Denial (11 page)

“The shot.”

“Are you comfortable
not
using condoms?”

“Yes. Actually, I think I might have a mild latex allergy.”

“Well, that’s good to know.” He looks frustrated as he makes a note and shakes his head.  “I get a lot of shit for asking these questions, yet they keep leaving out crucial information like that. Any other allergies? Food included.”

“No.”

“Are you on any medications?”

“Nope.”

“Adderall counts too, you know.”

“Excuse me?”

“Sorry, I just assumed. You really have been hungry lately, haven’t you?” He flips to another page. “Do you find yourself using your safeword often?”

“No.”

“Do you ever stop yourself from using it?” he asks. I hesitate. “I told you to answer immediately.”

“Sorry. Sometimes.”

“Does your Dominant cease activity promptly when you do?”

“You ask everyone these questions?”

“Answer me,” he says sternly.

“Usually,” I lie.

He inhales sharply. “Does Luke make you feel guilty for using your safeword?”

“Isaac…”

“
Answer. Me.
”

I have to look away from him. “Yes.”

Letting out a low growl, he stares up at the ceiling. “I guess I’m just going to skip the rest of this section because we’ve already discussed most of this. It’s only going to make me angry and you anxious.”

“Thank you.”

He leans forward and taps my knee playfully. “Shake it off. We’re getting to the fun stuff now.” The grin he gives me is so devious. “Do you climax during sex easily?”

My cheeks flush. “Sometimes.”

“Expound.”

“It depends on how nervous I am. And if he’s any good.”

“What about when you are masturbating?” he asks, locking eyes with me and thumping his pen against that mysterious stack of fucking papers.

My face gets hot. “It’s not a problem then.”

“Do you experience multiple orgasms often?”

“No,” I blurt out.

“That’s an issue we’ll be addressing,” he says smugly, eyeing me.

“I don’t think I can.” How embarrassing.

“You have a clitoris, don’t you?” My eyebrows pop up and I nod. The corner of his mouth rises slightly. That cocky smile of his is killing me. “Have you ever had anal sex?”

“No.”

“Are you opposed to trying it?”

“I guess not.”

He licks his lips and I feel my body heat rise. “Do you enjoy giving oral sex?”

“Sometimes.”

“What about receiving?”

“Yes. Doesn’t everybody?”

“You’d be surprised,” he laughs. “Do you enjoy being blindfolded?”

“Sometimes.”

“Has it ever scared you?”

“Yes,” I whisper.

“Actually, Maya, you’re probably not going to like some of these.” He taps his foot nervously and runs his fingers through his hair. “Have you ever started to panic while restrained?”

“Not exactly.”

“But you experienced fear?”

“Yes.”

“Did you safeword?”

“No.”

He huffs. “We are obviously going to discuss safewords. And I expect you to actually use them. I won’t break up with you if you do.” That last sentence came out sharply.

“I’m not…” I want to argue with him, but nothing comes to mind. “That’s fine.”

“Have you enjoyed being restrained?”

“Yes.”

A relieved smile crosses his face. “What about being spanked?”

“A little bit.”

“But sometimes you didn’t like it?”

“Usually I don’t.”

“Have you ever been gagged?”

“I wouldn’t let him do that.”
He did it anyway.

“Do you have any experience with choking or breath control?”

“I don’t like that.”

“Thank you for answering honestly.” His voice is low and he takes a deep breath. “Do you experience sexual pleasure from humiliation?”

“No.”

His spine stiffens. “What about forced domestic servitude? Chores, housework, drink fetching, that sort of thing?”

“I don’t really like that either, but…” I know that’s one of Luke’s favorites.

“Don’t worry. We’ll work on it. I have some tricks.”

“Tricks?”

“Submission is a frame of mind.”

He’s about to ask another question, but I cut him off. “Have you ever done it?”

“Been submissive?” He swallows and looks a little uncomfortable, tapping his foot
faster. “Yes. I think that’s what makes me a good trainer.” At least he knows what it’s like. “How do you feel about eye contact restriction?”

“I hate it.” It hurts so much sometimes when
Luke doesn’t want me to look at him. I don’t understand. “Thanks for asking”

“I’ll still have to do that.”

“I know.”

His eyes narrow and he stops himself from saying something again. “Does pain cause you to experience sexual pleasure?”

“No,” I say timidly. I’m pretty sure this is something Luke wants me to work on.

“Are you opposed to face slapping?”

My jaw drops open. “Yes!” Isaac looks away from me and starts to speak again, but I cut him off. “Did he ask you do to that?”

“Maya, I can’t tell you.” He won’t look at me. “Some of these things are his requests, but some of it is random, in case you’re into something.”

“No, it’s so I don’t know which are his. Right?” Reluctantly, he nods. “Have you ever done that to someone?”

“Some people enjoy it.”

“Have you ever done that to someone that didn’t enjoy it?”

“Some people like to do things that they don’t enjoy.”

“Is that what you guys tell yourselves?”

His eyes flare. “Look,
I
don’t like doing it, regardless of the circumstances. Which is more than I can say for…” he pauses, and I know deep down that he was about to say Luke. “A lot of them.”

“Has anyone ever done that to you?” Why did I ask that?

“Yes!” he shouts. I flinch and he instantly composes himself, but it pissed him off. “I apologize for raising my voice.”

“It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have reacted that way.”

“It’s a perfectly normal reaction. Would you like me to continue?”

“Yes,” I whisper. Maybe that last one wasn’t
Luke’s. It couldn’t be.

Isaac hesitates a few seconds, looking conflicted. “Do you have rape fantasies?”

“No!”

“So… probably no for gang rape fantasies then, huh?” he asks quietly.

“Of course not!” I’m outraged. “Isaac, were those two his?”

“Maya, I can’t tell you that.”

“Were they his?” I snarl.

“Would you walk out right now if they were?” he snaps. I can’t believe I’m not automatically saying yes. “Look, those aren’t actually that uncommon.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes.” He leans in, looking like he wants to touch me. I wrap my arms around myself protectively and he withdraws his hand. “And no. I’ve never done that,” he says emphatically. “I just can’t. So it’s not going to come up.” I take a deep breath. Who am I to judge people and what gets them off? Those couldn’t have been
Luke’s anyway. Isaac says they’re common, he would know. “We’re almost done, but do you need a break?”

“No, it’s okay,
” I reply. He gives me the serious look. “Really.”

“Do you have g
roup sex fantasies?”

“Sometimes.”

“You with multiple men, correct?”

“Yes.” I suppose I shouldn’t judge other people for their fantasies.

“And you’ve done that twice?”

“Yeah.” I do not want to talk about this.

“Do you find yourself saying no when you mean yes?” Or that.

“Yeah, it happens.”

“Why?” he says softly. That wasn’t the professional voice.

When I look up at him, his eyes are wide and inquisitive.
Stop being so cute.
“That’s not one of your normal questions is it?”

“No,” he laughs.

“Then I decline to answer.”

“W
e should play poker.”

“
I don’t know how.”

“
I wish I could say that I’ll teach you, but we can’t.” Isaac takes a deep breath before asking the next question. “How do you feel about branding?”

“Branding?”

“Like… cattle.” He cringes.

“How do I
feel
about being burned and scarred like a
cow
?”

“I’ll put that one down as a negative response,” he chuckles, not looking up. At first it pisses me off, but soon I join him.

“Is Luke going to get a copy of this?”

“It will be part of the report.”

There’s a report? What the hell have I gotten myself into? “Will I get to see it?”

“No. What are your thoughts about being punished for disobeying orders?”

“I’m not that crazy about it.”

“But you consent, knowing that you can safeword and stop the process at any time?”

“Yes,” I grumble.

“Do you consider yourself an exhibitionist?”

“No.”

“Do you have any experience with vaginal or anal fisting?”

“Oh my God.” My hand flies to my mouth. “No.”

“I take it that means you don’t want to try it?”

“I do not want to try it.”

“That’s fine. It’s not as bad as it seems.”

“Really?” I peep. He nods. “Have you ever…”

“There are very few sexual acts that I have not participated in.” He shrugs. “How do you feel about biting?”
Seriously?
“Maya…”

Squeezing my eyes shut from embarrassment, I blush and don’t answer for a few seconds, grateful that he lets me wait. “I kind of like that.”

“Oh. Giving or receiving?”

“Both. But no blood.”

“So probably no for cutting then?”

“Absolutely not. No knives.”

“Gunplay?”

“You
’re kidding right?”

“N
o, but that’s fine. A bit of a relief actually.” He smiles at me reassuringly.

“Really?”

“Yes.” So does that mean Luke wanted us to do that? This is maddening! I won’t bother to ask. “Do you have any experience with suspension?”

“
No.”

“Opposed to it?”

“Intimidated would be a better word.”

“That’s okay.”

“Is it fun?”

“It can be. It would be with me.” My pulse quickens when his eyes crinkle.
That crooked smile is killing me. “I’ll mark that as interested.”

“I don’t know…”

“Ok, I won’t write it down for him, but
I’ll
make a mental note,” he says, his eyes tempting me to defy him. I can’t. It’s the strangest thing. I wouldn’t want Luke to do that to me, but I might just let Isaac, not right away, but maybe after I get to know him a little better. What the hell does that mean? “Do you enjoy nipple clamps?”

“I’m still undecided.”

“Would you like to enjoy nipple clamps?”

“Maybe.”

He licks his lips and eyes me. “Do you enjoy hair pulling?”

“Not until last night.” I cannot believe I just said that.

Did he just growl? “Oh, Maya. We are going to have fun.” I gulp. I hope he doesn’t mean right this second. I’m still a little shaken up from some of those questions. Isaac reaches forward and runs his thumb along my jaw. “Relax. I’m not going to jump on you. I’m a professional, remember?”

I do now.
“Are there any more questions?” I ask.

“Not from me. And I’m sorry some of those upset you.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I should have warned you better. The other submissives I’ve trained were more experienced. They’d been asked that stuff before and had time to think about it. I think I’ve lost perspective on what’s normal for most people. If I ever had any.”

He looks so guilty. Before I can stop myself, my fingers are on his face trying to smooth out the lines on his forehead. They find their way into his hair as his eyes close, leaning into me. For a moment, he looks peaceful, his lips parting as the tension leaves his broad shoulders. Then his jaw clenches and he grabs my wrist, kissing my fingertips before letting my hand drop.

“I’m sorry. Was I not supposed to do that?”