Defective (The Institute Series Book 3) (11 page)

“Is that how he died?” Jayce asks quietly.

I shake my head. “There’s still so much to tell you. I just don’t know if I can go there yet.”

“I understand,” he says a little disappointedly. “I know it must be hard.”

“You remind me of him, you know. Of Chad.” I don’t know why I thought it would be a good idea to say that. “The night you brought your neighbour into the clinic, I actually thought you were Chad. Only for a moment though. It’s actually pretty clear now that the only thing that’s similar about you two is your hair and the way you walk. You’re almost the complete opposites of each other.”

“You do know that’s a normal reaction to have, right?”

“It is?”

“Psychologically speaking, your brain is projecting Chad onto other people as a way of comforting you, of surrounding you with familiarity.”

“So I’m not crazy when I see him in some random stranger on the street? In his cousin Tate? Even in my brother?”

“Not crazy at all,” he says reassuringly. “So how do Chad and I differ so much?”

I get the impression he may have been a bit disheartened by me saying that.

“You’re completely laid back compared to Chad.” I laugh a little and shake my head. “The fights Chad and I used to have… we practically hated each other in the beginning. He was arrogant, and I was naïve. I understood that his upbringing had a lot to do with why he was that way, but he was just so serious,
all the time
. If you asked anyone else, they would’ve said Chad never learned to have fun. He really only showed his fun side with me and Tate. Robbie most likely would’ve ended up with a black eye if Chad had been there tonight.”

“So he was violent?” Jayce asks.

“No, not like that. He was very protective of me. He hated when I put myself in danger. We fought a lot when I just wouldn’t leave well enough alone. He was passionate about getting out of the Institute and equal rights for the Defective, but not at the expense of my life. I wish he lived to see how we live now. It’s not ideal, but I think he would’ve been happy.”

“But you don’t feel he would want you to be happy? Is that why you work at the clinic? Why you go to those political events with Paxton, even though you hate them? I’m still trying to figure out why you believe everything is your fault.”

I squirm a little in my seat at his words. “I think we’ve talked about me enough tonight.”

“I didn’t mean to push. I—”

“It’s not you. There’s just a lot you still don’t know, a lot to go through. I want to know something about you,” I say, trying to change the subject.

“Well, where should I start? I grew up in the city, as you already know. My parents worked their arses off their whole lives so the three of us could go to top schools, do whatever we wanted. Jamie is a dentist, Jenna is… well, Jenna. Umm… I’m trying to think of something you don’t already know.” He leans forward, resting his elbows on the table in front of him. “Here’s something: I’ve never been in love.”

“You’ve never been in love?” I repeat him.

He shrugs. “There have been girlfriends. None that really made me want to make an effort. Certainly none that I’d be willing to wait six months for before even being able to ask her out on a date.”

“That Max girl seems pretty interested. I’m guessing the two of us aren’t going to be besties any time soon.”

“I went on one date with her a couple of months ago. She’s not exactly getting the hint that there isn’t going to be another one.”

I try to hide a little relieved smile. “So that’s it? That’s your whole life in a bubble?”

“That’s everything.”

“You mean to tell me that you’ve never fallen for a secret agent spy who didn’t hesitate in turning you over to the authorities?”

He chuckles. “Nope.”

“No getting tortured for days on end?”

“Nope again.”

“No falling in love with a fellow inmate, only to have them die the day you’re truly liberated?”

Jayce looks at me, sharply. I realise I hadn’t told him when Chad died. He slowly shakes his head.

“I wish I was as boring as you,” I say, trying to move on from my last comment.

Jayce cracks a smile. “You will be. One day. Maybe even more boring.”

“I don’t think it’s possible to be even more boring than
you
.” We laugh, successfully lightening the mood. “I’m going to go get another coffee. You want anything?”

“Nah, I’m right with this one still,” he says holding up his cup that he’s barely even touched.

Campbell’s behind the counter when I walk inside. “Hey Allira!” she says excitedly. “I was wondering when you were going to come in tonight. I’ve got a package for you.”

“A package?” my voice squeaks.

“Yeah. Some guy dropped it off today. He said he knew you’d be in tonight.”

My heart beats in my ears. She hands me an identical orange envelope to the one I received at my home last week. My trembling hands take hold of it.

Opening it where I stand, I’m met with a familiar sight. Another photo, another note.

This photo is of Tate in his cell, the one that went viral, the one that Jayce’s friends and I were talking about just a few hours ago. And a note:

He’s lying to you.

Chapter Ten

Who’s lying to me? Tate? It wouldn’t be the first time.

Rubbing my temple with my left hand, I grip the photo with my right so hard my knuckles turn white.

“Are you okay?” Campbell asks.

“What did the guy look like? Has he been in here before?” I ask.

“Nah. He was an older guy. In his forties I’d say. Bleached blond hair.”

“Bleached?”

“It definitely wasn’t natural.”

“Like stylish bleached or ‘I don’t want anyone to recognise me bleached’?”

Campbell just looks at me like I’m crazy. “I don’t know. I assumed you knew him. He called you Lia.”

“What?” My head snaps up.

“He said, ‘You know our Lia. She’ll be in here for her regular Saturday night shift coffee.’ I assumed he was family. I’ve heard your aunt call you that, so I figured you must be close to him.”

I can’t breathe. No man calls me Lia. Only Mum, Aunt Kenna, and Nuka call me Lia.

Jayce walks in. “Hey, what’s taking so long to order a coffee?” he says lightly before seeing my face, my hands. “Another one?”

“It was dropped off
here,
” I manage to say.

“Allira,” Jayce says, putting his hands on my shoulders. “This is getting serious. You have to go tell Paxton. Tell him everything.”

I nod. “He’s away again, just for tonight. They’re coming back tomorrow morning.”

“Do you have somewhere you can stay until he gets back? You shouldn’t be in that apartment by yourself – this person knows where you live.”

I shake my head. “I have nowhere else to go.”

“Your parents?” he asks.

“I haven’t spoken to my mum in months. I… I can’t go there.” Kenna is at work tonight, so is Ebb. I can’t impose on Ebb’s mum. There’s nowhere else. “I’ll be fine. I’ll just make sure I lock the doors.”

“You can stay with me,” he says.

“No it’s fine. I don’t want your sister finding out. I—”

“This is not negotiable,” he says, cutting me off and surprising me with his forcefulness.

Jayce puts his arm around my shoulders and leads me back outside to his car. He opens the passenger door for me, and I get in without hesitation.

A million thoughts are running through my head right now.
Looks like Paxton isn’t the only one with secrets. Jayce. Tate. He’s lying to you. Jayce.
Why is it that these envelopes appear whenever I’m with Jayce? What does he have to do with all of this?

I’d be stupid to trust anyone at this point. It can’t be a coincidence that I’ve been with Jayce each time I’ve gotten one of these. He says he’s not hiding anything. He claims to be boring.
So did Drew when you first met him.

“You know, I’ve been thinking,” Jayce says. “It might be a good idea to tell Jenna about this.”

“No. No journalists!”

“She’s first and foremost my sister. I can guarantee she won’t write a thing about it. I promise. She has access to resources to find this guy.”

“I just don’t feel comfortable with that. Not right now. I should talk to Paxton first. This still could be nothing. I’m overreacting,” I say trying to convince myself more than him.

“Just think about it?” he asks.

“Okay.”

I keep running it over and over in my head until we pull up to a building in one of the nicer parts of the city. It’s not exactly high-class, but it’s certainly more expensive than the part of the city where I live. Then again, anywhere is more expensive than our part of town. That doesn’t stop my suspicions going into overdrive.

“How can you afford to rent an apartment here?” I try to keep my tone as non-accusatory as possible.

“Don’t get too excited. It’s a ground floor apartment, and Mum and Dad actually own it. It was their first apartment as a couple, so it’s nearly paid off. Jenna and I just pay the left over mortgage as rent.”

“Oh.”

I don’t like where my mind is taking me. I want to trust Jayce. It’d be nice to know that there’s
someone
who’s never lied to me, who isn’t hiding something from me. It sucks that I live in a world where the simplest of decencies has to be questioned.

We get out of the car which Jayce parks on the street. We enter the building and walk straight past the elevators, turn right down a corridor, and go to the end. Jayce gets out his keys and opens the door.

I hesitate for a brief moment. Am I a complete idiot for just having let Jayce lead me here? What if he’s behind this? What if I’ve just walked straight into a trap?

Jayce cocks his head to the side, looking confused. “What are you thinking?”

“Oh, umm.”
Act normal,
I tell myself. “Just that, it probably wasn’t the best idea to come here.”

“I have a couch,” he says. “I’m not expecting anything to happen between us, if that’s what you mean. You can have my bed all to yourself.”

“That’s okay. The couch is fine for me,” I say, forcing myself to take a step forward into the apartment.
You know Krav Maga. Jayce may be a giant, but you can take him. You took over an entire building before. You can take one person in a tiny apartment.

“Jayce!” I hear a girl scream.
Make that two people in a tiny apartment.
“You should’ve told me you were bringing someone over,” the girl screeches.

I see a flash of someone in a night camisole and tiny short shorts run from the living room into a bedroom on the right.

“Even if she wasn’t here, I told you not to dress like that around the house. You’re my sister – I don’t want to see that!” he yells after her.

They seem normal so far.

I tell myself to snap out of it. Nothing has changed. He’s still Jayce. This isn’t a big set up. He and his sister aren’t about to tie me down and force me to spill all of my secrets… I hope.

“Hi, you must be Allira,” Jenna says, coming back out of her bedroom fully clothed. I’m immediately envious of her long blonde wavy hair, her shining blue eyes that match Jayce’s and Jamie’s.

“Uh, yeah. Hi,” I reply.

“I recognise you from the papers,” she says. “So no Paxton James tonight?”

I find it funny when someone knows of Paxton, but doesn’t know him personally, so they use his full name in conversation – like that’s how we must address him, too, just because he’s famous.

“Paxton’s on the campaign trail. He’s coming back tomorrow,” I say.

“Ah, so while the cat’s away, the mice will play?” She looks in between Jayce and me, a little suspicion in her expression.

“It’s not like that,” Jayce answers for me. “Something’s happened, and Allira just doesn’t want to be alone in her apartment tonight. I’m going to take the couch.”

“No, I already told you – I can take the couch,” I say.

“What’s happened?” Jenna asks, concerned.

“Oh, just the usual harmless protestor. It happens being involved with Paxton, but it’s still creepy nonetheless,” I try to cover.

“I bet. Well make yourself at home,” Jenna says with a smile.

“Actually,” Jayce says, “Do you have any clothes Allira could borrow? We didn’t have time to drop by her place to pick anything up.”

“Sure,” she turns to walk away but hesitates, “Are you sure it’s just a protestor?”

I try to be as friendly and as diplomatic as possible when I say, “I appreciate your concern, but given the nature of your position, I wouldn’t feel comfortable discussing this with you until I’ve at least spoken with Paxton. You understand that, right?”

“Oh! Of course, of course. I wasn’t actually thinking of myself as a journalist when I asked, but I completely understand where you’re coming from. Just know you can talk to me about anything – it will be strictly off the record, I promise,” she says warmly, before disappearing into her room again.

“I told you,” Jayce says with an arrogant smile. He walks over to the linen cupboard near the hallway that I assume leads down to his room, and pulls out a pillow, a pillow case, and a sheet.

“Yeah, yeah,” I say, grabbing the pillow and pillow case off him. “Your sister seems really nice, but you know I can’t say anything until—”

“Until you’ve spoken to Paxton. I know.”

Jenna comes back out and throws over a pair of three quarter sweat pants and a T-shirt. She shows me where the bathroom is so I can get dressed, and when I return, both of them look at me funny.

“I know, right? The pants come down to my ankles. Is everyone in your family a giant?” I ask.

“Jamie’s the runt, and he’s still six feet,” Jayce says.

I start heading for the couch but Jayce quickly runs and beats me to it, sprawling out so I don’t even have a place to sit.

“I told you, I’m taking the couch,” he says.

I sigh. “Fine. Where’s your bedroom?”

“Whoa! There’s a sentence I never thought I’d hear you say. I like how it sounds, say it again.”

I lightly push him back down as he gets up to lead me down the hallway.

“Just yell if you need anything,” he says when we make it to his bedroom. He turns and walks back down the hall. Closing the door, I curse when I see there’s no lock. I don’t know if I’ll get much sleep if I don’t feel like I’m in a secure room.

Climbing into his bed, I bring the sheet up around my shoulders. They smell like him, of fabric softener mixed with a faint scent of sweet aftershave and man sweat. I could live in these sheets.

Sleep doesn’t want to come though, and by 4:00AM when I look at Jayce’s bedside clock, I’m about ready to give up. I contemplate snooping around his bedroom, but once I cross that line, there’s no going back. If I find nothing, he’ll never trust me again. If I find something… I don’t want to find something.

Jayce’s bedroom has a sliding door that leads out to a tiny courtyard. I guess that’s one benefit of having a ground floor apartment. I decide to get some fresh air, hoping that will make me sleepy.

I tiptoe out there – like that’s going to make me silent. My eyes and head feel so heavy, but there’s no way my brain is going to shut off long enough for some sleep. I may have fallen asleep here and there for maybe ten or so minutes at a time, but I could still feel myself alert in the present.

I’m not outside for long when I hear the adjoining sliding door from the living room open.

“Can’t sleep?” Jayce asks. Even though I knew he was there, it still makes me jump when he talks. He jumps back, his hands going up in surrender. “Please don’t hit me again.”

“Did I wake you?” I ask.

“I heard the door. For a second I thought someone had broken in.”

“Oh. Sorry,” I whisper.

We stand in silence.

“I wish I knew how to help you in this,” he finally says, sitting down on the patio lounger, and rubbing his hand over his face and hair, trying to wake up properly.

I shrug. “I’ve dealt with worse.”

“I admire your strength.”

I walk over and sit next to him. “I used to think I was strong. Now I look back and think I was just stupid. I never took anybody else into consideration, putting lives at risk all because I thought I was doing the right thing. And look where that’s gotten me – a dead boyfriend, a job I barely tolerate, a mother who won’t talk to me, a brother I never see because his husband and I can’t be in a room without getting angry at each other, a phoney relationship with someone who’s controlling nearly everything I do, and now this – threatening notes trying to tell me god knows what. How am I meant to figure it out? Why don’t the bad people ever just send a note that says ‘Oh, by the way, we’re doing this because we don’t like you, and our ultimate plan is to kill you. If you could be here on this date at this time, we’d appreciate it. Thank you for your cooperation in this matter.’? At least then I’d respect them.” I notice Jayce trying to cover a smile at my rambling. “I know, I ramble a lot. Paxton tells me all the time.”

“I wasn’t smiling at that,” he says. “Did you want to talk about any of it?”

I shake my head. “No. Yes. I don’t know.”

“Yup, those are all of the options.”

“I’ve been thinking my mum was right. I’m a danger to myself and everyone around me.”

Jayce’s brow furrows.

“No one knows why my mother and I really had a falling out. They all think I’m the one shutting her out because of some petty reason like jealousy over my new baby brother. The truth is…” I can’t quite find the words.

“The truth is…?”

I take in a deep breath and sigh it out, preparing myself to tell Jayce something I haven’t told anyone. I know I probably shouldn’t, but there’s something about Jayce that makes me want to tell him everything. Maybe deep down I’m just trying to scare him off so he can leave. Make him hurt me before I get the chance to hurt him.

“For twelve months after Chad died, I was a wreck. I’ve really only just started getting back on my feet these last six… seven months.”

“That’s understandable,” Jayce soothes.