Stay with them, okay?”

“Of course.”

I asked a waitress I knew well to sit with the kids while I went to Margie’s office to get some tape. I’d just started helping Jordan tape up his box when Reed walked in the front door, his chest rising and falling from breathing hard.

My own breath was trapped in my throat. I hadn’t seen him in weeks, and it was all I could do not to jump up from my chair and run into his arms. He hadn’t come in for lunch since our argument.

His eyes never left mine as he approached the table.

“Hey,” he said.

The second he noticed Reed, Noah jumped down from his chair and threw his arms around him in a hug. Reed bent down and picked him up, and the sight of my son in his arms almost brought me to tears.

“Where Snoop is?” Noah asked.

“He’s at home taking a nap,” Reed answered. “How are you, Noah?”

“Good. I want to color.”

Reed put him back in his seat and Noah started coloring the box I’d found him in the kitchen. Doing what the older boys were doing seemed to make him happy.

“Hey, guys,” Reed said to Jordan and Eric. “What are you doing here by yourselves?”

“Mom dropped us off,” Jordan said. “She’ll be back later.”

“Where was she going?” I heard the disguised unhappiness in Reed’s tone.