Desert of the Heart: A Novel (29 page)
Read Desert of the Heart: A Novel Online
Authors: Jane Rule
“But he did not welcome your company either and yet would not let you go out?”
She must stop playing this child’s game of telephone. She must speak for herself. Somehow, for a sentence or two, she must leave some kind of truth, no matter how partial, on the record.
“He’s bitter and despairing and frightened,” she said. “He’s afraid to care about anyone. He’s afraid of the responsibility, not just the financial responsibility, but the emotional responsibility. Afraid of being destroyed, or afraid of destroying. He can’t care about anyone. It’s too much of a risk.”
“This inability to make friends and indifference to you,” Arthur Williams said, cutting in on her, “caused you unhappiness and tension?”
“Yes,” Evelyn said, alarmed at his abruptness.
“It has, in fact, had a serious effect on your own emotional and mental health?”
“Yes.”
“What in your opinion would be the effect on your emotional and mental health if you had to resume life with the defendant and he treated you as he has in the past?”
“I would become as frightened and despairing as he.”
“Therefore, because you do not love him anymore, there is no possibility of reconciliation?”
“Not love him?” Evelyn repeated. Not love him anymore? Suddenly the bewildering and shaming charade was transformed into reality. Before her were the two lawyers, man and woman, like witnesses at a marriage. Beside and above her the judge waited to hear her answer, the one simple, truthful answer that would speak her failure and set her free. “No, I don’t love him anymore. There is no possibility of reconciliation.”
“Plaintiff granted a decree of divorce. The agreement now in evidence marked Plaintiff’s Exhibit ‘A’ is approved, is adopted as part of this decree by reference. The agreement is not merged in the decree and shall continue to exist as a separate and independent document.”
Arthur Williams offered Evelyn his hand and helped her down from the witness stand.
“You and Ann wait for me in the downstairs lobby. I’ll be a few minutes with the papers.”
Ann and Evelyn walked out of the courtroom together and rode down in the elevator to the lobby.
“Well, that’s that,” Ann said when they were alone together. “All you need now is your diploma.”
“How long will that take?”
“Five or ten minutes. Time for a cigarette if you want one.”
“Let’s go out onto the steps, shall we?”
They stood together in the warm, morning sun, looking down at the bridge and the river. A couple of old men, sitting below them, turned to stare and then turned away again. Evelyn looked up at the clear, immense, and empty sky. Then she turned to Ann and saw in her eyes the darker color of the day.
“It’s a terrible risk, Ann.”
“And the world’s full of mirrors. You can get caught in your own reflection.”
“And destroyed?”
“Or saved.”
“And I’m afraid of the one, and you’re afraid of the other. We’re a cryptic cartoon, my darling. It should be one of your best.”
“I’ll only draw it if I can live it.”
“In a house by the river with me and your five photographs of children?”
“Anywhere.”
“For the while then,” Evelyn said. “For an indefinite period of time.”
And they turned and walked back up the steps toward their own image, reflected in the great, glass doors.
About the Author
Jane Rule (1931–2007) was the author of several novels and essay collections, including the groundbreaking lesbian love story
Desert of the Heart
(1964), which was made into the feature film
Desert Hearts
. She was inducted into the Order of Canada in 2007. Born in New Jersey, Rule moved to Canada in 1956, and lived on Galiano Island, British Columbia, until her death at the age of seventy-six.
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this ebook onscreen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of the publisher.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Copyright © 1964 by Jane Rule
Cover design by Tracey Dunham
978-1-4804-2961-1
This edition published in 2013 by Open Road Integrated Media
345 Hudson Street
New York, NY 10014
EBOOKS BY JANE RULE
FROM OPEN ROAD MEDIA
