Deep Water, Thin Ice (25 page)

‘A nature reserve?’ Erica said, when Ben told her all about it. She looked at Alex with a puzzled expression. ‘You never said anything about a nature reserve before.’

‘It’s not a public place. The man who owns it keeps it private. He likes it that way.’

‘But you’ve been there before?’

‘Now and then.’

‘Aunt Alex knows it really well,’ said Ben, and then glanced at her suggesting he’d realised too late that he might have said the wrong thing. He quickly added, with a note of admiration: ‘I didn’t know she knew so much about wildlife. Really cool.’

Erica’s eyebrows nearly hit her hairline.

‘Neither did I. So what’s he like, this man? What’s his name?’

‘Mick Fenby.’ Alex affected disinterest to stem her sister’s rising curiosity. ‘The locals call him The Birdman because he’s obsessed with birds.’

‘Yes, but what’s he like?’ Erica looked at Ben.

Ben glanced at Alex again. ‘Well he’s really old,’ he said. ‘He’s got a grey beard and he’s a bit grumpy. Naturalists often are,’ he added sagely. ‘They spend a lot of time alone. It’s a great place and he said we can go back. Is that OK mum?’

‘We’ll see.’

‘Look Ben,’ said Alex. ‘I’d rather you didn’t go telling people about the reserve. Mr Fenby likes to keep the place a secret. He doesn’t want people just turning up there.’ Even as she spoke she realised the futility of her words. It was as if she’d wilfully drilled a hole in a dam and then belatedly realised the mistake and was now pushing her finger to the hole to keep the water back.

‘But he did say we could go back.’

This was true. As they were leaving, Ben had asked if they could go again and Mick had agreed with what she had considered to be thinly-veiled irritation and reluctance. Alex was relieved that Ben didn’t appear to have noticed.

‘Yes, but that was just us,’ she said, ‘because you were so keen. He wouldn’t want it to get out that people visit. Too many people would disturb the birds.’

Ben nodded, weighing the argument over.

‘OK.’ He turned to look at Erica. ‘The dog there was great mum…a collie…really well-behaved. Do you think I could have one like that? She’d be no trouble.’

Erica gave a long-suffering sigh.

‘No Ben, we’ve been through this a thousand times.’

When Ben left the room a few minutes later, Erica came back to the subject.

‘So how come you know this old guy on the nature reserve if he’s so private?’

‘I wandered in there by chance one day. It’s no great mystery Erica. I’m not sure I could say that I really knew him.’

And when she thought about it later, Alex reflected that, in many ways, it was the literal truth.

*

But Ben didn’t go back to the reserve. The next day Erica had made a big improvement and she wanted to go out so Alex took them in the car for a drive along the coast. They stayed out for a light lunch and then went home to prepare for Theo’s visit.

He arrived bearing gifts as he so often had before. Alex was used to this; it would be flowers or a gift-wrapped present, or Belgian chocolates or of course champagne. ‘You spend far too much on me,’ she’d complained once. ‘Hey, I’m well paid, I can afford it,’ he’d replied. ‘
And
I like to.’ This time he brought Christmas presents: perfume for Erica, an interactive computer football game for Ben and, for Alex, a stunning necklace of multi-coloured semi-precious stones intermingled with tiny drops of gold. She was both pleased and embarrassed and purposely avoided catching Erica’s eye. And there was the inevitable champagne.

He also brought with him a buzz of energy which their Christmas had so far been lacking. Erica had taken ages getting ready and was clearly flattered when he immediately complimented her on her dress. He showed concern at her recent illness and was sympathetic to her ruined Christmas; her cheeks began to look rosier than they had for days.

The meal went well and Alex started to relax. The much anticipated – and dreaded - meeting between Theo and Erica was working out all right. Afterwards, Erica suggested they played Monopoly and Theo opened the champagne.

‘So your mum’s obviously been too ill to do anything much so what have you been doing?’ Theo asked Ben, sitting back, having just bought Regent Street. ‘It’s your first visit, right?’

‘Yes,’ said Ben, watching his mother take her turn and land on Piccadilly. ‘That’s mine,’ he said quickly, checking to see how much rent she owed him.

‘Weather’s been a bit mixed,’ Theo remarked. ‘Still I hope you’ve been down to the sea.’

Ben was busy with his turn. Alex glanced at him uneasily. All those evasions she’d made to Theo to hide her knowledge of the reserve and Mick Fenby danced through her mind. And when she’d taken Ben down to the Grenloe, hadn’t it occurred to her that the subject was bound to come up tonight? How stupid was that? What was Theo going to think? You’re blowing it out of all proportion, she told herself without conviction. It doesn’t really matter either way; he’ll understand. But the thoughts gave her no comfort and she willed Ben to say nothing.

‘We went to the beach on Christmas Day,’ she said, wondering if her voice sounded as odd to everyone else as it did to her. ‘It dried up in the afternoon. It was quite nice down there.’

Ben moved his counter and passed the drum with the dice in to Alex.

‘Then yesterday we went to the nature reserve.’ There was silence and Ben frowned and looked towards his aunt. ‘I’m sorry Aunt Alex. But it was all right to tell Theo wasn’t it?’

Theo frowned and looked at Alex, then at Ben and then back at Alex.

‘The nature reserve? What nature reserve? Tell me what?’ he asked with a strained laugh.

Ben still looked at Alex, waiting for her reply.

‘Of course,’ she said, giving him a quick, brittle smile.

‘We called at the nature reserve down by the river,’ Ben went on. ‘It was great. There’s a huge reed bed there and the man who looks after it showed me round. All sorts of unusual birds visit there. I’m going to be a naturalist you see so I’m really interested.’ No-one said anything and Ben looked uneasily at the adults round the table, then abruptly stopped talking.

‘What? You want to be like David Attenborough and talk all the time as if you’ve lost your voice?’ joked Theo and proceeded to mimic his breathy, sotto voce speech pretending he was describing an elephant in the bush. The atmosphere broke a little and Erica and Ben laughed. ‘But still I didn’t know we had a reserve as such in Kellaford Bridge.’ Theo looked at Alex and she flushed.

‘Down on the Grenloe,’ she said. ‘It’s not a proper reserve really. Just a quiet place where the birds congregate.’

‘Fancy,’ said Theo. ‘And to think I never knew. I thought it was just wild down there.’ He gave Alex another penetrating look and then took the tumbler with the dice.

It was after eleven when Theo left and Ben, tired and quiet, went to bed.

Back in the drawing room, the last of the wood burning in the hearth, Erica threw herself down on the sofa.

‘I’ve only just realised,’ she said. ‘I’ve been trying to place him all evening. I was sure I’d seen him before. He was that guy I saw fleetingly at the funeral, remember?’

‘Is he?’ remarked Alex without apparent interest, picking up the poker.

‘But you are a dark horse,’ Erica continued with an arch smile. ‘You didn’t quite conjure up for me just how charming he was. Good-looking and charming; a fatal combination.’

‘Yes.’ Alex poked lugubriously at the remaining wood sending sparks shooting out to be sucked up the chimney. ‘Isn’t he?’

‘Oh yes. To be honest, if I hadn’t seen him with my own two eyes, I’ve have thought he was too good to be true.’ She flashed Alex a look. ‘I didn’t believe you, you know? About him being like Simon. To be honest I thought you just
wanted
him to be. But you’re right, the resemblance is striking in some ways: mannerisms, tone of voice…’ Her voice trailed off and she forced a smile. ‘It’s rather weird actually.’

Erica and Ben left on the thirtieth of December and Hillen Hall gaped without them, suddenly echoing and vast. Erica’s recovery had been brisk in the end and they’d gone out every day, making up for lost time. They didn’t visit Simon’s grave however; one look at the water coursing round the stepping stones had changed Erica’s mind. But, despite her illness, it had been a good visit. Alex thought normal relations between them had been resumed at last and hoped the friction over Theo was finally at an end.

To mitigate her despondency at their departure, Alex turned her attention to the New Year’s fancy dress party at The Armada. Theo had invited her to it before he’d left that night after the meal.

‘Fancy dress?’ she’d queried as he stood outside the back door, his face half in shadow, and she’d been immediately unsure. ‘What sort of fancy dress?’ she asked.

‘The theme’s pirates,’ Theo said with a flatness of tone she hadn’t heard before. ‘Will you come?’

‘Of course,’ she’d responded, trying to sound keener than she felt. She’d been expecting him to say something more pointed about the mysterious nature reserve and why she had never mentioned it but Erica was in the kitchen behind her, moving around, clearing things away. It wasn’t easy to talk. Now the issue had been left untouched between them and she didn’t know how to bring it up, whether even she
should
bring it up. Maybe that would just make it all appear more important than it was.

The pub was full for the party though Alex knew less than half the people there. She’d made an effort, shopping specially to make up an outfit. She wore tight cropped trousers and a full sleeved low-cut blouse, a long red and white scarf tied round her waist and high boots to finish the look. Theo’s brown chest was exposed by a shirt slashed to the waist and his muscular legs showed through tight, fraying jeans. A piece of cloth was tied round his hair and somewhere – she guessed he’d done this before - he’d found an eye patch. He appeared to know everyone and all evening, to her ears, his bonhomie and laughter sounded unusually forced. She noticed that his way of speaking changed too, his public school accent modified to a soft Devon burr. Alex, however, felt uncomfortable and out of place. She had always felt awkward at big parties whereas Simon, given the right mix of people, had always been able to circulate for hours. She tried chatting to a few acquaintances but the music was loud and conversation difficult.

Walking back up the hill in the early hours of the morning, Theo was short, morose and sullen. He’d been much the same before the party. Only in the pub had he affected attentiveness to her. Back at the Hall, Alex let Theo into the kitchen first and then flicked the lights on, closed the door and leant her back against it.

‘So what’s the matter?’ she asked crisply.

Theo, fingering the virginal New Year’s calendar she had ready on the wall, had his back to her.

‘Matter?’ he said, turning. ‘What do you mean?’

‘You’ve been acting odd all evening. Is this about the reserve?’

‘If you ask the question you must know why I’m upset.’

‘I don’t
know
why you’re upset. I’m guessing. But if that’s what it is, you’re not being fair.’

‘
I’m
not being fair.’ He paced the length of the kitchen and turned at the end again to look at her. His expression suggested sadness, his eyes glinted with a mixture of anger and hurt. ‘Why didn’t you tell me you’d been seeing that man on the Grenloe?’

‘I haven’t been
seeing
that man.
It’s not like that. I’ve just been down to visit the reserve.’

‘First I’ve heard of it being called a reserve. I thought the guy was just a gypsy, living in a filthy railway carriage.’

‘He does live in a railway carriage. He’s not a gypsy though.’ She turned away. She had a sudden memory of Simon cross-questioning her about where she’d been one night when he’d come back unexpectedly from a cancelled talk. She’d been asked out at short notice to a friend’s and wasn’t there when he got back. Simon always liked to know where she was though it never occurred to him to account for all his own movements. At first flattered by the concern and affection it suggested, over the years it had begun to make her cross. It made her cross now; she didn’t press Theo about everything he did. ‘I suppose you could say he’s a friend,’ she said now firmly, lifting her head and turning back to look at him.

‘A friend? And yet you never mentioned him to me.’ A light of comprehension suddenly glowed in his eyes. ‘He’s the chap carves those bloody birds in the gallery, isn’t he? That’s why you like them so much.’

‘No. I mean he does carve them but that’s not why I like them.’

‘So how old is this guy?’

‘
I
don’t know. I’ve never asked him. It’s not important. Why did you wait till now to ask me all this?’

‘It didn’t seem an appropriate conversation to have in front of your nephew,’ he remarked sourly. ‘In any case I was waiting for you to tell me yourself. And I didn’t want to spoil this evening. Though for all the pleasure I got out of it I might as well have asked in the first place. I’m beginning to see that I’ve been a fool over you while you’ve been running after another man.’