Defy the Eagle (69 page)

"Good morrow." Caddaric returned her look dispassionately, even though he longed to gather her into his arms and lose himself in her.

"W-what are you doing here?"

"Ede says you are not eating." Caddaric moved to the side of the bed and lifted a tray of food from the table there. "You must eat, for the child's sake, if not for your own."

"Get out." Jilana meant to hurl the words at him, but they emerged more as an entreaty than an order. She averted her eyes, knowing all the yearning of her soul was mirrored in them.

"Nay, I will not," Caddaric replied calmly.

Incredibly, she felt fresh tears burn her eyes and Jilana hated herself for such a blatant display of weakness. "I— I hate you!" What was he doing here? Had he not done enough? Did he need to hurt her even more?

Not yet, Caddaric thought sadly, but you will. "The sooner you eat, the sooner you will be rid of me."

Anything, she decided, she would do anything to be free of his presence. Avoiding his gaze, she pushed herself upright and reached for the tray. No sooner had she taken it in her hands than he was sitting beside her on the bed, plumping pillows behind her back. "You may leave now," she told him, her eyes fixed on the slices of freshly baked bread.

"When you have eaten."

Unable to argue, Jilana spread a layer of jam on the bread and obediently bit into it. She kept her eyes firmly on the tray, but she could feel the warmth of his thigh as it lay alongside hers on the bed. Her stomach twisted into one large knot and she carefully set the bread back on the tray.

"Now some of the milk." Caddaric lifted the goblet from the tray and curled one of her hands around it.

Jilana jerked away from his touch as if scalded, and milk spattered both of them. He took the napkin from the tray and soaked up the milk that had landed on his breeks and the bed. "Nay," she frantically ordered when he started to dab at the bodice of her gown. With her free hand she snatched the linen from him and blotted up the liquid herself. When she was finished, she needed both hands to lift the goblet to her mouth without spilling it.

"Try some of the cheese," Caddaric coaxed. The milk had dampened the material of her gown just enough so that it clung to her breasts, and he found it hard to breathe.

Jilana took one bite of the cheese and then returned it to the tray. "Now will you leave?" When he did not answer she looked up and caught him staring at her. "Stop it!"

Caddaric's eyes jerked back to hers. "Your breasts are larger." Color flooded her face and receded just as quickly, leaving her unnaturally pale, and Caddaric silently cursed himself for blurting out his thoughts.

"Go away," Jilana said through stiff lips.

To her surprise, he picked up the tray and left the chamber without further argument. When she was certain she was alone, Jilana got out of bed, washed, and drew on a clean stola in case he had the audacity to return. She passed the morning in the comfort of her chamber, sewing a small garment for the babe. At midday, her door opened again and Jilana felt the hair on the back of her neck stand straight up. She did not have to turn around to know who had entered.

"May I come in?"

Jilana bent her head more deeply over her sewing. A moment later she heard his footsteps and then a pair of boots were standing in front of her. "I brought you something to eat."

Jilana concentrated on keeping the trembling in her body from reaching her fingers as she made another stitch. "I am not hungry. When I am, I will summon Ede."

"Ede is gone," Caddaric informed her easily. "Hadrian has taken her to the city for a few days." Jilana's head whipped up in disbelief and he nodded. "Now will you eat?" When she simply looked at him, he placed the tray on the low table and took the chair across from her.

"Why are you doing this?" Jilana dredged up the courage to ask when it was obvious he had no intention of leaving. "You made it very clear how you feel about me."

Caddaric poured milk into a goblet while he answered. "You carry my child, Jilana, and I want my child more than I have wanted anything else in my life."

Jilana felt as if he had hit her. "I see." The babe chose that moment to land a particularly violent kick against her ribs and Jilana winced and absently rubbed at the ache.

"What is wrong?"

Startled at the vehemence of his question, she retreated to the depths of her chair. "'Tis naught, only the babe moving."

Caddaric's gaze dropped to her stomach, and, as if sensing his regard, the child stirred more vigorously. The cloth across Jilana's abdomen moved and jerked and she felt herself blushing. His jaw clenched, Caddaric jumped from the chair and strode to the chamber door. "Eat your food. When I return, I will take you for a walk."

"I do not go—" Jilana protested, but the door closed on her words.

Her resolution to the contrary, she did go with Caddaric when he returned; he gave her the choice of coming willingly or being carried through the villa in his arms.

"I did not think you would like the alternative," he mocked when he saw the fear come and go in her eyes.

He walked with her through the courtyard, an arm firmly around her back. Jilana bit her lip to keep from crying at the warm touch of his hand upon her hip. 'Tis for the child that he does this, she reminded herself constantly, but she could not help the tiny spark of hope that came to life in her heart when he remained with her throughout the day. Surely he would not do that if his only concern was for the child.

"I will be back in the morning," Caddaric informed her when the hour grew late and he caught her stifling a yawn.

And he was. He brought her meals to her and took her for walks and sat by her while she sewed until Jilana thought she would go mad. When Hadrian and Ede returned, Caddaric firmly refused to allow Ede to resume her duties as Jilana's maid. With nothing to do, Ede and Hadrian returned to Londinium and began the involved process of purchasing what they would take with them on their journey north. Before they left, they sat down with Caddaric and Jilana to make a list of their provisions. Working in Marcus' office, Jilana wrote out the list while the three of them debated what was necessary and what was not. Participating in the preparation brought her misery back in full force and when Ede and Hadrian left, Jilana was hard-pressed to keep the tears at bay.

"Is it the babe?" Caddaric questioned, glimpsing her pained expression.

Jilana shook her head. "Nay, not the babe." She turned the quill round and round in her fingers, studying its movement. "You are going far to the north, are you not? I mean, further than Venta Icenorum."

Caddaric frowned. "Aye. Why? What does it matter to you?"

Jilana shrugged, longing for the courage to ask Caddaric to take her with him. "'Tis my child you are taking, Caddaric. Is it odd that I should wonder where he or she will be raised?"

Caddaric rose and paced the perimeter of the room. "By the time we reach our destination," he said at last, "you will be safely on your way to Rome with your betrothed. Aye, I find it odd that you should be concerned with the welfare of a child that is proving such an embarrassment to you."

Tears flooded Jilana's eyes. Throwing the quill at him, she hurried from the room to the sanctuary of her bedchamber. Once there she locked the door and collapsed on the bed, where she cried her heart out. Downstairs, Caddaric retrieved the quill from the floor and laid it carefully on the desk. If he did not move carefully, he feared he would fly apart. The strain of being with Jilana, yet separate from her, day after day, was beginning to tell. He did not try to see Jilana again that day; instead he went to his hut and opened the flagon of wine that had appeared there one day. A gift from Jilana, no doubt, for Heall and Clywd had received one as well. He poured a cup of the rich, red wine, silently toasted his wife and proceeded to drink himself in to a sweet stupor that was haunted by Jilana.

He woke late the next morning to a head that felt as if a battle-axe were buried in it, and when he entered the villa his mood worsened at the sight of Lucius sitting with Jilana in one of the chambers on the first floor. They both looked up when he entered, and the sight of Jilana twisted his heart. Her eyes were red and swollen and for just a moment, Caddaric longed to gather her into his arms and erase all the pain he had caused her. He ruthlessly killed that desire and, pivoting on his heel, he left the two alone. Later that day, he saw them walking together in the garden. He watched them for a few minutes and was just about to turn away when he saw Jilana stumble and fall. Before her cry could reach his ears, Caddaric was running, and when he reached her, he thrust Lucius aside and knelt beside her.

"Get away from her," Lucius ordered in a cold fury. "Do not lay a hand on her."

"And leave her to your tender care," Caddaric growled. "Never." He slipped his arm under Jilana's knees and shoulders and stood. She curled against him as if he were a fortress in a storm and his hold tightened. Lucius was forced to stand aside and allow Caddaric to return to the villa.

'"Twas not Lucius' fault," Jilana haltingly explained as Caddaric carried her through the halls. "I slipped."

"He was supposed to be caring for you," Caddaric snapped. "He should have been holding you so you could not fall."

"I can walk," Jilana protested, suddenly aware of how good it felt to be nestled against him. "Please, put me down."

"I will, when you are safely in your chamber."

Wisely, Jilana decided not to argue and, against her better judgment, she rested her head against his shoulder. His beard tickled her nose and mouth and she reached up to push it out of her way. Once her fingers touched the beard, however, they lingered in the surprising softness of it and moved gently in discovery.

"What is it?" Caddaric asked sharply, turning his head so that the beard slid away from her hand.

Jilana swallowed. "Your beard, I like—it tickled." Caddaric grunted in reply and a moment later he settled her on her bed.

"Are you hurt?" he questioned as he removed her palia and tossed it onto a chair.

"Nay."

"And the babe?"

The warmth in Jilana's heart seeped away. "The babe is fine." She pressed the palm of her hand against the side of her abdomen. "See, he moves." Her breath caught as Caddaric's hand came to rest upon her distended stomach.

Something jerked against his hand, and he looked sharply at Jilana, the question clear in his eyes. She nodded shakily and he closed his eyes, willing the movement to come again. It did, with astonishing force and rapidity and Caddaric's mouth twitched into a smile. "Is it like this all the time?" he asked in awe.

Jilana's mouth was dry. "Not—not all the time," she finally answered. "Sometimes it is worse."

"Worse?"

Caddaric's brows knit into a frown and she quickly explained, "Not worse... I mean, he does not cause me pain, only...at times he is very impatient." Jilana gave a breathless little laugh. "I think he wants more room." She ran out of words when his other hand joined the first. She simply sat motionless, watching the play of expression across his face, savoring every moment.

"I had no idea—" Caddaric began, and then he merely shook his head. He did not have the words to describe what he felt. Overcome, he bent and pressed his mouth to the cloth covering Jilana's stomach. Of their own accord, Jilana's hands reached up and her fingers curled into his hair, holding him in place.

That was how Lucius found them. With an inarticulate cry, Lucius flung himself at the other man, tearing him away from Jilana. Jilana screamed but the two men did not hear her. They rolled across the floor, scattering chairs and breaking one of the little tables.

"Stop it!" Jilana screamed as they came to their feet and Lucius' fist connected with Caddaric's jaw. "Please, stop!" Caddaric delivered a blow to Lucius' midsection that caused the other man to double over in pain.

Her cries brought one of the maids who, after one look into the bedchamber, ran to get Augusta. Augusta, in turn, sent the woman to the slave quarters and a few minutes later Augusta, with Heall and Clywd flanking her, ran into the bedchamber. Neither man hesitated. Heall grabbed Caddaric while Clywd took Lucius' arms and twisted them behind his back.

Augusta, her arms protectively around Jilana's shoulders, lost her temper. "This is neither a tavern nor an arena," she hissed at the two bruised and bleeding men. "I will not tolerate such conduct! Has my daughter not suffered enough that you must subject her to such a brutal display? Get out, both of you." When Lucius started to protest, she spat, "That is an order!"

Claudia, watching the proceedings from the doorway, looked at her sister in disbelief when Jilana began to cry. Claudia shook her head. If she had two men fighting over her, she certainly would not ruin it by crying! She eyed Caddaric speculatively when he brushed by her and then sighed regretfully. The man was handsome in a barbaric sort of way, but she simply could not take someone like that into her bed. At least, not now.

"Darling, I am sorry," Augusta crooned against Jilana's hair. "I will speak with your father about those two."

"Twas not Caddaric's fault," Jilana sobbed. "Lucius attacked him."

"Shh," Augusta soothed. "Do not upset yourself, 'twill do the babe no good." She eased Jilana onto the pillows and brushed the stray strands of hair away from her face. "Twill all be over soon."