Defining Moments (4 page)

Firing up my computer, I log into my Facebook account and start surfing my newsfeed. Sometimes I forget how young Justin and I were when we had kids. I mean, we have college age children and some of my friends are having their first child now; which reminds me that Justin is going to be a dad again too. I can’t picture starting over with a newborn at my age. Keeping up with them as toddlers was hard enough in my early-twenties. I can’t even imagine what it would be like at forty.

Weddings, babies, new jobs . . . my feed is full of happy friends and family.

Somewhere around 3:30 p.m., I hear the front door open, followed by footsteps running up the stairs quickly. Must be Destry.

“MOM!” he shouts as he gets to the top of the staircase.

“In my office, sweetie,” I yell back.

He storms into my office, face bright red, eyes bugged out. “Why the hell is Dad demanding I come to his new place for dinner tonight? Did he demand that Ben and Eli come too?” he sneers.

“He needs to talk to you boys, so yes, I assume he asked the other boys to come too,” I reply calmly.

“Come on, Ma. You know I don’t want to go over there. I know he thinks he’s hiding it, but I know he’s shacked up with that irritating chick, and I don’t want anything to do with that shit,” he barks out.

“First of all, watch your language. Second of all, he’s your dad, Destry. He loves you no matter what craziness has happened between him and me,” I remind him.

“You’re going to make me go, aren’t you?” he asks with aggravation.

“Yes, sir, I am. It’s been six months, sweetie. It’s time to forgive him and let it go. You’re leaving soon for school and you don’t want to leave with this hanging between you and your dad, honey. Trust me. You need to go,” I affirm.

“Fine,” he snorts and storms out of my office.

Just then, I get simultaneous texts from the twins.

Eli: What’d he do now?

Ben: Why is Dad asking us to come over for dinner, saying he has to talk to us about something super important?

I just start a group text with the two of them to save time.

Me: Boys, your dad needs to talk to all of you. Dez is going too. Give him an hour of your time. He has something important to discuss with you guys.

Eli: Okay, and once again, what’d he do now?

Ben: This is the first time he’s invited us to his new place, Eli. Maybe he just wants to do a guys’ night. You always assume the worst when it comes to Dad.

Me: I’m not saying anything else. I talked to him today. He needs to talk to you boys and you’re going. Come to the house so you can all ride together.

Eli: So he’ll tell us at dinner what he did this time. Got it.

I shake my head because I know Eli has his dad pegged. Although they chat with him when he calls or comes by, all of the boys are still mad at him for their own reasons. I can’t blame them. I overheard Eli and Ben talking one night when they thought I’d already gone to bed. They are madder at him for abandoning me than anything else. They are so concerned that once they are gone, I’ll have nobody around and will be lonely. God, I love my boys.

I make my way down the hall to find Destry sulking in his room.

“Honey, why are you so upset with your dad?” I ask gently.

He looks up at me with tears in his eyes and I know what’s coming. I sit down beside him on his bed and grab his hand, rubbing my thumb back and forth over his knuckles.

“I know he’s just going to tell us you guys are getting a divorce, Mom. Why can’t he just let you tell us and be done with it?” he chokes out.

My big 6’2” baby is crying and it pisses me off because Justin did this shit.

“Baby, us getting a divorce was inevitable from the moment he walked out that door. We all knew it was coming. That’s not exactly what he wants to talk to you guys about. Just hear him out, for me, okay?” I say, trying to sound stronger than I am. This news is going to break his heart and it makes me even madder. I want to punch Justin in the nuts right now.

Destry nods and then lays his head on my lap, just like he did when he was a little boy, and I fight back my own tears. I run my fingers through his hair and can feel his body shaking.

“Baby, please don’t cry. I know the last six months have been hard, but we are all going to be just fine. We will all move on with life,” I tell him gently.

“Ma, I’m not worried about us. I’m worried about you,” he chokes out. He sits up and looks at me with those big, brown, puppy-dog eyes. “What are you going to do when I’m gone? You know Ben and Eli aren’t going to live here forever. You’ll be all alone, all because that asshole couldn’t keep his dick in his pants,” he grinds out.

“Destry Joseph, language, and your dad did not cheat on me. He just doesn’t love me and that’s no one’s fault. I am a big girl and I will be just fine,” I retort, making my mind up that I will never again let my baby see me weak and upset about this. It’s breaking his and my heart.

“Now, go splash some cold water on your face and change into something clean. Ben and Eli will be here shortly, and then you can all ride over to your dad’s together, okay?” I ask. He nods and heads off to his bathroom.

“How about a movie and snacks night tomorrow? We’ll rent old movies, make a bunch of snack food, and veg out in the living room like we used to,” I yell after him.

“Sure, Ma. Sounds good,” he replies with a touch of happiness in his voice. He’s always been my movie buddy.

BEN AND ELI SHOW
up just in time to grab Destry, and then they’re off to their dad’s. I tell them I’m going out with Claire and I expect them all home by 9 p.m. tonight because I want to chat with them after their talk with their dad. Eli’s pissed because he had to cancel his date with his girl toy of the week. He’ll be glad he did after he talks to his dad though.

I walk into Louie’s and see Claire immediately. She’s already ordered a couple of appetizers and has two large glasses of wine waiting. As soon as she sees my face, she gets up and hugs me before I have a chance to sit.

“Are you okay girl? You look distraught,” she asks with clear concern in her voice.

“You are not going to believe the shit that happened today, and is still happening right now,” I tell her.

“Ooooo . . . juicy gossip. Lay it on me,” she jokes.

“Justin showed up at my house this morning,” I start, “with his girlfriend.”

“Shut the fuck up! Seriously?” she yells. I nod my head.

“And that’s not even the best part,” I stop long enough to chug half of my wine. “She’s pregnant.”

Claire’s face morphs from amusement to shock to anger in two seconds flat. “What do you mean she’s pregnant, Ellie? How far along is she?” she asks.

I take another big gulp of wine. “Five months. It’s a girl,” I choke out.

“Jesus Christ, that man is an asshat,” she sneers.

“Oh, and did I mention she’s twenty-five years old and built like a brick shithouse, minus the cute little baby bump she’s sporting?” I plaster a fake smile on my face and try to reign in my emotions.

“Holy shit, Ell, I’m so sorry,” she responds, watching me closely to make sure I’m not going to fall apart.

“It is what it is,” I reply, holding my head up high and reminding myself I will get through this and I just need to focus on helping the boys deal with their emotions.

She grabs my hand and squeezes it, giving me the moment I need.

“Here you go, beautiful ladies,” says Louie’s smooth Italian accent. I look up and smile at him, such a good man. His wife is a lucky lady.

“Thanks, Louie! Best Italian food in Colorado,” I praise, wholeheartedly meaning it. I love Louie’s food.

“Aw, well, thank you, bellissima,” he returns. “Buon appetito.”

Louie walks away and I reach for the antipasto tray. Nothing better than good prosciutto and fresh mozzarella, washed down with a lovely glass of red wine. Or ten.

Claire and I chat, trying to avoid the topic of my impending divorce. She tells me about the new guy she’s dating who she met at the yoga studio and all the fun things he can do with his fingers. She makes me feel better just chatting about her life as a single woman. It does give me hope that someday I’ll move past all of this and be able to date. I’ll never get married again. Ever. But a date with a nice guy once in a while could be nice. I’ve never been with anyone but Justin, so the idea of sex with someone else is still scary.

About 8:00 p.m., my phone chimes with a text. The boys have been with their dad for a little over two hours, so I’m actually pretty surprised this is the first time I’m hearing from them.

But when I pull my phone from my purse, I’m shocked it’s from Justin.

Justin: The kids stormed out. They won’t respond to my texts or answer my calls. Are you with them?

I shake my head and throw back the rest of my wine. I have to find them.

Me: No, I’m out with Claire. I’ll text you when I find them.

Justin: Great. Maybe you should’ve been at home waiting for our kids to return from getting the news about their impending sibling. You knew they’d be upset.

Aw hell no, he did not just say that to me! I see red and start to shake. Claire grabs my hand, taking the phone from me to see what is upsetting me so much. After she reads it, she shakes her head and hands me back the phone.

“You rip him a new asshole or I’m gonna,” she snarls.

Me: Fuck you, Justin. My life no longer revolves around you or the shitstorms you create. Remember? I’ll find my boys and make sure they’re okay. Go play with your Barbie doll.

Just when I hit Send, my phone chimes with a text from Eli.

Eli: Where are you?

Me: Louie’s. Come get me.

Eli: Be there in 2.

I reach into my purse for cash, but Claire grabs my hand, halting my movement. “Girl, I got this. Go take care of your boys.”

I nod, my throat is too thick with emotion to really speak. I hug her tightly, whispering a brief thanks as I turn and head out the front door.

When Eli’s truck comes around the corner, my stomach drops. This is not going to be pretty.

When he stops in front of me, I open the passenger door and jump in, turning to make sure the other boys are in the backseat. All three of them are red-eyed and not speaking.

“Take us home, Eli,” I choke out. He nods and puts the truck in gear, pulling away from the curb way too fast for my liking.

The entire ride home is quiet except for sniffles coming from all of us. When we get home, Eli parks the truck and comes around to open my door. I really need a minute to get my shit together before I have to endure my boys opening their hearts up about how they are feeling about all of this.

“Living room, guys,” I say to them as we head up the front steps.

When we are all seated, I take a deep breath, readying my nerves, but Ben speaks first.

“I’m sorry I’ve been so blind, Ma,” Ben says quietly. “I really thought he just needed a break. I never thought it would come to this.”

“Benjamin. This is not your fault and don’t you dare apologize for anything your father has done,” I tell him gently.

I turn so I’m facing all of them.

“Look, guys, I know you’re mad at your dad right now. Hell, I want to string him up by his nuts in the front yard myself, but that isn’t going to change the fact your dad and I are getting a divorce and he is having a baby with what’s her face,” I snort at the last part.

Destry jumps in, “Mama, he said you’re giving him the house after I leave for school in a few months. Is that true? Where are you going to live?”

“I want you guys to listen to me. I am tired of having to rely on him. I have a job. I only have a couple months left of school, and then I can get a job in the kitchen of a nice restaurant. Hell, maybe I’ll even open my own place one day. But I don’t ever want to rely on him again. This house is where you guys grew up, but it’s a huge house and I’m about to become a single woman. I don’t need a 3,500 square foot house. It’s too big and, truthfully, I don’t want to clean it anymore. If he wants to sell it, so be it. If he wants to live in it with Julia, that’s fine too. The point is, all of the concerns you guys are sharing are about me and who is going to take care of me, and although I love you for it, you need to know I’m going to be just fine on my own,” I say firmly, making sure my head is held high, back straight. They need to know I’m strong enough for this step.

“You boys make me so proud of the men you are becoming. I know you guys want to ‘fix’ this, but you can’t. I’ve learned that you can’t make someone love you, and even if I could make him love me again, I wouldn’t want to. He is having a baby with someone else. He needs to be there. We raised you guys already. Your sister is going to need him around to help,” I swallow quickly to avoid the lump in my throat. Saying ‘sister’ out loud to them is heart-wrenching.

“She’s not my sister,” Destry bites out.

“She is, Dez. It’s never a child’s fault for the way they were conceived or who their parents are. She will be a beautiful little girl for you guys to protect. You can be as mad at your dad as you want, but that little girl did nothing wrong, and you will love her just like you love each other,” I smile at him when his eyes light up a little when the thought of having a tiny baby sister sets in.