Defying Instinct (Demon Instinct Series) (20 page)

I’d
given up hope on ever wearing pants again.  Or bras.  But as I got the grand
Division tour with a constantly cheerful, bounding Sam eagerly narrating, I took
stock of my haul.

There
were jean-like pants on my legs, not quite as soft as Rowan’s sweaters, but
pretty close.  It was nice not wearing a skirt, having a draft and worrying
about flashing people all the time. 

The
long-sleeved black t-shirt fit like a glove, and was so comfortable I had to
look down a few times to make sure I remembered to put a shirt back on at all. 
The bra was a little too close to my skin for comfort, but it was something I
could get used to when I had been certain nothing existed that would work.

Leather-like
boots, underwear that didn’t feel like sandpaper, and my long hair pulled back
in a loose ponytail.  I never felt so comfortable in my life.

Sam
led me down a flight of stairs on the other side of the house.  The place was
much bigger than it looked from the outside, probably deliberately.  My
underground theory wasn’t so far off after all, except there still weren’t any
locked doors.  Still no labs, still no monstrous cries of demons being
tortured.

When
we got to the bottom of the stairs, I surveyed the huge gym, but the female who
was balancing upside down, using one hand on some sort of training apparatus
drew my attention almost immediately.  She was so still, it took me a moment to
realize she was even real.

With
a snort, Sam announced, “Savannah Cole, meet Mina Kay.”

The
female dropped from the apparatus, pushing off with the one hand and landing gracefully
on her feet, as if it was no big deal. 

The
agile female was a half-caste Razer, just like me.  I knew it immediately.  Her
skin was flawless olive.  Her hair was bone straight and pure black with an
incredible, almost impossible sheen of copper.  With delicate curves, she was
petite and slender, yet there was no question she was powerful.

She
was probably in her early thirties, though it was hard to tell since she showed
no signs of age.  But there was no question, unlike Sam, Mina was over the age
of choosing Up Above or the Underrealm. 

When
Mina Kay was sixteen, she chose to stay Up Above.

Her
human parent must have been Asian, Korean maybe, with exceedingly dominant
genes.  Our only shared Razer trait was her almond shaped eyes had the same
sunburst of copper as mine, only rimmed with dark brown.  All half-caste Razer
females must have the copper sunburst.  I hadn’t known. 

I
felt an instant kindred with her, but it didn’t seem like it was reciprocated. 
Mina had probably met plenty of half-caste Razers like us.  I hadn’t. 

“Savannah,”
she nodded at me.

I
did the same, making sure to hide how much it meant for me to meet her, to feel
like I wasn’t alone.  “Mina.”

She
lunged, and took my knees out from under me.

Before
she could get another blow in, I rolled out of the way, and the strength-and-light
rose to the surface.  It came roaring up from deep inside, and I let it. 

I
always thought if I allowed that place inside me out, I’d lose control.  I’d
never be able to come back from it.  But this was the second time it saved my tail. 
I might still be a slave to Grayson’s Tempter touch if it weren’t for the strength-and-light
place.  And I’d be kissing the mat right now too.

As
Mina punched my face, I wasn’t quick enough to dodge most of the blows, and blood
dripped from my nose.  As adrenaline rushed through my veins, it was easy to
ignore the pain.  She kicked towards my knees, but I blocked and thrust right
back, with the strength-and-light place inside guiding my fists. 

Mina
was taking it easy on me.  That, I could tell.  But she was still getting more
hits, more contact than I was.  But that didn’t matter.  It wasn’t a
competition.  This was therapy.

Breathless,
but not able to resist my curiosity, I asked, “you live here and work for
Division?”

She
nodded, then spun and elbowed me in the jaw. 

Before
she could connect her fist with my right eye, I dipped down, spun around, and
threw my leg out.  Mina jumped over it, but I grabbed her ankle midair and
pulled, knocking her off balance and to the mat. 

“How
do they treat you?” I asked as she scrambled back to her feet.

“Like
part of the team.”

I
squinted, bobbed out of the way of three consecutive punches, and asked, “What
does the team do?”

Kicking
a leg out, my booted foot connected with her sternum, but Mina grabbed my ankle
and twisted, flipping me to the ground, knocking the air out of my lungs.

Looking
down at me, Mina replied, “I’m not at liberty to say.”

Everything
froze. 

The
room disappeared, and the only thing I could see was Mina’s copper sunburst
eyes. They flared, wide and narrow. 

Wide
and narrow.

I
was falling.  I couldn’t find the ground.  Couldn’t hold onto a thought.  Couldn’t
think, feel, or sense anything anymore. 

Give
me a memory
, a voice suggested.  It wasn’t
a telepath.  It sounded like my own voice, my own thoughts.  It was nothing
more than an idea.  My own idea.

My
own ideas were harmless.

I
placed a hand on Rowan’s arm, felt the coarse hair and heat of him slide over
my sensitive fingertips.  Skin to sizzling skin.  No more glamour.  No more
hiding.  Rowan’s real skin on mine.

The
memory began to fray at the edges.  There was a tugging at the core, and urging
me to let it go.

The
demon inside me sensed what was going on, but all I knew was I wanted to keep
this memory of Rowan, the first male to make me feel how he made me feel.

No.
  My telepath was weak.

I
wouldn’t give it up.  She couldn’t have it.  No one could take it from me.

Instinct
whispered, get to your feet.  So I did.

Struggling
to keep hold of my memory, I instinctually obeyed the suggestions inside my
head.  It said, left arm block.  So I did.

The
memory reformed, as vivid and powerful as before. 

Instinct
demanded, duck, then kick.  So I did.

“Get
out of my head,” I told Mina at the same time I fully realized what had
happened.  Now I knew half-caste Razers did have breaching abilities.  I
wondered what else we could do. 

The
next thing I knew, I was pinning Mina to the mat without a clue how we’d gotten
into that position.

Unaffected
by her defeat, she said, “You’re a natural.”

I
wasn’t, but I wasn’t about to tell her that.  It was Dmitri’s classes that
taught me the movements to fight I’d never used before.  Until now, it hadn’t clicked. 
Maybe my body hadn’t been what it needed to be before to feel the way the
movements should work.  But now, I was what I should have been all along. 

I
let the female up, and knew by the way she averted her eyes that we were done.

“So
you’re the new ‘realm Scion.  How’s
that
feel?” Mina asked.

“Pretty
messed up.”

She grinned,
but didn’t laugh.  “What are you going to do about it?”

I
shrugged, my muscles feeling stiff from the sparring session, but already
healing.  “Any suggestions?”

“To
rule can be a gift,” she said, and it spoke to the demon inside me that craved
to reign.  “But only if you deny that voice that is telling you to rule for
yourself.  For other’s sake, not for your own.  Lead.  Don’t rule.”

I
blinked after her as she turned and unceremoniously left the gym.  Humbled by
her wise words, I found Sam, who had been watching the whole time.  He sat in a
folding chair, turned around, with his arms propped up on the back and his head
resting against them.

“They
want you to join us,” he said, his eyes looking sleepy.

I’d
figured as much, at least when they didn’t lock me in a cell the moment I got
here.

“You
should get some rest,” putting a hand on his forehead.  “You look exhausted.”

Sam nodded,
stood, and rubbed his eyes.  I took the moment to look down at myself.  Even
though my nose had healed, there was a little blood spattered across my new
shirt, and I frowned.  At least it was hard to see on the black t-shirt.

“I’ll
show you to your room,” he said, and as we left the gym, I looked back and
thought about the session I’d had with Mina.  I wasn’t sure if it was the
physical strain, or meeting someone like me.  But I felt fantastic.

The strength-and-light
place hadn’t taken over.  As soon as I no longer needed it, the alien place
within retreated.  I could feel it, crouching down, waiting to rise up again,
but it hadn’t destroyed anything, hadn’t conquered the goodness in me.

It
was a part of who I was.  And I wasn’t fighting it anymore.  My two halves were
finally working together.

I
couldn’t sleep.  How could I, after the day I’d had?  It was hard to believe
I’d been at Faction yesterday.  Most days of my life, I learned nothing, saw
nothing, did nothing noteworthy.

Lying
in bed, I listed everything I’d experienced in the past twenty-four hours.  I
learned not to project.  I’d jumped with a Hammer demon, I’d flown with
Connell.  I realized my feelings for Rowan, saw Grayson’s true motives and
disregard for how I felt about it.  The plane, Division, Sam, and Mina. 

It
was eight o’clock in the morning when I decided trying to sleep was
ridiculous.  People might already be up, and my stomach was grumbling for
food.  Though some people here lived on a nocturnal schedule, what with Sam and
Mina being awake and lively all through the night, but Sam had grown groggy
when dawn broke.

So
maybe it wasn’t such a surprise that the house was quiet as I exited the
Spartan bedroom that I felt very comfortable in which Sam had taken me to only
a couple hours ago.  As I wandered toward where I thought the kitchen might be,
I wondered about the freedom I was being given.

There
weren’t cameras watching my every move.  I didn’t have someone spying on me,
making sure I wasn’t getting into trouble or stealing their secrets.  The
feeling of being trusted, even though they didn’t know if I could be gave me a
sense of loyalty to them.

I
didn’t understand it.

My
good sense of direction didn’t fail me this morning, and as I found the dining
room where Holly and the table filled with food had greeted me earlier, I only
had to search the rooms close by to find the kitchen. 

I
heard them before I saw them.  Jake and Holly embraced in the shadows deep in
the dark room, and didn’t notice me come in, so I let the swinging door close
quietly, and stood frozen, watching them.  I couldn’t help myself.

“Come
on, baby,” Jake said, his gruff, Southern voice a seductive whisper.

Breathlessly,
Holly said, “You know I can’t.”

I
watched, knowing it was wrong, but taken over by my own desires, and my memory
of being held in a Hammer demon’s strong arms.  Jake kissed up the side of
Holly’s neck, and she purred.  When he put his hands on her flushed cheeks and
coaxed her lips to meet his, she pushed him away.

Ungracefully
maneuvering out of his arms, Holly stepped back.  The act looked like it hurt
her, indecision clear in sad, but resolute, hazel eyes.

Jake
puffed.  “At least fly back home with me.”

“This…we’re
partners, all right?  Division agents.  I’ve got your back, you’ve got mine.  Okay?” 
She was whining, and it sounded like she was trying to convince herself more
than Jake.

“That’s
it?” he asked, his tone angry now.  “That’s as far as it goes.”

“Yes.”

From
my hiding place against the closed door, I saw Jake’s strong jaw work as he
ground his teeth together.  “Holly, I’m in love with you.”

“You’re
in love with my face, my breasts, my small waist and nice ass.  You’re in love
with blonde hair and big eyes and perfect skin.”

Conceited
much, Holly?  Though, she had every reason to be.

“That’s
part of it, but not everything.”

“So
you say,” she spat.

Jake
puffed again.  “We’ve been partners for over five years.  Don’t you think I
know you by now?”

Holly’s
tone changed then, her words powerful.  “You are a human male.”

And
she walked out of the room, leaving Jake gawking with confusion in her wake.  I
watched him for minutes after she left.  All he did was stand there, with a
blank face.  When he left the kitchen, he went out the same door Holly had, and
I wondered if he was going after her.

Drama. 
Flipping on the kitchen lights, I finally went all the way inside.  My life had
been pretty much without drama before all this started.  Now, I had a Tempter
and a Hammer and a Royal mother and a flood of feelings I’d never felt before.

Maybe
drama was part of life.  Maybe without it, life was just a shell.

I
sat at the kitchen counter, eating slices of apple dipped in honey as the house
awoke.  Humans, glamoured demons, and a few half-castes filed in and filed out,
families and males and females who looked like soldiers entered and exited the
kitchen on a mission, grabbed fruit or cereal, toast and jam, or prepared eggs
and pretty much ignored me.  

A
human offered me a mug of coffee without a word, which I took.  Whoever it was
had sweetened it heavily, like I liked.

There
was such a sense of community here.  I didn’t know what they did, what their
purpose was in this place.  But Division, for all its reputation of being an
organization demons and half-castes Up Above should fear, was nothing more than
a family.  A safe haven.  A home.

Once
it seemed like a million people and demons came and went, I was alone again in
the kitchen, but not for long.

A
pert, skinny human wearing a grey business suit, glasses, and her hair pulled
back into a tight bun came in, high heels clacking on linoleum.

“Savannah
Cole?  Director Pakala will see you now.” 

She
said it like I’d been sitting in a waiting room for a meeting all along.  I got
up, washed my mug in the sink, and left it to dry along with two dozen others
from the morning’s parade, and followed.

When
we got to the office, she opened the door and motioned for me to go inside.  A
woman of few words.

Behind
a big, but simple desk littered with files and papers, Director Pakala stood as
I entered.  She was the kind of woman people paid attention to.  With dark skin,
naturally coiled hair she kept daringly short, and eyes that blazed with
intelligence and authority, I was instantly impressed.  My Razer half respected
the woman immediately.

“Ms.
Cole.  Please, have a seat.”  Simple, formal words.  Courteous, but with an
underlying, self-assured influence that pressed into me.

Mentally,
I took notes.  This was the kind of woman who should be Royalty, not me.

“Director
Pakala.”  I reached out my hand to see if she’d take it.  She did, without
hesitation, and I sat.

“Have
you enjoyed your time here, Ms. Cole?”

Containing
my excitement for all the incredible things I’d gotten to do during the past
day, I nodded once. “It has been informative.”

“You
look as though you have questions for me.”

I
blinked, then grinned.  She was good.  There were things she wanted me to know,
but she was putting it on my shoulders first.  Ally tactics. 

“How
many half-castes do you have living here?”

“At
this time, twenty-three.  Once, we had close to forty.”

“But…why?”

“To provide
another option.  Most of them have no family.  We pull them from foster care,
orphanages, from the streets.” 

I
knew she wouldn’t tell me the full truth.  I already had my suspicions.  Half-castes
were displaced, vulnerable, but stronger than any human.  If our loyalty could
be earned, we would make undefeatable soldiers.  Maybe it wasn’t right, but it
was strategically brilliant.  The Razer in me appreciated that.

“Sam,
who I hear you’ve spent a good deal of time with, was born on a crack house
floor.  His mother made it through full-term by keeping herself high all the
time.  She died there, but Hammer demons are more resilient than most.  And
someone left him on the police station back steps.”

I
caged the pang of sorrow for Sam.  He was safe, happy.  He had a good life
here.

“Do
you work with the police?” I asked instead of pushing her about her motives. 
Her reason, giving half-castes another option, could have been the truth too. 
Humans—demons too—could have more than one motive for their actions.  “Do they send
them to you?”

“Sometimes. 
I have a few contacts, but don’t trust many people with these secrets.”

“It
would bring hope to a lot of half-castes who think their only option is Up
Above or the ‘realm.  Why not make the operation public?  I know I would have—”

“You
have your father.  You had more than most of these halflings.”

Nodding
thoughtfully, I knew the director was right.  What I called my life before was
crap.  A huge disappointment.  But I had more than many others like me would
have.  I wished something could be done for those who didn’t have what I’d had.

“Agents
Gates and Snow have informed you of Division’s interest in forming a
relationship?”

“They
laid it out for me,” I said, even though only Sam said anything about it.  “But
I’d like to hear it from you.”

The
director smiled, slow and smooth.

“Work
with us.  Be a part of Division, and make a difference here, Up Above.  You
could be the hope these half-castes need.”

And
lead a half-caste army someday?  I had to wonder what scenarios the director
saw inside that intelligent head of hers.

“You
can already telepath with other castes, yes?” 

I
nodded, giving nothing away.

“Does
that include half-castes?”

Perhaps
it was curiosity, arrogance, or simply vanity, but I wanted to tell her what I
could do, telepath with her, see if those sharp eyes would grow wide with shock
and maybe even respect.  My demon half knew it would be playing a hand
prematurely.  I may have agreed with what the director was doing here, but I
couldn’t trust her with my secrets.  Not yet.  Maybe not ever.  And especially
not because of my own, vain curiosity.

“What
do you want me to do?”

The
director sat back, considering what would convince me I imagined.  “The Royal
will not share her reign with you.  If you go to her, if she convinces you to
blood bond into the Underrealm, she will stop at nothing to get rid of you.”

Director
Pakala knew a lot about Royalty.  And my mother.  Made me curious as to why,
but I said nothing, waiting.

“Do
you believe me?” she asked, leaning forward.

“I
do,” I said, and in that moment, I did believe her.  Not because I knew for a
fact, but because it had been a reality in the back of my mind from the
beginning, though I hadn’t realized it fully until now.  If Iliana didn’t want
to share her rule, she would destroy me.  It was her nature.

“Do
not risk your life, the life of your human family simply to gain the power your
Razer instincts crave.  Working here, helping those like you without ego or
ambition,” the director leaned forward further.  “That is an admirable use of
what you’ve been given.”

She
made a good argument.  I could see myself here, being a part of this team.  But…“I
can’t make this decision now.”

She
leaned back.  “You need time.  Of course.  You are welcome to remain here until—”

“No. 
I need to go back home.  Talk to my friends.  Find out more information before
I make any decisions.”

Director
Pakala stood, and I looked up at her, expecting anger or insistence, expecting
her to say if I wouldn’t stay voluntarily, she would force me to stay by any
means necessary. 

Instead,
she said, “A leader must always know her options.”

Exhaling,
and briefly considering how incredible it would be to learn from this woman, I
said, “I know what you’re offering.  I respect what you do here.  And maybe I
can be of help to you.  But I have to do it right.  There are others I’m
responsible for.”

The
director nodded, and held out her hand.  I stood, and slid mine into hers.

“Please
know, we can protect you and yours.  Contact us when you’ve made your
decision.”