Deep Water, Thin Ice (29 page)

She had to smile.

‘Yes, I think you have,’ she said and let him in.

‘Are you better?’

‘I’m OK.’

‘Are you eating?’

‘You sound like Erica.’

‘That’s not the right answer.’

He put down the flowers and the bottle on the hall table and gave her a hug.

‘I think I’ll have to risk this terrible disease,’ he said and bent over to kiss her, long and warm. ‘There. The princess will now get better.’ He took hold of her hand and led her through to the drawing room. ‘No fire?’

‘The stove’s lit in the snug.’

‘Oh, OK. Well suppose I cook for us. You didn’t know I could cook? You’ll be amazed what I can do, Miss Munroe. You have got food I assume?’

‘Yes, some.’

‘Good.’

He made Spanish omelettes and Alex washed salad and cut bread. He told stories and made her laugh. She thought she’d been a fool to keep him away; she felt better already. He cheered her up; he was reassuring - a solid point of reference in a shifting world. They ate from trays sitting in front of the stove in the snug, and then cleared up together in the kitchen, washing and drying like an old married couple. Then Theo insisted on opening the champagne he’d brought – ‘no-one’s ever too ill for shampoo’ – and they sat on the sofa and stared at the fire companionably, talking little.

‘You’ve been fretting over that bastard down on the Grenloe,’ he said eventually.

‘I have.’ She glanced at him, a little surprised at his understanding. And grateful too. ‘It’s stupid of me. You read about these people in the papers and wonder how no-one guessed…You don’t think you’d be daft enough to believe them yourself.’

Theo, his arm stretched around her shoulder, gave her a squeeze.

‘People never fail to amaze me,’ he said. ‘It makes me feel bad to even think about you being alone with him. I want to protect you from people like that.’ She started to protest but he put a finger to her mouth to stop her. ‘No, hear me out darling. It’s not just jealousy, though I do admit to being jealous of every man who’s around you. But I care about you and I want to look after you. This business has made me see it even more clearly.’ He paused and turned his head to look at her. ‘You do see what I’m saying don’t you?’

‘Theo…’ she said warningly.

He pulled his arm away and eased himself to his feet. Then he slid down onto one knee on the floor in front of her.

‘Don’t be silly Theo. What are you doing?’

His expression had become solemn, his eyes fixed on hers. He was compelling her to look at him.

‘Marry me Alex, please? You know how much I love you. Please make me really happy and marry me.’

‘Don’t Theo.’

‘Why not? I know it’s probably too soon, that I should wait, but I can’t. Ever since I met you I knew that this is what I wanted. I’ve never felt like this before, truly. And life’s too short isn’t it, to take a chance on leaving things? Marry me and marry me soon. I’m an old-fashioned guy at heart and I want to call you mine. And then I can look after you properly, the way I want to. Please? Say yes.’ He took her hand and kissed it. ‘Please Alex. We could be so happy together.’

‘I don’t know Theo. I need to think about it.’

‘Don’t you love me…just a little bit? You said you did. It’ll only get better in time you know. We’d make room to let it grow.’

Alex gave a nervous laugh but held his gaze. She
had
said she loved him before, in moments of intimacy, when he’d said he loved her and seemed to be waiting for her response. She’d thought she meant it. When she’d been younger relationships appeared so much easier and more black and white; love was an overriding emotion, seemingly obvious to identify. These days the word ‘love’ conjured up a breadth of feelings; she recognised more shades of grey in it.

The decision appeared to hang in her mind for ages, just out of reach. But Theo was pressing for an answer. And then she heard herself say yes.

‘Engaged? Gosh.’

Erica laughed a little nervously and Alex could imagine the expression on her sister’s face. She thought she could even sense Erica wondering how to accept the news, what line she should take. It had taken Alex a couple of days to pluck up the courage to ring up and tell her, determined to plan a few things first and have a chance to think everything through before she faced the inevitable questions.

‘We’re having an engagement party at the Hall,’ she said. ‘I’ve booked a local caterer. It’s a sort of house-warming too. It’s all been a bit of a rush. It’s two weeks on Saturday. Can you come?’

‘Two weeks? Blimey Alex, that’s a bit tight.’

‘I know, but please say you’ll come.’

‘I might be able to arrange it.’

There was a short silence.

‘Is that it?’ prompted Alex, defensively. ‘Aren’t you pleased for me?’

‘Of course I’m pleased for you. Congratulations. Of course…it’s wonderful.’ She hesitated. ‘It’s just…are you really sure Ali? It seems so quick. You’re sure it’s not a rebound thing?’

Alex rolled her eyes heavenwards and took a deep breath. She’d known this would happen and had promised herself she wouldn’t react.

‘You’ve met him. You know how well we get on. And I’ve known Theo since last summer. It’s not that sudden is it? Anyway I thought you liked him?’

‘I do. I just want you to be happy.’

‘I
am
happy Erica, really…’ Alex paused, checking herself, and then added: ‘You will try to come to the party won’t you? You won’t stay away in protest?’

‘Would I?’ Before Alex could reply, Erica added: ‘I thought you didn’t like parties?’

‘Well, no, I don’t, not normally. But it’s nothing too big and this is a special occasion.’

As if by tacit agreement they both went on to talk about other things: Victoria’s latest campaign; the new bathroom which was finally scheduled to be fitted at the Hall the following week; Ben going on a trip to Paris with the school.

When the call finished, Alex put the phone down and wandered to the front window of the snug, looking out to the hazy, grey sea in the distance. If she were honest she too was surprised that she’d accepted Theo so quickly. And yet not, for wasn’t that the way she’d always lived her life, riding on the impulse of the moment, driven by emotion. She’d protested to Erica many times that some of her best decisions had been made that way, that she’d taken job offers which had proved huge successes and good career moves when initially they appeared to have little to recommend them. And she’d known Simon a much shorter time before taking what she considered the big step of moving in with him and had gone on to accept his proposal of marriage less than a year later. Impulse decisions could work; she’d proved it.

Having said that, her thoughts of Simon and their time together were more confused these days. These last few months had been painful. Picking over their relationship with the thoroughness of a doctor doing an autopsy, she had to reluctantly accept that all had not been right between them. The problems hadn’t started immediately; their early days had been good: she a relative novice in the classical music world, unsure and happy to take advice; Simon, apparently self-confident, flattered to play the expert. When had it gone wrong? When she became successful and his regular unsought advice became clearly unwelcome? Or when she began to spend so much time away from home? Despite his own success did he resent hers? She would never know. The truth was that she was rarely around latterly to know what he thought and, when they were together, too often she had her mind on work. And so did he.

Not, perhaps, a good endorsement of a hasty decision after all. And yet, for all their rows and unhappiness, she’d still loved him. She was convinced the relationship could have worked if they’d done things differently. She could blame Simon easily enough for all sorts of character faults: he’d been dogmatic, pompous and moody – secretive even; he had not always been easy to live with. But she’d been no angel either, wrapped up in her own ambitions, not prepared to give the relationship the time it needed, quick to fly off the handle and storm off. And when Erica mentioned the dispute over children, she’d touched a sore point; Alex knew it had driven a wedge between them.

She turned away from the window and walked back to the table and her collection of lists for things to do and buy before the party. She sat down and looked them over: invitations to write and send, jobs to do in the house, furniture to move, a new outfit to buy. It was Theo who had suggested the party - he’d been very keen - and, after an initial reluctance, she’d agreed. Regarding it more as a house-warming had won her over; she thought maybe the house deserved a joyful gathering of friends and family. It would make the place come alive after years of unloved neglect.

How would Simon feel about her doing this? She wasn’t sure. She hoped he’d be happy with it; she thought he’d understand. Theo was good for her. With his support and help she was nothing like the mess she’d been when she’d first come to Kellaford Bridge. It wasn’t all down to him of course but he’d been there when she’d needed him. Mick too…No. she pushed that thought away. Perhaps something had sent her to Hillen Hall especially. It was appealing to think that it was part of a bigger plan, that there was some order to the otherwise apparent chaos of life. But whatever the bigger picture, she was grateful to Theo and she thought she could make him happy. She was determined to try. She hoped she’d learned from her mistakes and was aware, though she barely acknowledged the thought, that she saw it as a chance to get it right the second time around.

*

Helen was starting to cause Theo problems. She was getting restless and troublesome. She’d begun to moan repeatedly about the ‘vintage dresses’ and the stale perfume they exuded. Then she complained that he was getting heavy-handed in his love-making, leaving her with bruises she had to explain away to Bob, that the things he wanted to do with her sometimes were ‘weird’. ‘That hurt Theo,’ she’d whined recently. ‘I don’t think you even see me when we make love. You’re all wrapped up in some world of your own. It could be anyone, couldn’t it? Well, couldn’t it?’ He’d laughed the idea away dismissively but then she’d started talking about how she should never have started with him in the first place, that she felt bad about cheating on Bob. ‘He’s boring and a bit bossy sometimes but he’s not bad at heart,’ she’d said. ‘He means well.’ It might have been genuine remorse, Theo thought, but if she was hoping to make him feel jealous, she was wasting her time.

But the news of the engagement seemed to be the final straw. Word had passed around Kellaford Bridge very rapidly; Theo made sure that it did. Once everyone knew about it, Alex would find it harder to change her mind and their betrothal would have taken on an unstoppable momentum. She might have preferred to keep the party small but Theo knew it needed to be a very public event and he was determined to fill the Hall with people. It was inevitable that Helen would hear about it.

‘You’re engaged,’ she blurted out crossly when he went into the gallery to arrange their next meeting. He’d never seen her quite so angry before and he had to stop himself from smiling.

‘News travels quickly,’ he said.

‘So you admit it?’

‘Of course I admit it,’ he’d said. ‘I was just coming to tell you.’

‘You’ve got a nerve.’

‘It doesn’t make any difference between us though,’ he said easily.

‘You must be
joking
.’

He looked at her. She spent so much time complaining these days that her pretty face seemed to be permanently twisted into one angry grimace after another, nothing like his image of his mother. On his last visit to her flat, with a beautiful dress of sapphire blue – one of Sarah’s favourites - she’d suddenly asked him where the dresses came from. ‘Some old flame?’ she’d demanded. ‘Someone who jilted you?’ It had been a struggle to hold his temper and she was rapidly spoiling the illusion he’d worked so hard to create. He was getting bored with it all. Perhaps it was finally time to kick her into touch after all.

‘I’ve seen Alex Munroe,’ she said now when Theo didn’t speak. ‘She’s been in here. Actually she seemed like a nice person. I feel sorry for her. Do you get her doing kinky things too? I don’t suppose she has any idea what you’ve been getting up to. She can’t have or she’d never have agreed to marry you would she?’ She looked up at him slyly through her eyelashes. ‘Perhaps someone should tell her.’

He grabbed her arm then, glanced out of the shop window to check there was no-one around and forced her into the kitchenette, out of sight.

‘Threats?’ he said, twisting her arm up painfully till she squealed. ‘That won’t work with me Helen.’ He pressed his face close against hers. ‘Just say one word,’ he said slowly, menacingly, ‘and I’ll be back to teach you a lesson. Remember, one word. Understand?’

She nodded, eyes wide with terror, face ashen, and he let her go. She backed up away from him and rubbed at the marks his fingers had left on her wrist, glancing up at him warily, and he left, satisfied that she’d hold her tongue.

*

There were still three days to go to the party when Theo found the note. He had come to from a deep sleep, unsure what had woken him, struggling to remember where he was. Then he heard Alex’s slow, even breathing and remembered. He was in her room at the Hall and she was curled up, her back to him, fast asleep. He grimaced in the dark. He really didn’t like sleeping in this room. To him it was Julian’s room and always would be. It brought back too many memories.