Deliver Me (39 page)

“I know.”

She put down the
knife and potato, concern etched across her face. “It’s not that you missed my
birthday, or Sunday dinner, for that matter. But I called and called, Elijah. I
worry about all of you. Alexander is not much younger than your father was when
he dropped dead of a heart attack. And Chantal? Do you think she expected to
run her car into a tree when she left the house that day?”

“I know, Mama.” God,
he felt horrible for putting her through all those memories.

“A two-minute call
to let me know you’re okay. That’s all I ask for.”

Eli pulled her into
a hug. “Mama, I am so sorry. The last thing I meant to do was make you worry.”

She gave him a
squeeze and patted him on the back. “It’s over, now, honey.”

Her words caused
another bout of hurt to run through him.
It’s
over
. That’s what Monica had said to him.

“Now,” his mother
said, patting the chair next to hers. Eli took a seat. “Why don’t you tell me
what’s been bothering you?”

He should have
expected this. His mother had a sixth sense when it came to her boys. Eli tried
to play it off.

“Nothing’s bothering
me.”

“Don’t you lie to
me, Elijah Marcus. There’s been enough of that, don’t you think?”

Uh oh. She’d used
the full name. He’d best just come out with it.

“Monica and I broke
it off,” Eli admitted.

Saying the words out loud was more painful than he could
have ever imagined. It made it all so real, not like the nightmare he had been
hoping to soon wake up from.

“Oh, Elijah. What
happened?” Her disappointment was genuine, as he knew it would be. In the short
time since he’d first introduced her to his family, Monica had wormed her way
into the tightly woven bunch. His mother, brothers, even little Jazz seemed to
be charmed by her.

“To tell you the
truth, I don’t know, Mama. I’m not sure if Tosha had anything to do with it.”

“Please don’t tell
me she’s still upset over Tosha showing up for Sunday dinner that time?”

“No, Ma, I don’t
think it’s that.” Eli picked up a green bean and idly started breaking it into
pieces. “Things had been wonderful even after that Sunday. But all of a sudden
she said it wasn’t working for her. Then the other day she told me my
girlfriend showed up.”

“Which one?”

Eli’s head popped
up. “What do you mean ‘which one?’ It’s not as if I have a trail of women lined
up. I have no idea who she’s talking about.”

“Well, talk to her.”

“I’ve tried. She won’t
listen. She says it’s over.” Eli shrugged. “What more can I do but accept her
decision. I can’t force her to continue dating me.”

“Dammit, Elijah, I
liked her.”

His eyes nearly
popped out of their sockets at his mother’s language.

“Had you already
started picking out the wedding China?” he asked, forcing a grin.

“Almost,” she
grunted.

“We hadn’t been
seeing each other that long, Mama.”

“But the two of you
were so perfect together.”

That they were.

Eli struggled to
stave off the agonizing pain that came with the thought of just how good things
were with Monica. Although his mind hadn’t gone down the marriage path yet, he
had seen the road in the distance. If things had continued the way they were,
who knows where the two of them would have been a year from now.

It was over. Monica
could not have been clearer if she had painted a sign and knocked him over the
head with it. All he needed to do was get through the damn banquet and then
stay as far away from her as he possibly could.

If God was merciful,
Monica and her ex would get back together and she would move back to St. Louis.

A sharp ache shot
through his chest. He didn’t want her back with her ex. He didn’t want her with
anyone other than himself. Eli wasn’t sure he would be able to handle the first
time he saw her with another man. Surely life wouldn’t be that cruel.

“I guess this means
all three of my sons will be going stag to Kathleen’s wedding.”

“Maybe not. Toby may
take Aria Jordan.”

“Hmmm...I don’t know
about her. She has a nice voice and all, but she’s seems a little flighty, don’t
you think?”

“This from a woman
who thought Tosha Culpepper was a good catch.”

“Well,” his mother
sighed. “Looks like I’ll have to wait until Jazzy gets a little older. Maybe
then I’ll get a great-grandchild. It doesn’t look as if I’ll be getting another
grandbaby courtesy of any of my sons.”

“If Alex has
anything to say about it, you won’t have any great-grandchildren either.”

She leaned over and
took Eli’s chin in her hand. “What am I going to do with my boys?”

“Feed us.”

They both turned as
Toby walked through the kitchen door, followed by Alex.

“What happened to
you Saturday night?” Alex asked. He deposited two plastic grocery bags on the
table.

“Eli was needed at
the hospital, so he had to miss my birthday dinner,” Mama quickly interjected.

Could he love this
woman more?

“What’s up with you
two?” Eli asked.

“Nothing much,” Toby
answered.

“That’s not true,”
Alex countered. “I got that contract with the city.”

Eli rose from the
table to give his brother a well-deserved pat on the back. “Congratulations,
man.”

“Oh, Alexander, that’s
wonderful,” his mother said, jumping from her seat and wrapping her arms around
Alex. “This is the really big one, isn’t it?”

“Yep. We’re in for
three of the new magnet schools, and rebuilding nearly twenty of the schools
damaged during Katrina.”

Eli clamped his hand
on his brother’s back. Alex needed this. In fact, the news couldn’t have come
at a better time. What would have been his and Chantal’s sixth wedding
anniversary was next week.

“To celebrate, I’m
treating everybody to dinner tonight.”

Oh, no. He wasn’t up
for this. Tonight, Eli wanted to do nothing more than stretch out on his sofa
with a movie on the flat screen and a bottle of Heineken in his hand.

“Thanks for the
invite, man, but I really need to head home. I’m beat.”

“Yeah, right.” Toby
said in a staged whisper that was loud enough for the entire neighborhood to
hear.

“Are you sure?” his
mother asked.

“Yes, Mama.” Eli
sent her a silent look, pleading with his eyes that what they talked about
remain between the two of them. She returned a nearly imperceptible nod.

“We’re still on for golf
tomorrow, right?” Alex asked.

“Of course,” Eli
answered. Whenever the three of them were together, the Holmes brothers had to
spend at least one afternoon on the golf course. “I owe this boy over here a
butt whipping.”

“Whatever,” Toby
said.

“Bye, Mama.” Placing
a perfunctory kiss on her cheek, Eli grabbed the Tupperware container of
leftover red beans his mother had given him for his dinner and headed out of
the house.

As he drove home in
silence, Eli reconsidered going out with the family. He really didn’t want to
be alone tonight. If he were at home, he would think about her.

Of course, if he
were not home he would
still
think
about her. There had not been a single minute these last few days when his mind
had not drifted to Monica. Eli had the sinking feeling he would be thinking
about her every day for the rest of his life.

***

Amanda stared at the
baby in her arms. Her precious, completely healthy baby.

“Mrs. Daniels, I’ll
need to borrow her for a little while.” Looking down at her, the nurse said, “I
understand why you don’t want to let her go. She’s an angel.”

“My little angel,”
Amanda said softly, finally relinquishing hold of Madelyn. They’d decided to
name her after her grandmother. “Bring her back soon. I missed the first few
days of her life. I don’t want to waste a moment more.”

“I’ll have her back
for her two o’clock feeding.”

“Thank you,” Amanda
said. “See you, baby girl.” She waved as the nurse exited the room. A few
minutes later, the door opened and Jeffrey walked in.

Jeffrey.

He had been by her
side throughout it all. Despite everything she’d put him through, the
accusations, the misery—her husband had stuck by her.

“How are you
feeling?” Jeffrey asked. He was pensive, and Amanda felt ten times worse. Her
husband was afraid to speak to her.

“I’m tired, but it’s
not so bad. Did you see Madelyn on her way out?”

He nodded. “She’s
beautiful, Amanda. I still can’t believe...after all this time...” She watched
him struggle to swallow back tears. She reached for his hand, and after
hesitating slightly, he entwined his with hers and gave a heartfelt squeeze.

“She’s a gift from
God,” Amanda said, rubbing her thumb over the back of his hand.

“She’s the most
precious thing in my life.” He stared into her eyes. “So are you.”

Tears flowed down her
cheeks like a dam had burst open. Amanda could barely catch a breath.

“I know you’re not
up for it yet, but when you’re better, we need to have a serious discussion. We
are not getting a divorce,” he said with finality. “I don’t know why I ever
agreed to it. We are going to work through whatever our problem is, but I am
not about to lose you.”

“Oh, Jeffrey,”
Amanda whispered. She pulled him down to her, wrapping her arms around him. “Jeffrey,
sit down.”

“No,” he pushed
himself up, shaking his head. “Not right now. This can wait until you’re
better.”

“No, it can’t,”
Amanda said. “I’ve kept something from you, and I don’t want our new family to
start out with this secret hanging over it.”

The apprehension on
his face sent another stab of guilt down her spine.

He hooked his foot
around the leg of the chair and brought it next to her bed, never releasing her
hand. Taking a deep breath, Jeffrey sat beside her. He squeezed her hands and
brought her fingers to his lips.

“Thanks for letting
me touch you,” he said.

Amanda closed her
eyes to the hurt slicing through her chest. God, she didn’t deserve this man.
Anyone else would have been long gone after the turmoil she’d caused.

“I’m bipolar,” she
said with a rush, before she lost her nerve.

His eyes widened. He
stared at her for long moments, the silence stretching between them.

“How long have you
known,” he asked.

Amanda swallowed
past the guilt lodged in her throat. “About ten years,” she answered.

“What?” His fierce
whisper sliced through her. Jeffrey rose from the chair. He raked his hands
down his face and began pacing the short length of her hospital room. “Why did
you keep this from me? How could I not know my own wife is bipolar?”

“I’ve been on
medication.”

“For ten years?”

She nodded. “I
started to sense that something wasn’t quite right about a year after we were
married. I suspected I was possibly bipolar when I recognized I was doing some
of those same things my mom used to do, staying up for days at a time, cleaning
the house from top to bottom several times a week.”

“I just thought you
were trying to impress me.” He shook his head.

“No, Jeffrey, they
were manic episode. I found out about a clinic through an online message board
for families dealing with mental illness.”

“Why didn’t you tell
me?”

“I couldn’t,” she
choked out. “You know what happened to my parents, to my mother.”

“Because she refused
treatment,” Jeffrey said.
 
“Because
she shut out the rest of her family. Why would you follow in her footsteps?”

“I didn’t want to
follow in her footsteps. That’s why I sought help. I didn’t want to end up like
her.”

He shook his head,
visibly upset. “I cannot believe you kept this from me. That you would go
through this alone instead of trusting me.”

Amanda bit her
trembling bottom lip, her heart sinking at Jeffrey’s disappointment. “I know
how you felt about living with someone suffering with bipolar disorder. You
told me you never wanted to live the type of life my father lived. I was afraid
you would leave if you found out.”

“Goodness, Amanda.”
He ran his hands down his face again. “Did you really think I would leave you
to suffer alone?”

“I’m sorry.” She
covered her mouth with her free hand, unable to quell her sobs. “Jeffrey, I’m
so
sorry. I’ve put you through so much,
and you didn’t deserve any of it.”

“Wait.” He halted
his methodical pacing. “You told me your mother used to accuse your father of
being unfaithful.”