Desert Hearts (30 page)

“You love it, Janet. Admit it.”

His wife laughed. “You know me too well, Charles. I do! And I am so happy for Elizabeth.”

“She might have done better at Fort Lyon.”

“Better a bird in the hand, Charles. Though I might indeed have been able to find her someone in Colorado. But never one as handsome as Sergeant Burke.”

“He is a good man, and that’s the important thing, Janet,” the colonel answered with teasing sternness. “But she’ll be living on less than she did with Woolcott.”

“I don’t think the material things are that important to Elizabeth. I just hope….”

“What?”

“I hope she didn’t accept him just to keep from being a burden to us, Charles. He deserves better than that.”

“Cooper will be furious,” said the colonel with a smile of satisfaction on his face.

“Ah, yes, Mr. Cooper. To be beaten by a mere sergeant, when he didn’t even know he had a rival.”

“Do you mind leaving here, Janet?”

“You know I mind very much, Charles. But mainly for your sake and the Navajo. With Chavez and Carson they’ll never have a chance.”

“I would have had to follow Carleton’s orders, though, and so I am just as glad not to be here and be part of their destruction.”

“Will it be that bad?”

“I am afraid so, my dear, I am afraid so. But come now and get some sleep. After all, you have a wedding to plan tomorrow!”

* * * *

The ceremony was small and private because Elizabeth was going straight from mourning to marriage. She wore her best dress, a dark green silk, which was very appropriate, said Mrs. Gray, quieting her fears. “It is a return to color, but not too bright, my dear, and you look lovely in it.”

Elizabeth’s hands were shaking as she fastened the small mother-of-pearl buttons that ran up the front of the gown. “Oh no,” she cried, almost in tears, as one of the top ones popped off.

“There, there. You can take my brooch,” said Mrs. Gray unpinning a circlet of pearls from her own gown and pinning it just under Elizabeth’s throat.

“Do you think I am doing the right thing, Janet?” Elizabeth whispered as she fingered the brooch.

“Wearing my pin? I think you must, for we have no time to search for that wretched button,” the colonel’s wife teased.

Elizabeth’s smile was fleeting. “You know what I mean. Marrying Sergeant Burke. I mean Michael.”

“It matters little what I think, my dear. It is you who will be living with him after all.” Mrs. Gray did not intend to put the weight of her opinion either way.

“I do like him and we have become good friends, you know.”

Mrs. Gray nodded encouragingly.

“But….”

“But what, dear?”

“It feels so disloyal to Thomas.”

“To marry so soon? Yes, I imagine it must. But the army has given you no choice, has it? No one would understand that better than a career soldier like Thomas Woolcott.”

“It is also something else,” continued Elizabeth, her voice so low that Mrs. Gray had to strain to hear. “I….” She cleared her throat. She had never spoken of such things before. “I find Sergeant Burke…not unattractive.”

There’s a fine way of putting it, thought Mrs. Gray, struggling not to smile.

“Surely that will be a helpful thing in your marriage, Elizabeth.”

“But I didn’t feel exactly the same way about Thomas, although I loved him very much.”

“Thomas was a number of years older than you, Elizabeth,” said Mrs. Gray matter-of-factly, for although she knew that the pain in Elizabeth’s voice was very real, she did not want her to make too much of her feelings. “Your desire for him would be bound to be different from what you felt for Thomas. Michael is young and handsome and even though I am happily married I find him ‘not unattractive’ also!”

“Then you don’t think I am terrible?”

“Not at all,” said the older woman briskly. “If you bring friendship and desire to your marriage, then love has a good chance to develop, don’t you think?”

Love was already present on Michael’s side, of that the colonel’s wife was sure, after seeing him with Elizabeth for the past two days. She also suspected that Elizabeth was close to being in love with him, but would hold back out of loyalty to Thomas. In time, things would sort themselves out, for if any two people were perfect for each other, it was these two, she was convinced.

“Come, my dear, they are only waiting for us.”

Michael had asked Joshua Elwell to be his best man. “But before ye stand up with me, would ye play a tune for us, Josh?” So Elizabeth walked into the parlor to the sweet strains of Elwell’s fiddle. Mrs. Gray had her by one arm and the colonel took the other, for she had asked both of them to give her away.

It was a short walk to where Michael was waiting, looking pale and nervous. His blue eyes fairly burned through her as she took her place by his side and her legs trembled as the chaplain began to read the marriage service.

Michael said a short prayer to himself, asking for forgiveness for not being married by a priest. Surely God would understand. There were no priests closer than Albuquerque and even if there had been, he didn’t know if he could have convinced Elizabeth into a papist ceremony. Perhaps someday, for his sake, they could have one of the Spanish friars marry them. For now, well, many a young couple in Mayo had had to wait weeks for a priest to sanctify their union.

They said their vows very quietly and Michael slipped a plain silver ring set with a green turquoise that he had traded a Navajo for months ago. It had had to be cut down by the blacksmith to fit Elizabeth’s finger. She looked up at him with shy pleasure. Clearly she had not expected him to produce a ring in such short notice.

“I hope you like it,
muirneach
,” he whispered.

“Oh, I do, Michael.”

They turned and made the short walk to the other side of the parlor, where Mrs. Gray had set up her good crystal and china. There was a light lunch, a small wedding cake, and even a bottle of champagne that the Grays had kept for a special occasion.

Joshua offered the toast. “Here is to Michael and Elizabeth. We wish them a long and happy union and many children!”

“Hear, hear,” said the Grays as they lifted their glasses.

Elizabeth was blushing furiously. Children. She hadn’t even thought of that. Of course Michael would want them. Did she? And could she give them to him? Had it been Thomas’s age or was it she who had been unable to conceive?

The colonel and his lady offered them their good wishes, Mrs. Gray joked that they must finish every last bit of food, and quickly too, for it must all be packed by this evening!

They all laughed. But it was true: the colonel and his wife were leaving the next day and Mrs. Gray had kept out her dishes just for the ceremony.

When they finally took their leave to walk to Michael’s, quarters, they were showered with rice by Mahoney and one of his friends.

“Corporal Mahoney!” Michael exclaimed.

“Congratulations, Sergeant Burke, Mrs. Burke, ma’am,” said Mahoney with a grin.

Elizabeth laughed and thanked him. “Now I feel like a real bride.”

When they got to Michael’s quarters, Michael took his hat off and a handful of rice fell out.

“Damn the boy,” he said with a rueful laugh….

“Oh no, Michael, it was very sweet of him,” Elizabeth said, but she could tell by the way Michael’s eyes were twinkling that he really wasn’t annoyed at all.

Elizabeth surveyed her new quarters.

“I’m afraid it isn’t what you’re used to,” said Michael apologetically. “Sure and it isn’t what I’m used to, but I am the one who’s moved up in the world!”

“So that is why you married me, Sergeant Burke!” said Elizabeth with mock indignation. “Just to get out of bachelor quarters?”

“And away from all that snoring,” he joked.

“Ah, but what if
I
snore,” she teased.

“Em, but ye don’t, do ye, Mrs. Burke?”

“I am not the one who snores, Sergeant. It seems to me that I remember you snoring at the
kinaalda
. Had I only remembered this earlier,” she said sadly, “I might have reconsidered your proposal.”

They laughed together, and Michael thanked God for their shared sense of the ridiculous. ‘Twould make the first night a little easier.

“Em, there is only this one room, the kitchen, and our bedroom,” he said. “I furnished it as best I could in the time I had. But we can choose things together.”

Elizabeth nodded, suddenly quiet.

“Shall I be showing you the bedroom?”

She nodded again and reached out for his hand. Hers was freezing cold and his heart sank.
Día
, what if she didn’t want him that way? Should he even be asking her for this tonight? But it was their wedding night.

The bedroom was so small that to Elizabeth’s eyes it was all bed.

“Em, there is a rod to hang your clothes on over there.” Michael pointed. “And I hung a curtain so that you would have some privacy.”

The “curtain” consisted of two old paisley shawls sewn together, and Elizabeth’s carpetbag stood beside it.

“Thank you, Michael,” she said, letting go of his hand. “I’ll get ready for bed now, shall I?” She slipped behind the curtain before he could answer. She had no special night rail for tonight, only her best cotton one. But Mrs. Gray had given her a beautiful silk shawl in a green that brought out the green in her eyes. As she slipped it over her shoulders, she could feel the delicate fringe brushing her arms.

When she stepped out from behind the improvised curtain, Michael wasn’t there. It felt anticlimactic to have thrown the luxurious shawl on to please him and not have him there to see, but as she slipped under the covers, she was mostly grateful that she did not have to face his eyes.

He returned only a minute later. “I wanted to make sure the dog was settled in for the night, Elizabeth. Em, I didn’t want him to disturb our evening.” Michael started undressing right there in the bedroom, although he kept his back turned. Just as he got down to his drawers, without thinking she blew out the lamp, leaving them in semi-darkness.

It was the night before the full moon and light was pouring in the bedroom windows. Elizabeth could see Michael’s outline as he stripped off his underwear. He turned and walked quickly over to his side of the bed and she lifted the covers to welcome him. Did he always sleep naked, she wondered, or was he naked because he intended to make love to her? It was a cool evening but for some reason she was feeling very warm and she let the shawl slip from her shoulders. She was sitting against the pillows. Should she keep sitting there? Should she turn to him? Away from him? She had never felt so flustered or so aware of any man’s presence before.

Michael sat next to her and, sliding his arm around her, pulled her against him.

“Em…we do not need to be doing anything tonight,
muirneach
. If you are feeling it is too soon after Thomas, I would understand.”

“Thank you, Michael,” she whispered, breathing a soft sigh of relief. Maybe they would never need to do “anything,” she thought, and she would never have to face her wild desire.

Michael’s hand was resting just above her breast and she felt a pleasant tingling in her nipple. Her own hands were folded in her lap, fingers plaited. She was conscious of his thighs, hairy and muscular, through the thin lawn of her night rail.

Michael loosened his arm and, lifting her chin toward him, ran his finger down her cheek and across her lips. Then he leaned down to give her a gentle kiss.

“Good night, Elizabeth,” he whispered.

She should have just whispered good night back and turned away and gone to sleep. It was all he seemed to expect, a good-night kiss. It would be foolish to reveal her desire to a man who had married her only out of friendship. And she didn’t love him. She couldn’t, not so soon after Thomas. But the light kiss wasn’t enough for her. She opened her lips under his and nibbled hungrily at the edges of his mouth.

It was as though they went up in flames at the same time. Michael made his kiss deeper and she answered with a hunger that she had hardly known was there, a hunger that must have been hidden in some dark corner of herself when she was with Thomas. As though she had shut it away years ago when she realized Thomas’s love sprang from satisfaction, not need.

“Elizabeth,” Michael whispered, pulling away for one agonizing moment, “if we go on like this I can’t promise to stop. I didn’t want to push you too soon.”

Her answer was to slide down and pull him with her.

His mouth soon wanted more and he started to massage her breast as he kissed her and then, opening the buttons of her nightgown, he lowered his head and began to tease her nipple with his tongue. Elizabeth gave a little moan and slid further under him, rubbing herself against him as he drew her breast into his mouth.

She could feel his hardness through her night rail, but she wanted to feel flesh against flesh, and she started to pull the gown up.

“Just a minute,
mo muirneach
,” he said, and letting go of her breast, he gently drew her gown off and settled on top of her.

She could feel his manhood resting on her belly and started to move against it. It felt so silky and soft and yet hard at the same time, and she wanted to keep rubbing against it. Except she also wanted him to rub against her, against that part of her that she was only now becoming aware of, and so she opened her legs and moved herself up so that the tip of him was caught just where she wanted it. Michael shifted himself up a little. “Ah, so that’s what you want, darlin’. Sure and I don’t know how long I can give it to ye, but I’ll try.”

He moved himself in circles, exerting only a little pressure, and Elizabeth thought she had never felt such exquisite pleasure. Then he groaned, and whispering “Sorry,” slipped down to enter her.

His entry was gentle, as his every move in this love-making had been, but once he was in her, the two of them began to move together in satisfying rhythm, faster and faster, until Michael gave a cry and collapsed upon her.

The pleasure had been so great that it took Elizabeth a minute to realize that she still wanted something, that she was still hungry. It was different than it had been with Thomas, but now it felt the same. Some part of her was alive and wanting more and that was the part she had shut away. But how could she shut it away again?