Deliver Us (30 page)

“No! No, no...” Gabriel hisses, hips coming forward even more sharply, head thrown back, as Trace’s fist moves at a bruising pace, a tight glove around his overfilled dick.

Then Trace just presses their bodies together, takes Gabriel’s lip between his teeth and bites down. The metallic tang of blood spills over their tongues. Gabriel cries out, coming hard, splashing hot and thick over Trace’s stomach and hand.

“C’mon.... C’mon....”

Shaking his head again in negation, tightly once back and forth, Gabriel gasps, chest rising and falling rapidly. Trace angles his hand with his wide thumb planted firmly just under the ridge on the underside, his other fingers squeezing still, milking him dry.

Gabriel’s right hand shifts, rubbing over Trace’s torso. Moving down, it splays wide over the center of his chest. Trying to swallow back another whimper, he forces it deeper and turns it into a growl. Darting forward, he kisses Trace. Instantly, Trace’s free hand forces Gabriel’s mouth open wide with gentle pressure at his jaw, tongue-fucking him through the aftershocks. As soon as Gabriel starts to go soft in his hand, the palm on his chest pushes hard. Knocked back two steps, Trace watches as Gabriel straightens up. Short hair almost black, his intoxicating pale eyes catching the light from the sunset filtering through the opened door, eyelashes thick, lips full and blood red, skin flushed from his orgasm, body lean and toned, he’s a breathtaking sight. Running the back of his arm over his bleeding mouth, head down, his brow is furrowed but his eyes sharp. With a tug and a shimmy he’s back inside his jeans and storming away, deeper into the house without a word.

“You’re welcome!” Trace calls sarcastically as he heads back outside.

Gabriel does not reply. He just turns the stereo up to ear-splitting volume and climbs under scalding-hot water in the shower, drowning everything out, washing it all away.

It plays out in his mind and then crumbles, breaking up into fragments and dispersing into the ether.

“The only thing...” Gabriel insists to the man in his arms, “the
only
thing that matters is how I feel about you. The past... well, the past is an evil bitch that doesn’t want to die, but it
is
the past. What I want, Darrek, is a future. I want a
future
, you know? And when I look at you, I don’t see the past, I see only what
could be
. And that? That’s
everything
.”

Darrek leans in just as Gabriel does and feels his soft, full lips close around his. As usual, the shocking sweetness evident in Gabriel—something that is not unleashed frequently, but when it is, is more powerful than anything else about him—nearly knocks Darrek right off of his feet. Whispering against those lips, Darrek tells him, “Love you... love you so much.”

After a few minutes, lips kissed red, and breathless, Gabriel pulls away a fraction of an inch only to begin speaking, his tone serious and confessional.

“We never really talked about what’s been happening between us. We seem to have just fallen into it naturally, this... lifestyle. But I think it’s time we did talk about it. There’s a lot of stuff we should talk about, actually. Like the fact that I want to pay my share of the rent if I’m going to be staying here.”

Darrek smiles and says with a shrug, “Don’t worry about it. I own the house.”

“Oh, well, okay. Then I’ll help you with the mortgage payment or whatever.”

“No, you don’t understand. I own the house. I paid for it and the land when I moved up here. I have the deed and everything.”

“You paid for it? All at once?”

“Yeah, I did. See, I didn’t go to college. I started working right away in construction the day after I graduated from high school. I apprenticed under another carpenter for a few years. I was living with my parents, so pretty much all of my income was getting saved. I was going to use it to fund my marriage, and buy me and Sara a house, but then... well, that whole fiasco happened. So, I bought this place instead. It wiped out my savings, but I feel like this place is a good investment. I’m still trying to build my savings up again, especially after buying the Tundra. I own that free and clear, too. Since I don’t have a big mortgage payment or a vehicle loan to worry about, I don’t need much money in order to live comfortably enough.”

“That’s... that’s incredible.”

“It was kind of comforting, having all that money saved up. I felt like I could do anything, you know? It was a big confidence builder,” he says. The profound sum of what he’s lost—his fiancée, his family’s support, his sense of self worth—appears to catch up with him, darkening his expression. “Possibly the only thing I
had
besides my friendship with Kyle to give me confidence. But it’s just money. It didn’t make me happy. It didn’t make me any less lonely. I just decided what I wanted. I want to
belong
somewhere. That’s all that matters. The money is gone now, but the work has been pretty steady, and I don’t need much to get by.”

“So, I guess that’s why you weren’t too broken up about being laid-off.”

“Pretty much,” Darrek agrees, “But, it’s been a few days now. The gap between jobs is usually a week at most. I keep thinking I’m going to get the call to go back. I keep thinking....”

“That you’re going to have to see Kyle again.”

“Yeah. I don’t even know how I would handle that.”

“Okay, well, let’s come back to that. Where the hell did you learn to manage money so well?”

“My mom is an accountant. She taught me a lot and then I just sort of ran with it. I wanted to be independent of my parents, and be able to live without crazy amounts of debt to anyone. I didn’t want that hanging over my head. I wanted the place I live in and the truck I drive to be
mine
. My own little piece of the world. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah. That’s a goal that I can identify with a lot, actually. And you did it. I’m proud of you for that.”

“Gabe... I don’t know how much you make at Diadem, but it has to be enough to afford your own place to live. Is there a reason you always stayed with Trace?”

“Yeah, that wasn’t a money thing. I’m a saver too, I guess. We have that in common. It’s always made me feel better to have a nice little nest egg ready if I need it. I’ve been paying Trace rent, or at least trying to, but most times he won’t take it. Never cashed the checks, you see.”

“Then why? If it wasn’t a money thing?”

“Oh, come on. I’m sure you can figure it out.”

“I don’t want to assume anything....”

“I can’t live on my own. I can’t. I wouldn’t sleep if I did. Even living with Trace, if he was out for the night, for whatever reason, I’d go stay at Ben’s place.”

“This is about Harry.”

“When someone sneaks into your bedroom on a regular basis, and rapes you in the dead of night again and again and again... let’s just say it gets really fucking hard to sleep soundly. Even when you know, logically, that they aren’t around anymore.”

“Have you been sleeping okay here?”

“Better than usual. I attribute that solely to you, by the way. And when I do wake up at night, and you’re asleep, it’s nice to come down here and have Sierra to keep me company. She makes me feel better, too.”

“I’m glad. So, not that it matters to me, but how much do you have saved up?”

“Oh, I have no idea of the exact amount. I have a financial advisor and an account with an investment company. They take care of everything, and I get regular statements from them. I don’t care how much money there is, as long as it’s enough to keep me off the streets if anything ever happens. Homelessness is not something I want to ever have to live through again.

“But that’s another way we’re alike. I don’t care if they reduce my pay at Diadem, or that I’m out of work for a little while. It doesn’t really affect me. I just want to be happy and comfortable. The funny thing is, is that I thought I
was
. I really did think I was happy and had a good life. But now, being with you... I realize that I wasn’t happy.
This
is happiness. That was just surviving.”

Darrek presses his eyes closed and lays his head on Gabriel’s lap. As Gabriel’s fingers play in his hair, Darrek sighs, “I want you so bad right now. The fact that I have you with me, and that you’re living here, it makes me so happy. To not have that loneliness inside me anymore, and to know I belong to you, it’s everything. I just want you to let me make love to you and show you how beautiful you are. I want that so badly, and I’m just telling you that because I feel it too strongly to be able to hide it from you. It’s just me being honest. I don’t expect anything from you, but I need you to know how I feel.”

Staring out through the room’s picture window and stroking fingers through Darrek’s hair, a battle rages inside Gabriel’s mind at those words. He doesn’t respond. He can’t. But, as his hands move soothingly over Darrek’s head, neck, and back, their touch conveys to Darrek his feelings more than any words ever could.

Gabriel is angry at himself, and at his past. He’s hopeful that maybe,
possibly
, he can go through with this, and allow himself to have complete faith in the man he loves. He is certain that it will be the hardest thing he has ever had to do, the most seemingly impossible task he will ever have to face. Feeling Darrek embrace him, letting Darrek’s confessed desires and affection wash over him and take away some of the fear, Gabriel searches his heart and decides what he needs to do.

It’s late. All of the lights in the house are off, except for the single bedside lamp in the master bedroom. The dog has been taken care of. The doors are locked. It’s a hot night, so the window is open, and a soft breeze blows in, cooling Darrek’s skin where it caresses over him and the light layer of sweat dampening his body.

Gabriel has just come back into the room after getting washed up in the bathroom. Darrek has been waiting for him, sorting some of his clothes, making more room for Gabriel’s things in the closet and drawers.

He turns and grins at the sight of Gabriel’s dark, stringy wet hair curling a little over his forehead, his jeans hastily tugged on, the button on the fly not even done up. His chest is bare, the skin flushed from the heat of the shower. Darrek is amazed at his tolerance for it, having personally witnessed the scalding temperatures Gabriel seems to prefer. As a stronger breeze whistles through the room, goose bumps raise on Gabriel’s arms. Darrek licks his lips and averts his eyes when his gaze falls on Gabriel’s hardened nipples. Wanting to touch, to kiss, Darrek busies himself instead with the clothes, and tries to stamp down the hard rush of need that swells in him.

Gabriel turns on the small stereo on the bureau, adjusting the dial until soft classical music, overlaid with the faintest hint of static, begins to play. Darrek feels a tug on his hand, and lets Gabriel pull him away from the closet and his busywork. He readies himself to go to his knees, prepares to obey and follow whatever orders his Master has for him.

But, when Gabriel rests a hand on Darrek’s shoulder, guides Darrek’s hand to his waist, and then takes Darrek’s other hand in his own, he knows exactly what to do. Darrek begins to slowly lead them in a simple waltz, turning Gabriel around the open space in the bedroom, following the tempo of the music lilting from the small speakers nearby, accompanied now by chirping crickets and a few croaking frogs from outside.

“You’re good at this,” Gabriel smiles. “I didn’t know you could dance.”

“A hidden talent,” he admits, moving Gabriel about, held carefully in his arms.

Seeing the sadness in Darrek’s eyes, Gabriel says, “Sara made you take lessons, didn’t she? For the wedding?”

Darrek nods.

The fact that Gabriel has arranged them so that Darrek is the one leading did not escape his notice. As they continue to waltz, Darrek somewhat bashfully, and with an ache in his heart, waits for Gabriel to tell him what is already so plain on his face.

“I’m giving you permission to do this,” Gabriel says quietly. His gaze is lowered at first, but then it rises and locks onto Darrek’s, searching his face for understanding. “But you have to know that I have these built-in defense mechanisms. Kind of a fight or flight deal. No one has ever... no one’s even come
close
to....”

“It’s okay,” Darrek assures him. “I get it.”

“Do you? Because I don’t. I don’t get it at all. Once I kicked Trace right in the balls for grabbing my ass when I wasn’t expecting it.”

Darrek chuckles and Gabriel laughs with him, but says, “It’s not funny! I really hurt him. And he wasn’t trying to be a dick or anything... I just don’t want to hurt you, Dare. And I can’t promise that my instincts won’t take over when you start to... um... the point is, I might say or do things that I don’t really mean....”

“That part, I do understand,” Darrek cuts in.

Gabriel nods, “Of course. Of course you do.... Look, I’ve been thinking about this. I think about it a lot, actually. And I can’t...
do
this. We’ve done some intense shit, but this is different. Even if I chained you to the bed and tried to just....” He sighs, “It’s like a mental block. I wouldn’t be able to do it. I need you to
take
this from me. It’s not something I can be in control of. The best I can do is just to, like,
command you
to make love to me, despite everything else. Okay?”