Deep Focus (17 page)

For the past five days he’d thought of almost nothing but Melanie, wishing he could see her. And now that he was here with her, she didn’t seem concerned with anything other than the fact that she’d blabbed about their fling. This was exactly why he’d wanted to keep it contained in Cancún.

“I think it’s normal,” he told her, taking the glass from her hand and setting it on the counter. “You spent a year with him. He hurt you.”

Knowing what he had to do, Hunter leaned forward, cupping her cheeks. He searched her face, wanting to memorize it, wanting to remember every moment of their time together, as short as it had been.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” she whispered.

Instead of answering, he covered her mouth with his, taking her lips softly and giving her the deepest, most sensual kiss he knew how to give. He wanted it to tell her everything. That he thought she was amazing. That he thought she was beautiful. Extraordinary. Generous. Sexy. He wanted her to know that she had brought a positive energy and happiness to his life that he hadn’t even known was missing.

“I’m not looking, I’m tasting,” he said, pulling her earlobe gently between his teeth.

“Why does this feel like a goodbye kiss?” Melanie asked, drawing away from him and shooting him a suspicious look.

His throat felt tight, but he gave a slow nod. “I guess you could call it that. Or how about a postponed-for-now kiss?”

“What the hell does that mean?”

Hunter took a step away from her. “It means that you’re not ready to do this.
We’re
not ready to do this. I can’t be the lover who walks you through your breakup. I just can’t. It’s only going to have me repeating the same damn mistakes I made with Danielle.”

“This has nothing to do with Ian or Danielle,” she said, her hands gripping the countertop behind her, knuckles white. “What are you afraid of?”

“Of hurting you. I’ve told you that all along.”

“You’re hurting me right now.”

That sliced him a little, but he knew he was right. “Better now than later. Give me a call when you feel as though you’re over Ian. When you’ve really let go.”

For a second she looked stunned, her chest rising and falling with her rapid breathing. Then she narrowed her eyes. “I have let go. It’s you who hasn’t.”

He had no idea what she meant by that. “I don’t have anything to let go of.”

“Bullshit. Just go, Hunter. Leave. Walk away, like Ian. It seems to be really easy.”

Now he was angry in return. “That’s not fair.”

“Fair?” Her voice rose. “Are you kidding me? You know what, you’re right. I broke the rules. I asked for more when you told me right from day one that I was never going to be more than a vacation romp to you.”

She knew she was lashing out, but it still infuriated him to the point that his nostrils were flaring, and he was clenching and unclenching his fists. He wasn’t going to engage with her. He wasn’t going to sling barbs back.

“Call me sometime, Melly.” Hunter yanked his coat off the back of the chair and headed back down the hallway.

“I’ll give you credit,” she said from behind him. “At least you had the balls to dump me in person instead of in a note.”

For a second he paused, wanting to explain to her until she understood, but he knew enough to know that it would only make it worse.

So instead he opened the door and left, that pit in his gut growing more cavernous by the second.

15

“I
STILL
CAN
’
T
believe you shagged the bodyguard,” Ian said for the seven thousandth time. “Or that you felt the need to tell me.”

Melanie rubbed her forehead, a headache stabbing her behind the eyes. “Do we have to go over this again? I only came into your office to discuss your travel schedule for next month.”

A week solid this had been going on, and she was exhausted. She wasn’t sleeping. She wasn’t eating. She was forcing herself into the office every day and listening to Ian lament her apparent poor taste in moving on after he had dumped her.

Part of her had wanted to shame Ian for his thoughtless actions, and that had partially motivated her blurting out the truth. He didn’t seem to get that you couldn’t hurt and embarrass someone then act as though none of it had ever happened. When she had returned to work, he had done precisely that, and she had wanted to make him feel
something
. So she had blabbed. It had been a regrettable error in judgment because he couldn’t seem to let it rest.

Now she was standing in front of him while he lounged behind his desk, swiveling in his chair. She gripped the file folder containing the hard copies of his schedule she had been attempting to show him.

“But we just broke up,” Ian said. “I didn’t expect you would jump the bodyguard five minutes later.”

It had been a good twelve hours later, she would have him know. Actually, she would not have him know that. It was really none of his business. She was offended that somehow he seemed to think poorly of her behavior, yet his apology for his had been half-assed at best. And come to think of it, why did he assume that she had thrown herself at Hunter?

“Ian, you lied to me. You set me up for complete humiliation by putting me on a plane thinking that you and I were still going to have our romantic getaway—which
I
paid for—albeit a little later in the day. Then this total stranger you’ve stuck me with hands me a note with no vows of love in it, no apologies, just a cut-and-dried ‘it’s over.’ So I think that under the circumstances it’s incredibly arrogant of you to judge me for what I did.” Melanie was starting to get worked up as she remembered that awful moment on the plane.

“Well. Apparently, he was a good shag.”

Oh, no, he didn’t. She prayed for patience. Or a modicum of restraint. But she was pretty sure she had neither. She was still reeling from the fact that Hunter had exited her apartment so unceremoniously. As if it didn’t matter. As if she didn’t matter. But Hunter wasn’t in front of her, Ian was, and she’d about had it with men in general.

“That’s irrelevant! The whole point is that you hurt me tremendously. I was mortified. If Hunter hadn’t been there I would have spent the entire week lying on a beach chair crying. I would have canceled all my excursions and felt sorry for myself, drinking margaritas solo in the most pathetic waste of my hard-earned money ever. Fortunately, Hunter was there to keep me company.”

“You don’t have to brag about it. I get it—you had sex with the hot guy.”

Wow, was this man thick. Had he always been like this?

Probably.

Ian continued, “I texted you. If you had responded I would have flown down and joined you. I realized my mistake almost immediately.”

“I don’t have an international data plan.” It seemed as if he should know that about her. It seemed as if they both should have known a lot of things.

“That’s not my problem, is it?”

Maybe not. Melanie sighed, her shoulders relaxing. She was angry with Ian for the way he had treated her, but she was also angry with herself for the way she had
allowed
him to treat her. Was he really behaving any different than he had during their relationship? Not really. So while she could blame him, she also had to accept responsibility for her part.

“Ian, it’s funny to me that for a photographer, you don’t see people very clearly.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Ian wrinkled his nose, making his glasses slip.

Melanie thought about the picture Hunter had taken when they were in the hammock. “You don’t
see
me.” Hunter saw her. He had her in his focus all the time. In a deep focus.

It hit her with stunning clarity how true that was. Yet she hadn’t had him in the same focus. She had done precisely what he said Danielle had done. She’d leaned on him and offered to listen, but hadn’t actually done it.

She was a fool for not just opening her mouth and telling him at the airport how she felt, for agreeing with him that, yes, she needed time to figure her stuff out but not insisting that she was absolutely sure about one thing—she wanted Hunter. Staring at Ian, she felt nothing but empathy for him and his self-absorption. There was no point in regrets. She may have spent a year with him, but she had learned a number of valuable lessons, and it wasn’t wasted time for that reason.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. I’m looking right at you. I’ve shot you before. I see and appreciate the line of your neck and the slightly crooked smile you have. Your hair is a fantastic color when fading sunlight hits it.”

Yeah. Ian didn’t get it. He might never understand. Maybe his photographer’s eyes were too trained to see her body and its reaction to his lens, instead of her soul.

“Ian.” Feeling her throat tighten up, Melanie leaned forward and dropped the file. “Thank you for everything. I’m turning in my resignation.”

“You’re quitting your job? This is ludicrous. Why the hell do you need to quit? I need you, Melanie.”

Which was precisely why she was quitting. She wanted to be wanted, not needed. “It’s time. I’ve outgrown the position.”

She had. God, it felt liberating to say that. Endorphins flooded her, and her cheeks went hot. Maybe quitting her job without a new one lined up was a dumb move, but she couldn’t keep returning to the office day after day, subject to Ian’s constant grilling and disappointment, her life on an endless loop with no progress. There was no reason to do that. Hunter was right. She needed a new job.

This was letting go. This was releasing all the constraints and expectations and fears from her life.

As she gave Ian a wave, she spun on her heel and marched out of his office.

She could feel herself grinning like an idiot, and several of her coworkers eyeballed her with suspicion. That was Ian handled. Job dealt with. Now she needed to talk to Hunter. No more tidy, efficient Melanie. She was Melly, and she was going to get messy and go after what she wanted. That lame-ass conversation she and Hunter had had wasn’t good enough. It had been full of excuses, when really she’d been nervously trying to figure out how to tell him she was falling in love with him. They hadn’t said everything that needed to be said, not by a long shot.

Her phone buzzed. It was a text from Ian. God, the man wouldn’t stop.

I may have gotten the bodyguard fired.

Oh, dear God. No. No, no and no.

This was all her fault for opening her mouth to the wrong man. Instead of telling Hunter how she felt, she had revealed way too much information to Ian.

Feeling like an actor in a Christmas commercial or the star in a romantic comedy, Melanie fast walked in the direction of her cubicle, texting Hunter as she went. As soon as she hit Send, she realized that was stupid—she should call him, for crying out loud. Words on the screen could never have the impact of her voice telling him exactly what she needed to say: she was sorry she had gotten him fired, and she was in love with him.

She anxiously waited for him to pick up as she reached her desk, but he didn’t. Staring at the screen didn’t make him answer her text, either.

Melanie’s life was heading in a direction that had no signs or maps to indicate whether she was on the right path. Letting go was terrifying and new. Determined to stay the course, she started packing some of her belongings, glancing at her phone approximately every five seconds.

* * *

H
UNTER
STARED
AT
his mother across the table and gave her an incredulous look. Since his plans for the next, oh, rest of his life, had disintegrated, he’d thought maybe he would feel slightly less like an ass if he took his mother out to dinner Friday night. But she was alternating between grilling him and doling out unwanted advice.

“I mean, honestly, I never really liked Danielle. I don’t get why you’re still moping over her.” Sharon Ryan took a sip of her beer.

Wearing a deep V-neck sweater that could not be sufficient for retaining heat in these December temperatures, she had already attracted the attention of several older guys hanging out at the bar. Hunter was used to it. His sassy mother had always been a man magnet. It didn’t make him any less freaked out, but he was used to it. The teen years had been filled with lots of shoving of his friends when they made “your mom” comments.

“Mom, Danielle hurt my ego, that’s true. Mostly I was just disappointed that I wasn’t going to have some company here at home after nine months in a sandbox. But I’m over it. It’s all good.” He was. It was the truth, just as he’d told Melanie, that it had been his ego that had been injured, not his heart. “This isn’t about Danielle.”

It was about Melanie.

It was about his own stupid inability to stay detached. He’d fallen for her like the proverbial ton of bricks. Only he hadn’t told her. In retrospect, maybe that was a good thing, because it would have embroiled them in an emotional mess.

“Then for heaven’s sake, what is it about? You look as though someone kicked your dog.” Before he could respond she continued, “Is this about work? Your arm? It’s okay to admit you’re in pain.”

“How do you know it’s about anything? Maybe I’m just tired.”

“Pfft.” She rolled her eyes. “What are you, eighty? You’re not tired. I know you—you brood. Have since you were little. It always meant one of two things—you were upset or you had to go to the bathroom.”

Lord. Hunter reminded himself that he loved his mother. He really did. She was a tough lady, and the reason he was a fully functioning adult. For the most part anyway. But at the moment he was regretting the cruel irony of thinking she would serve as a distraction from his feelings about Melanie. Because now she was both embarrassing and bugging him. The only way to get her to back off was to just come clean and tell her the truth.

“Fine. I had sex with the client I was protecting in Cancún. More than once.”

Her eyebrows shot up. “Oh. Did you get fired?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact, I did.” That had been the final blow in a thoroughly shitty week. He wasn’t angry with Melanie, though he would have appreciated some discretion. Mostly he was angry with himself. He needed this job. Yet he’d jumped in, balls to the wall, without even considering the consequences of an affair. Well, to be honest, he’d considered them, but it hadn’t stopped him.

“Oh, damn, that sucks. I hope she did, at least—suck, that is.”

Good God. “Mom.” He reached for his own beer.

“What? Who wouldn’t want that? I mean, what guy wouldn’t?”

That actually made him laugh. “You’re not right, you know that? You’re not supposed to say things like that in front of your son.”

“If not you, who?” She was shrugging and smiling. “Sorry, honey, it’s too late for me to change now.”

“I wouldn’t want you to change.” He wouldn’t. Sharon was Sharon, and he loved her. “Okay, here’s the deal. Melanie got dumped by her boyfriend as we were going down to Cancún. He was supposed to be there with her for a romantic week in Mexico, but instead he gave me a breakup note to give her after the door to the plane closed.”

“What? Prick” was his mother’s scathing opinion.

“Agreed. So she was all busted up over it, and we hit it off, and one thing led to another and, well, there you have it. What I wasn’t expecting was to really like her, but I do. We had plans to get together this weekend, but then
she
was weird, and
it
was weird, and she told her ex, who is her boss, that we slept together, and I got fired.”

“Holy hell, she was doing her boss and then she did the bodyguard? I like her style.”

He frowned. “Mom. You’re being inappropriate again.”

She threw her hands up. “You’re the one telling me you banged a client! How am I being inappropriate?”

Well. When she put it like that. “Fair enough. I just felt so bad that her boyfriend dumped her in a note.” It stuck in his craw all over again saying it out loud.

“So it was like sympathy sex?”

“What? No, of course not!” This was going from bad to worse. “No, I mean at first, we were just offering each other comfort, yes, but I was attracted to her, and then I got to know her and I really liked her. Like her. She was great company, despite the fact that her boyfriend had blindsided her.”

“I’m pretty sure I would have gotten on the next plane home and let the air out of his tires if my boyfriend did that to me.”

“Oh, I have no doubt that’s exactly what you would have done.” His mom was very black-and-white on things like that.

“But I’m impulsive and a hothead, and that isn’t always a good thing. So okay, you got fired and you yelled at her or something? Or she got home and got back with the ex?”

“No, I told her we shouldn’t see each other. Before I got fired.”

“What the hell is your problem?”

“I didn’t want her to make a mistake on the rebound.”

The minute he told her that, he knew what was coming.

“Oh, so you think being with
my
son would be a mistake?”

Yeah, that was exactly what he was expecting her to say. “Your son is sitting right in front of you, and I think that dating
anyone
on the rebound is a bad idea, but in particular, me. It didn’t seem appropriate to butt in to her business.”

“Oh, I think you already butted in to her business plenty, if you know what I mean.”

He did. Hunter picked up one of his French fries and crammed it into his mouth so he wouldn’t regress to being a defensive and bratty kid on her.

“I haven’t had a successful relationship, in case you hadn’t noticed. We had a good time. End of story.”