Depravicus (29 page)

"I'm not
obliged to say."

"Fuck you,
then."

"You can't
talk like that to a police officer."

"I can and I
will. OK, arrest me for entering my own church," Will sighed,
holding his hands out for the cuffs. "Go on then, make a complete
and utter prat of yourself."

"I'm sorry,
but I have no choice," the man said, taking his cuffs from his
belt.

"I have to
tell you that I have been reinstated as priest," Will enlightened
him.

"If you really
are priest of the church, then... I might not be able to arrest you
for the alleged offence, but I can arrest you for swearing at a
police officer."

"Oh, fuck off.
For God's sake, have you nothing better to do other than prat
around the village?"

"Well, I
suppose..."

"Go and catch
some criminals. Here's a tip. There's a sad creep on the
loose."

"Really?"

"He wears a
skull cap and a cassock and hangs around Hallworth Church. He's
wanted in several countries for impersonating a priest. Nab him,
and you'll be made a police woman before you can say bollocks."

"Right. Well,
thanks for the tip."

"Any
time."

Watching the
man cycle at full speed down the lane, Will rubbed his hands
together and went into his house. Life seemed to be a never-ending
pain up the arse as far as certain people were concerned, he mused.
Namely, PC Bridlington, the Bishop... The Reverend Slagger must
have contacted the local police station, he mused. The cow was
nothing but bloody trouble, and had to be shut up once and for all.
An accidental fall into a cesspit would be advantageous to all who
knew the ratbag. Or a serious bout of kickus up the cuntus syndrome
would slow her down considerably. There was no way Will would ever
be free of her, he knew only too well. If you can't beat them, join
them, he mused, rubbing his chin as he went into the kitchen and
grabbed a can of lager from the fridge.

Join them? It
might have been an idea to lay a few traps of his own. The enemy
seemed bent on setting traps, so why not plant the odd gin trap in
the slagger's study? A fanny trap would be more appropriate. A cunt
trap? Realizing that he was the biggest trapper of cunts in the
land, he contemplated his next sexual conquest. Reckoning that
there was no one under the age of twenty-odd that he'd not fucked
and spunked, he wondered whether there'd be another batch of randy
girls arriving in Cumsdale before long.

"Oh, you've
decided to return," Lana sighed as she wandered into the kitchen
with an ice bucket. "Nice of you to show your face."

"Sarcasm
doesn't become you," Will smiled.

"For goodness
sake, Will. I'm left here to run the bar and..."

"OK, OK. I had
to visit a parishioner."

"A female one,
you mean."

"As it
happens, she was a female. But I don't see..."

"I suppose you
rogered her, as you'd put it?"

"I had to
inflict my manly length upon her anal canal, yes."

"You fucked
her arse."

"You can be so
uncouth at times, Lana."

"I wonder
where I get it from."

"Anyone in
trousers, I would imagine. Or a skirt."

"Are you
implying that I'm a lesbian?"

"No, no, no,
no... Yes. I know you're a bloody lesbian, for God's sake."

"Can we stop
talking bollocks for a few minutes and discuss the bar?"

"OK."

"Good. I want
the evening off, so you'll have to work for a change."

"OK, no
problem. I'll take over now, if you like."

"Oh, all
right. It's just that I have a few things to do and... By the way,
that Josie girl rang again. She said that she was at the
airport."

"Airport?
Which airport?"

"Gatwick.
She's taking the next train..."

"When did she
phone?"

"About an hour
ago."

"Right, you
evening off is cancelled fifthwith."

"But..."

"I have to go
and see someone. Er... Someone in Australia. Bye."

Dashing out of
the house, his heart racing, Will wondered what to do. This was a
right mess, he thought, making his way to the pub. There was only
one thing for it. Get drunk and then go home and feign complete and
utter surprise when he stumbled across the bar. He'd make out that,
when he'd left the house, the dining room had been there as normal.
Yes, that was it, he mused. Josie would believe that someone had
installed the bar in the wrong house and... Fuck, he thought. He
was being plucked from this mortal coil at midnight. By Josie, more
than likely.

Staggering
home from the pub in the pitch dark, Will almost fell through the
front door. Clinging to the banister to steady himself, he took a
deep breath and prayed that Josie wasn't in the bar. There was no
screaming, insane ranting and raving about missing furniture, which
was a good sign. Lurching down the hall, he peered through the
crack in the door into the bar. Lana was sitting on a stool,
sipping vodka and chatting to Lolita. They were attractive, Will
observed. Long legs, shapely thighs showing, breasts bulging their
blouses, nipples clearly visible through the thin material. They
were also in dire need of a damned good shagging, he thought,
eyeing their short skirts, the triangular patch of material hugging
Lolita's swollen sex lips.

"Seeing as
you've moved in, he might let me live here too," Lana said,
obviously unaware that Will was lurking in the hall. "I want to get
the bar going really well. If I lived here, I could put more time
and effort into it."

"You've got a
little pink pussy, right?" Lolita giggled.

"Of course I
have."

"That's it,
then. That's all Will's fucking interested in. Hey, we could both
share a bedroom and have lessie sex all night fucking long."

"If he'll
agree to it," Lana sighed.

"Agree to us
having sex?"

"No, I mean...
I'll ask him when I next see him. Apart from Will, there's this
Josie girl to worry about."

"When she due
back?"

"She rang
earlier and said that she was at Gatwick. I think it was a ploy,
just to frighten Will."

"Have you met
her?"

"No, I
haven't. Will's terrified of her. They're not married, so I don't
know why he lets her rule him."

"No one rules
me," Will slurred, falling into the room and rolling on the
floor.

"Drink rules
you," Lana returned. "Look at the state of you."

"I've had two
pints of lager, that's all."

"Three crates
of vodka, more likely."

"Two crates,
actually. So, where's Josie?" Will asked, climbing to his feet and
leaning on the bar.

"I don't
know," Lana replied, wondering whether now was the time to asked
about moving in.

"Had she been
at Gatwick, she'd have been here by now. By the way, where's the
box of samples that man left?" Will asked, moving behind the bar
and pouring a pint of lager. "I haven't taken a look at the
goodies, yet."

"I'll get it,"
Lana said, slipping her rounded buttocks off the bar stool. "Don't
you think you've had enough to drink?"

"I haven't
even started," Will laughed, wondering why he was beginning to
sober up.

As Lana left
the room Will eyed the alluring ravine of Lolita's cleavage.
Licking his lips as he wondered whether to test the samples on the
girl, ram a vibrator into her bottom, he wondered whether they'd
oblige him with a double blowjob. His bulbous knob sandwiched
between their pretty mouths, their tongues licking his slit,
lapping up his sperm... His cock granite-hard, his full balls
heaving, he could almost feel their wet mouths encompassing his
swollen glans, their saliva running down the solid shaft of his
erect penis. Recalling the two girls slurping at his knob in the
slagger's study, he felt his balls roll. Their pink tongues licking
around the rim of his purple glans, snaking over his slit as his
spunk had jetted...

"There," Lana
smiled, dumping a cardboard box on the bar. Peering inside as the
girl sat on a stool, Will rubbed his hands together and grinned.
Several vibrators, butt plugs, nipple clamps, handcuffs, speculums,
a clitoral vacuum pump, a leather strap, a metal device resembling
a hand grenade... There was enough equipment to keep the girls in a
perpetual state of orgasm. Taking a vibrator from the box, Will
examined the sticky shaft. Lana had obviously tested the device
when she'd taken the box home, shoved the plastic phallus deep into
her pussy and writhed in orgasm.

As always,
Will was desperate for sex. Eyeing Lolita's tight panties hugging
the swell of her love lips, he imagined pressing his face into the
moist material and breathing in her girl-scent. As the girl chatted
Will couldn't take his eyes off her panties, the lips of her pussy
clearly outlined by the taut material. Focusing on the triangle of
damp material he knew she was wet there. Parting her thighs wide as
she sipped her vodka, the narrow strip of material unable to
conceal the swell of her outer lips, she was obviously pretending
not to have noticed Will's lustful gaze.

Realizing he
knew nothing about her, where she'd come from, her true identity,
he decided to get the truth out of her. His cock twitched, raring
to get at a hot wet pussy. But he'd have to get Lana out of the way
first. Coming up with an idea, Will finished his drink and moved
behind the bar.

"Lana, why
don't you move in with us?" he said, filling his empty glass.

"Oh, I'd like
that," she beamed.

"Go and get
your things and you can move in now."

"Right," she
said, leaping off her stool. "I've only got to get my clothes and a
few other bits and pieces."

"Take your
time," Will smiled as she left the room. "We'll be waiting for
you."

"It'll be nice
having Lana here," Lolita said, eyeing Will with suspicion as he
leaned over the bar and gazed longingly at her thighs. "She'll be
company for me while you're out gallivanting."

"Yes, it will
be nice. OK, I want to know who you are and where you come
from."

"You know who
I fucking am," she giggled. "And I've come from the fucking
convent."

"There's
something about you, Lolita. I don't know what it is, but there's
something..."

"Perhaps it's
this," she grinned, parting her thighs wide and pulling the wet
material of her red panties to one side. "Is it this?"

Will felt his
stomach somersault as he focused on the pink nub of her erect
clitoris, the creamy juice streaming from her gaping vaginal hole.
His cock was ruling his head as usual, he knew as he licked his
lips. Her juice would taste wonderful, he mused. Creamy, warm...
His insatiable thirst for pussies was blurring his mind. He had to
discover who she was and what she was up to. It would have been
best not to have taken her into the house, send her packing and...
Her cunny hole gaping before his wide eyes, her clitoris peeping at
him from beneath its pink hood, there was no way he could
concentrate.

"I've just
heard the voice of the Lord," he said, moving around the bar and
standing before the girl. "He wants me to examine you."

"Examine me?"
she frowned, cocking her head to one side.

"It's not my
choice," Will murmured, taking a speculum from the box. "Thy will
be done."

"If you say
so," she sighed, slipping off the stool. "Where do you want
me?"

"Over the
table," Will said, moving some chairs aside. "Clothes off and lie
on the table. On your back, of course."

"The Lord has
spoken to you, my fanny. Your cock has spoken, you mean."

"The Lord made
my cock, so it's the same thing."

Watching as
the girl slipped her blouse and skirt off, Will toyed with the
steel speculum. Rummaging through the box as she lay on the table,
he grabbed two pairs of handcuffs. This was going to be an
interesting and sexually rewarding night, he thought as he moved
behind the girl. Kneeling on the floor, he pulled her arms down and
cuffed her wrists to the table legs.

"Why the
handcuffs?" she asked, raising her head and staring at him. "I
thought you wanted to examine me."

"I do," he
chuckled wickedly, rummaging through the box again. "Ah, this is
what I need," he smiled, taking a long chain attached to two leg
clamps from the box. "This is my examination kit."

"I don't see
why you have to clamp my fucking ankles," she sighed as he secured
her feet to the table legs.

Kneeling
between her parted thighs, he stroked her hairless vulval flesh and
grinned. "You'll soon discover my wicked and most evil plan...
Er... Worry not, my child," he murmured, planting a kiss on the
soft hillocks of her cunny lips.

"I've never
heard of a doctor handcuffing a fucking patient like this."

"I'm not a
doctor, Lolita," he chuckled wickedly. "I'm a priest. And you know
what priests are like."

Grabbing the
speculum from the table, he pushed the cold steel paddles between
her inner lips and drove the device deep into the contracting
sheath of her vaginal canal. Squeezing the levers he watched as her
fleshy outer lips parted, the petals of her inner lips stretching
tautly as her sex canal dilated. Squeezing the levers a little more
as she began protesting, he left the speculum in place and took the
vacuum pump from the box.

"That fucking
hurts," Lolita grimaced, her naked body contorting as her vaginal
muscles spasmed, gripping the speculum.

"My balls
hurt," he chortled. "They need a damned good emptying. Preferably
up your arse."

"What the
fuck's that?" she asked, watching as he placed a small
clear-plastic cup attached to a rubber hose over the nub of her
exposed clitoris.